


Bedroom Hymns

by drnucleus



Series: Bedroom Hymns [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), ANGST HAS ARRIVED, Admiral Han, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And we have finished the angst portion of the show, Armitage is a choke me harder kind of sub, BDSM, Ben has a Goddess kink, Bisexual Poe Dameron, Domme Phasma, Drnucleus writes filth with plot, Edging, Emotional baggage about relationships, Eventual Kink, Eventual Smut, Eventual Stormpilot and Phas/Hux, F/M, Face-Sitting, Female Dominant, Female Ejaculation, Fluff Smut and a dash of angst, Forced Orgasm, Goddess Worship, Healthy depiction of D/s relationship, M/M, Male Submissive, Mild Angst, Mild Phas/Ben but they're just gonna be friends ok?, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other, P-spot orgasms, Pain Kink, Pansexual Rose Tico, Rey Erso, Rey def has a hair kink, Romance, Semi Slow Burn, Senator Leia, Sensation Play, Shibari, Size Kink, Smutty goodness, Stormpilot, SwoloFic, The Psychologist and the Architect, a short jaunt on the ben solo pain train, and then we'll be back on course, are we already at the good shit? yes, baker finn, best friend Armie, but it won't stay for long, but that doesn't mean it won't resurface here and there, demisexual Ben Solo, multiple male orgasm, open communication, responsible kink is my kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 166,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drnucleus/pseuds/drnucleus
Summary: For much of his life, hotshot architect, Ben Solo, lived a life full of privilege and entitlement. Son of a Senator and Admiral, the world was his oyster. He slid easily into the alpha male persona that was expected of him. Yet, running his own architecture firm by his late twenties he’d never expected to be saddled with the control behind every single decision. And underneath that façade lay a man, yearning to lay it all down at the foot of a powerful woman. What happens when he uncovers that side of himself and that leads him right to Rey Erso; a psychologist and domme who decides to help him navigate the world of dominance and submission in the local scene. That is until they find they’re more compatible with one another than either of them previously thought.





	1. I. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) for encouraging me to finally give into this premise I've been wanting to do for ages. You two are so wonderful for welcoming me into the Reylo sin bin.

_Chapter playlist: Dream On - Depeche Mode; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful – Florence + the Machine; Test Me – The XX_

 I. Prelude

 

_Two years from now…_

 

Another meeting.

 

Another _fucking_ meeting, the fourth one this morning alone, and there were at least three more slated for after lunch.

 

What in the Hell had gotten into Hux to schedule them back to back like this? Ben Solo looked at what lay in front of him on the conference table with mild disdain – yet another contracting bid he’d really rather rip up and throw in the trash can.

 

As much fun of a stress reliever that would be, however, a sense of decorum was required by this meeting. Or at least that’s what Hux had demanded in their briefing before the chief operating officer and chief executive officer of one of the biggest contracting firms on the West Coast.

 

Surely this was a lucrative offer they were putting on the table. One that would ensure that all the buildings they did for at least the foreseeable future would be built to specifications by them. It was the principle of the thing on the other hand that stoked Ben’s ire.

 

How Armitage loved his numbers and business deals more than the simplicity and creativity of design was so far beyond his comprehension. Yet that was what made them an incredible team. With Hux’s business acumen and Ben’s impeccable design vision they’d become one of the best up and coming architecture firms for several years now, firmly establishing themselves in the skylines of several cities globally.

 

How he longed for the days where he’d spent hours at his drafting table, sketching designs before drawing them with his tablet into AutoCAD on his computer to take the design from two dimensions into a full three-dimensional walk through. He told himself in college, during the arduous years of building his own models and arguing semantics over design aesthetic and function with classmates that one day he’d be able to call the shots.

 

The irony of it was how much he missed the simple freedom and joy of creativity that was stifled by endless bureaucratic meetings about contractors, city planners, and the like.

 

A cleared throat across the way caught his attention and he looked up, noting Hux’s annoyed expression for his own inattention to the contractor. Ben Solo rolled his eyes at his business partner and friend for the not so subtle call out.

 

Reluctantly, he returned his attention to the presentation being given. It was more of the same. Number projections, profit margins, and a convincing argument on how only with this firm could they take their business into the next decade. The sales pitches were easy to peg but it still didn’t make them any easier to sit through.

 

He toyed with the platinum band around his left ring finger absently, as he tried and failed to pay attention to the presentation. It wasn’t terribly delivered he thought, just the same old song and dance.

 

On the conference table in front of him his phone sat, all but begging for his attention. His own boredom reaching a fevered pitch to where he was seriously considering the absolutely unprofessional act of picking up his smartphone during a business meeting. If his inattention didn’t drive Armitage through the roof, grabbing his phone certainly would as evidenced by the death glare he received upon meeting Hux’s gaze again.

 

A look graced his friend’s expression that screamed _Don’t you fucking dare._ In any other circumstance he’d have taken that challenge just to annoy him. A trait of his that had led to one too many hangovers in their collegiate bar hopping days. But considering that action would also potentially affect his livelihood he decided against it.

 

Thus, instead he feigned interest and kept his attention on the speaker, already knowing that Hux was eating out of the palm of their hands. It wasn’t that this was a bad business move.

 

In fact, it was quite logically sound.

 

Partnering with a big name contracting firm would help them grow the business even more than they already had in the few short years since they’d absconded in spectacular fashion from their first job just out of their graduate degrees in architecture.

 

The meeting adjourned and Hux diplomatically handled the contractors, sensing Ben’s absolute frustration with the tedium of business deals and executive handshakes. As much as Ben wanted to run back to his office he did his due diligence, shaking hands with each of them and excusing himself to Hux’s far more personable and capable hands.

 

Finally free, he took a long breath as he made his way back to his office, glancing at his watch as he fiddled with the buttons on his vest distractedly. Taking his phone, he pulled up his messages tapping out a quick text.

**Rey Solo**  
  
**Ben Solo:** Tell me again, why I do this to myself every day?  
  


He set his phone down on the smooth glass surface of his drafting table and turned to look at the skyline of the bay out his window.

 

In his office everything was just as he liked it. Large windows looking out at one of the best views in the city. Sleek interior design. Glass tables, leather chairs that were more comfortable than they looked in their boxy design. A sofa along the wall for those late nights he’d spent here with a coffee table covered in old _Architectural Digest_ issues.

 

The quiet buzz of his phone, signifying a new message brought him out of his brief reverie.

 

Grabbing it he turned back to the window, smiling as he tapped the screen to reveal her full reply.

**Rey Solo:** That’s because you love what you do and desire the creative control of running your own firm. The everyday minutiae is the price you pay for the freedom to be master of your career.  
  


He sighed, knowing that deep down she was right. The minutiae as she called it was the worst aspect of his choice to run his own business. That was the price he paid for success wasn’t it? To have everyone look to you for decisions day in and day out.

 

**Ben Solo:** Doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the tedium  


He retorted. He went to set the phone down again but saw that she was already answering him.

**Rey Solo:** Of course, it doesn’t. That’s why we keep other more diverting interests outside of our chosen professions, love.  


He smirked at her response. Other interests indeed.

 

**Ben Solo:** Those interests sound far better than dealing with endless meetings. Any chance we can entertain them tonight?  


He typed, pressing his lips together and hitting send before he could talk himself out of it. It wasn’t an abnormal request by any means, but they usually reserved their more diverting interests, as she’d called them, for weekends when there was ample time for rest and relaxation afterwards.

**Rey Solo:** On a weeknight? Those meetings must be brutal.  
**Ben Solo:** Absolutely wretched. I’m half an inch away from strangling Hux for scheduling it like this.  


He admitted. Hux was certainly going to get an earful from him later about the marathon meeting schedule they’d been on the past three days. One can only listen to droning on from potential business partners for so long before they snapped. 

**Rey Solo:** That bad? And you’ll do no such thing. Armitage is as much of a workaholic as you are or have you forgotten your marathon CAD drafting? So, you should cut him a bit of slack.  
**Ben Solo:** I know. It’s just if I have to have one more contract proposal shoved down my throat I’m going to scream. I’d like to not make any decisions for tonight if that’s all right with you.  
**Rey Solo:** Am I to assume you have no late dinner meetings or planes to catch, then?  


Her question came across the screen of his phone, reminding him of how his usual schedule during the week consisted of at least one late dinner with a client or a red eye to a job site.

A quick look at his calendar on his computer let him know that no, he was free for the evening.

**Ben Solo:** None, but I’d clear my schedule either way.  
**Rey Solo:** Good. 6:30pm sharp, be ready and waiting. Oh, stop and get a big bottle of red wine and chocolate on your way home. It’s been that kind of a day for me too. Don’t be late. Love you.  
**Ben Solo:** Yes, Sir. Love you, too.   


 

* * *

 

Ben’s eyes traced the wood grain of the floor has he has done countless times before. The darker black lines against the pale gray stained hardwood irregularly spaced and flowing up and around a dark knot. The cool air of the room was pleasant on his bare torso while he waited in the silence.

 

All was quiet save for the sound of his breathing and heartbeat. He counted them each how the synchronous breaths outlined the steady thrum in his chest.

 

After arriving home he’d popped the cork on the red wine, letting it breathe on the kitchen counter with two glasses next to it, the chocolate, dark was nice and cold in the refrigerator.

 

Now he waited, one knee pressed into the floor and hands placed one on top of the other on the opposite thigh. The soft cotton of his drawstring pants helped him focus, centering himself and forgetting the earlier tedium of the day. In this space he didn’t have ten thousand decisions to make day in and day out. No, here he could just exist and do only what was asked of him.

 

From his position he could faintly hear her enter the kitchen, setting something down with a soft clang on the marble countertop. Minutes later he could hear her footfalls on the stairs. Down the hall she went as he pictured her moving throughout their home, into their bedroom. Patiently he waited, hearing nothing as soon as her feet had disappeared out of the hallway.

 

His heart beat just that little bit faster. Anticipation was always the sweetest torture. And she did always love to make him wait. To draw out the inevitable until he was on the verge of begging.

 

He could hear her again, shuffling down the hall way, bare feet against the hard wood flooring as she came to the door to her domain. His power and control may lie in the office he spent his days in but here, in this space, the power was completely and entirely hers.

 

And to be quite honest he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

He refocused again when he heard her at the door, hand on the knob, twisting it open. He didn’t dare move a muscle, not even a flutter of his eyes as he kept them trained downward. No hard swallow or clench of his jaw. Just there, on one knee, existing until she told him otherwise.

 

The door opened and he could feel her enter the room, her presence filling it as much as the enticing floral scent of her perfume. She was silent for a moment, not moving into the room, but standing at the doorway, waiting to see if he’d break protocol and let his eyes wander over to her.

 

Instead he took a breath to steady himself. There were times for breaking the rules and the consequences that followed but right now he wasn’t keen to do so.

 

Steadfast in his focus on the floor he heard her pad lightly into the room, coming to stand before him where he could see her bare feet, up to her ankles and calves. Dark metallic green nail polish on her toes shimmered in the soft lighting.

 

He blinked a few times to train his eyes down, fighting the urge to drag his eyes up and drink her in. A short huff of amusement came from her as she reached forward, placing her hand to his bare shoulder.

 

“I’m impressed, you must need this more than you let on.” She stated, waiting another five breaths before she freed him from staring at her feet for the evening. “You may look up now.”

 

In a slow sweep he brought his gaze upwards, lingering for a moment as he noted her attire. His breath caught as he trailed up her bare legs to navy silk shorts and matching camisole contrasting beautifully with her smooth skin. Dark brunette hair hung in loose waves just past her shoulders and her light makeup from the day was still intact, making her lips a soft shimmering pink hue. Her hazel eyes regarded him with simultaneous love and seriousness.

 

She nodded to her hand on his shoulder and he looked to her wrist, noting a hair tie there. Ben reached up and removed the tie from her wrist as she moved to sit astride his thigh that was presented before her with her back to him.

 

“Single French pleat, if you please,” she stated, the commanding lilt in her tone gentle but explicit. The surety that lay in it alone sent a thrill up his spine over such a simple instruction.

 

Wrapping the band around his own wrist he set to work running his fingers through her soft strands of hair, parting them and setting to work on the braid. Both of them were silent as he braided, weaving them just how she wanted them before securing it with the tie he’d placed upon his wrist, letting his hands fall to his sides.

 

Had they been anywhere else he’d have kissed her shoulder, gathered her close in his arms but no, not here. Not when he hadn’t been given permission to do so. The thrill of not being permitted to touch more than she explicitly allowed only heightened the tension, raising the temperature of the space between them infinitesimally.

 

She pivoted on his leg, turning to face him she brought both hands to either side of his face, leaning in to press her lips to his. She sighed against him as she pulled his lower lip between her own, deepening the kiss as her fingers drifted over his jaw bone to play with the ends of his hair and graze his earlobes as they passed.

 

A wave of heat and electricity flowed through him as he closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists. Another test of his willpower. To kiss her back without touching anywhere else when she knew exactly how tactile he preferred to be.

 

Just another way she established her own authority here. That his own desires were secondary to what she had in store for him. That the only desire he can and should focus on is her pleasure from his ready and willing service. She smiled against his mouth as she ended the brief kiss.  She stood then, holding her hand out for him.

 

“Rise,” she commanded and he followed suit. She adjusted her eyes to peruse his form freely. He brought his hand up, laying it in her outstretched hand as she smiled and laced their fingers.

 

“Come, let’s pick out what we need for tonight,” she added, leading him from his spot in the room over to one of several ornate wood and glass cabinets that lined the far side of the room.


	2. II. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we've seen how Ben and Rey are in two years from now. But how did they meet? This chapter backs it up two years to the present day, where we get a glimpse at our couple before their meet cute in chapter three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm legitimately stunned by the response the prelude got. Thank you so much for reading and responding! I hope my little AU is fun and that you all enjoy it. A special thank you to @27vampyresinhermind for listening to my rambles on tumblr, and @Perry_Downing for all her support and encouragement. This modern AU would be nothing without @nite0wl29's and Perry's pushing me to actually write the thing.

_Chapter Playlist: Phenomena – The Yeah Yeah Yeahs; Heavy Cross – The Gossip; Every Day is Exactly the Same – Nine Inch Nails_

II. Awakening

 

_Present day…_

 

The clang of beer steins resounded in the already busy bar the three men were in. A joyous celebration was at hand after a long day at the office in a crowded bar just a few city blocks away. The men cheered to one another, happy to have yet another successful deal inked and signed on the table. One that would prove even more lucrative for their firm than they’d originally anticipated.

 

“To our continued success.” Armitage toasted, before taking a generous gulp of his lager.  

 

Ben chuckled before taking a long draught himself. Sighing, he set down his now empty stein and surveyed the room of the semi-populated bar. Across him Armitage was scrolling through his phone, typing out a message, text or otherwise as Poe signaled the server they were ready for another round.

 

“I’m shocked they chose our bid,” He stated placing his hand flat on the table. Earlier in the day Ben and the two others had been presenting their bid on a potential building idea. An international shipping conglomerate was expanding into Asia and needed a stylish new headquarters for their Eastern Executive Branch.

 

Poe Dameron scoffed as he set his empty stein down as well. “Oh, fuck right off. Your design was what did it, the angled windows and geometric lines? They were floored the minute we showed them the 3-D rendering. They were gawking so much that they were practically grabbing their checkbooks.”

 

Ben shrugged in response. The praise was usual from his oldest friend. But it wasn’t that he particularly liked or agreed with it. He always thought abstractly when he designed. Never repeating but always drawing upon influences that shaped his personal tastes. A trait which had often given him grief from his material science professor in graduate school. He was always intermingling lines and textures that might not make complete intuitive sense on paper but the execution of which they always drew the eye where he’d wanted them to be.

 

However solid his design skills were, Ben stood by his earlier statement, to be a fledgling firm with only a few years under their belts it still was difficult to secure such an enormous account. An international shipping conglomerate needed a new global executive headquarters for their eastern regions. The site was still up for debate but he was sure that it would be somewhere in Asia. Hong Kong was a clear front runner as was Tokyo.

 

Either way it meant months of plane hopping once they broke ground on the job site. Jet-setting around the globe to visit job sites and taste the local cultures were half the reason he’d gone into architecture as a career in the first place. Having traveled not nearly as often as he’d liked as a boy thanks to being shuttled from school and home often by people that were not his parents. Every time his mother, Senior Senator Leia Organa, was on some goodwill mission or his father the venerable Admiral Han Solo was visiting some far off Naval base he’d longed to join the both of them. Yet time, school and security issues had forced him into watching his parents from the sidelines.

 

For years he’d held a lot of resentment about those times. Years of therapy and distance from his parents, making his own way in the world had given him perspective.

 

“Where do you think they’ll build it?” Poe asked, turning to Hux who shrugged, smiling as he lifted his beer up to take another long swig to finish it off. The server came over then, a young woman dressed in black armed with three new steins filled to the brim with frothy beer. Armitage thanked her and handed her each of the empty glasses before becoming engrossed in his phone once more another message.

 

“Probably Hong Kong or Tokyo, I’m betting,” Ben added as Poe nodded. The design would fit nicely in to either crowded skyline. Their last design was nearing completion in Abu Dhabi with the three of them travelling the following week to oversee the final touches of the construction and opening of what was sure to be another interesting addition to the eclectic architecture of the UAE. “Besides they need a new coastal hub near or in Asia since they’re growing leaps and bounds in global shipping.” Ben explained and the two men just nodded along.

 

For the weeks prior to this fortuitous meeting Ben had researched the company to the point where he knew exactly what they needed even if they didn’t know it themselves yet. That was part of the job. To anticipate the needs of a potential client in the hopes of getting their attention long enough to sign on the dotted line. Now that deal was inked and ready for groundbreaking in just a few months he could really spend his time hammering out the materials and details with the client and the contractor team they were going to use for the project.

 

“Well, here’s to another banner year for us, boys,” Poe said, lifting his glass once more and the two others smirked and clinked glasses with him.

 

Ben took a long gulp of his beer, reveling in the fizz and smoothness of the hops and malt. Out of the corner of his eye however, just beyond Hux’s shoulders he spied a pair of eyes watching their table. A beautiful woman smirked and looked back to her drink as soon as they made eye contact. Ben arched an eyebrow for a moment and tilted his head to the side to study the woman. She was beautiful in such a classical way. Strawberry blonde hair pulled back in a low chignon and the rest of her put together neatly in a blouse and skirt that hugged her figure.

 

Poe noticed the look and followed his gaze and let out a low whistle between his teeth. “Now that, is a work of art,” he remarked, noting the woman at the bar.

 

Ben rolled his eyes at his friend. She was gorgeous, with blue eyes that were like ice.

 

“Yeah she’s not bad. Not my type,” Ben added dismissively. Truth be told in his younger, wilder days he would have ventured over to her, bought her a drink. These days however he was too engrossed in his work to be bothered with meaningless flirtations and alcohol soaked one-night stands.

 

Breaking his attention from his smartphone, setting it on the table, Hux took a quick look over his shoulder and then rolled his eyes at his friend’s dismissive tone, “Pretty sure she’s everyone’s type, Ben.” Armitage drawled, his accent becoming more severe the more alcohol he drank.

 

The woman in question, was nursing a martini and flicking through her smartphone only to casually glance their way every so often. The three men studied her, seeing what they each could surmise from just her attire and body language alone. She was well dressed, blazer draped across the back of her chair that matched her tight skirt that ended just below her knees. Red soles of her heels shined in the low light of the bar as she anchored her feet to the rail of the barstool.

 

Poe stood then, downing the last of his second beer, giving himself all the liquid encouragement possible.

 

“Well, boys, if neither of you are going to go buy the lady a drink, do you mind?” Poe stated, grinning at them as he rolled his shoulders back and puffed out his chest.

 

Ben nodded and Hux shrugged, both laughing at their friend.

 

“And then there were two.” Ben hummed, chuckling to himself as he watched his friend approach the woman.

 

At Poe’s approach her face feigned initial disappointment until Poe undoubtedly pulled out that famous Dameron charm. Charm was not something that Ben Solo had not been blessed with himself, despite his charismatic parentage. Even as children Poe had always been the charmer between the two of them. Ben much preferred more studious pursuits that was until he’d gone from tall and lanky to filled out in his early twenties and women had started to notice.

 

Hux laughed a bit harder as he set down his now empty stein. “Ah, let the man have his fun.”

 

Ben nodded as Hux’s smartphone chirped on the table next to him. Growing distracted with the device Ben watched Hux’s face turn a delightfully hilarious shade of red. “That must be some text,” Ben surmised much to his friend’s dismay.

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

Ben narrowed his eyes and gave Hux a sidelong glance. “Nothing huh?” He started just before he quickly reached across the table and snatched the smartphone away. “That blush wasn’t for nothing, and I intend to find out why.”

 

Armitage’s nostrils flared and his blush only deepened, creeping down his neck. “Fuck you, Solo. Give it back. You’ll lock my phone for ten hours because you don’t know my passcode,” he snarled, trying and failing to snatch the phone back as Ben deftly dodged each attempt.

 

Ben scoffed. How little did his friend think he knew of him? Hux was if anything, entirely predictable from his perfectly combed straight ginger strands to the patent leather Oxfords on his feet.

 

“Don’t know your passcode? Please, it’s been the same since undergrad, Armitage. Your Aunt Millicent’s birthday.” He stated with certainty tapping the numbers in and unlocking the phone.

 

Armitage cursed under his breath as he began to nearly hyperventilate. “That is a private conversation you’re about to rifle through, Solo.” He warned with more anxiety to his tone than menace. Ben looked at him as he went to his messages intent on finding what had affected his friend so. Hux swallowed nervously and reached to grab the phone again only missing it as Ben kept it just out of reach.

 

“Honestly, it’s not what you think,” Hux exclaimed, his voice rising another half an octave.

 

Ben leveled a look on his friend. They’d known each other since college and had shared far too much information with one another. What possibly could give him an ill impression of one of his oldest friends? Ben pulled up his messages and noticed a message from a Trisha at the top, his eyes widening as he opened it.

Trisha  
  
**Trisha** Maybe, you just need to be punished  
  


It stated simply, but was accompanied with an image of a woman’s hands and a fishnet stocking covered thigh, in her hands was what looked like a long flat instrument that resembled a paddle.

 

Completely taken aback he silently handed his friend back his phone. “Didn’t think you were the one out of the three of us who had that level of kink, Hux,” he remarked, quirking a brow at his friend.

 

A snort rolled out of his friend at the comment. “So, you admit to considering which of us three have naughtier interests. Don’t let Dameron hear that,” Hux warned, reminding him again that their friend’s preferences didn’t just lie with the fairer sex.

 

Ben rolled his eyes at the allusion about his best friend’s sexuality. “Leave Poe’s preferences out of this. And don’t deflect. What kind of kinky shit are you up to? And who’s Trisha?” Ben asked, growing in curiosity.

 

It had been a long time since either one of them had been romantically linked to any one woman. Ben’s more youthful wild nights of one-night stands ended once he’d entered graduate school to get his Masters degree and were even less frequent now that they were running their own firm but Hux on the other hand had been more of a serial monogamy sort.

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “I told you it’s nothing. Trisha and I have an arrangement.”

 

“An arrangement,” Ben said slowly, not understanding. His expression incredulous as he was silent, waiting for Hux to explain exactly what this arrangement entailed.

 

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Yes, she’s…”

 

It dawned on Ben at that moment what his friend might be getting at. “An escort? Are you seriously fucking a hooker?”

 

Armitage’s face turned red again and not from embarrassment this time, no this time it was anger. “Don’t you dare say that. I told you it’s not what you think, you imbecile.”

 

Ben sat forward, leaning on the table with his elbows. “Enlighten me, then, because if it looks like a hooker, smells like a hooker, then it’s probably a hooker.”

 

Huffing in annoyance Hux shook his head at his friend and leaned a bit over the table, pressing his elbows into the high top as well. “She’s a pro-domme.”

 

At the unfamiliar term Ben’s brow furrowed in confusion. “A pro-what?”

 

Hux rolled his eyes and lowered his voice as he leaned farther in. “A professional dominatrix, Ben. Christ, do I have to spell it out for you?”

 

Ben sat back, ruminating on his best friend’s confession for a moment. He didn’t think those existed out of really terrible Hollywood movies and equally terrible pornography. His experience with anything remotely kink related had been sorely limited it seemed. Especially if he’d no clue that even his own best friend was engaging in it on the regular to blow off steam.

 

“So, let me get this straight…”

 

“Ask away. You’ve already uncovered the majority of it.” Hux replied the embarrassment now shifting to exasperated resignation.

 

“You have been paying a woman to have kinky sex and she’s not an escort?” Ben asked trying to wrap his head around this information he’d uncovered.

 

Another eye roll and a simultaneous head shake from Hux as he slapped a hand down on the table. “For the last fucking time, no. It’s not about sex. Though sometimes we do. But it’s more than that. It’s a game we play.”

 

“A game?”

 

“Yes. She’s a dominant and when we have an appointment she commands what she wants when she wants it. It can be anything. Sometimes there’s sex involved but I don’t pay her for that.”

 

Ben sat there in shock mulling this over. “I didn’t even know those existed, Hux so you’ll have to excuse me for not understanding.”

 

Hux nodded before continuing his interrupted explanation. “She’s been a godsend, Ben. Running the firm has been amazing and instructive, but do you think I want to be making the massive amount of decisions we make day in and day out? The stress can be a little overwhelming at times. Honestly I don’t know how you handle all the design decisions let alone your fair share of staff and business decisions on a daily basis without some kind of constructive outlet.”

 

Ben nodded and sat there silently. For one he’d never considered that was even an option before. He knew on some level there had to be more than just what he’d experienced in his is thirty-one years. But he had never expected that there was this entire side of it that existed in reality and not relegated to the fetish section on porn websites.

 

“Now if you’ve quite finished interrogating me about my extracurricular activities, can we please change the subject?” Hux implored as Ben grabbed his stein, downing the rest of his beer.

 

Ben nodded in agreement needing the change in conversation as much as Hux did. To say he was rattled and unsettled by this new information was an understatement. Yet there was something in him that was still stuck on that conversational thread. A notion that wouldn’t escape him even though he buried it deep for now, happy to continue their talk about work and other important details of this new deal they’d just minted hours before.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The early morning light was just beginning as she set about her run. A deep breath of sweet morning air and she was ready to go. The normal morning fog typical of this region was thick but freeing as she fell into a steady pace. Rey Erso’s brightly colored trainers pounded hard against the pavement of the street, leading to her destination. Her usual morning run helping her ease the frustrations of her daily routine. Crossing through the road and into the brush she found her usual path between rocks and mossy covered stone. Down the ravine she went, to the beach below, stopping for a moment once she reached the soft sand.

 

Glancing down at her watch, she noted her heart rate had been exactly in the zone she needed it. Deep labored breaths helped ease that tension down, bringing her some semblance of peace as she sat down to watch the tide roll back and forth along the coast.

 

A bright beautiful morning head of her just as the sun rose at her back, illuminating the water to where the small white caps sparkled refracting the rays. This was what she loved about living on this coast. Cold foggy spring mornings and mild summer sun were why she’d elected to stay in this country in the first place instead of heading back to the rainy cold country of her birth and childhood. Her adopted country had such a special place in her heart.

 

She pressed pause on her phone strapped to her arm, halting the music in her ears as she just sat back and listened to the ambient sounds of gulls flying and the surf rolling against the sand. Her perfect little sense of calm and respite before the rest of her day. For her this time was a place to escape, to imagine and dream. To focus on herself when her day job was entirely focused on others. Sometimes it was almost too much. Not enough time for herself or to have some semblance of a life that didn’t revolve around her occupation or her other endeavors of a more personal nature.

 

Checking her watch, she sighed in resignation, knowing her time was limited in such a beautiful place.

 

Standing, she brushed the sand from her person and her joggers before she turned back to jog up the stone path that lead back to the road. Her jog was simple, lighter than before. Sitting and watching the tide in the early mornings always helped give her a renewed sense of purpose. She knew the route by heart, running without even thinking she found herself rounding a street corner to where various shops were laid out as she came back into the city from the coastline drive. Finding her favorite place, she stepped in through the open front door. The scent of baked goods and hot fresh coffee had wafted down the street from the bakery to entice any and all to enter there.

 

A young man with dark skin was crouched behind the counter, placing eclairs in the glass deli case perked up at Rey’s entrance. “Good morning!” He called out to her as she smiled brightly approaching the front counter. He met her there, handing over her usual vanilla bean scone and hot latte with a smile.

 

“Thank you, Finn, what do I owe you?” She asked garnering a huff and an exasperated look from her friend. “What?”

 

Finn Andor put his hands on his hips, draping a towel over his shoulder before doing so. “You’ve been in here every day since I opened this place, when are you going to learn, sisters of the owner do not pay. Not a penny, or a pound, you hear me?”

 

Rey rolled her eyes, a smile lifting up the corners of her mouth. “Honestly, Finn. I don’t know how you keep this place running – giving away free food and coffee like you do.”

 

He chuckled and shrugged, his English accent as thick as hers, having lost none of its flare even though they’ve lived in the States since they were sixteen. “I do just fine thank you. You always come in just before the morning rush!”

 

Rey nodded. “Okay, whatever you say,” she gently bullied. Their banter had been like this from the minute they’d met at the tender age of five in primary school back in England. Rey had been adopted months prior by two of the most loving parents anyone could have ever asked for. Her friendship with Finn had blossomed from there. It wasn’t until they were twelve and Finn lost what little family he had left did Rey’s adoptive parents step in and extend their family just a little bit more.

 

Her mother, Jyn, had loved Finn as a boy and had been friends with his mother which made her passing all the more acute. Having grown up with Jyn Erso – a sculpture artist, and Cassian Andor – a social justice activist and stay at home father as parents and then choosing her own brother Rey felt extremely lucky to have had the love and support she’d needed. That love was what she wanted so desperately as a five-year-old, dreaming she was a princess and her parents would someday return to save her and return her to their kingdom.

 

A haughty dream that was only eclipsed by the beauty of reality.

 

“What’s on tap for you today?” Finn asked as he continued to work, while she munched on her breakfast and drank her coffee.

 

“After this, I need to get ready for work, but I have a few appointments today. A new couple and then some of the regulars. And then I need to somehow fit in running to the caterers they wanted to run a few ideas by me for the gala.” She rambled on explaining more about what was left to be done. The charity event for her unconventional social club had been entirely her pet project for the last several months. A way to bridge the more affluent members of the community with those who preferred to dabble or were professionals.

 

Finn chuckled shaking his head. “Do you ever not work?”

 

Rey sighed and shrugged. “You know what they say about idle hands and all. Besides the gala is for a good cause,” she explained. And indeed, it was, a charity benefit for the local children’s hospital. Though the organization donating the money from the ticket sales and silent auction had some innocuous name attached to it. All donations were anonymous as per the level of discretion the community demanded. If anyone knew the more affluent members contained politicians and successful entrepreneurs who practiced her particular brand of lifestyle behind closed doors the tabloid scandal would be massive to say the least.

 

“Still, I think it’s hilarious that a bunch of richies who get off on BDSM are dressing up and donating to charity.”

 

Rey’s arm shot out, punching Finn’s arm gently. He yelped in surprise and gave her a stern look for the hit. “Hey, not everyone in the community are richies as you call them. And many people who do enjoy this lifestyle also happen to be real people who care about children’s cancer research.”

 

Finn nodded, rubbing his arm for a moment before grabbing his rolling pin and setting to work on a new batch of croissant dough. “True. I just never expected it. Your predilections tend to have certain connotations with them.”

 

Rey nodded in understanding but still wanted to argue with him to prove her point. “And yours don’t? How long has your community fought for marriage equality and still fighting it in other countries?” She challenged to make him see that sometimes the perspective of society was a skewed black or white morality where nothing was allowed to be complex or nuanced. It either was one thing or another. Yet reality as ever was far grayer than society would like it to be.

 

“All right, I see your point.” He replied, relenting as he folded and rolled the dough before him.

 

The two continued to chat while Rey finished her morning coffee, having already scarfed down the scone in mere minutes. It wasn’t long before that early morning rush Finn spoke of began to amass at the front. Rey excused herself, bidding him luck on a successful day in the bakery.

 

Heading out Rey walked the few blocks to her apartment. The flat itself was comfortable and had an organized chaos to it that was juxtaposed with its innate sense of comfort. Overstuffed sofas and chairs met clean hard lines of a glass and metal coffee table cluttered with psychology journals and flowers. Throughout the abode bright colors and soft textures were the dominant foci. Rey made her way in, dropping her shoes and keys at the door and padded in her socks to the bathroom. She disrobed and stepped beneath a near scalding spray in her shower washing away the sweat and excess sand from her earlier run.

 

The silence bothered her as she stepped out of the shower, turning on her in home stereo to play soft music as she set herself to work getting ready for the rest of her day. Choosing a soft blouse and dress pants in dichotomous yet complementary shades of blue, with matching low heels on her feet. She piled her hair atop her head, letting a few tendrils fall out of the bun at her ears and at the nape of her neck.

 

Once dressed she set about closing up her place, turning off lights and her stereo before grabbing the essentials and heading for the door. A ten-minute drive in her dark green Prius that took her deeper into the city’s center she found herself pulling into the parking structure across from her office. She greeted her assistant Jessika as she walked into the office.

 

“Morning Doc!” Jessika Pava proclaimed, rising from her desk to hand Rey a stack of files. “Your eleven-thirty cancelled but I figure that will give you more time to head over to meet your lunch meeting,” she explained as Rey smiled at her warmly.

 

“Thank you, Jess. Are the nine o’clock new clients still coming?” Rey asked, noting that it was approaching a quarter to the hour. 

 

“They called and said they’re on their way, stuck in traffic but they pre-filled out their paperwork and sent it by fax yesterday.”

 

“Great, I’ll review it in my office until they arrive,” Rey responded, gathering her files and things and going into her office. The room was a picture of serenity. A huge marble slab desk with angled legs and a pink upholstered high back chair sat at one end, near the window. Along the center of the room sat a large comfortable sofa with an overstuffed chair across it. Along the walls were several metal and glass bookshelves and between them hung her Doctor of Philosophy degree from Stanford. She set her things down and began reviewing for the morning. Her first client – a married couple, going on five years, was having trouble conceiving and the toll of trying to reproduce was beginning to wear on their relationship. She noted the essential bits of information she would need.

 

As she prepared she looked at her e-mails, sending a message to her co-organizer for the gala that everything was in place for her meeting with the caterer at lunch. In her periphery she could see the light by her door light up, letting her know her clients had arrived. Taking a breath, she stood, smoothing out her clothing and confidently strode out to meet them.

 

“Karen? Matthew?” She asked with a bright smile as she took in the couple sitting in her small antechamber seating area. They weren’t anything out of the ordinary. Karen a petite brunette and her husband Matthew a blonde, was around average height for a man. The couple stood shaking Rey’s outstretched hand alternately. “I’m Dr. Erso, please follow me.”

 

They followed her into her office, letting Rey direct them to the sofa in the center of the room. Rey sat opposite them and opened her journal, grabbing her favorite fountain pen from its place.

 

“You have a lovely office, Dr. Erso,” Karen spoke as she took in the room. She sat on the sofa first, sitting in the middle while her husband sat slightly away from her, leaning into one side of the sofa’s arm. Rey mentally noted the difference in body language between the two and began the session as always with setting parameters and guidelines while asking what she could do to help them reconnect.

 

Rey listened to them speak, each discussing their reasoning for seeking a psychologist to aid their marital problems, noting specific vocabulary they each used to describe their life together before and after struggling to have a child.

 

When the two started disagreeing on something Rey decided this was her moment to step in. “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I think this is where the problem is beginning to show itself. You two have been so focused on one goal that you’ve forgotten to take care of one another along the way,” Rey explained, giving them a moment to mull this idea over.

 

Karen chewed on her lip as she sat back into the cushy confines of the sofa. “So, you’re saying we’ve taken each other for granted?” She asked truly curious.

 

Her husband, Matthew, on the other hand seemed upset by this notion. “I’m sorry but we’re trying to have a kid, it’s not like we’re forgetting to take out the trash or do the laundry here.”

 

And Rey nodded. “Exactly you’re viewing your reproductive difficulty as work and by extension your marriage. It’s a common problem that happens in couples who are trying to conceive,” she explained again but could tell that only one half of the couple was really listening.

 

“A common problem.” Matthew said slowly, surveying Rey across from them. “Tell me Dr. Erso, how many clients have you had experiencing this problem?”

 

Rey smiled warmly at the man for being curious as to how often this might be seen. “Well, even though I’m relatively new to practicing psychology I have had a small handful of couples over the past few years since I began with similar problems you’re experiencing. Furthermore, in my doctoral thesis I discussed several overarching themes about marital communication during times when communication becomes more tenuous.”

 

“And have you ever been married before?” He asked garnering a smack to his knee from his wife. “What? You don’t think it’s important that we know we’re getting advice from an actual relationship expert?”

 

Rey took in a breath as she bristled towards the man. Uncouth and unfiltered in his assessment and questioning her qualifications. She straightened her shoulders, to display her confidence in her own abilities and credentials even if her client’s comments made the ugly feeling of imposter syndrome rear its ugly head.  

 

“What’s more important here, is that I am an unbiased third party educated in understanding relationship dynamics from psychological, societal and gendered perspectives such that I can help you two overcome this barrier. This is so that when you do conceive a child that you are both emotionally ready and capable for all the stress and communication issues that will arise as you become parents and progress in your marriage. What is not important here is whether or not I have had relationships. We are here to discuss your relationship, not mine,” She finished keeping her voice even, clinical and detached as ever.

 

Yet inside she was roiling. The audacity for them to question her based on the fact there was no ring upon her finger when she’d spent years learning every modality of communication and psychological underpinnings of relationship dynamics. Rey spent the rest of the session listening to the two argue over every detail, peppering in her advice and giving them homework to work on for their next session if they chose to return the following week.

 

After bidding them goodbye for the day and returning to her office she collapsed on the sofa, holding a pillow to her mouth to muffle her frustrated scream. She knew that being a young psychologist and having a few small relationship experiences of her own that had each run their course was going to someday become an issue. To be honest she thought that it would have happened sooner than this. Yet it took just one couple questioning her own experience and by extension her age that soured her once good mood for the day.

 

Annoyed she got up, fixing herself as she noted that her next clients were ready for her, a middle-aged couple trying to reconnect now that they’d become empty nesters. A kind pair the two were and Rey geared herself up, willing her mind to let go of the anger she held at the earlier exchange. With a renewed sense of purpose and a slightly battered sense of pride she made her way out to the lobby to welcome the couple in.

 

 

* * *

 

  

A few blocks away in a sleek windowed high rise the offices of ArLoD Visionary Design were already bustling with life. A small handful of Interns and junior architectural staff scurried about to focus on their next big plans, be it a shopping mall for a Nevada suburb or a residential high rise set for Southern California. A stark change from the small office they’d started in four years prior when it was just Hux, Ben and Poe with three clients and a tenacity to remake the world in their image. Since starting the firm they’d had job after job, soon realizing that they needed to branch out, diversify and expand their meager staff.

 

Ben exited the elevator grimacing at the bright light filtering in from the expansive windows along the back wall. Hungover from the previous night’s celebration and his own private after party were the singular reason for his lateness. On a normal day Ben was usually the first one in, and the last out the door. Having nothing and no one waiting for him at home gave him the freedom to commit all the time he wanted to his passion projects. Yet therein lay the double-edged sword. With no one and nothing to share it with the glory and trials of running a fledgling successful business was his alone to bear. With a long-suffering sigh, Ben trudged into his office that morning with his sunglasses perched on his face to block out the harsh light.

 

After he’d returned home from the bar the night before he’d continued to drink and that’s where his problem laid. In his drunken stupor he’d gotten an all too tempting curious itch. What Hux had told him that night at the bar had perplexed him but at the same time there was this nagging sensation that he had to find out more. Needed to know more about what this all entailed.

 

Naturally his more academic nature reared itself and while nursing a scotch, he began to search the internet for answers. The only problem he came to was that simultaneously there was too much information and too little. Wikipedia served to give the most basic of definitions. And soon he found himself down the rabbit hole of internet pornography websites finding more cheesy and downright horrifying results than he wanted to know about.

 

“Morning, boss,” Maz, his assistant offered as he approached his office. He grunted in reply which made her shake her head at him. “Aspirin, water and coffee coming right up,” she added in her soft lilting accent, all too happy to help.

 

“Thank you, Maz,” he replied in an attempt at normal human civility.

 

Maz Kanata had been a more recent hire, and one that both Poe and Hux had demanded he needed. And they’d been right, he had needed someone to keep his calendar and projects organized for him. Maz had immediately proven her value as a member of their team simply by calling upon her upbringing, having grown up globetrotting with her parents. She was half Nigerian and half Japanese, having lived part of her childhood in each country, as well as being multilingual, she’d been entirely helpful in speaking with clients who did not speak much English. With her help he’d been far more productive and far less tense in the office. Poe had enjoyed her presence as much as any of them, with her knowledge of all the office gossip she was the go to for anything that went on in the firm that the three of them didn’t know from outright observation.

 

Taking off his sunglasses he squinted a few times and massaged his temples trying to will the pain of a hangover from his brain. He set his messenger bag down taking out his laptop and getting his desktop booted up while the diminutive woman stepped in with a tray. Setting it on his coffee table by the sofa that ran along one wall he smiled at Maz thanking her profusely for bringing him what he needed. Maz smiled and went back to her post just outside his office.

 

Relieved he popped a couple aspirin, downing half the glass of water before pouring himself a cup of coffee from the French press Maz had brought him. Truly the woman was a saint for taking care of him as well as she did. Inhaling the sweet aroma of his coffee he closed his eyes already feeling a million times better than when he’d walked in. When he opened them again that sense of wellbeing melted away to annoyance as he saw a very cheery Armitage Hux approaching his office from the glass windowed panels and door across from him. How did he look like he’d gotten a full night’s rest and not a hangover from Hell?

 

“Oh, you look terrible,” Hux remarked as he entered Ben’s office.

 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Ben muttered as Hux sat across from him.

 

“What happened after the bar last night?” Hux asked wondering why he was so much more hungover than he was. In truth Ben and Hux had drank the same amount at the bar, three beers each and enough bar food that neither should have been all that drunk when they’d parted ways close to midnight.

 

Ben shrugged and went about loading up AutoCAD. “I had a scotch, or two.”

 

“Sounds like more than two,” Hux surmised.

 

Ben took a deep breath, wondering if he should reveal what else he did when he went home. When he’d entered his apartment the silence and picturesque view of the city had been soothing to him. But what their earlier conversation had entailed weighed heavily on his mind, running through it over and over again. He’d poured himself a scotch, downing it, only to pour a second before he’d told himself he was only going to look – to understand where his friend was coming from. And that had been his initial goal. To understand the reason his friend had sought out such unconventional company. If he were truly being honest with himself it was partially out of something much deeper that he wasn’t ready to face within himself at all.

 

 _Maybe he’d shed some light on it._ He thought to himself as he vacillated between the two options. That curiosity had gotten the better of him last night and had sent him on a wild goose chase for understanding what was really out there. Eventually he’d slammed the laptop shut, annoyed and frustrated by what he’d found.

 

“I also might have done some research.”

 

“Research? On what exactly?” Armitage asked, wondering where this was going.

 

“On what you told me,” Ben replied, making the man across from him sit back in shock for a moment. His eyebrows raised and an almost incredulous laugh fell from his mouth.

 

“You’re joking? You looked up a pro-domme last night?” Hux asked, disbelieving. It was one thing for Ben to have questioned him on it in the bar but it was quite another thing for him to have looked into it afterwards. Maybe the two weren’t as different as he’d once thought.

 

Ben shook his head, waving a hand to dispel that notion from his friend. “No, no. _No_. I just was looking into what it’s all about but ended up with a bunch of really awful porn.”

 

Another laugh rolled through Hux as he took in what Ben was telling him. “Of course, because all of that is fucking fake and ridiculous. If you really want to know what it’s like, go seek out the local community. It’s what I did. How do you think I found Trisha?” Hux explained as if it were the easiest idea in the world.

 

And in reality, it was. It was something Ben had avoided the night before, uncertain or unwilling to make this seem all the more real.

 

He couldn’t explain it, but a part of him wanted to keep pushing for more. That nagging sensation in the back of his mind that wanted to seek out this part of life he’d never really looked at before. Had never considered but now was entranced by the mere idea of it. How easy it would be to just seek out what that lifestyle had to offer? Yet the rest of him was uncertain, uneasy and afraid of what he would find when he did. Or better yet, what he would find out about himself along the way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Your comments and kudos are like a drug hit for my muse. Keep em coming!


	3. III. Painted Faces on Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma is introduced and Ben delves more into questioning before he meets Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for the wonderful response to the last chapter. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> A big thank you to [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) for encouraging me as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for listening to me babble on and on about the plans I have for these two.

_Chapter Playlist: Daydream in Blue – I Monster, Starstruck – Santogold, Nothing’s Impossible – Depeche Mode, Closer – FKA Twigs_

 

 III. Painted Faces on Parade

 

Time as it were moved forward in the way it always did. Things one looked forward to always took longer to get here than things one wanted to get past. It was the same for the day of the gala for Rey. For months she had organized and agonized over every minute detail of the event. From the color and fabric of the table cloths to the band, and the food.

 

Yet the day was finally here and she looked around the event space in a quiet sense of awe.

 

For years she’d hoped of putting together something other than a play party or a demonstration night or a scene mixer. Something that could be given back to the city she’d adopted as her home in graduate school. 

 

Clipboard in hand, Rey moved about the space she’d acquired for the gala. The space was in a word, massive and opulent. And coming together nicely. The ceiling was draped in green garland of natural plants and to give the space an almost forest like glow and appearance. Fairy lights and luminarias were set about the space to keep an almost golden hue to the ambience.

 

Checking things off her list as she went, she marveled at all the little details she’d put in place and carefully chose all forming the exact picture she had in her head when she’d embarked on this project.

 

As alone in her thoughts she may be, however, she was not alone while a statuesque blonde barked orders at the construction crew.

 

“Honestly, mate, lift it up just a smidge higher,” Phasma Delacroix directed, her West Sussex accent shining through as she grew exasperated with the entire process.

 

Rey approached her almost warily. “Phas, it’s fine.”

 

Phasma turned to her, one eyebrow arched and placed her hand on her hip. “We do not do just fine around here; if you’d quite recollect.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes amusedly at her friend as she continued to work through her list of items that still needed to be done. She sat down at one of the tables to go over the last-minute details needed for the gala that evening. Phasma busied herself talking with the caterer and discussing the final guest list before coming to sit with Rey.

 

The benefit gala they’d put together surely had taken months of planning but more than that it took just as much to corral the more affluent members of their little social club into donating enough money to afford such a venture.

 

However, it seemed to be paying off, with a range of ticket prices for the everyday members of their D/s community all the way up to the richest and most tabloid worthy members. The utmost discretion was entirely what they’d worked to uphold. The organization hosting the event had been a made-up name of a non-profit Phasma had taken the time to set up as a legitimate shell corporation complete with 501-3c tax exemption. All donations were to go to the Children’s hospital under that name all from anonymous donors.

 

The hospital administration had initially questioned the move, wanting to be able to thank some of the more generous donors personally. And yet Rey had convinced them that part of the appeal of donating in such a manner was that these people didn’t want the spectacle of recognition by their donation just the assurance it was indeed going to a good cause.

 

Phasma and Rey had even gone so far as to only market the benefit on the community’s private website to which membership had to be first obtained in order to gain access to any and all scene events. The list of members of which were kept encrypted and secure thanks to one of their member’s connections in Silicon Valley. The world at large didn’t really understand the lifestyle of most people who didn’t practice what was considered traditional relationship dynamics. And as such to be out in the open would invite scrutiny that many members weren’t keen on attracting.  

 

All they needed was one slip up. One tiny photograph in the society page or splattered across the supermarket tabloids and their community would never recover from it.

 

“Rey?” Phasma asked as she sat down next to her friend. “We’ve had a late addition to the guest list.”

 

“Oh?” Rey responded perking up at the last-minute change.

 

“Yes, look here, do you recognize the name?” Phasma continued pointing to the name on the bottom of the list.

 

_B. Solo_

Concerned and simultaneously confused she shook her head. The name certainly didn’t ring any bells. Though she didn’t know absolutely everyone in the community either on a first name basis, preferring to stick to a small group of acquaintances and former trainees both submissive and dominant alike.

 

“No, must be someone new? Someone on the website who hasn’t yet attended any scene events?”

 

Phasma nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking. I hope to God it’s not some stupid paparazzo. All we need is for someone to show up taking pictures and we’re toast, no one will ever trust the community again.” She remarked, as if Rey needed reminding that some of the more influential members of the scene were usually seen on C-SPAN or in the pages of _Fortune’s_ 500 List.

 

Rey grabbed her phone and quickly googled the name, having only part of the first name and a last name she didn’t have much to go on. But at the top of the list of results came an architecture firm, and links to their State Senator’s office. Curious Rey pursed her lips as she considered the information in the results. Nothing seemed entirely conclusive as to who exactly this person was.

 

“Whoever it is, isn’t listed as a tabloid photographer or worse a reporter. But I’ll be sure to keep a look out tonight.”

 

Phasma nodded as the two went back to working on the rest of the plans for the evening.

 

An hour later and after several discussions over centerpiece placement and timing of the appetizer and entrée courses, Rey left Phasma with her the last bit of the list on the clipboard, bidding her friend a good day.

 

“You’re leaving?” Phasma asked arching one perfectly shaped eyebrow at her in incredulity.

 

Rey rolled her eyes smirking at her. “Yes, I have a few afternoon appointments and my dress is at my office. I’ll be back in time, promise.”

 

Phasma huffed in annoyance. “I cleared my entire schedule for this I’ll have you know. Do you know how it looks for a junior partner to be absent for an entire day?”

 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Your bosses adore you and how much you bring to the firm.”

 

“True. They do like my win/loss ratio that’s for certain.”

 

“See, and setting boundaries shows you have a solid command over your work and life balance. They will appreciate that you do good work but also that work is not your only focus.” Rey replied, bringing out the psychologist voice.

 

“Don’t you psychobabble me, young lady,” Phasma retorted, reminding Rey that she was several years her senior.

 

Rey laughed and shrugged. “Seemed appropriate.”

 

“Go on, get out of here before I change my mind,” Phasma said feigning exasperation.

 

Upon arriving back to her office, she smiled to Jessika before going in to prep for her afternoon appointments. On her bookshelf adjacent to her desk hung a garment bag containing her gown for the evening. Not wanting to completely clear her schedule for the day she figured getting in a few clients before the party would make the day all the more productive at least from a financial standpoint. Rey opened the garment bag, viewing the decadent burgundy velvet of the gown for a moment.

 

Smiling to herself she zipped the garment bag back up and went about reviewing her next patient case file with a flutter of nervous excitement in her gut. Scene parties always brought out some of the more interesting people in the community. Her life in her daily routine was wonderfully rewarding yet terribly lonely despite having great friends like Finn and a close relationship with her adoptive parents. But, there was something missing from that normalcy that felt like there was just one last piece to the puzzle but she couldn’t find it wherever she looked and she wondered if she ever would.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Financial projections for this quarter are exactly as we expected,” Hux motioned with his chopsticks as the three men sat around Ben’s coffee table in his office, eating Chinese food from paper takeout boxes.

 

Ben hummed a moment as he chewed a piece of sweet and sour pork. Swallowing he took a moment before asking. “Are we still in the black?”

 

Hux nodded. “Yes, the deal with the shipping company should actually pick up our second and third quarters this fiscal year. We’ll need to discuss whether or not we want to continue an expansion into residential architecture.”

 

Poe chewed on his lip for a moment as he sat cross legged on the sofa next to Ben. “I think it would be a good move. We need a steady cash flow while we pull in bigger commercial clients that you like so much, Ben.”

 

Ben set down his food container and thought about it weighing the pros and cons of the idea. While it was a good idea to continue to pull in steady business if there was one thing Ben despised it was residential architecture. In college he’d heard horror stories that rivaled the kind of behavior one would see on some home improvement reality show where a couple would search for weeks to find the perfect house. Residential high rises and housing developments were one thing to be involved in but private residential contracts were the next step.

 

And there was considerable interest to say the least.

 

The puff piece, featuring the three of them in _Architectural Digest_ the previous year had only served to boost their visibility. More and more people were seeking them out to build their dream homes. And Ben knew that at the end of the day that keeping their firm diversified and on the leading edge of architecture would ensure the success and security of their livelihoods for some time to come.

 

Expanding the residential division meant that at least occasionally he or Hux would have to design a house for some couple or billionaire in search of the perfect dream home. It wasn’t the aesthetic of houses that Ben disliked.

 

No, it was the nit picking of the clients.

 

The constant questioning and not understanding the differences between craftsman versus mid-century modern versus Victorian were the absolute bane of his existence and not why he became at architect in the least. He’d dealt with it at least a few times working in his first job just out of school at Imperium Design under the ever-watchful gaze of the most ruthless boss he’d ever seen.

 

Working for Victor Snoke had been quite the eye-opening experience in the way that you learned exactly what you never want to be. Snoke had hired the both of them straight out of graduate school after a lengthy year-long internship at a competing firm. He’d lured them both in with money and benefits but then the real trials had only just begun.

 

Snoke ran a tight ship and often pit one architect against the other including Ben and Armitage. The two’s friendship had begun to fray under the stress Snoke had placed them under. Between the insane eighty-plus hour work weeks and the constant critique over design the two were at each other’s throats.

 

One night the two became fed up and decided to hash out their friendship over drinks at their favorite bar. It was only then they realized that Snoke was feeding them each misinformation about the other to see who would crack under the pressure. A lesson well learned by both men. In that moment, they began sowing the seeds of their eventual escape, taking three of Snoke’s biggest clients with them, in a stunning exit that served as one gigantic middle finger to the man himself.

 

Dameron had been a last-minute addition to the line-up. The former Naval Pilot had just finished a Masters in structural engineering with the goal of re-enlisting in the Army Corps of Engineers when Ben had persuaded him to come be their lead engineer and chief operating officer. The pay was considerably more than what the Army was offering and the rest was history.

 

Ben looked to the other two men as he continued to ruminate on the subject of their expansion. “I think it’s a good idea. Industrial design will always be there but it’s more about longer projects and contract deals. You’re both right we need steady cash flow if we want to keep paying everyone.”

 

Hux nodded in agreement, “Shall I draft up prospective job titles and duties to start posting to the job boards and LinkedIn?”

 

“Sure, run ‘em by Poe before I see them,” Ben directed, digging into his lo mein. “By the way, when are we on buying a 3-D printer or an entire flight of them? It would make Mitaka’s job so much easier. He’s been trying to get us to buy them for a solid year now.”

 

Dopheld Mitaka was their resident model maker, spending his days making physical models for size and scale for all their projects. Many of his works were displayed in the final buildings themselves, usually in the executive suite or out front in the lobby to show how the scale model came to fruition.

 

He’d gone to school for industrial and computer design but had a knack for constructing miniature buildings and had as a result become indispensable to the firm. It was one thing to give a client a three-dimensional walk through of a design but being able to see and touch a physical scale model of a prospective building was just the old school added touch that served to get them client after client.

 

Mitaka had been on them for a while about his work load, suggesting time and time again that 3D Printing was now more affordable than ever. “It’s that or we hire on at least three more model makers. Mitaka has been inundated and if we’re expanding the residential department then we need to help him out,” Poe added, having himself been on the receiving end of Mitaka’s pleading for help.

 

Hux grumbled as he searched on his phone for the best model of printer he could find without an outrageous price tag. “Well they are less than five-grand now so I think we could swing a few in our budget, though it might delay holiday bonuses this if we’re not careful with our spending,” he responded, looking to the two men who had effectively ganged up on him.

 

“Good, three printers are far cheaper than three new model makers, I’m sure Mitaka will appreciate that it will cut his production timelines by more than fifty percent,” Ben argued, trying to get Armitage to see the sound business sense he was trying to convey.

 

Hux turned to Poe then, his face growing a wicked. “Tell Mitaka that he can put in a requisition order for the printers, but that I also want a full cost-benefit analysis on my desk by Monday morning,” Hux replied, feeling smug that if he was going to give into the demands of the staff that they were going to prove that it was for the benefit of the company as a whole.

 

Poe shook his head at him while Ben laughed before taking a drink of water. “You know, Armie, you’re kind of an evil prick sometimes,” Poe added making Ben snort as he set his water bottle down.

 

“I have to draw the line somewhere, Dameron. Otherwise you give people an inch and they’ll take a mile. If they know that they must prove the fiscal sense of their requisition then I won’t get requests that aren’t well thought out and frivolous.”

 

The three of them continued to eat and discuss business, only straying into personal territory once the meeting had concluded. “So, plans tonight boys? Anyone up for pool and beer?”

 

Hux shook his head. “I have an important appointment this evening,” he replied, making Ben arch an eyebrow at him to which Hux rolled his eyes.

 

Poe sighed, “Well Benny, you gonna make it a two-some then? We can wingman for each other like the old days.”

 

Ben shook his head. “No, I also, have plans.”

 

Poe rolled his eyes “Seriously? Since when do both of you have plans?”

 

Hux shrugged. “Mine is a standing appointment I’ve had for weeks, I don’t know what Solo is up to this evening.”

 

Poe turned to Ben with a pleading look on his face but Ben couldn’t be budged.

 

“No, I have a charity event I signed up for. I’m not missing out on an open bar and food that cost more than this office did.”

 

Poe huffed in annoyance and resignation. “Fine, fine.”

 

The three men disbanded the meeting with Poe going off in search of his assistant to discuss the rest of his schedule for the day.

 

Hux stayed behind for a moment helping Ben clean up the empty Chinese food containers. “Charity event tonight?”

 

Ben nodded. “Yes, I signed up on the scene website you showed me. It was very informative, but I figured attending an event that wasn’t a play party or a scene mixer as they call them would be a way to see what it’s like without jumping off into the deep end, you know?”

 

Armitage nodded in response. “Understandable. I haven’t really gone to any of the events myself so you’ll have to tell me if they’re even worth the time.”

 

“I will. I am a little nervous. I’m not even sure if this is a good idea or not.”

 

“Well you’re the one who spent probably far too much money on a charity gala ticket, Ben. Too late to back out now.”

 

Ben agreed with his friend as he ruminated over the idea.

 

“Think about it this way. You’re going just to see what’s out there. There’s no pressure to stick around. I mean Hell I’ve never been to one of the events but it’s nice to have the option of meeting similarly minded people,” Hux explained, trying to get his friend to be less anxious over it all.

 

Ben shrugged like he wasn’t sure how to respond to that. And indeed, he wasn’t all that certain of anything since discovering this whole other world. On Hux’s advice and insistence he’d sought out local resources and information on the D/s community, having found that his interest in it was more than purely academic. There was something in him that he’d only begun to realize that had been, lying dormant for quite some time and only now had awoken, igniting a series of questions he wasn’t sure he was ready to address yet.

 

“I’m not even sure I’m similarly minded yet, Armitage. One step at a time,” he mused, trying to keep himself firmly rooted in his own sense of self. At thirty-one years of age he thought he’d come to an understanding of his character. Knew himself through and through. Yet one tiny revelation and suddenly his axis shifted, sending him off balance.

 

Hux rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “You sound like I did. I denied it for ages. Even after I saw Trisha the first time. Once you figure out where you’re at on the spectrum things will make more sense. Society in general is not very forgiving, especially you Yanks and your puritanical sense of sexual morality.”

 

“Spectrum? You make it sound clinical.”

 

“In a way it is. Sexuality is a fluid spectrum, as is whether you’re dominant or submissive or a switch. Nothing’s ever completely cut and dry. Once I came to my own realizations it made this job so much easier to understand why I focus on success because of things I was denying elsewhere,” he explained like it was so simple.

 

As if it were the plainest thing in the world. And maybe it was.

 

“I don’t even know where I fall.”

 

“You’ll figure it out. Only you can. Go into tonight with an open mind and talk to people. You might be surprised with what you find.”

 

And that was where his anxiety resided. The fear of the unknown had this way of tugging at a person’s insecurities that could paralyze a person at the potential outcomes. It was in the sensation of that knot twisting his gut that he knew he couldn’t just let the fear rule him. Something had to give. Either it was the fear or this growing need inside of him. One of these was going to win and a growing part of him hoped it was the latter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The gala itself was deemed a success from even the first hour. Friends and acquaintances poured into the opulent hall cooing over the ethereal design. Rey milled about greeting friends here and there, whilst she moved about the room before joining Phasma to drink champagne and observe the rabble.

 

“I must say, when you put your mind to something, darling it does come out perfect,” Phasma remarked with a flourish of her perfectly manicured hand before placing it back on her silver silk covered lap.

 

Rey agreed as she turned, adjusting her mask just a bit higher on the bridge of her nose while she looked out to the impressive turn out.

 

Simultaneously just outside the main corridor, Ben Solo entered and he surveyed the scene that lay beyond the corridor.

 

“Welcome,” the greeter told him as he stepped in. Her grey eyes kind and unassuming as he adjusted his watch on his wrist, fidgeting nervously and continued to stare beyond her. A sense of eager anticipation that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. “Last name?”

 

“Solo,” he replied, his voice the only acknowledgement of her presence aside from a casual flick of his eyes to hers before again being entranced by the ethereal glow of the setting just ahead.

 

“Welcome Mr. Solo, you may take a mask on the table to your right, and fill out a ticket for the silent auction on your way in.”

 

He looked to the woman, already masked and wearing a black floor-length gown. He thanked her and proceeded to the table eyeing each mask with careful consideration. Before him were masks of all shapes and colors but one stood out to him, a black and bronze mask that looked far more like it belonged in a period drama than on a table for a masked gala.

 

The brushed black bronze of the mask was accented with warm coppery bronze that made it look almost like a circlet of wings and leaves intermingled with a central figure of a face at the top with a fleur de lis. Selecting it he tied the ribbons around his head, securing it to obscure much of the upper half of his face.

 

Ben supposed that was half of the allure of coming tonight. The ability to observe this shadowy thing he had only just discovered and yet be able to hide his true identity from much of the crowd was exactly what he needed to assuage his own uncertainty. With baited breath he moved to the table with the silent auction tickets, signing his contact information should he be tempted to bid and win any of the items.

 

Rolling his shoulders back he gathered himself before heading into the gala hall. The ethereal glow catching his eye as he looked up at the vast ceiling and chandeliers throughout the space. With a deep breath he stepped forward, grabbing a glass of champagne off a passing server’s platter. Downing it quickly he made his way through to the silent auction table, taking stock of the various offerings. Everything from, a weekend on Senator Casterfo’s yacht, to a year’s worth of free dance lessons at a ballroom studio. The auction ran the gamut from the simple to the ostentatious and everywhere in between.

 

Satisfied with his perusal, he made his way to the bar, silently observing the guests. Among them he noted several people who probably would rather no one knew of their affiliation with this unconventional society, including three of his mother’s congressional colleagues, such as Ransolm Casterfo himself, who was boisterously lifting his mask and laughing as he embraced a beautiful young woman that most certainly was not his wife.

 

Snorting to himself he exchanged his empty champagne glass for a tumbler with scotch on the rocks, leaning an arm on the bar as he tried to get the lay of the land.

 

Unbeknownst to him, his presence had already drawn the attention of two women: Phasma and Rey. “Oh look, he’s new. You think he’s our last-minute ticket buyer?”

 

Rey followed Phasma’s appraising gaze to the man who stood at the bar. An unfamiliar narrow face, certainly even partially obscured by the mask. She could tell he was well over six-feet tall even from this distance, black wavy hair that had an almost intentional unkempt quality to it. The rest of him was lean and dressed in a classic black tuxedo complete with bow tie. His dark eyes observed the scene in front of him with what looked like a most critical gaze while he scanned the crowd.

 

“What do you think, top or bottom?” Phasma asked playfully, continuing their earlier game of guessing each guest’s preferences especially those of which they didn’t know personally.

 

Rey eyed him, considering the strong stiff set to his broad shoulders and the almost disdainful look in his eye. “Top, definitely.”

 

Phasma pursed her lips. “You think so?” She asked and Rey nodded confidently. Phasma sighed and agreed. “Shame really. That pale skin? I’m sure the rest of him would make a lovely shade of red after a good session.”

 

Rey chuckled at her friend as she brought her glass to her lips and sipped her drink before commenting further, “I’m sure it would,” she agreed, letting her eyes linger over what she could tell of his features.

 

A narrow but sharp jawline with just a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his chin set below full lips and what looked like a strong prominent nose.  He was handsome in a way that struck Rey as wholly unique. Maybe it was the confident almost arrogant set to his jaw, or the regal way which he held himself as if he were above all others.

 

_A dominant, indeed,_ she thought almost disappointed in her own summation. It’d been so long since she’d had a willing body in her playroom. A need to scratch that all too familiar itch she’d ignored for far too long already.

 

It was a shame, as Phasma had implicated. _If_ he were a dominant that is. But, she could see it in the way he carried himself. Strong, confident, detached even.

 

Curious at the presence of this new person, Rey watched him as he moved from the bar with a slow swaggering gait, not speaking to anyone as he ascended the stairs up to the balcony that encircled the space. Interested in his reserved behavior, Rey finished her glass of champagne and stood, clutch in hand. Resolved, she smoothed out the deep burgundy velvet that hugged her figure, intent on figuring out the mystery guest’s secrets.

 

“Be gentle Rey, we don’t need to scare off any newcomers,” Phasma warned, giving her friend an appraising glance before smirking as Rey too headed in the direction of the staircase.

 

Up on the balcony Ben stood silently alone in his thoughts and far above the din of the conversations and music of the party below him. His glass tumbler half-filled with scotch sat on the stone railing in front of him. Although the soft strains of music did reach him here, the conversations did not. His mind, however, was still alight with all the stimulating conversations he’d overheard by the bar. The evening was certainly different than he’d expected. Everyone dressed to the nines in black tie formal wear, laughing and drinking about this topic or that.

 

It reminded him of different times in his life. Other fundraisers he’d been forced into attending over the years every election year. Even though the atmosphere here was different, lighter and much more beguiling he couldn’t help but feel like he was a fish out of water.

 

In some ways it felt good to put human faces to something he’d only had imagined previously. A reality that helped him reconcile the twin emotions of longing and apprehension he’d felt since his mind had learned of its existence. He watched, casually as a blonde woman in a silver gown came up to halt the band, announcing with her sophisticated accent that it was indeed time to begin the silent auction.

 

Having since perused the offerings he’d decided nothing could tempt him into forking over more cash than he already had for the ticket alone. The saving grace of it all that the money was at least going to a good cause. Instead he watched as people moved about. Friends and acquaintances, he surmised, embraced and chatted happily, some couples dancing to the music while others made their way to the table to bid on particular items in the auction. It all seemed entirely mundane in a way. He didn’t know quite what he’d expected but the humanity of it all, the normality of it was not what he'd thought he’d see.

 

“You know, customarily when attending a social event, one does engage in social interaction,” a soft lilting voice said from behind him, growing closer to his left side.

 

He stood stock still for a moment, considering the woman’s words before turning to respond only to have the words stolen from him as he took in a vision in burgundy velvet, standing just to his left. His heart stuttered in his chest and his eyes widened as he shook his head in disbelief, marveling at her beauty while her eyes watched the crowd from their mutual perch at the balcony’s railing leaving him the freedom to let his eyes rove over her.

 

The sight of her made him suck in a breath as his lips parted.

 

Soft chestnut brown hair that fell to her shoulders - curled to make her look like brunette Veronica Lake. The rest of her as she leaned on the railing, angled just so he could get a full front view of her figure. Lithe and athletic in build, beneath the clingy velvet fabric of the mermaid gown, fanning out from her legs in a bell shape. A decadent texture that begged to be touched.

 

He’d never seen anyone like her before. He swallowed thickly, stuffing now clammy hands in his pockets to force himself not to reach out and run a hand along waist as she turned her gaze to face him. If he’d considered the rest of her beautiful it was her face that made her a complete masterpiece.

 

Dark red lipstick across a set of pouty lips, one corner of which was upturned just slightly in a half smile that revealed a dimple in her cheek. His thumb itched to trace that soft divot. Her head cocked to the side as she considered his stunned silence. Upon her face, her mask, a fully bronze piece with metal feathered accents throughout drew his attention to her hazel eyes which shone greener rather than brown in the golden light of the gala.

 

“Or perhaps I was mistaken and you’re simply incapable of speaking?” She teased, that thick Londoner accent, ringing in his ears and drowning out all coherent thought.

 

A beat later his wits found him and he internally berated himself for gawking so shamelessly at the stunning woman at his side. “I’m sorry. I –,” he began, trying to find some way to negate her assessment of him.

 

The half-smile upon her face turned to a full smirk and a mirthful chuckle raised her shoulders as she reached her right hand out to him. “It’s all right. You must be our mystery last minute buy-in, I’m Rey.” She explained.

 

He reached out grasping her hand, failing to ignore the tingling heat that shot up his arm at the innocuous contact. Never had he been so affected by a woman before. Sure, he’d had relationships in the past, flirtations and one-night stands, but not to the extent where he felt like a goddamned teenage boy. No this was something different.  Something electric, terrifying and exhilarating all the same.

 

And yet she was just as affected, her own breathing picking up as her heartbeat roared in her ears. His hand was large, dwarfing her own and hot to the touch. Thoughts of what that hand would feel like against other less innocent patches of skin flit through her mind. She hid it well however, aside from the tell-tale flush that creeped up her cheeks and the dilation of her pupils in the low light.

 

“Ben,” he answered her finally before releasing her hand.

 

The faint flush that came across her cheeks only deepened as she repeated his name. “Ben. Ah, so that’s what the B stood for,” she mused, flashing her white teeth as she smiled through speaking. “You must be new.”

 

The warmth of her gaze and smile set him right at ease, erasing the initial stunned silence. “What makes you say that?”

 

She cocked her head to the side again, considering him. He wasn’t all what she’d expected when she’d observed him prior to her approach. His shoulders much broader with arms and a torso that were far thicker than she’d surmised in her initial observation. His eyes even, were different up close. More honey brown than black. Breaking her appraising stare, she turned to lean both her elbows on the marble railing in front of them.

 

“I’ve been in this social club for quite some time now. I would have remembered, had we ever crossed paths,” she countered, reminding him that he was indeed almost a voyeur upon a world he desired to learn more of and perhaps join.

 

He observed her again, now in profile while she looked to the chandeliers above them beneath the ornate inset ceiling. The long sleeves of her dress enticed his hands to feel the rich fabric, and yet that singular desire was only eclipsed by the revelation that the back of her dress was simply an expanse of glorious lightly tanned skin, from her shoulders to the dimples at the small of her back. A glorious juxtaposition against the absurdly demure neckline of the dress’s front. His mouth ran dry as his gaze drank her in, following the muscles of her back down the delicate curve of her behind. His fingers twitched, itching to reach out and see if her skin was as soft as it appeared.

 

He warred with himself, conflicted at the simultaneous ache to reach out and push the hair off her shoulder then run a hand from her neck to her hips that was at odds with the knowledge that such contact was far more than inappropriate at the present moment.

 

Reigning himself in, he clenched his fist and continued their conversation. “You’re right. I am new to all this,” he acknowledged with a wave of his hand.

 

Rey turned again and her expression softened. “You chose an odd night to come, normally one would think a first timer such as yourself would choose something a bit less formal and more instructive.”

 

He chuckled, a smile that lit up his features, crinkling long lines in his cheeks, which made her eyes glint back at him in fascination. “That’s exactly why I chose tonight. I wasn’t sure about any of it and didn’t want to toss myself in the deep end just yet.”

 

“Ah, so wading in at the shallow end, I see.” She commented, meeting his eyes as her hands coming up with a silver clutch in her left hand. “Any thoughts on it so far?” She asked with her incisor pressing into her bottom lip.

 

He took a breath bewitched at the sight of the delicate press of her teeth into her lip. Breaking their eye contact and looked out to the crowd, he gathered himself, looking for answers in the faceless crowd.

 

“Wasn’t quite sure about it, but it’s fascinating to say the least,” he responded, turning his gaze back her way.

 

A luminous smile beset her features making her all the more stunning than he could have imagined possible.  “Excellent. I will say that the community is wonderful. Anyone in it would be happy to answer questions for you should the need arise. And if the reason why you’ve not engaged with anyone else tonight is because you’re worried about discretion, you can rest assured that everyone here understands the importance of keeping our group low on the radar.”

 

He chuckled then at the reminder of just how influential and important some of the members of this group were to society at large. “Oh, I can see why discretion would be important, considering I’ve seen three of my mother’s Congressional colleagues alone, as well as what one, two, three… five CEOs off the _Fortune_ five-hundred?”

 

Rey laughed, the force of it shaking her shoulders as she nodded in silent agreement. “And it would ruin the community if such information ever got out. Which I trust, you understand.”

 

He nodded, understanding her tone immediately. “It goes without saying.”

 

And really it did. For anyone within the community to reveal others would also reveal themselves. Thus, anyone within it held an almost unspoken rule between them. Discretion and anonymity were prized amongst all else.

 

Satisfied with his answer she continued, “This event is the first of its kind, but you should check out what else we have to offer. Especially, to meet people and figure out your particular tastes.”

 

Again, Ben agreed with her, already knowing that just from this simple interaction he wouldn’t be able to just turn away from what was brimming to the surface within himself. He was on the precipice of something. Some huge truth that would certainly move the earth beneath his feet. Yet he still wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.

 

Rey appreciated the pensive look upon his face. Like he was trying to come up with an answer to a multitude of questions that were just beyond his reach. She decided then, dominant or not she was going to befriend him at the very least, and maybe help him wade a bit further into the deeper end of this pool as he’d called it. It was the very least she could do to pay it forward for what Phasma had done for her all those years ago.

 

She opened her clutch then, reaching inside before she continued. “Well, Ben. If you decide you’d like to know more or would like someone to help make introductions to some of the more established people in the community, here’s my card,” she said, holding her hand out with the card between her index and middle fingers.

 

Ben reached out once again, letting their fingertips graze as he took the card that she offered.

 

“Thank you, Rey. I appreciate it.” He replied as she grinned, moving away from the railing and walking away. He watched her for a moment, letting his eyes linger on the expanse of skin her dress revealed.

 

She paused for a moment, at the top of the staircase. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Ben,” she added in a sincere sense of decorum.

 

“Likewise,” he added in kind. She lingered a moment longer. Their eyes locked in a delicate stand-off waiting to see which one would give in and break the stare. With a soft grin she looked down, turning as she began to descend the stairs back into the party below.

 

After she was out of view of his eyes he let out a long breath letting it out in a low whistle through his teeth. His eyes cast downward, watching her talk to other people as she rejoined the party before looking at the crisp card in his hands: bold ivory card stock with simple elegant script that listed her name, credentials and contact information. He placed the card in the breast-pocket of his tuxedo before downing the rest of his scotch and shaking his head at himself for being completely mesmerized by just a simple meeting.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your kudos and comments thus far. I hope to continue reading your wonderful comments on this fic! They're so appreciated. Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr url is the same as here: drnucleus


	4. IV: Paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finally gets around to calling Rey, and begins to unravel his own mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for the wonderful response to the last chapter. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> A big thank you to [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) for encouraging me as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for listening to me babble on and on about the plans I have for these two.

_Chapter Playlist: Lotus Flower – Radiohead; Teardrop – Massive Attack; I Will Possess Your Heart – Deathcab for Cutie_

 IV. Paperwork

 

“Come on, push,” Poe demanded as Ben huffed through another rep, pushing the metal bar burdened by stacks of large metal weights on each side up and out as he extended his arms. “Good, another.”

 

Taking a breath as he pulled the bar back to his chest, he looked up to see that Poe’s eyes had become distracted by something or well _someone_ else in the gym. Rolling his eyes, he pushed through the rep and set the bar back on the stand without so much as a peep from his oh so diligent spotter. A breath later and he sat up eyeing where Poe’s gaze had been drawn – a guy, mid-twenties who looked like he was trying out to be the next Captain America, doing pull ups on the bar just ten feet from them. Ben rolled his eyes and snickered to himself at the shameless way Poe stared.

 

“You’re supposed to be spotting for me, not spotting your next conquest, asshole,” Ben snarked, breaking Poe out of his trance.

 

Poe shrugged and smirked. “What? Can’t I enjoy the eye candy?”

 

Ben moved around the bar as Poe shifted into place on the bench. “Sure, you can. But we’re supposed to spot for each other, proper gym etiquette and all. How would you feel if I shamelessly flirt with every skirt that walked by?”

 

Poe laughed while Ben adjusted the weights, lightening them for Poe’s smaller build and capability. “To be honest, I’d be surprised and a little proud. How long has it been?”

 

Ben rolled his eyes while Poe worked through rep after rep, his arms beginning to shake as he concluded the first set.

 

“A while.” Ben admitted, not wanting to explicitly state that it had been quite a bit longer than he was willing to admit since the last time he’d had any sexual contact. Graduate school and then working obscene hours had a way of taking all of one’s energy and focusing it to a singular point.

 

A singular focus where the gamut of sexual conquests and relationships no longer mattered if they were temporal. What Ben wanted was something that a single conquest or a date couldn’t give. An experience that was wholly other. And until recently he wasn’t sure anyone could fit that description.

 

“And that, is just a crying shame, Benny,” Poe grunted working his way through the second set of ten reps.

 

Ben shook his head, brought out of his own ruminations by the nickname. “I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

 

“Please, we’ve known each other since grade school. Old nicknames are gonna stick.”

 

“Oh, so should I break out the other names kids used to call you?”

 

Poe snickered. “Hey at least you got a normal name. Still not over the fact that my mother named me after her favorite poet.” Poe snarked, reminding Ben of Shara Bey-Dameron’s obsession with Edgar Allan Poe.

 

“I mean she could have named you Edgar or Allan. But Poe? All the kids in junior high took that to mean you were named after a Teletubby.” Ben shot back.

 

“Yeah and that didn’t get old fast,” Poe sighed as he was half way through set three.

 

The two fell silent as Ben held his hand out for the bar, counting off the reps for Poe and keeping his concentration on the task even though his mind was elsewhere.

 

For much of his life he thought he had a good handle on who he thought he was.

 

Meeting Poe in second grade when two of the school’s worst bullies had decided that Ben was too different looking, too awkward and shy. A nerd who somehow needed to be beaten to make up for their own inadequacies. Too skinny and too tall with ears and a nose he hadn’t yet grown into. Poe had been there to step in and help him fend off the idiots. And from that moment the boys had become bonded. Best friends didn’t quite encompass the years of their friendship.

 

Brothers in every way that counted save for one.

 

Yet through all the trials and tribulations of adolescence and the vibrancy of his twenties, there was one thing he had never considered.

 

Realizing your own sexual identity was hard enough he supposed, but there was more to it than that. In his own right he had been certain of his own heterosexuality, certainly. But hindsight with it’s perfect clarity came the stunning realization that something was always missing from that simple definition of himself.

 

What that was he wasn’t entirely sure of but he knew in some small corner of his mind that it was vital for him to figure it out. He looked at Poe, eye-fucking every attractive man and woman in their vicinity and chuckled to himself, remembering when Poe himself was questioning his own identity.

 

“Are you going to eye-fuck everyone in the gym or are you going to finish the workout?” Ben snarked, catching Poe’s attention away from a particularly svelte blonde heading towards the stair climber.

 

Poe sighed and shrugged. “Sorry, you just never know when you’re going to find someone.”

 

Ben nodded in understanding, his mind drifting back to a vision in red. Truth be told he hadn’t gotten Rey out of his head since that night a week ago. And it bothered him that every time he’d gain the courage and reach inside his wallet for her card that he hesitated, gripped by anxiety and insecurity. She was unreal. Incredible in every sense of the term but in some ways, he almost wanted to keep the mystery of her alive in his mind. Afraid somehow the illusion of that night would go away and she’d be just like the rest.

 

His own mind warred within itself, arguing back and forth over the topic. Because what if she was exactly what he wanted? What he needed? And he didn’t have the balls to take that chance? He’d hate himself forever for that fact alone. And yet still he hesitated, vacillating between calling her and ripping the card up entirely though he knew he couldn’t bring himself to do the latter.

 

The two of them worked, doing squat presses and trash talking each other as they continued to circle around the weights in the corner of the gym. Ben grew quiet and pensive the longer the workout went on sparking Poe’s interest.

 

“You okay there, bud?” He asked suddenly concerned for his friend’s quietness.

 

It wasn’t like Poe wasn’t used to a pensive and silent Ben Solo. He just knew that it usually meant something was going on and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it.

 

Taking a break Ben stepped away from the machine sighing. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve just been going through something that’s all.”

 

“Care to share?”

 

“Not particularly.” Ben stated but regretted it almost immediately. Poe took the hint and backed down only for Ben to turn around and step closer to him, keeping his voice low. “How do you figure something out about yourself that you didn’t know was there before, but somehow it feels like it always was and you were just fooling yourself thinking you knew who you were?” Ben asked, speaking anxiously.

 

Poe’s eyebrows raised as he considered his friend. “Whoa, um so we’re going from zero to one-hundred on the depth scale then, aren’t we?”

 

Ben rolled his eyes at Poe for the joke at his expense.

 

“Sorry but um,” Poe began, looking down at his hands to gather his thoughts.  “I guess when I was figuring myself out it was more just a whole lot of denial. I pushed that side of myself down so far that it came out in ways I hadn’t expected.”

 

Ben nodded. “What did you do? How did you make it clearer?”

 

Poe leveled him a look that should have told him everything. “Worst thing possible. Drunkenly kissed my best friend.”

 

Ben remembered the night with pristine clarity. How Poe had leaned over and planted one on him when they were all of 22 years of age. Repulsed by kissing someone who was of a gender he was not attracted to for one and for another that it was someone he considered more of a sibling than anything else. Ben had recoiled from the contact after the initial shock wore off and Poe began apologizing profusely, slurring his words and not making much sense at all.

 

“You’re an idiot that was when?”

 

The two had barely spoken of the night since, only mentioning it once more when Poe finally had sorted his shit out and came out to Ben as bisexual. And Ben, being the dutiful best friend never let it get in the way of their friendship.

 

“Yeah. It was stupid and the dumbest thing I could have done, but I was drunk and feeling good, and I’d been attracted to you for ages because you were safe. You were an easy target because you were never going to actually feel that way for me. But once I did it. I realized it wasn’t just you that I was attracted to but guys in general. And the fact you were a guy and my best friend made it simple.”

 

Ben considered him for a moment. “I guess I’m glad you trusted me enough as your friend to know that I wasn’t going to freak out on you.”

 

“Boy, did I think you were going to.”

 

“I wouldn’t have. We were both drunk, which is what I chalked the entire thing up to until you came out a month later. I wasn’t shocked, but I understood. You’d been struggling with it for a long time if I recall correctly.”

 

“Yeah. I thought I was broken. But figuring it out? Accepting that part of myself? Best fucking decision I’ve ever made. So, whatever it is you’re struggling with you’ll get through it, and you’ll know yourself even better. And we’ll be here when you do because we, Hux, myself, and your family we know you and we already love the person you are. So you discovering that person even more is only going to be a good thing.”

 

Ben looked over at his friend who looked so damned sincere it was almost laughable. “Thanks, Poe.”

 

“Anytime, bro. Anytime. Maybe you just need to find the right person to make it easier.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well sometimes relationships can teach us about ourselves. Maybe it’s time you stop your self-imposed monk routine and got laid on the regular.”

 

Ben arched an eyebrow incredulously and snickered. “I did the fucking around thing in undergrad Poe, and it was empty as fuck. I’m not doing that again. Besides, I might have met someone.” He said the last of it almost like a whisper, too tentative and nervous to even say it too loud.

 

Poe’s eyes widened then catching the words he almost hadn’t heard. “What? What the fuck? You might have met someone? Why didn’t you say something before?”

 

A laugh rolled through Ben shaking his shoulders as they moved away from the weight machines to the free weights.

 

“You remember that event I went to?” Ben offered, giving a soft opening to the tale.

 

“The charity thing?” Poe asked, cocking his head to the side as he sat at a bench adjacent to where Ben stood, doing seated tricep curls.

 

“Yeah. She was there,” Ben added getting a faraway expression on his face as he remembered their encounter. How her eyes sparkled or how her teeth bit into her lip. What he wouldn’t give to see that again only accompanied with a soft sigh, and her head thrown back. Shaking his head, he grabbed two large weights and began lifting up and out from his torso.

 

“Annnnnd…” Poe supplicated, annoyed that he was trying to extract information like a dentist pulls teeth.

 

“And she gave me her card.”

 

“You called her right? You’re seeing her this week and you want advice from your old pal?” Poe asked in rapid succession, growing misty eyed.

 

“No, you sentimental fuck. I haven’t called her yet.”

 

Poe’s mouth dropped for a moment. “What? Wait a fucking second. You met a girl. Is she pretty?”

 

“Pretty would be an insult. She’s fucking stunning.”

 

“And you like her?”

 

“She’s witty, gorgeous, well-educated. I didn’t have time for a full psych evaluation but considering she’s a psychologist with a PhD, I’ll let that one slide,” Ben snarked back, annoyed at the interrogation.

 

“And she was interested enough to give you her card. So, what the fuck is the problem here? It’s been a week and you haven’t called her? Ben, I know I taught you a better game than that.” Poe responded, putting the weights back on the stand and shaking his head at Ben.

 

Ben gave his best friend a glare. “It’s not that simple.”

 

“Oh, it is that simple. Grow some balls and call her.”

 

“We’ll see, I feel like I need to get my shit together before I do.”

 

“Sometimes really good relationships have a great way of making that happen by lighting a fire under your ass. So seriously man, call her. Sooner rather than later.”

 

 

* * *

 

  

Late that night, Ben laid against the sofa in his office. The business card in his hand as he turned it once, twice, three times around against his chest. The corners of the card, pressing into his thumb and forefinger as he did so. He’d been vacillating now for a week. Trying to gain the courage to reach out but hesitation stayed his hand every time he reached for his phone.

 

Perhaps it was fear that was holding him back.

 

Fear of the unknown, maybe. Fear of what was lurking inside himself, definitely.

 

He’d learned as a moody and petulant youth that knowing yourself through and through could sometimes carry more pain than peace. But he knew, that deep down he’d have to face this part of himself. Now that he knew it had been there all along, dormant, lying in wait for just the right trigger.

 

Something inside of himself was awake and hungry. A key piece he’d denied for years was roiling beneath the surface, like a caged tiger, pacing to be let out.

 

And then there was Rey.

 

Stunning. Gorgeous. Incredible Rey. A woman he couldn’t have even imagined in his wildest dreams. And part of him knew that was the allure of the gala. That she was all made up and dressed to kill. But he knew that even beneath the makeup, and the expensive couture she was just as stunning in real life.

 

The anxiety welled in his chest as he chewed his lip considering the card in front of him.

 

He was a fool to think she could ever be interested. He barely knew anything about the lifestyle she seemed so at ease in. So attuned and polished like it was second nature to her while he was like some naïve school boy, fantasizing over a woman he’d spoken to for ten minutes a week prior. But in his mind, he could almost feel her eyes upon him, considering him carefully and that low hum of electricity between them would crackle in her approach.

 

Shaking his head at himself he sat up, swinging his feet to the floor and grabbing his cell phone off the coffee table.

 

“Fuck it,” he announced to the silence.

 

He stood, anxious as he dialed the number on the card, assuming her work number wouldn’t be active at such a late hour. As it rang he began to pace, panic rising within his throat.

 

_A voicemail,_ he assured himself. _Leave her a message and then it’s on her to get back to you._

He was fucked. So utterly and completely fucked because after just two rings a soft lilting voice answered the phone.

 

“Dr. Erso’s office,” she spoke, cradling the phone between her jaw and shoulder while she placed a patient chart back in her files.

 

It was like his brain had completely shut off in that moment. His breath caught making him cough on the words, forming and dying upon his lips. “Um I’m sorry… Rey?”

 

“Yes, this is her?”

 

Taking a breath, he steadied himself, running a hand through his hair and resting his palm against the back of his neck. “Hi, um it’s Ben, I was just calling to…”

 

“Oh! Ben, hello,” she interrupted, seemingly surprised at his call. “You were calling because you have questions?”

 

He nodded to himself, realizing a millisecond later that she couldn’t see his silent affirmation.

_Speak, you absolute moron,_ his mind screamed.

 

“Err, yes. I’m sorry I lost my train of thought. I was planning to leave you a voicemail. I didn’t think you would be at work quite so late.”

 

“The beauty and terror of being one’s own boss I’m afraid. The work is never done until you’ve done it yourself,” she lamented with a gentle laugh.

 

And just like that his entire body relaxed and found himself laughing with her.

 

“Don’t I know it. I’m still at my office as well,” he admitted, looking out of his office’s glass walls to the barren offices beyond. Everyone had gone home hours before, leaving him in his most favorite spot. The hours between rush hour traffic and when he’d finally trudge himself back to his apartment, mentally exhausted from a long day’s work.

 

“You run your own business then?” She asked, though in reality she knew, having Googled him the morning after the gala to learn all she could about this enigmatic man who seemingly appeared out of nowhere or some insipid daydream. In mere minutes she learned that for one, he was a brilliant and successful entrepreneur, if the _Architectural Digest_ article wasn’t merely a marketing puff piece.

 

She also learned in letting her vice of internet stalking get the upper hand that he was also the son of the senator she’d voted for not once but twice since gaining citizenship.

 

Knowing he came from such a political legacy like the Organa-Solo and Naberrie-Skywalker families hadn’t surprised her that he was seeking out the community, considering that many affluent trust fund babies and political dynamos often sought out the company of a professional dominant or submissive. Bored to tears with the mundane and with too much money on their hands for financial considerations dissuade them.

 

Yet there was something earnest in his voice that night at the gala and now here across their connection that made her realize that assumption of his character was wholly inaccurate. Certainly, he’d been raised to expect a certain level of entitlement, but something told her there was far more to the story than a cursory glance could tell.

 

“Ah, yeah. With my two idiot best friends. An architecture firm, actually.”

 

She smiled into the phone as she moved papers upon her desk, the rustling noise just barely perceptible on his end. “Well, Ben, I’m glad you called. I was beginning to think either you lost my card or I scared you off by being too forward.”

 

Ben was all too quick to assuage her. “No, no. You didn’t. I just needed to get out of my own head enough to call. I’m sorry it took me a week. I just wasn’t sure if or when and…” he trailed off, rolling his eyes at himself for seeming so uncertain and weak.

 

A gentle sigh came through the line. “I’m glad to hear that. What can I do for you? I know you must have so many questions.”

 

“I do,” he agreed. In truth he had many but at the moment, his brain was blank, refusing to recall anything he wanted to know.

 

“Fire away,” she responded, sitting back in her office chair, thoroughly pleased. When he hadn’t called a day or two later Rey had been disappointed, certainly but had held out hope. By yesterday when he still hadn’t called she had stared longingly at her phone almost willing it to ring, making her jump out of her skin when it did only for it to be a patient or Finn.

 

She listened intently waiting, for his question that didn’t come. A quiet self-deprecating laugh in its place.

 

“Now that I’m on the spot it seems that my brain has ceased functioning. I apologize. As I said, I called, thinking I was going to leave you a voicemail and then when you answered…”

 

“You were caught off guard. I get it,” she finished, chuckling right along with him. “Shall I hang up and let you call again? I promise not to surprise you again,” she teased.

 

A laugh rolled through him and he disagreed. “No, don’t hang up. But I was wondering what the community was all about and what keeps it going. I mean I have a ton more questions that this but I guess I have to start somewhere.”

 

A soft laugh came through the line to him, setting him at ease. “Understandable. I had a lot of questions too when I got started so it’s completely normal that you’re curious,” she assured.

 

The line grew silent for a moment while she gathered her thoughts. “The community,” she began, pausing briefly. “It’s one of those things where you find camaraderie in unexpected places. I know that’s at least what I felt. Everyone in the community – at least the more active members, are some of the most nonjudgmental people you’ll ever meet.”

 

“I should hope so,” Ben interjected his shoulders shaking lightly with mirth.

 

Rey chuckled and agreed. “Considering the diverse nature of our community, and the diversity of sexual fetishes that are out there, understanding and having a safer space where you’re not judged or looked down upon for particular predilections.”

 

“Are there any rules?” Ben asked, wondering chiefly if there was a sense of decorum within the group or if it was an all-out free-for-all.

 

“Of course. The most important one of all is consent. For any of these relationships – transient or permanent there is a cardinal rule of safe, sane and consensual. Anything otherwise is something we vehemently abhor. Often those people aren’t really practicing the D/s lifestyle or even sadomasochism. It’s purely abuse then and toxic and that is not what any BDSM community wants to let in. But those are the stereotypes you see in the media. On police procedurals and really terrible romance movies. The themes in a real dominant-submissive relationship are all about trust and consent that are freely given,” Rey explained and the truth of it set Ben at ease.

 

In his mind, previously he’d imagined the worst of everything. Having only what was portrayed in bad pornography or the media to go on. But now, speaking to Rey, it put things in perspective that he hadn’t considered before. Trust. Consent. Things he was taught from a young age that were earned through deed instead of words alone.

 

“That makes a lot of sense. Thank you,” Ben responded, growing more and more comfortable with the ideas that had been burgeoning in him for some time now.

 

Rey yawned, noting that it was nearly midnight. “You’re welcome. Listen it’s getting late and both of us workaholics have to be in the office in the morning. How about you e-mail me any more questions you have and we’ll continue this conversation when it’s more convenient for both of us?”

 

“Sure, um is the one on the card okay? I didn’t want to send an e-mail through, asking about this stuff if it was going to open you up to any scrutiny since it looks like a work account.”

 

Rey chuckled again as she rubbed her fingertips across her chin. “Well if anything it’s the safest one. Any messages there are legally held under strict HIPAA guidelines for privacy.”

 

“True, though I’m not one of your patients.”

 

Another laugh rolled through the line as she agreed. “No thankfully you are not since I specialize in couple’s therapy. Even still, you’re welcome to send your questions there. I also have a private community e-mail if you’d prefer?”

 

And he did, letting her know as he stepped over to his desk. He grabbed a pen and flipped the business card over, jotting down the email as she spoke. “Thank you, Rey. For answering my questions, and for generally not making me feel like an idiot for not knowing anything about all this.”

 

Rey sat back again, crossing her legs in her office chair. “Of course, Ben. Many of us all start right where you are now. You just needed a friendly ear and someone with knowledge to speak to,” She added, stifling another yawn. The hour was indeed late for both of them and Ben suddenly felt the exhaustion of the day wearing down his defenses. Yet in his exhaustion he felt exhilarated and more awake than he had been before then.

 

They ended the phone call with a mutual goodnight, but that’s when Ben set to work. After a moment of standing, looking out his windows to the beauty of night in the city he smiled to himself and grabbed his laptop, logging into an old Gmail account from his gaming days as a twenty-something with too much time on his hands in undergrad. Typing in her address in he sat down at his desk and began to write.

 

* * *

 

Early that next morning, when Rey awoke groggy and grumpy at the angry beeping of her alarm. She trudged into her bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for her morning run. As she brushed through her hair she thumbed through her messages, stopping when an e-mail caught her attention.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 12:45am]

Subject: [Questions?]

_Hi Rey, Ben here._

_I apologize if this e-mail seems a little ridiculous, I figured using an old gaming account would suffice. It was an old username from undergrad that I never quite got rid of._

_Anyways, explaining old e-mail accounts were not the reason for this message._

_First and foremost, I wanted to thank you again for taking the time to answer all my questions. You’re too kind to indulge my curiosity._

_Second, my next question really encompasses understanding the whole power dynamic. I get submission and domination are key things but I just don’t quite understand it or why it appeals to me the way it does. I know it’s late and I just hung up with you and I’m rambling like a complete idiot, yet I just can’t help but be drawn in. It’s like something I’ve denied for my entire life is awake now and is pushing me down this path but I’m not sure of any of it._

_I know I have a lot more questions to ask but I figured this one is meaty enough for you to unpack to begin with._

_Thank you again._

_-Ben_

Rey couldn’t help but smile as she read through the message, leaning against her bathroom sink. He’d messaged her right after they’d gotten off the phone. Eager to speak with her again just minutes after they’d concluded their conversation.

 

The thrill that ran up her spine at the notion he’d enjoyed their conversation enough to not want it to end wasn’t wholly unexpected, however with it also came the realization that he was just eager to figure out his place in this microcosm. She sighed, annoyed with herself for thinking even for a brief moment that he’d ever entertain the idea of the two of them.

 

Even still, she’d marked him as a dominant in her book the moment she saw him at the gala and that simple fact still remained that there wasn’t much of a future for two dominants. Always vying for control. The whole idea of it was ridiculous. She was equally so for thinking, hoping even that things could be somehow different.

 

Clothing herself in her running gear, she set out on her usual morning run, leaving the message unanswered as she let her feet pound the pavement.

 

Once she reached her normal respite spot on the beach she went back to the e-mail on her phone, pursing her lips before she took a breath and began to type a response with her thumbs tapping across the screen.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 6:45am]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

  
_Good morning, Ben._

_I trust you got at least some sleep last night. I noticed you sent this not long after our conversation but I had already gone home and crashed._

_I admire your tenacity in trying to figure out more about yourself. In the end knowing ourselves is the secret to understanding and finding the path to our own personal happiness._

_I also understand completely. When I was first encountering this lifestyle, it was certainly a shock and awe kind of experience. But I couldn’t deny the pull of it either. There’s something so entirely intoxicating about it all that is what keeps me coming back._

_To answer your question the power dynamic is really built on an exchange of power. Traditionally the submissive freely and explicitly hands over their power, sexual or otherwise to the dominant. Yet, paradoxically the submissive retains a fair amount of power in the relationship. At any time, a submissive can revoke the submission they’ve given so freely. Especially if the dominant makes the mistake of overstepping one of the submissive’s pre-stated limits._

_A dominant understands the sacrifice of will that the submissive hands them and as such must handle it reverently. Media often portrays the power dynamic as the tyrannical dominant set out to punish the naughty submissive, and while this is a key piece to the puzzle it’s not the only one._

_At the end of the day the dominant’s role is to control the scene. To setup a fantasy for either the dominant, the submissive or both and carry it out to satisfaction. This doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual as seen with domestic D/s relationships where nonsexual activities are considered in the power exchange. The dominant also understands the limitations of their partner and will push them accordingly. This is in an effort to bring the submissive to the line of their limitation and sometimes even push a little farther – but only when negotiated and agreed upon by both._

_After a scene has concluded there should be aftercare for the submissive but also for the dominant to ruminate upon what had occurred and discuss it in a manner that is free of judgment and full of care and understanding. This type of open communication is absolutely essential to the success of a D/s dynamic._

_There’s a duality – a yin yang if you will to these types of relationships – whether they be purely sexual or encompass an entire romantic relationship as well. It’s only when the power exchange is balanced and respected is the partnership truly a marvel to behold._

_This got much longer than I expected. But I hope this begins to answer your question. I can send you links to reference materials and books if you’d like to go more in-depth on analyzing the innate power dynamics and duality, but I’m also happy to answer any more of your questions._

_-Rey_

Across town, Ben was already up, bleary-eyed as he fumbled in his kitchen for coffee. He’d stayed up an extra hour or two after sending the message to Rey. Too keyed up to sleep. And now he was paying for it. How he longed for the days in his early twenties when pulling all-nighters was a snap. Now at the tender age of thirty-one he was exhausted at ten and up at five.

 

His phone on the counter chirped, garnering his attention as he poured himself a hot cup of coffee, reveling in the aroma that sent sense memory signals to his brain – waking him from his tired state. Taking a long sip, he moved over and opened his phone – seeing he had a new email in that old Gmail inbox of his. His breath hitched as he pulled up the message, reading it slowly, a smile forming on his face.

 

He could almost hear her voice in his head, telling him the answer to his question. He hadn’t expected an answer so soon, or one quite so erudite. But Rey surprised him. He wondered if that was going to be a continuing pattern between them.

 

Setting his mug down on the counter with a clank he hit reply and began typing, a new question already forming in his mind.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 7:23am]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Good morning to you too,_

_I have to admit I am a bit groggy this morning. Thank heaven for caffeine._

_Thank you for your reply, honestly that was more of an answer than I had expected and I’m floored. And yet still entirely interested to learn more. The dynamic is intriguing to say the least. But in its simplest definition I guess I never expected there to be so much equality between the two._

_What I’m more confused on is how anyone figures out where they lie between the two preferences, I guess you could say._

_Any experiences I had with this are sorely limited. Scarves as blindfolds or play handcuffs with girlfriends who’ve long since become exes._

_Is it just through experience that you figure things out? Is there something that tells a person where they lean, one way or the other?_

_Again, your insight is proving to be invaluable. Thank you._

_-Ben_

Between clients Rey composed a response, hesitating at first whether or not to reveal her personal history. However, she reasoned with herself that it was to help guide him to understanding how to identify the key aspects of his preferences. Certainly, Phasma hadn’t hesitated in sharing her experiences with Rey when they’d met and Rey had expressed interest in the scene.

 

It wasn’t an easy thing to lay your own experiences bare for an almost complete stranger to see and use as a litmus test for themselves. Typing, erasing and retyping she found herself frustrated at trying to find the correct words for what her experiences had informed for her. Chewing on her lower lip she rolled her eyes at herself and began to pour out her thoughts and experiences on the screen in front of her.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 10:55am]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Another excellent question, or really two questions._

_I guess the only way to answer this is to share a bit of my own experiences. I apologize if any of this is a bit TMI, but I’m not sure how else to explain it except through the lens of my own experience._

_Back in my early twenties I was in a relationship with a dabbler. Which is one who only likes to occasionally indulge in a fantasy here or there but doesn’t really care to keep it as a permanent fixture in their life._

_He got me into it after asking for a specific fantasy of his. I didn’t realize how potent the power rush was in being the dominant one. After that I was hooked but wasn’t sure what to do. So, I convinced him we should seek out the local scene here. It was after a while it became apparent that he was far more of a casual dabbler than I was._

_Finding the community helped me understand why I feel the need to exert control over that part of my life, whereas in my job I am a passive listener. I take in my clients’ problems and offer advice on how to cope and remedy them. I’m wholly not in control there whereas as a domme I can command attention, worship and service with an arch of an eyebrow._

_The dichotomy adds a balance to my life that was missing. I can’t tell you what will inform you of your own preferences but all I can say is to examine your sorely limited experiences as you say._

_Another helpful way is to fill out the requisite paperwork._

_Sounds lovely doesn’t it? I know you’re probably jumping for joy over the monotony. But if you choose to continue to delve deeper into this scene you’ll need to fill it out anyways._

_Your choice._

_-Rey_

Rey found herself almost chuckling when her e-mail chirped not ten minutes later, half way into her next client appointment. She couldn’t help but admire his enthusiasm.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 11:05am]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Paperwork, eh? What’s involved?_

_Also, don’t worry about TMI, it’s helpful to read what shaped your perspective._

_-Ben_

Between clients she found herself again at her laptop, composing a response for his latest inquiry. Butterflies rose in her stomach as she wrote. The thrill of anticipation to help him uncover this piece of himself got the better of her.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 11:57am]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Oh, good. I’m glad it wasn’t too much information then._

_Paperwork usually entails a few important things._

  1. _Sexual health history – including copies of STD test results, because again falls into the safe part of safe, sane, and consensual. With the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in the 1970s and 1980s there was a real push towards transparency in alternative lifestyle communities. Personally, I feel this builds trust when both partners know the other is as clean as they say they are._
  2. _Medical health history – a newer requirement I’ve seen passed around the community and one I whole heartedly approve of. Understanding your own physical and medical limitations are important for scenes where there is any impact on heart rate, physical endurance, and other potentially dangerous activities if not handled correctly._
  3. _Personality profile – this is of my own design. Kind of a BDSM take on the MBTI (Myers Briggs) but better as it doesn’t quite fall into the same weaknesses that the MBTI does. Many people in our community have appreciated it helping them see where they lie on the spectrum between dominant, switch and submissive._
  4. _Go/no-go checklist – a list of experiences, kinks, interests, and limits (both hard – as in this will never happen, or soft where there’s room for negotiation with the right partner)._



_Obviously the first two will require a trip to a physician but the latter two are entirely instructive. Understanding your own personal preferences is the first step really to finding yourself within the community. It’s why I designed the profile to help people such as yourself explore and discover themselves._

_Also, you may want to look into books on the subject. There are plenty out there that are fantastic manuals for anyone wanting to explore._

_Just let me know if you’re ready for the paperwork and I can send you the encrypted pdf file. The file will help you enter into any potential negotiation armed with the most information about yourself, which is especially helpful when you need to find what you’re looking for._

_-Rey_

Ben sat back, reading her email again as he contemplated asking for the paperwork or not. This was the tipping point. Throughout their correspondence that morning he’d found himself inexplicably pulled in even more than before. Maybe it was because he was getting his information from a source he was far too invested in already.

 

Vacillating again, he distracted himself with work e-mails. He hadn’t had all of his questions answered, and her personal story had certainly peaked his interest. As did the information that she was a domme. Reading that little revelation had made his heart stutter and his breathing increase. He’d wondered where she sat on the spectrum but hadn’t brought himself to actually asking the question.

 

And then she’d offered it so readily and he hadn’t been ready for it. Blindsided yet again by this woman he barely knew.

 

He’d be lying if he hadn’t immediately thought of her commanding that service as she’d described. He must have looked like a complete lunatic, sitting in a staff meeting, probably gaping at his phone and having to shift in his chair to relieve the pressure in his slacks from the mental image her words had conjured.

 

Thankfully no one had said a word if they’d noticed at all during Poe’s presentation about the upcoming ground breaking in London. Much of the staff were going the following week, himself included, to oversee the initial start to the new medical research facility going up at a university there. Chewing on the inside of his cheek he wondered what questions he should ask next, or if the paperwork would help answer them.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 12:30pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Sounds like a lot of red tape. But I guess that is necessary._

_For you, what makes this lifestyle so appealing? I can’t quite put my finger on it really, why I’m so drawn in. But maybe listening to your take might help?_

_-Ben_

He’d asked the question, merely out of his own curiosity. To know her better. To understand why she’d been compelled to stay even after a failed relationship. That level of fortitude on her part was something that garnered his respect.

 

When his e-mail alert chirped again he found himself smiling as he read over her words.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 12:55pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_For me personally it’s a mix of things, I think. The power rush is one thing sure. It’s a heady and wonderful experience to witness someone willingly make themselves completely vulnerable to you._

_I’ve tried both the scene-only partnership where it’s a mutualistic situation. Both parties scratch an itch and move on. I’ve also tried it in an actual romantic relationship._

_While I haven’t had much success there, I know that when this lifestyle includes the trust and intimacy of a real relationship that can make it truly spectacular to behold. A partnership that encompasses those tenets of love, trust and intimacy while simultaneously bringing in the aspects of a D/s dynamic._

_It’s something to strive for. That level of devotion._

_There are a few committed couples in the community – one of which will be celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary soon. I admire people who have managed to find the balance that has alluded so many of us._

_I guess that’s what keeps me coming back. The power. The trust. The intimacy. The potential of all of it._

_Maybe that makes me a bit of an idealist, though I much prefer cynical realist most days._

_-Rey_

Reading her mind and thought processes laid bare for him to see he felt a sense of empathy for her. Having known his own failed relationships and the desire for companionship that warred with his own pursuit of success. Understanding her own desire to find what eluded most people in this world helped him. It gave him pause and the courage to keep moving forward. If she’d found herself along the way then certainly he could, too. Without a second thought he typed back a response.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 1:36pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_An idealist, huh. Somehow that really suits you. I get it. Really. More than you know._

_Go ahead and send the file. As long as you’re ok with more questions as they arise?_

_-Ben_

Not fifteen minutes later came Rey’s reply, with the attached encrypted pdf file.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Wednesday February 3rd, 2018 at 1:51pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

Attached:  dossier.pdf (15 MB) 

_Fantastic. And yes, your questions are always welcome._

_Take your time and send it back to me when you’re ready._

_I’ll be able to pull together files of potential and available scene partners for you once I have your information so that I can help make the appropriate introductions._

_-Rey_

_PS: Password for the file is today’s date – no spaces._

He sent her back a quick thank you and that he’d message her as needed. His own anxiety having gotten the better of him the minute he read her message.

 

After the exchange he spent the rest of his lunch sketching at his drafting table, having called in to make an appointment with his primary care physician for the following morning, lucking out with a cancellation. At his drafting table it was so easy to just let his creativity flow. New ideas and intriguing possibilities always came to him long before a potential client would. Thus, expending his creative energies designing buildings that may never be built was a pastime of his even from his youth.

 

He’d been a young academic sort, always with a sketchbook in hand to commit to memory little inspirations he found in the environment every day. He rolled his sleeves up as he considered the drawing in front of him, carefully creasing each sleeve to his upper forearms before arming himself with his two favorite tools: a drafting pencil and a straight-edge.

 

The simple joy of creating helped ease his inner anxiety at filling out the paperwork. A lump formed in his throat at just the thought of finally being able to put words to this indescribable feeling he’s had since his little discovery in Hux’s text messages. It helped to know that Rey had been much the same, discovering herself by accident through a relationship. Maybe Poe’s words had a kernel of wisdom to them in that you could find out more about yourself through another’s eyes.

 

Reading Rey’s experience certainly helped him see that what he was going through - this stage of questioning and uncertainty - that it was entirely normal. He sensed there was more to the story about her relationship than she initially let on but he figured it wasn’t wise to pry when she was already laying herself open for scrutiny.

 

He leaned back then, observing the drawing he’d made, wholly dissatisfied with the way the building’s lines and symmetry just didn’t quite fit with what he’d envisioned in his mind. Crumpling the paper up he tossed it in the waste basket and returned to his computer at his main desk, coming back to the e-mail and the attachment that raised his blood pressure and made his palms clammy.

 

He opened the file and scanned it quickly looking at all the different aspects. The personality profile seemed the best place to start. And that’s how it went. One by one he answered question after question, thinking each through and attempting to be as honest with himself as possible. In truth that was the inherent flaw of all tests such as these. The results of which were wholly hinged upon the honesty of the test taker. Fifty questions later in total all of them scored within a matrix in the file and listing out his percentiles. He sat back and cocked his head to the side as he considered the numbers staring him dead in the face.

 

_92% Submissive, 3% Dominant, 5% Switch._

The numbers didn’t lie, but he still found himself questioning the result. He knew just from discussing the scene with Rey and reading her definitions and her aspirations it clicked exactly why her words had resonated with himself. Yet a large part of his mind recoiled at the information on the screen before him.

 

Did it make him weak to want to lay everything down at the command of a woman?

 

Was that sexist of him to question it? He’d been surrounded by powerful and strong women his entire life. From family, to previous relationships and the like. Respected the Hell out of women in general but it’d never occurred to him even in those past relationships that this was the piece that was missing all along. But how this new information settled into him flicking doors open in his mind like Pandora’s box there really was no going back now.

 

These things were things he needed to unpack in his psyche before he could ever think to get the paperwork back to her. He just wasn’t sure how to go about it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two mornings later and nothing had brough him much clarity as he walked into his office. Still stuck in that state of limbo. Saddled with new information about himself but unsure of what to do with it. However, he’d remained productive in the meantime. Filling out the rest of the paperwork and e-mailing questions to Rey as they arose. To which she’d been all too happy to answer or point him in the correct direction on the internet.

 

He couldn’t help but think there was some sort of hilarious twist of destiny in meeting her. In her reveal of her preferences and the realization of his own.

 

Time and time again the night before, as he’d gone down the list of things he done and hadn’t done and, in those moments, he’d found his mind was all too eager to imagine the two of them engaged in whatever it was next on the list. His body becoming as much of a traitor as his mind, leaving him painfully aroused and wanting.

 

And it was true, he’d wanted her from the minute he met her. How could he not, when she was exactly his type. This however, was a whole other level.

 

And now he knew they were compatible in just one more way and his mind went all Olympic marathon runner and had tormented him with ideas and images playing over and over in rapid succession. The mental images were the strongest, making him acutely aware of how much he wanted her to the point at which he’d finished the list he went to go take what he assumed would be the first of many cold showers in his future.

 

Since it had been so long, he surmised, that he’d wanted anyone let alone paid much attention to his own desires that it made sense that he felt like he was fifteen again and lusting over the most unattainable girl at school.

 

But things were different now. He wasn’t the gawky teenager any longer. He’d grown up and learned how to court a woman properly that didn’t involve badly written poetry or awkward attempts at negging because he’d been convinced by equally awkward friends of its effectiveness.

 

In his office he greeted Maz warmly.

 

“Good morning, boss, you have three meetings today, and your mother called.”

 

Ben looked up seeing the woman standing across his desk. “She did, did she? Anything important?”

 

“She wanted to remind you to RSVP for that fundraiser next month. And she said that she’d love to see you before then,” Maz explained, reminding Ben that there was a campaign fundraiser in a month. Schmoozing with the electorate was his mother’s bag and definitely not his. However, he’d go, he’d take the photos that gave the façade of a perfectly happy well-adjusted family and play his part for her. The reality although was that his relationship with both his parents wasn’t the best, though it was better than it had been in years at least where his mother was concerned. On the contrary he and his father hadn’t ruined a holiday dinner with some form of an argument in the last two years, which had to be some kind of record.

 

Ben sighed, rubbing a hand over his face at the supplication. His mother was busy in D.C. at the moment, probably running another marathon filibuster that would garner her more likes and retweets on social media than people who cared to actually vote. The hypocrisy of politics was exactly why he never followed in her footsteps, in the Organa and Naberrie legacies. The duplicity and constant bargaining in back rooms was exactly why he hated politicians save for his mother.

 

For Leia Organa was that rare sort with actual scruples and principles that were inviolable. It made her popular with the younger idealists in society but drove the older cynics absolutely bat-shit with her wide-eyed optimism and old adages of hope and prosperity.

 

“Shall I RSVP for you?” Maz asked, with a kind grin on her face.

 

Ben nodded. “Yeah. And tell her I might have a layover in D.C. on the way out to London for the trip so if she wants to get lunch then have her assistant call to work out schedules,” he replied as Maz noted his response on her notepad.

 

“Got it. Also, Armitage was looking for you about twenty minutes ago, shall I let him know you’re in?”

 

Ben looked up, an idea forming in his head immediately on the mention of Hux’s name. “No, I’ll go check his office. Thanks, Maz,” he said with a gentle smile, releasing her.

 

Ben followed Maz out of his office, passing her on his way to Hux’s office at the other end of the floor. He watched amusedly as Hux paced, talking on the phone and ranting about something or other. Poking his head inside Hux looked up and motioned for him to come in.

 

“No, I’ve paid for her care through the end of the month. I realize this but you have to understand -,” he nearly snarled pausing only to reflect that he was being interrupted on the other end of the phone.

 

Ben sat at one of the chairs across from Hux’s desk and he looked around the room surveying it as such. The two of them had such disparate tastes it was truly remarkable that they hadn’t disagreed more when working with one another.

 

Where Ben’s office was all about light and sleek lines Armitage’s office was all about minimalism. Book cases with binders lined one wall, the windows at Hux’s back cast him in silhouette. The desk he sat at, Ben had given him shit about for weeks looking like it was straight out of an IKEA catalogue was that simplistic design, of a slab of stainless steel and angled metal supports that held no storage or anything. No Hux preferred a level of organization that bordered on the obsessive.

 

A few moments later Armitage hung up the phone grumbling to himself.

 

“Bad time?” Ben asked and Armitage leveled a look at him that warned him to tread carefully.

 

Ben laughed a bit and Hux sighed. “No, that was the care facility. I need to find her a better place,” Hux commented, reminding Ben of how he still looked after his dear sweet Aunt Millicent. The woman was really more of a grandmother to Armitage in his youth, and now with dementia ravaging her mind Armitage was the only family member around who was willing and financially capable of arranging care for her.

 

“Ah. Maz said you wanted to see me?” Ben asked.

 

“Yes, I wanted to give you your itinerary for London next week,” Hux explained, holding up a stapled packet of papers.

 

Ben rolled his eyes at the formality. “You could have emailed it.”

 

“You wouldn’t have looked,” Hux retorted, calling Ben out for having ignored important e-mails in the past. Ben leaned forward, grabbing the papers from Armitage’s outstretched hand.

 

The two fell into an amiable silence for a few moments until Ben decided to break the tension in the room that their silence had created. “It’s good you wanted to see me anyways. I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Oh?” Hux asked, stopping what he was doing on his computer to give Ben his undivided attention.

 

A nod and a sigh later Ben moved forward placing his elbows on his knees. “Yeah. Remember that even I went to last week?”

 

“Yeah, the charity event from the D/s scene?”

 

“That’s the one.”

 

“And?” Hux prompted, annoyed at the drawn-out story.

 

“Well, apparently you and I are more alike than I thought,” he stated vaguely, testing the waters to see if Hux would catch his drift.

 

Armitage’s brow creased in confusion. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

 

“I met a woman. She’s active in the scene. We talked and she sent me the checklists and things you need to fill out and what do you know to my surprise that I’m apparently submissive… Ninety-two percent, in fact.”

 

Hux’s eyebrows raised at the revelation but didn’t say anything in response.

 

“What no snarky comment? No laugh?” Ben asked, waiting for the derision to start. In reality the only derision he found was wholly internal and it shook him that he was alone in that thought.

 

“Why? It’s important that you know where your preferences are before you go off chasing a woman who’s active in the lifestyle.”

 

Ben sighed running a hand over his face in exasperation. “You’re okay with this.”

 

Hux nodded. “Yeah. What do you expect me to call you emasculating names? I see what you’re doing you know. And I’m not playing this game with you. You’re trying to deny it. I know. I did the same fucking thing you are right now when I realized it.”

 

“Maybe,” Ben half agreed.

 

Hux snorted, shaking his head. “No maybes about it. That voice in your head is telling you that you’re less of a man for this isn’t it?” Hux asked and Ben blanched at the accusation. “That is internalized misandry and toxic masculinity bullshit that society has shoved down your throat since you were an infant. Do you think I’m less of a man or that I’m weak at all because I choose to see Trisha?”

 

Ben shook his head. “No.”

 

“Then you don’t get to deprecate yourself either. This is part of who you are, accept it. Deal with it. You’ll be better off in the long run if you disabuse yourself of those emasculating notions right now.”

 

Ben nodded, folding his itinerary in half and half again. “I guess you’re right,” he stated looking down at the floor, suddenly interested in the swirls of color in the industrial carpeting.

 

“I am right. Did you send the paperwork back to her?” Armitage asked, becoming half distracted again with the rendering on his computer screen.

 

“No.”

 

“No?” Hux replied, incredulously. “Why?”

 

“For one, I just got my test results back from the doctor. Clean bill of health, by the way. And I didn’t want to seem weak to her. I get what you’re saying now. I do. But I guess it’s just hard to unlearn those knee-jerk reactions.”

 

“Yep, it’s why society as a whole will probably never understand this aspect what life has to offer. Power exchange dynamics are as much of a subversion of heteronormativity as non-heterosexuality is.”

 

“You sound like a Women’s studies course,” Ben retorted, earning another snort from his friend.

 

“Don’t make fun. It’s true and you know it. Trisha has a Masters in the subject. She’s been quite instructive into why gender politics are the way they are in this world. Many of our initial talks focused on getting my head out of my ass when it came to this shit. And you need to do so before you go pursuing this woman you met.”

 

“I didn’t say I was going to pursue her.”

 

Hux leveled a look his way that told him that he wasn’t buying whatever bullshit he was selling. “She’s a domme isn’t she?” He asked. Ben nodded in response and Hux let out a low whistle. “Oh man, are you fucked.”

 

“I know,” Ben replied, his tone almost sardonic.

 

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Hux turned, folding his hands on the desk. “You know you’re a sub now. And that she’s a domme. I’m assuming you’re rather attracted to her or we wouldn’t be having this conversation, am I right?”

 

Ben nodded again, pressing his lips together to keep the words from flowing out.

 

“Then you need to make a decision. Pursue her or don’t.”

 

Ben nodded and the two men adjourned their meeting for the time being. The decision seemed simple enough. Send her the paperwork and wait and see. As Ben left Hux’s office and made his way back to his own he thought over the decision. She was expecting the paperwork back anytime now. He paced a line into the floor of his office before he stopped, resolve settling into the stiff set of his shoulders as he moved to his laptop, pulling up her email and sending the paperwork back to her.

 

A sense of finality fell into place. Things were different. He was different now even though the only thing that had changed was that he’d realized and was on the road to accepting what he’d been afraid to acknowledge prior to this point. A truth that seemed so obvious now. A singular notion that both thrilled and terrified him that it could irrevocably change his life even more than it already had. And yet he couldn’t deny the excitement he felt at the potential it held.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this massive chapter - but there was just so much that needed to be unpacked and discussed here before we continue on this little journey of theirs. As always your comments and kudos are literal crack to my muse!


	5. V. Defying Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey realizes appearances can be deceiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!

 

_Chapter Playlist: Sleepwalking (feat. Linche) – Photek, Dangerous – The XX; Corrupt – Depeche Mode; Breathe – FKA Twigs_

 

V. Defying Expectations

 

The rhythm of music pumped in her ears in time to her feet, pounding the pavement beneath her. It kept her focused on the run. The feel of the brisk wind on her face and the feel of the firm ground at her feet. Pushing through she found her high this way. Endorphins chasing away all negative thought and insecurity. It was difficult to nit-pick on oneself when your entire focus was put into something entirely physical. A release that was constructive and healthy. A coping mechanism she’d long developed in her more anxious youth that had developed into a habit that kept her on an even keel.

 

Down the road she went, looking behind her before crossing to ensure no cars were coming her way. This early in the morning there weren’t many cars headed to the beach. Especially not in the wintery weather that hadn’t quite abated yet.

 

The chilly wind picked up and she was glad she’d worn her windbreaker on such a cloudy morning. Tiny drops of rain began to mist down from the cottony clouds above just as she reached her usual destination.

 

Lifting her face skyward, she closed her eyes and smiled against the soft patter of an early morning rain.

 

She stretched and sighed as she gazed upon the tumultuous surf that met the horizon in front of her. The gentle storm rolling in was enough to make the waves short, choppy and the sea dark against the gray sky above. Rey waited a moment longer before retreating, knowing that the rain was only going to get more intense the longer she stayed.

 

The run continued as she made her way to Finn’s Bakery. The smell of bread and chocolate croissants wafting out the doorway felt warm and inviting even more than the cloudy day. These days were made for staying home and curling up on her plush overstuffed sofa with a good book and a steaming mug of black tea. It reminded her of her London. The dreariness of it sure, but there was beauty in that doldrum that made her long for the hustle and bustle of London as she’d remembered it so long ago. In the days when she and Finn were imagining they were knights in battle against some great evil in her mother’s garden. Or the smell of freshly baked cookies from Finn’s mother’s kitchen.

 

Those memories stung the hardest as she remembered her friends dearly departed mother. Jyn and Cassian had loved Finn as their own as best they could but everyone knew and was in agreement that no one could ever replace her.

 

Finn smiled brightly when he heard Rey entire the bakery. “My favorite customer!” He greeted, warmly.

 

Rey met his smile and perused his offerings today. “You’re making chocolate croissants?”

 

“Of course. They’re a best seller. But don’t tell anyone how many calories are in one or they’d never sell.” He joked, highlighting that indeed the average croissant with its 96 layers of flaky dough and butter were indeed one of the fattiest things on his menu and that was even before he added a generous portion of dark chocolate before baking.

 

Rey laughed, her shoulders shaking at the notion of his clientele the organic, free-range, all-natural loving set of people who marveled over his gluten free cookies and cakes and vegan offerings being so offended to find out a single chocolate croissant was just shy of a quarter of the daily recommended caloric intake for the average person.

 

“Your secret is safe with me, only if I can nab one of those croissants. They smell divine.”

 

Finn grinned and turned to go into the back where the ovens were. A moment later he came out a fresh-steaming hot croissant in hand. “For the lady.”

 

Rey chuckled again and blew on the croissant as she took it in hand. “Finn, you’re majestic you know this, right?”

 

A low chuckle rumbled from her best friend and adopted sibling. “Well I’m just glad I inherited something good from my Mom, baking was always her favorite.”

 

Rey nodded. “I was thinking about that on my run here. How she used to bake us cookies. The rain got me thinking about London.”

 

“She always loved days like this. Makes me miss her,” he said, letting his eyes drift to the window that was drizzled with rain. Finn didn’t like to talk about the past much. Much less the pain he went through watching his mother’s losing battle with cancer. The Andor-Erso family had been his refuge then. Playing long hours with Rey, spending the night when his mother had overnight hospital stays during chemotherapy.

 

Rey remembered those nights as bittersweet. The fun they had building pillow forts and watching old sci-fi movies with her adoptive father sprawled out on the floor with them. Hell bent on any distraction he could give them from the pain and uncertainty on Finn’s young shoulders. Finn handed Rey her usual latte and she thanked him, scrolling through her phone as she leaned against the display case of cakes and pastries.

 

She perused her messages. A few from clients in her professional inbox, and in her private account there was one message that came to the top. She couldn’t fight back the grin that came across her features as she realized the message was from one person in particular she’d been excited to hear back from: _Ben._

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Thursday, February 4th, 2018 at 7:51pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

Attached:bsolo_dossier.pdf (22 MB)bsolo_results.pdf (70 KB)medclearance.pdf (35 KB)

_I apologize for this taking longer than anticipated, but I wanted to send this with the test results from the doctor. Attached is everything filled out and completed. Let me know if you have any questions or want to tell me what’s next._

_I’ll be in Seattle for the day tomorrow – business meeting with a potential client. But I’ll be back in town that night if you need anything more from me._

_-Ben_

Rey, flagged the message in her e-mails to look through later as she bit her lip to stifle the same grin that came across her face as she received his message. A foolish thing to do in the presence of the one person who knew her best. For when she looked up Finn was giving her an appraising glance that she knew meant trouble.

 

“What?” She asked, trying to brush off the smile, and the rising flutter of butterflies in her stomach at the thoughtful message he’d sent her.

 

Finn’s eyebrow arched and he tipped his chin to her phone in question. “Who’s the guy?” He asked, with that teasing brotherly tone to his voice.

 

Rey’s face lost all trace of humor at the question. Had she been so readable and transparent? Apparently so.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, waving him off.

 

Finn rolled his eyes at her attempt but he wouldn’t be so easily dissuaded. “Bullshit. Who is he? No woman smiles at her phone like that unless it’s about a potential suitor.”

 

This time it was Rey who was rolling her eyes. “Suitor? Really Finn?” Her tone laced with sibling-like exasperation.

 

“Yes, now out with it, sis. Or no more chocolate croissants,” Finn challenged, raising his eyebrows in warning.

 

Rey gasped in mock horror at the thinly veiled threat. “You wouldn’t.”

 

“I would, now come on, spill,” he supplicated, making her snicker at his determination.

 

“Prick,” Rey snarked, shaking her head at the lengths her dear brother would go to extract information from her.

 

“Slag,” he shot back, making her raise her eyebrows at the derogatory insult. “I mean it. Out with it.”

 

She sighed and rolled her eyes as she slumped against the wall next to the cash register. “Fine. It’s nothing really. Just a guy from the gala. New to the community. I’ve been helping him understand it better.”

 

Finn’s eyebrows rose half way to his hairline at the implication of her words, making her regret them immediately. “Oh, I’m sure he’s grateful for your generous tutelage.” He retorted back, snickering at his own double entendre.

 

Rey’s arm shot out slapping across Finn’s chest. “It’s not like that. Besides he’s a fellow dominant, not like there’s much of a future there.”

 

Finn eyed her suspiciously, “Yeah but I’m sure you want there to be a future. I mean what if he’s what do you call it, a switch?” he paused while Rey nodded in confirmation of the correct term. “See, then you could still have some fun.”

 

Rey shook her head in protest. “No. He’s a dominant all right. Disappointing as it is.”

 

Finn held up his hands in feigned surrender. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot that the illustrious Rey Erso has infallible BDSM-radar,” he replied, reminding her that she has been wrong in the past with her assumptions.

 

“Make fun all you want, but it’s true. It’s all in the body language.”

 

He shrugged at her assumption once again. “And appearances can be deceiving.”

 

“Whatever you say.” She remarked, brushing off his commentary.

 

They finished their chat as they diverted to other topics that were not revolving around her non-existent romantic entanglements playroom related or otherwise. After she finished up her latte she bid Finn a good day and headed home jogging the few short blocks back to her apartment as the drizzle had become a morning downpour.

 

Her normal routine was as usual, spending time in her closet, towel wrapped around her damp skin from her shower as she decided what to wear for the day. She cocked her head to the side before picking out a warm open front cream-colored cashmere sweater to go over a similarly colored blouse, black leggings and ankle boots. She braided her hair and did her usual makeup before grabbing her things, and an umbrella as she made her way to her car for the short trek to her office.

 

The morning came and went without much preamble. Three clients, the first of which were empty nesters – relearning one another as they had become a childless household once more. She wondered absently as she let them leave the office if one day she might get to know that feeling. Of having created and raised life with another person only to have lost connection with each other along the way. The couple were in their sixties and still very much in love after forty years of marriage but even their love had become strained with time and the realities of growing old together.

 

Still they were amongst her favorite clients in how well they were progressing and seemed to care about her advice and employ their communication techniques in everyday life.

 

Her second client of the day was the polar opposites. The couple trying ardently to conceive but unhappy all the same. The husband seemed a bit more receptive now that she’d been working with them a couple of weeks. Yet he was still reticent to take any of the responsibility for his marital troubles, making their sessions more migraine inducing than any other couple she’d had in a long time.

 

The third couple was an old standby, coming back for more advice now that their child was getting ready to go to school. They’d been in the very same shoes as her previous client when she’d just started her practice a few years before. Struggling to conceive and the stress of it deteriorating their intimacy. Three rounds of in vitro fertilization and months of working with Rey led the couple to a deeper understanding of their partnership as they entered parenthood.

 

Now they had a three-year-old, heading to pre-school and the two were getting nervous with the changes it would bring. Rey of course was more than happy to remind them of the work they’d already accomplished with one another and was open to helping them navigate their relationship as their child would age and the natural disagreements that would come when co-parenting as a united front.

 

By the time she had a moment to herself to think she realized it was already lunch time. After heating up her lunch, soup and a chicken wrap, she sat at her desk looking through e-mails. One from her mother, Jyn, with an attachment of her flyer for her latest art exhibition that was happening in a week down in Los Angeles. A display of her finest sculpture work for sale at a big-time gallery. She replied, RSVP-ing for the event and giving her kind words of encouragement.

 

Once she was finished tidying up her inbox she scrolled through finding Ben’s email again on her private account that she kept specifically for the scene. Her eyes read over his words again as she downloaded each attachment.

 

The medical clearance was standard and filled out to perfection from a physician.

 

His test results all negative – another plus.

 

Then the dossier – the personality profile at the top. She scrolled through his responses seeing them but not really analyzing them too closely. However, she stopped scrolling when she got to his percentile results.

 

_92% Submissive, 3% Dominant, 5% Switch._

 

Her mouth ran dry and her heartbeat roared in her ears as the numbers and words became her only focus. She blinked once, twice, three times to refocus on them disbelieving in the stark truth they held that sliced through her entire assumption of him.

 

Suddenly she backed away from the desk and stood, staring at the laptop monitor with incredulous contempt. _How could that be?_ She asked herself, dumbfounded. There had to be some mistake. The impossibility of him being a submissive – and that much of one flew in the face of every single assumption and expectation she’d made in the minutes they’d spoke and the e-mails they’d corresponded.

 

Her breathing picked up as the realization began to take hold in her mind even though that very same mind fought it at every turn. A sharp dichotomy to the rest of her body. Oh no the rest of her was practically vibrating with excitatory anticipation at the mere thought of him kneeling before her in her playroom. Those honey brown eyes looking at her with complete compliance and devotion. It was too much for her to comprehend. Her body taking the thought going all Olympic marathon runner with it as the hair rose on the back of her neck, coupled with a simultaneous shiver that ran along her spine. This was precisely why this thought wasn’t one she’d allowed herself to entertain until this very moment. That familiar low ache between her thighs pulled her out of her initial shock, leaving her aching, wanting and with one singular thought…

 

She was so very and entirely fucked _._

 

Her mind grew dark then. Realizing instantaneously that she’d not only had assumed his preferences wrongly but had allowed that incorrect summation to guide her actions. In their correspondence she’d opened up to him. Shared pieces of her experiences with him that she really had never shared with anyone before him. And how dare he pull such vulnerability from her then blindside her like this?!

 

Her anger grew as she came to sit back down and pulled up a reply. Angrily she slammed her fingers against her keyboard, the overtly loud click of the keys, ringing out in the room. A sharp staccato that only hinted at the roiling emotion just beneath the surface.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_HOW IN THE FUCK ARE YOU A SUBMISSIVE??!_

_Furthermore, I told you really deep and personal things I never have told anyone about myself before because I thought you were a fellow dominant who needed help navigating how to come to terms with that. But now I feel violated and so angry at you for this._

She stopped after writing the last sentence, fuming and staring at the screen before her reason and logic took over and made her hit backspace to begin again. It wasn’t his fault. She’d offered to answer his questions and she’d given him answers to those questions as candidly as possible. Her fault in all of this was allowing him to see that side of her. Even through the veil of a computer screen. She’d allowed herself to violate her one rule to never let someone see her that exposed.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_I just don’t get it. How is this possible? Everything else about you screams dominant. I don’t understand._

Again, she stopped typing and deleted what she wrote. Taking a breath, she sat back and tried to understand the situation from the beginning. He’d been struggling with coming to a concrete answer for where he laid on the spectrum to begin with. Perhaps she was projecting what she wanted onto him in the first place when she’d considered him a dominant. That way she wouldn’t have to consider the fact that she was indeed attracted to him. That his features were handsome enough to tempt her into breaking all of her carefully crafted rules.

 

Sitting back against her chair she went back over every interaction they’d had since the gala. She was completely and utterly confused how she’d missed the clues that led him to this discovery about himself. And maybe she was blind to it intentionally. Unwilling to see the potential that was now so plainly evident that it was almost comical.

 

Finally, with regained composure, she typed a short note back, keeping things short, to the point and as professional as possible despite the roiling emotions she felt surging through her. Finn’s words earlier in the day flit through her mind as she clicked send on the message.

 

_Appearances can be deceiving_.

 

And now that she had the truth defying her expectations the truth to that statement hit her like a battering ram – breaking down that carefully constructed wall she kept around herself and blowing it to proverbial smithereens. All the while her mind was trying to simultaneously assess the damage and rebuild and refortify all defenses.

 

* * *

 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea. We have a couple more bids to entertain for the day but we should have an answer for you by the end of the day if not earlier,” The man said, standing and offering his hand to Ben. The older man was dressed in a sweater with a hint of a plaid button down and tie beneath paired with khakis and metal rimmed glasses on his face while the three other men in the room were dressed to the nines in designer three-piece suits.

 

Ben took it gracefully and smiled. “Good. Yes, please let us know either way. It would be great to work with you.”

 

“Likewise.” He replied in kind, moving his way down to grasp hands with Hux and Poe as well.

 

The man was the CEO of a software tech giant in the Seattle area who was looking to expand his current facility. And as such was entertaining architecture bids from around the country to fit in with the design of the campus already while moving it forward into the next decade.

 

Naturally Ben had gone all out with full LEED certified design banking on the client’s desire to reduce the company’s overall carbon footprint even though they were expanding the square-footage onto the property. The design had plenty of greenspace, including roof top terrariums and rain water collection and purple pipe to recycle and filter water appropriately. The design even entailed a massive redesign and retrofitting to the other buildings on campus to bring them into the carbon neutral fold as well.

 

The three of them, Hux leading the way, walked out of the conference room and out to the elevators. Exchanging a glance between them they each caught the glint in each other’s eyes but Ben shook his head infinitesimally to keep them from breaking into the satisfied grins they all wanted to express after such a fortuitous meeting. Ben was staunch however, not wanting to celebrate before they signed on the dotted line.

 

As they waited for the elevators another chimed its arrival and outstepped the one person neither Armitage or Ben ever wanted to see.

 

“Ah, if it isn’t my former star architects!” Victor Snoke remarked upon seeing the three men standing there waiting for the elevator.

 

Ben took a breath, clenching his fist to stem the tide of anger bubbling up from his gut. “Snoke,” Ben remarked coldly.

 

Poe looked over the man, appraising him. He was dressed similarly in a highly expensive suit, complete with gold snakehead cufflinks and a gold Rolex around his wrist. Snoke had been the first to hire Hux and Ben fresh out of graduate school and their grueling internships.

 

“Victor, it’s an unexpected surprise to see you here,” Hux said, maintaining his cool despite the fact that both men were uproariously full of resentment towards the older gentleman.

 

Snoke laughed a low and hearty timbre. “But of course. They’ve got bids from every firm across the West coast. Or did you two forget that we are competitors?”

 

Poe rolled his eyes and stepped forward. “Competition implies comparable quality. And from where I’m sitting your firm is on a down slope.”

 

Victor looked down upon Dameron with disdain. “And who might you be?”

 

Poe smirked at the balding-sixty-something-year-old man who probably looked a good ten years older than his numerical age. “Dameron, Poe Dameron. C-O-O and lead structural engineer. You must be the boss they poached three clients from on their way out the door.”

 

Victor smiled menacingly at Poe. “Oh, you must be the pilot then,” he stated, turning to Ben. “What did I tell you about going into business with your friends, Solo? It’s a perilous business that meager childish friendships do not survive. Once you slough of the dead weight there will still be a position for you back at my firm.”

 

Poe and Hux moved around them then, grabbing the elevator door to give Ben an escape route should he want to clock the old man in the jaw. And to be honest in Ben’s more impulsive youth, he would have jumped at the opportunity to see the old bastard bleed. But, Ben took a breath and clenched his teeth for a moment to pull back the vitriol that wanted to spring forth from his lips. Instead he gave his most diplomatically passive aggressive answer possible.

 

“Thanks, but no thanks, Snoke. The dead weight, as you call them, are invaluable assets. Something you only would know how to exploit and then take credit for their work,” Ben shot back before stepping onto the elevator with his friends. “And frankly that’s just not the kind of boss I ever want to be,” he added just as the elevator doors closed ending the conversation.

 

Angry and pent up, Ben punched the wall of the elevator as they made their descent before leaning against it and letting out a long sigh.

 

Poe and Hux looked at him warily to begin with. Yet Hux knew exactly how much of a douche-canoe Snoke could be. “You mustn’t let him get to you,” Armitage chided from his stance opposite Ben, himself also leaning against the elevator wall.

 

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” Ben shot back, reminding him of the many rows in which the two of them were at odds when Snoke had played them against one another to perfection. It had nearly ruined their friendship not to mention almost any hope of the two of them working together again.

 

Poe could smell the argument coming from a mile away as he stepped between the two. Hux was poised ready to shoot vitriol back at Ben but Poe was having none of it. “Not here, you two. You can kill each other when we get back to the home office. Right now, we are not going to focus on that asshole okay? You two hightailed it the fuck out of his firm the minute you realized he was playing you both off each other. Don’t let him drive a wedge in again.”

 

The rest of the way back to the airport for them was tense and silent. The brief encounter with their old boss and mentor had shaken the two solidly. It wasn’t until they were all seated and on the short flight back to California that Ben turned to Hux and apologized.

 

“You really let him get to you still, don’t you?” Hux asked, leaning over his first-class seat’s armrest.

 

Ben leaned his head back and sighed. “Sometimes I just want to go back and trash his precious office. To think all the time we wasted, working for that asshole.”

 

Hux shrugged. “Yeah but at least it got us our first three clients that way. Sure, we had to poach them but he was taking credit for our work.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement but still he was raw about the entire situation. It had been a few years sure but just being in the man’s presence was enough to make him see red and the bile rise in his throat. It had been the worst thing signing a contract with that man. Little did he know when he’d signed on the dotted line that he was signing over his entire intellectual property to the man. It wasn’t until he found that his blue prints had been reprinted with Snoke’s seal and signature on them that he realized the true depth of the man’s treachery.

 

Thankfully Ben had kept the digital documents and the timestamps and IP address that the drawings had originated from when he’d gone to the clients individually to out his boss for fraudulently parading his employees’ genius off as his own. It had taken time and planning but both he and Hux walked out of that office and unceremoniously opened the doors to their current success.

 

Poe came up to them then, a shit-eating grin upon his face. Both men looked to him with a questioning glance. “I just got an e-mail offer. They’ve accepted our bid,” Poe announced to the both of them.

 

All three men broke out in a raucous cheer that scared the flight attendant. Shamefaced Poe apologized laying the charm on extra thick to the petit brunette. Their enthusiasm not abating, the three continued to talk for the rest of the flight, making plans for a celebratory dinner for landing another important client.

  

* * *

 

That night Ben arrived back to his apartment late and still a little buzzed from their celebratory dinner. The three of them had gone to their favorite bar, ordering bar food and beer to again celebrate the acquisition of another account. Ben was happy that the software giant had chosen their bid over Snoke’s. It gave him a sick sense of pride that the old man couldn’t hack it as well without his two best and brightest young architects to steal ideas from.  He looked out the window at the lights of the city at night as he entered his upstairs bedroom. Exhaustion and mild jetlag from the day’s travels and emotional rollercoaster was finally catching up to him. Changing into pajama bottoms he collapsed against his bed and flicked through his phone, stopping when he saw Rey’s e-mail from earlier in the day.

From: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

To: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

Sent: [Friday, February 5th, 2018 12:45pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Thank you so much for getting these completed._

_Upon initial review of your file I’ve come across a few things I’d like to clarify if that’s all right with you?_

_Will you be home this evening? May I give you a call? If so what number shall I reach you at?_

_-Rey_

Ben sat up in bed and quickly tapped out an e-mail reply, giving her the number to the smartphone in his hand. He cursed at himself inwardly as he looked around the room feeling suddenly under dressed in just a pair of grey pajama pants and no shirt even though he was alone in his apartment and he was getting ready for bed. He shook his head at himself. It wasn’t as if they were FaceTiming with one another. No, the two of them were just going to have a phone chat – no different than the one they’d had before.

__

 

__

He was an idiot he knew this above all else to be true. The fact that she made him feel giddy and stupid, like a teenage boy was infuriating enough. Long ago he’d thought he’d grown out of those childish tendencies. The awkward nerd with a crush on the most unattainable girl. College had taught him how to talk to a woman. How to speak to her in a way that not only communicated your interest but also with a sort of dignified respect that was lost on a majority of his gender.

__

 

__

And yet he stood up, nervous and pacing around his bedroom awaiting a call back from a woman who’d completely captured his attention without even trying.

__

 

__

Across town Rey similarly was getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth as her phone chirped on the marble countertop of her sink. Rinsing and spitting out the toothpaste and subsequent mouth wash she opened her phone only to be delighted yet simultaneously nervous at the fact that the notification was a reply from Ben.

__

 

__

Absently she wondered if his business meeting in Seattle had gone well. Information like that, however, were not things she knew she shouldn’t feel any sense of entitlement to but even still the thought was there, plaguing her. She caught her eye in the reflection of the mirror of her vanity and she rolled her eyes at herself.

__

 

__

“Oh, come on, you need to get your shit together, Erso.” She chided, talking down to her own reflection. She wasn’t used to this. This feeling of butterflies in her stomach at the mere thought of a guy. It’d been how long since she’d honestly dated anyone, scene related or not? Too long in anyone’s book. Especially since she’d nearly forgotten what initial flirtation and infatuation felt like. She didn’t want to feel these things for him. In fact it would be so much easier not to feel anything at all.

__

 

__

Something else however, had other plans for her it seemed despite her absolute terror at the sheer potential that lay between them.

__

 

__

For now, she wouldn’t dwell on the possibility. That was where she could get truly ahead of herself. Imagining a million different scenarios that always started with him and ended with her alone and broken, like always. She brushed the melancholic thought aside as she went back into her bedroom, sitting on her bed and leaning back against the plush headboard and pillows as she pulled up his message.

From: [kyl0-ren86@gmail.com]

To: [r.erso90@gmail.com]

Sent: [Friday, February 5th, 2018 at 10:47pm]

Subject: [Re: Questions?]

_Of course, you can call._

_My number is below._

_I just got home from a celebratory dinner with the guys._

_I hope you don’t mind I’m still a bit buzzed from beer and bar food._

_-Ben_

Rey tapped the number beneath his signature and pressed call. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the phone to her ear as she awaited his answer, only to have the breath stolen from her lungs as she heard the soft baritone of his voice answer.

__

 

__

“Hello?” He answered waiting a moment before asking if it was indeed Rey who was calling. “Rey?”

__

 

__

“Hey,” she replied softly, almost meek and hesitant. Gaining confidence, however, she cleared her throat, sitting forward and adjusting the floral silk kimono style robe around her shoulders. “What was the celebratory dinner for?” She asked, before smacking a hand to her forehead.

__

 

__

_Way to be subtle, Erso._ She internally berated. She wanted to know. Desired to know him and see any peek into his daily life that she could. But she knew it was stupid of her to do so. It made her only want more information with any little kernel she’d get.

__

 

__

A low gravelly chuckle emanated from the other end. “Oh, you know, just that we landed one of the biggest software firms in the country as our next client,” he responded, boasting his own achievement. He rolled his eyes at himself for trying to impress her. Rey didn’t strike him as a woman who liked that kind of egotism but he couldn’t help himself from being proud of their achievement that day.

__

 

__

And really it had been quite the understatement. The three men had collaborated on the design, between Poe’s foresight about LEED design, and Hux’s pragmatic approach to budgeting costs the entire proposal was a streamlined masterpiece that anyone would be a fool to turn down. Then again, his opinion was entirely biased.

__

 

__

Rey chuckled at his own self-assured boast. “Well that’s definitely a reason to celebrate. Was that why you were in Seattle?”

__

 

__

“Yeah, it was to present our proposal for the bid. It’s going to set up our fourth quarter nicely this year. Pretty sure Hux is over the moon that we’ll be able to afford actual holiday bonuses this year instead of Starbucks gift cards and a potluck party for the staff.”

__

 

__

“It seems congratulations are in order then.”

__

 

__

“Thank you. But I’m sure you weren’t calling to ask about my day. What is it that I can do for you this evening?” He asked, as he laid back on his bed, picking at his thumb absently with the pointer finger of the same hand.

__

 

__

“You’re right. I was calling because I received your paperwork but wasn’t quite sure about some of what I saw in it. If you don’t mind me asking?”

__

 

__

“Ask away.”

__

 

__

She took a calming breath before she gathered herself to say the words. “I was actually quite surprised at the result of your personality profile. Are you sure you answered the questions completely honestly?”

__

 

__

Ben sat up at that, surprised by her angle of questioning. “Yeah. I mean what surprised you about it?”

__

 

__

Rey bit her lip and closed her eyes as she tried to find the right words. “I just -,” she paused, willing the words to come to her. “I didn’t think you were a submissive.”

__

 

__

Her admission struck him surprisingly. Almost an indignant feeling rose in his chest at the notion she had questioned that part of him. “What do you mean?”

__

 

__

Rey chuckled awkwardly. “At the gala. I could have sworn you were a fellow dominant. Body language, how you carry yourself. I’m sorry I don’t mean to question you. I’m just trying to understand where I went wrong in my initial summation. It’s not everyday I get surprised like that.”

__

 

__

Surprised had been putting it lightly to be certain but true nonetheless that she was rarely if ever wrong in her ability to on-sight peg a person’s preferences.

__

 

__

On the other end Ben cleared his throat, clearly perturbed by her assumption. “I knew I wasn’t a dominant. In hindsight I even knew that at the gala. In my professional life sure. And as the son of a Senator and Admiral you learn you have to carry yourself around others in a way that doesn’t really let them see the real you. Lest they use that as leverage against you or your political parents. To be honest I didn’t know that I was a submissive when I filled out the paperwork. It came as quite the shock to me too.”

__

 

__

Rey ruminated over his answer, understanding that his upbringing had forced him into a standard decorum of body language that wasn’t really the true man beneath the mask. “I see.”

__

 

__

She didn’t really know what else to say in the moment. Her mind was too preoccupied with this new information that helped her begin to understand him. And it just made the conflict within herself that much more difficult to temper.

__

 

__

“And really now, it makes sense I suppose. Even my previous relationships for better or worse I’ve always been more attracted to strong female personalities. Always have let them lead the relationship. Whether that was through inexperience or just this side of me trying to break through anyway it could, I don’t know for sure. I just know that now that I know this side of myself I can’t deny it any longer. Nor can I expect everyone to understand it either.”

__

 

__

Rey fiddled with the edge of her blanket, pilling it between her fingers over and over again. When she took a moment as he finished his explanation she realized he’d completely surprised her in every way. Defying her expectations and blindsiding her with his own acceptance of his inner truth that he was grappling with just days before.

__

 

__

“You’re not at all what I expected,” she admits finally, with a soft almost whisper-like tone.

__

 

__

A soft chuckle comes from him in response. “I’m going to take that as a compliment,” he added, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

__

 

__

She smiled into the phone then, feeling like a jejune school girl with a crush. “You should. You really should.”

__

 

__

They’re quiet for a few moments as the weight of what’s hanging between them begins to really settle in. It is only a few moments of silence before he breaks it once more.

__

 

__

“I just know that I can’t go back now. The proverbial dam is broken and there’s no way to shut it back up.”

__

 

__

“You shouldn’t have to. This is part of who you are, Ben. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks either. You have to accept you for yourself. We all have to do that. We owe it to ourselves. But I also see your point. You need to get out into the scene. Make connections, get experiences.”

__

 

__

“Yeah. I’m gathering that. How should I go about it? I still really only know you.”

__

 

__

Rey took a breath as she let the idea take shape. He needed someone to help him. Someone who knew the community and could make proper introductions.

__

 

__

“Well that’s where I can be of most service. I’ve been in the community and I know a few dominants who are currently without a submissive. Would you want me to compile a list of dossiers for you to review?”

__

 

__

Ben bit his lip as he considered her offer. In all honesty the only name on that list he was hoping for was hers. But he knew that at least considering other options would at least put the air of pragmatism out there even though if her name would be on the list he’d pick it without hesitation. He had a strange feeling though, small but strong, twisting in his gut that it wouldn’t be so simple as picking her name off a list.

__

 

__

“Yeah that would be helpful. Could I also keep in contact in case I have any more questions? I’ll be in London all next week and am still really trying to navigate what all this means for me now. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated,” he offered in supplication, hoping that by keeping the lines of communication open that somehow it would help.

__

 

__

“Of course. I have book recommendations I can send you, both literature wise and manual. Though I won’t have read much of the manuals since I’m not a submissive but when I trained I read up a bit on the headspace and I can send you books that I felt were helpful for my understanding. Besides I’ll probably have more questions for you as well.”

__

 

__

“Great. Send me the recommendations and I’ll get started reading them. I have an egregiously long flight Sunday morning so it will be good to have something to occupy the time.”

__

 

__

“Fantastic. Well I should probably let you go,” she stated, pausing as she looked to her clock on her nightstand. “Since it’s half past eleven already and you’re still a little drunk from your celebration.”

__

 

__

As if on cue he yawned, letting his exhaustion be known. “Yeah sleep sounds amazing right now. You get some rest too.”

__

 

__

She smiled into the phone at his concern. “I will. Goodnight Ben.”

__

 

__

“G’night Rey,” he half mumbled before they rang off with one another. Ben rolled over onto his stomach, pushing up onto his hands as he moved to stand to unmake his bed, set his phone to charge, and crawl beneath the cream and tan herringbone comforter. He turned off the light on his nightstand and settled in against the low light coming in from the windows behind his headboard, letting the exhaustion finally take him under.

__

 

__

In the same moment, Rey took off her robe tossing it to the chair opposite her bed before turning out her light and settling in amongst her white and grey sheets. She stared at the ceiling for a long moment, studying the bare expanse of plaster with an overwhelming sense of calm that pushed away at all her fear and insecurity for the time being. Her eyelids grew heavy and she rolled to her side as she fell into a peaceful slumber.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting and leaving kudos! The next chapter is about to steam things up a bit more!
> 
> Feel free to reach out on tumblr or discord under the same penname: drnucleus
> 
> Also I made a [story aesthetic](http://drnucleus.tumblr.com/post/172693065399/bedroom-hymns-by-drnucleus-now-on-ao3-chapter-5) that can be found on tumblr by following that link.


	6. VI. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben travels to London for work, has a brief breakfast with his momma in DC and Rey sends him book recommendations all the while they get to know each other little by little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
> Also a big thank you to [spaceausten](https://spaceausten.tumblr.com) for drawing [this fanart from CH V.](https://spaceausten.tumblr.com/post/173011630430/doodle-for-drnucleus-s-lovely-fic-bedroom-hymns) for BH and sharing it with me! Little gifts like these are so lovely and wonderful!

__

_Chapter Playlist: Modern Man – Arcade Fire; Mother – Florence + The Machine; London Calling – The Clash; City of Blinding Lights – U2; Here With Me - Dido_

 

VI. Connection

 

On his tan herringbone bedspread in front of Ben lay his suitcase open and ready to be filled with everything he needed for his week-long business trip. He folded each of his garments – two suits, plus the one he planned to wear on the flight out, pressed and ready, laying on the bed beside him. In addition to that he folded a few shirts - formal and casual alike, enough boxer briefs for a week-long stay, a pair of sweats to sleep in and joggers for hitting the hotel gym into his trusty rolling carry-on. He didn’t need much on the trip since it was only a week and the meetings would certainly keep him occupied most of the time. He packed his clothing and shoes, a pair of trainers and black Oxfords to wear on the flight out. He always travelled light when he went on these business trips. Taking only the essentials and utilizing the in-house dry-clean and laundry services of any hotel he stayed in. Packing his toiletries in the outside pocket, he heard his phone chirp, alerting him to a new text message.

Rey Erso  
  
**Rey Erso:** Ready for some reading material for that long flight of yours?  
  


Her message was simple and straight to the point. And yet it still had him grinning like a fool as he tapped across his screen to compose a reply.

 

**Ben Solo:** I’m just about finished packing so yes, please. I’ll load them up on my iPad  
  


 

At Rey’s apartment, she looked at the list she’d composed for him on her pad of paper. A series of books and literature that she felt would help him understand not just the submissive mindset, but the female gaze. If he were to truly understand the power of his submission then he needed to also understand the feminine perspective.

**Rey Erso:** Fantastic, I’ll give you the fiction list first. This is obviously not required but these are some personal favorites. Erotic fiction written by mostly women to help you understand the feminine perspective  
  


He found himself entirely intrigued at her message. He knew reading about practices and conduct in the lifestyle was important to gain a foundational understanding of vocabulary and the interpersonal dynamics that were fundamental to the entire lifestyle, however, he didn’t know that understanding things from his future dominant’s perspective was just as important. Again, Rey was proving herself to be a most helpful guide as he uncovered and embraced this side of himself.

**Rey Erso:** This list isn’t exhaustive – and not required in the least. I happen to love these and feel you’d probably enjoy them too and learn more about how women view their own sexuality as well as how they describe it in bold and sometimes darker terms for others to consume. 1\. Delta of Venus – Anais Nin; 2\. Henry and June – Anais Nin; 3\. Little Birds – Anais Nin; The first few on this list are classics in my opinion. The next two, though written by a man are on this list because Nin and Miller were lovers at one point and greatly influenced each other’s writing. In fact, Henry and June is based upon Nin’s relationship with Miller and his then wife June. 4\. Tropic of Cancer – Henry Miller(the book that Nin helped get published); 5\. Sexus – Henry Miller (Part One of the Rosy Crucifixion Trilogy). Miller is known for getting his books banned. He’s controversial and irreverently blatant with sexuality but also fantastic reads. He was far and above ahead of his time as was Nin. 6\. Inside Madelaine – Paula Bomer (a collection of short stories that range from kink to menstrual power, it’s enlightening and an empowering read that gives insight into the quintessential feminine gaze. 7\. Bad Behavior – Mary Gaitskill (nine short stories including what would become the inspiration for the movie The Secretary). These are personal favorites of mine, and there are others that are parts of larger book series that I also would recommend but they are part of huge ongoing series that may/may not be your thing.  
  


Ben looked over the list and grabbed his iPad off his charging dock to pull up his Amazon account. Finding each one he downloaded them with the intent of reading each within his spare time. He hadn’t expected to get quite an extensive list but again he shouldn’t really be surprised at this point.

 

He should know by now to expect the unexpected when it came to Rey. And yet, she just kept surprising him. Ben tapped out a message reply, sending a photo of his Kindle library, expanding to fit her several recommendations.

**Ben Solo:** Downloaded and noted.  
  


Rey replied with a smiley emoji and continued typing out her next response. She was struck by his enthusiasm, and eagerness to learn more about everything. It made him seem unreal. Like some insipid daydream she thought up to help while away her loneliness. She shook her head at herself for the thought. Of course, he was real and wanted to learn more to this piece of himself he’d kept denied for so long.

 

_Get over yourself, Erso._ She berated herself for thinking that somehow his gung-ho attitude towards learning and understanding the D/s dynamic and how he’d fit into it ultimately had anything to do with herself.

**Rey Erso:** (Smiling Face With Open Mouth )  
  
**Rey Erso:** Now I don’t have many for the lifestyle from a submissive perspective. Especially a male one which is funny considering how many men are in the community and are self-described submissives, but I have one you can get started on and one about female anatomy and arousal. I’ll keep looking to see what other books are out there and keep you posted while you’re gone.  
  


Ben read the message and scoffed at her suggestion about the anatomy book. He knew the basics well enough that none of his former flames ever complained about his ability to please them.

**Ben Solo:** Pretty sure, I know how female anatomy works.  
  


Rey arched an eyebrow upon reading his message only to type out a clever retort.

**Rey Erso:** Don’t clap yourself on the back just because you know where the clitoris is. Trust me, every man and woman can use a little more education on female sexual anatomy.  
  


A bark of a laugh escaped him as he read her message. He shook his head, conceding that she was indeed probably right after all. Gaining as much knowledge as he could, would in effect be the best way to develop a particular skill set that would prove helpful in the scene. It made a ridiculous amount of sense that knowing any dominant he’d have in the future at such an intimate level would only strengthen what was between them. But again, his mind was brought to the possibility that lay between him and the woman he was currently replying to.

 

He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Above all else he knew that he was foolish to just expect her to want him as much as he desired her. Deep in his logic he knew this to be true but it still didn’t stop the fantasy from forming and flickering through his thoughts ever so often throughout his day since they first met. Even more so now that she let him into see little pieces of herself.

 

Throughout their conversations he began to glean things about her personality. She was fiercely independent for one. Feisty and unafraid to assert herself for another. Key traits he assumed that served her dominant side well. But there was a softness too that was an undercurrent through each of their conversations. A reserved tenderness that he hadn’t quite expected but only increased his growing ardor for her.

**Ben Solo:** Alright, I suppose you’re correct  
  


He teased, trying to keep their conversation light.

**Ben Solo:** I’ll take your recommendations under strict advisement. I have a long flight to DC late tonight and then an even longer one to Heathrow after a four-hour layover, I’ll use the time to catch up on some much-needed reading then.  
  


He watched his phone as the three little dots within a bubble formed, indicating that Rey was responding.

**Rey Erso:** Good. I think you’ll find these helpful. As I find more books I’ll let you know. 1\. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal – Sheri Winston; Surrender, Submit, Serve Her – Key Barrett, MSc. The first has a great amount of detail but does sometimes stray into more mysticism and history but only as a guide to understanding the foundational principles. Some of the mythology is interesting but definitely focus on the educational value. The second is more for a domestic partnership however the dynamic is helpful and cleverly explained throughout. There is a great deal of focus from both the male and female perspectives here. I’ve recommended this to at least two clients seeking to establish a more harmonious partnership through the D/s lifestyle.   
  


Ben again, found himself loading the books up onto his iPad for the long flights ahead of him. They continued their talk as he finished packing and headed to the airport for his overnight flight to the nation’s capital city. Their conversation came to a natural close as she retired to bed. Yet, he had still a while to wait, taking the late red-eye out of California. But in the Admiral’s club lounge in at the terminal he bided his time reading instead, devouring a book off the fiction list she’d given him until the flight attendant called for first class passengers to board the flight to Dulles International Airport. Hux and Poe were taking later more direct flights to London than he was, leaving him blissfully isolated on this trek to stop and visit with his mother before continuing on to the UK. Relaxing in his seat with a complimentary gin and tonic he settled into his first-class accommodations and took out his iPad to continue his laundry list of extracurricular reading.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Through a barely stifled yawn, Ben felt his UberX come to a halt outside the restaurant his mother had picked for their breakfast meeting. Carry-on and laptop bag in hand, he made his way into the restaurant not far from the Capitol building where his mother made her name arguing the plight of the populace with her similarly elected colleagues.

 

His phone buzzed not long after he’d landed with a selfie from Rey, hair pulled back in a high ponytail, her skin flushed, and ear buds in her ears indicating she was finishing her morning run at the beach with the caption: 

**Rey Erso:** Glorious morning here, hope your flight was smooth sailing   
  


 

He smirked and sent one of the himself within interior terminal of Dulles, complete with his thick winter coat over his shoulders to shield from the frigid Eastern February air. The bags beneath his eyes all the more prominent. He hadn’t slept much on the flight. Instead finding the reading to spark his interest where he kept reading, nearly devouring all of one book in the span of the five-hour-plus flight.

 

**Rey Erso:** I’d hope you at least slept a bit on your flight?  
  


She’d asked not a moment later, to which he sighed before tapping out a reply.

**Ben Solo:** I did, but not much. Was too busy reading.  
  


Her reply didn’t come until his ride stopped at the restaurant not thirty minutes later. 

**Rey Erso:** Tsk tsk, Ben. You do need to sleep. My recommendations were for reading when you had the time, not to deprive you of much needed rest!  
  


Entering the restaurant, he tapped out a reply once he informed the maître de of whom his party was.

**Ben Solo:** I like Nin. She’s got a captivating writing style. Delta of Venus is definitely getting added to my list of favorites.  
  


He turned down the volume on his phone as it chirped once more, indicating a new message as he was lead out to the glass enclosed sunlit terrace where he spotted his mother, squinting at the menu, refusing to put on her reading glasses to peruse the menu at her leisure. It was so like her. Stubborn to a fault. An absolute refusal to admit that she was indeed nearing her sixties.

 

Leia looked up then, her features brightening significantly as she hollered. “Oh Ben, you’re here!”

 

He nodded and waited as she stood and came over to him arms outstretched to hug her only child. He greeted her warmly, enveloping the much shorter woman in a loving embrace. “Hi Mom.”

 

Leia leaned back and eyed him closely. “You didn’t sleep on the flight, did you?”

 

Ben rolled his eyes at her concern. It had been years since she’d shown any maternal concern over his day-to-day wellbeing and even when that had been common it was a relatively infrequent occurrence. Always too caught up in fighting the good fight and building a better country, but never taking the time to just be the mother she should have been. Through years of therapy and finally hashing things out he’d come to learn it was her life’s greatest regret. Missing out on so much of her baby boy’s life to build him a better world.

 

They sat and Ben picked up a menu to peruse his options. Coffee would be the first thing on his list of orders. He could already feel the pang of longing in his gut at the mere thought of the hot beverage. An addiction to caffeine was definitely something that had come with the territory of graduate school and had only persisted even though he’d weaned his intake significantly. Today however, was a different story. Sleep deprived from reading too long on the plane flight, falling asleep only an hour before landing.

 

Ben watched his mother again squint and hold the menu far away from her face and then closer again as she tried to make out the words.  He chuckled in turn at her reticence to reach for her reading glasses.

 

“Just grab the damn glasses already,” He muttered, earning a shocked look from his mother whose face melted a moment later to an indulgent smile.

 

“You talk to your mother like that?” She retorted as she leaned to the chair next to her, grasping for her eyeglass case.

 

He arched an eyebrow at her in response. “Only when she’s being ridiculous and making things harder than they need to be.”

 

Leia’s shoulders shook as she put her glasses on, leaning them low across the bridge of her nose. “Oh boy, do you sound like your father.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes again at the easy summation that he was indeed every bit the son of Han Solo. “I don’t.”

 

“You do.”

 

“Must we do this? I don’t want to start an argument before I’ve even gotten the chance to order.”

 

Leia relented and went back to her perusal of the menu. “You should try the French toast, it’s the best in the city,” she remarked as she flipped through the offerings. He noted her recommendation and looked through seeing some of his breakfast favorites listed as well.

 

The server came over to them moments later with an expectant grin on her face. Ben kept himself serious and composed as he rattled off his beverage order.

 

“Coffee.”

 

“Carafe or cup?”

 

“Carafe.” Ben replied much to his mother’s dismay and disagreement but he wouldn’t be moved either way. “Carafe, French press if you have it.”

 

The server smiled again. “Are you two ready to order entrees?”

 

Ben looked to his mother who nodded as she closed her menu. “I’ll have that wonderful Bananas Foster French toast, Katie,” she said, surprising Ben with her knowledge of the server’s name even though she’d probably only mentioned it when she’d walked up. His exhaustion had a way of making him inattentive and rude. A sure sign that he probably should have slept on the flight if he was already forgetting the server’s name.

 

When it was his turn he closed his menu and handed it to Katie. “Smoked salmon, eggs benedict, with a side of bacon.”

 

“Would you like toast or pancakes?”

 

“Toast, sourdough.” He stated with the kindest grin he could muster towards the girl. She smiled and took her leave then.

 

Ben’s phone chirped softly, upside down on the table where he’d left it. He itched to reach for it, knowing that it would be Rey. Hux and Poe were already on their transatlantic flight to London as he sat opposite his mother on a two-top table in this upscale café in downtown DC. However, his sense of decorum got the better of him and he only looked at his phone with a mild sense of annoyance that he couldn’t just be rude in front of his mother. How often had she been called away from dinners, or worse art competitions for some state business or other necessary interruption?

 

Instead he let her chat amiably about what she’d been up to. “Casterfo is being such a ponce about the fiscal budget. Always wants to increase defense spending but wants to cut Vet benefits. It’s like the man is completely tone deaf,” she explained, eliciting a laugh from her son. If only she knew of the very big skeleton in Casterfo’s closet that he’d learned at the gala. And yet his tongue stayed mute on the subject even though his family had less than happy history with the former Congressman and now Senator, having been the one who tried to shame the honorable Senator Organa by revealing her biological father to the media and the world nearly a decade prior.

 

The tale of Anakin Skywalker’s career within the State Department’s deep cover black ops division within the CIA during the Cold War had been a closely guarded family secret for decades, only coming out during an election cycle when Ben was finishing undergrad. A sad tale of espionage and woe that he’d only known pieces of as a fanciful bedtime story from his Uncle Luke and adopted Grandfather Bail only to learn that it was about his actual heritage when splashed across the headlines and 24-hour news networks. Casterfo’s nefarious plot to unseat the now senior senator of California in his attempt to shift his seat within the two Houses of Congress had almost worked until Ben’s uncle, Luke had released his book, detailing the life, career, and fall from grace that was his father’s story. Ben hadn’t wanted to believe it at the time. How his own family had kept such secrets from him for his entire youth. He’d been angry about it. Hadn’t spoken to anyone in the family for weeks until everything blew up over a Thanksgiving dinner celebration of Leia’s landslide reelection.

 

It had been a turning point for him in his relationship with his mother. He’d learned of her anger at her own father for his absence. Yet having committed much the same familial treason herself towards her own son still baffled Ben as to why her anger was still so acute. Having only known the life of nannies and minders within the Organa household that she and Luke had been raised in after their mother’s death Leia had done much the same with Ben as a child. Always being minded by others when she should have taken the time to be a mother in addition to her status as a revolutionary politician.

 

In truth, Anakin Skywalker was a name that was hardly ever uttered since. A touchy subject amongst the entire Skywalker-Organa-Solo clan that only brought out knockdown drag out arguments and angry tears.

 

“Anyways,” Leia digressed, bringing Ben out of his brief reverie. “Your father was disappointed he couldn’t make it this morning.”

 

Ben sighed at the mention of his father. Han and he were not close. A fact that still pained him to this day. Growing up with a military father had not been easy, especially during his rebellious teen years where he’d begun to grow his hair out to spite his more regimented father’s tastes. A small rebellion at first that would just prove to be the first of many slights Ben committed in the name of spite against his father.

 

For nothing he’d ever done as a boy had ever been good enough for Han’s liking.

 

A 98% on a math test and he’d get asked where the other two percent were.

 

As a boy he’d idolized his war hero father, wanting to follow in his footsteps and be a great pilot someday. Yet as his teen years had come along and his rage at being left alone constantly by the two people he yearned for attention from the most had only grown. By age fifteen, he’d turned to teenage mischief and fighting at school. Having needed Poe to bail him out of fights with much bigger and stronger opponents. Luke had noticed the tumultuous emotions coursing through his nephew and had stepped in, suggesting therapy at a time that Ben needed a champion most.

 

Ben had resented it at first. Thinking they were just trying to fix him so they didn’t have to deal with him. He resisted at first but then slowly over the weeks and months and years he’d learned better coping mechanisms for that resentment and anger and simultaneous self-loathing. But things like growth and mental health weren’t things you just could slap a band-aid on and move on. He struggled still to this day with those exact same emotions towards his father most of all. Even though he tried to put on a good face for his mother and her PR team.

 

“I’m sure he was torn up about it.” He snarked, garnering a reproachful look from his mother.

 

She sighed and took a long drink from her tea as their food arrived. “He’s taking Chewie to his occupational therapy appointment. It’s not like he wanted to miss the only time his son could visit much less call since the holidays,” she said, reminding Ben of the last time they’d been in each other’s presence. A quiet but tense family dinner over the Christmas holiday. Just the three of them and Chewie, Han’s faithful old war buddy they’d taken in before Ben was even born.

 

Ben’s icy demeanor thawed at the mention of Chewie. “How is that going? Helping?”

 

Leia grinned at her son’s enthusiasm at the change in subject. “Fantastic, actually. We don’t doubt that he’ll never be able to hold down an actual job but he’s going to start volunteering with your father at the VA Hospital. We’re hoping that him helping other injured Vets will soothe him.”

 

“Or make his PTSD flare.”

 

Leia nodded. “That is a concern of mine. He’s been through so much. And yet he’s still so kind. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him you know. He saved-,”

 

“Dad’s life, I know. That’s how he got injured in the first place. I know the story, Mom.”

 

Leia nodded more as they ate and Ben ruminated on his life growing up. How many times had he been left in Chewie’s care? The man had been so kind to him as a boy but it was clear he was not equipped to deal with a curious child, roaming about the house. Add to it destroyed vocal chords and hearing damage from the blast he’d saved Ben’s father from and Ben was sure it made for a hilarious sight to see the six-foot-seven lumbering man running after a naked toddler Hell bent on not taking a bath. Even still throughout the PTSD episodes and the hallucinations he’d had as Ben was growing up he’d still been the closest family member to Ben in his life. Always there for him to patch up a scrape or tend to a black eye, signing in ASL to ask for the full story.

 

Ben’s phone again chirped, pulling him once again back to reality. His hands itched to check his messages, in which there’d be at least one from Rey, and maybe a couple from the office back on the opposite coast than the one he was currently on.

 

Leia took stock of her son’s apparent contemplation of his smart phone and smirked to herself. “Who is she?”

 

“What?” Ben asked, looking momentarily shamefaced only to wipe the look off his expression a second later. But that brief second was all the confirmation that Leia Organa-Solo needed to read her son so completely.

 

She chuckled at her son’s oh-so-readable expressions. So, like his father, indeed. “The girl who keeps texting you and that you’re dying to answer.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes at his mother, knowing she’d hit the nail on its proverbial head. “There isn’t one.”

 

“Don’t bullshit a bull-shitter, kid. Now come on. You know I’m not getting any younger.”

 

Ben shook his head muttering a short curse. “Unbelievable. You’re going to guilt trip me about grandkids now?”

 

Leia shook her head and popped another forkful of French toast into her mouth, gesturing with her hands for him to spill the beans.

 

A beat later Ben took a long gulp of coffee and a forkful of food himself before continuing. “We’re just friends.”

 

A smirk graced his mother’s features, “That’s how the best relationships start! Your father and I…” She began before Ben interrupted her.

 

“Like you and Dad?” He snarked back. “Because I seem to remember the story going a little less like friends and more like you ordering him to dumpster dive to save your protest posters.”

 

Again, Leia was struck with laughter at the memory. A nineteen-year-old ordering a twenty-nine-year-old Naval Captain in full dress uniform during fleet week in New York City complete with flight wings to dumpster dive was one of her proudest achievements.

 

“That was just how we met, Benny.” She supplicated, pulling out her nickname for him as a boy. He grimaced at the old name but humored her all the same. “We were friends before he finally convinced me to go out on a date with him.”

 

“I’m sure it took a good deal of convincing.”

 

Leia nodded in agreement. “Oh, it did. I was much more stubborn in my youth than I am now. Now I’m too exhausted half the time. Oh, sweet boy you should have seen us back then. He tried so hard to convince me to go out with him. Constantly leaving and coming back just to see if I changed my mind. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction though. It pleased me too much to see him try again and again.”

 

“Obviously he wore you down eventually or I wouldn’t be here.”

 

“True. And that’s what I’m getting at. Sometimes the best things come out of friendships where you least expect them.”

 

Ben shook his head at the wistful tone in his mother’s voice. Like she was proud that her friendship with his father had turned out as it had. With a long and not always happy marriage and a son who barely made time for them in his busy life. A slight that Leia, herself, knew was because of her own failings as a mother despite her best intentions.

 

The moment passed between them. A silent peace where all past wrongs were momentarily erased. The past pain negated as Leia looked on her son with adoring eyes. She always had a way of warming his entire being. Suffusing her light and warmth around him in the only way she could. That motherly affection he’d so longed for as a boy every time she was away on a goodwill mission or some marathon filibuster. Now that he was older he had learned to cherish those moments in his memory no matter how few and far between they seemed in his youth.

 

“So,” she continued. “Will she be your plus-one to the fundraiser?” Leia hedged, hoping to finally meet a girl who’d caught her son’s eye. For so long Ben kept his family and romantic life wholly separate, much to his mother’s eternal dismay.

 

“You’re not letting this go, are you?” Ben asked, exasperation, seeping through his tone.

 

“Not on your life, kiddo. I want to meet this girl whoever she is who has got you on pins and needles every time she messages you,” she said grabbing her phone. “You can check by the way. I have to tweet a bit before we head out.”

 

“I can’t believe you actually text and use Twitter now,” Ben replied, shaking his head as he reached for his phone to see he had three new messages from Rey.

 

She laughed and shrugged. “Gotta keep up with the younger set. You Millennials and the Gen Z-ers are all about social media and it’s the fastest way I can interact with constituents,” Leia explained.

 

Ben unlocked his phone, going straight to his messages too eager to read what she’d sent him.

 

The first had been entirely business, short and to the point that had been received just as he’d arrived to the café.

 

**Rey Erso:** Oh! I just found another recommendation for you. Learning to Kneel by Master M Hatter. Yes, odd name but sometimes dominants take on pseudonyms.   
  


Her second text was decidedly more of a ramble, as was per the norm of their text or phone conversations. Tangents leading them off in a multitude of various directions.

**Rey Erso:** I just realized that there are other books, a compilation of stories from a group of male submissives from Fetlife. A social network kind of like Facebook but for the scene. Which you should also think about joining to communicate with other men like you. They made a two-volume compilation of stories about the lifestyle – it’s called Submissive Men and the Women Who Love Them. I took a peek and there’s some really broad ranging stories in there.  
  


The third text was far less about the lifestyle and strayed into the personal. They’d gained an easy friendship he surmised over the multiple e-mails, texts and phone calls they shared. Learning about each other’s schedules enough to send selfies during the day from time to time.

**Rey Erso:** How’s your layover in DC?  
  


He smiled at the question, knowing she was probably more surprised that he hadn’t answered her earlier messages more quickly as per usual. He snapped a covert picture of his mother who was busily tapping her thumbs away on her own smartphone making tweet after tweet in a thread about the budgetary concerns she’d spoken of earlier.

With the picture he’d sent the following response.

**Ben Solo:** Still amazed she even knows how to unlock the damn phone and now she’s tweeting to her many followers about the congressional budget.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Hey, at least she knows her base of voters are more into social media. Is that what you’re doing on your layover? Breakfast with your mother?  
  


He took note of what she’d observed from the picture that they were at a restaurant together. He continued to talk to her via text a few moments longer before letting her know that he would text her when he landed and thanked her for more book recommendations. The smile on his face from her messages alone didn’t abate even as he set his phone back down only to meet his mother’s perusing glance. Ben rolled his eyes at her ready to speak and dissuade her from her thought that was so plainly written on her face.

 

“I know, I know,” she said with a flourish of her hands. “You’re _just_ friends.”

 

“Yes, Mother.”

 

“Oh formality. From that tone I’m guessing that you’d very much like to be _more_ than just friends,” she surmised even using her hands to air quote as she said the last two words.

 

A snort of laughter rolled from him as he let her change the topic, veering it off into politics once more before she had to bid him farewell back to the airport. She’d hugged him as they waited outside the café for her driver and his UberX to arrive. He embraced her closely, kissing her cheek as she’d looked up at him adoringly as they moved to part.

 

“Remember, I want to meet her, whoever she is. Bring her to the fundraiser,” she said as she parted from him, moving to the black Lincoln Continental that was ready to take her back to the Capitol rotunda.

 

“We’ll see,” he called after her, watching her go before getting into the black SUV himself to go back to the airport and continue his journey across the pond. In the SUV he sat back, thinking on what his mother had told him in their meal about great things coming from unexpected friendships and he hoped beyond any reason to hope that what she said was fortuitous indeed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The following days were intense and full of meetings such that Ben hadn’t really the time to do as much sightseeing as he’d hoped in the beginning. After his long days of meetings, planning and going to the job site he fell into bed to read more of what Rey had recommended until his eyes crossed and sleep over took him once again.

 

The book recommendations had been wonderful and had kept coming. Including more about entering the lifestyle, contract negotiations, and understanding the submissive headspace. These were things he filed away and held onto as he couldn’t find the time to pour over every tome she’d recommended in the time she’d sent them all to him in the preceding days. Their conversations though sporadic and brief.

 

However frequent they were he was beginning more than anything to look forward to their exchanges throughout the day. As he left his meeting now he frowned a little seeing there was no message on his phone, however it was evening where he was on a Saturday nonetheless, it must still be somewhat early back in California what with the eight-hour time differential between them now.

 

He made his way out to the night air in London, passing by Trafalgar Square, smiling to himself at the memory of just a few days prior where he’d eaten lunch at a restaurant not far from there and then spent the remainder of his break, sitting in the square, sketching in his notebook for the first time in what felt like forever to sketch the city around him for the sheer thrill of it. He’d sent her a picture of his drawing, held up next to the inspiration for it. A perspective of looking out onto the bustling streets of her city of birth from the middle of the square. She’d replied back that he’d captured it beautifully and that she wished more than anything to go back someday and revisit all the places that held fond memories of her childhood.

 

Of course, that had led their conversation again into the realm of the personal. In that conversation he’d learned that she’d been adopted as a five-year-old by wonderfully loving parents but that despite that connection she’d always wondered why her birth parents had done what they did. He hadn’t pressed the matter further but his interest was indeed peaked certainly. To understand her on a different level than just the professional pretenses of her helping him navigate the D/s scene was becoming his favorite pastime next to sketching architectural wonders.  And in that capacity, she learned more about him as well. That it wasn’t all that glitters is gold when growing up under the public eye as an awkward teenage son to high powered political parents.

 

On his walk back to his hotel suite he texted her, hoping that she was awake.

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** You awake?  
  


A few moments later, as he rounded a corner that brought him within a few hundred meters of his destination she replied.

**Rey Erso:** Sure am, what's up?  
  


He smiled brightly at his phone as he made the short walk back into his hotel, gunning it for the elevators.

**Ben Solo:** I was wondering if you wanted to FaceTime?  
  


A bold move certainly. But he wanted to see her. All this chatting back and forth over the past week had done nothing to dissuade his interest in her. In fact, it only made things worse to be certain. He held his breath for a moment while he awaited her reply. Once in his hotel room he changed quickly out of his suit and tie, and into a t-shirt and sweats to get ready for bed.

 

As he was brushing his teeth her reply chirped through his phone. Rinsing and spitting, he then grabbed his phone, smirking at her response.

**Rey Erso:** As long as you don't mind that I'm in pajamas, can't quite bring myself to end my lazy Saturday morning  
  
Ben Solo:Same here with sleepwear, I just got back to the hotel.  
  


Taking a breath as he replied, going over to his laptop to initiate the call. He waited a moment and got comfortable on his side as he called her from the app on his laptop.

 

A moment later and his screen was illuminated with her face. A warmth spread through him as she smiled upon seeing him as well.

 

“Good morning.” She stated in an all too cheery voice. For all their text chats he’d almost forgotten how wonderful her accent was.

 

“Good evening,” he shot back, reminding her of the time change. “Although, isn’t it almost noon there?”

 

Rey glanced off to the side and he took a moment to study her profile and the elegant lines of her neck that were exposed to him. He glanced at the rest of what he could see, a floral silk robe wrapped around her shoulders and drawn closed but still open just enough to catch the lace edging of what lay beneath at the apex of the enclosure. His mouth ran dry just at the sight of her. So gorgeous on her lazy Saturday morning.

 

“It is. Again, I told you lazy Saturday, Ben. You’ll have to excuse the pajamas anyhow, I slept in until nine it was wonderful. I usually am up before the sun rises.”

 

He chuckled at her boast of her early bird tendencies. “I’m usually up then too, although it’s good to see you first thing in the morning for a lazy Saturday.”

 

A slight blush crept over her cheeks at his casual flirtation. “I agree it’s good to see you, too, this early.”

 

“It is almost time for bed here.”

 

“Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime.” She said without really thinking the entire line of thought through before it spilled from her lips. Her blush intensified then as the words registered and his responding eyebrow raise and chuckle resounded through her computer screen.

 

Her face scrunched up in horror as she covered it with her hand, groaning at her own unintentional double entendre. “Wow, that’s embarrassing. Can we just forget I said that?”

 

He nodded, laughing right along with her mortification. However as much as both of them wanted to forget her statement it did nothing but fuel this strange thing building between them.

 

The two were silent a moment before Rey’s gasp grabbed his attention. “Oh! I almost forgot, I finished the dossiers for you. When would you like me to bring them by?”

 

Ben chewed on his lip, grateful for the change in subject as he leaned over to grab his phone and check his calendar. “I’m free Monday night. You could bring them by my place? I’ll even cook dinner as a thank you for all your help.”

 

She grinned at the offer. “You really don’t have to, I mean this is what we do in the community. Help each other out when needed. I’m just paying it forward what Phasma did for me when I first stumbled into it myself, really.” And truth be told that was the line she kept telling herself every time she glanced at the stack of names on her desk, her own among them. She still debated the idea of even placing her file in with the others. Wondering, hoping that maybe he might choose her but terrified if he didn’t. She shoved the thought aside for now as she focused on the current conversation.

 

“I always cook too much anyways, so you’ll be doing me another favor by having some and leaving me with less leftovers to eat throughout the week. Besides we can talk about the list if you want?” He stated, picking at the skin around his nails as he spoke. Nerves twisted in his gut as he contemplated the idea of this, whatever this was between them coming to a close because she’d completed her goal of helping him get situated in the scene. As much as he hoped to find her name amongst the list he knew pragmatically speaking that it wasn’t something he should indeed hope to find.

 

“Okay, that sounds like a plan then. Monday night. What time do you get back in to California tomorrow?”

 

“Late, I’ll be hitting the sack as soon as I get in so I’m not completely useless in the office come Monday morning.”

 

“Are you sure you’ll still be up for dinner then? Jet lag from an international flight can be quite daunting.”

 

“I’m sure it will be fine, I’ve had worse working in New Zealand before. That was a Hell of a jet lag, I’ll tell ya,” he mused, reminding her that this was indeed not the first time he’d travelled internationally for his work.

 

Rey smiled softly at the mention of his many travels around the globe. To be so well travelled even at his age was something she was certainly envious of. Having really only been to her childhood home in England, Mexico to visit her father, Cassian’s family, and to various spots around her adopted country she now called home. Her thoughts were consumed with Ben and his trip to the place of her birth. How she missed the sights, sounds and smells of the city. The people of London going about their work and daily lives, listening to people chit-chatting on the morning commute on the tube like she had so many times as a kid, holding onto Cassian or Jyn’s hand while they brought her two stops down the line from their flat to her primary school.

 

“How is merry old London? Dreary and rainy?” She asked, her voice, growing almost wistful at the thought of her favorite city.

 

Ben nodded. “I didn’t realize how much it rained here. But I guess I should have figured it. It’s been cold here too. Far colder than the Bay Area. I’m glad I brought my winter coat. Even in Trafalgar square the other day my fingers started to go numb.”

 

“You didn’t wear gloves in the freezing February air? You’re mad!” She exclaimed.

 

“You try sketching with gloves on! Besides it would have smudged far worse than my fingers do already,” he countered back, running a hand through his hair as they continued to chat.

 

“Did you get much sightseeing in? Did you go to Covent Gardens? Or Buckingham Palace for the changing of the guard? You know wholly American tourist things.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side, letting her hand linger on her neck as she studied him through her laptop screen. He was beautiful. Talking about his day and what he saw in his travels about town. His hand waved back and forth with enthusiasm and she found herself wanting that hand instead of her own on her skin. The aching between her legs intensified at the thought.

 

“Honestly I thought Buckingham palace was a bit smaller in person.”

 

“What?!” She scoffed. “Don’t you dare belittle the monarchy’s proud home.”

 

His shoulders shook with laughter and a smile lit up his features. “Spoken like a true Brit.”

 

“I was born there you know. And went to primary school. My parents only moved here to the _Colonies_ when I was a teenager,” she retorted, all too smug to toss it back in his face that his home country had once been under imperial rule.

 

His eyebrows raised at her jest and he shook his head, knowing full well she was trying to goad him.

 

“Yeah? You’re going with colonies?” He asked, studying her expression. His eyes roamed over her face, the way her lips formed a smirk at her own joke. To the elegant column of her neck as her hand drifted down to her collarbone that stood out proudly from her shoulder, making her floral kimono robe open more. His eyes dwelled on her collarbone following the line and curve of it to her shoulder.

 

He swallowed hard as his eyes traveled further south, to the barest hint of cleavage beneath her silk nightshirt. His mouth watered and he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. She was heavenly, pure and simple. His cock throbbed at the thought of pushing that robe off her shoulders, his mouth latching onto that delicate line of her collarbone to bite and make her yelp.

 

Too lost in his own perusal during their conversation he didn’t realize how that she too was looking at him with the same intent. She stared at his hands, watching the one that moved as he spoke and would rest on his chest one moment, and then rub along his chin and lower lip the next. How she wanted those fingers, those lips, all over her and between her thighs.

 

Squirming as a fresh rush of heat flooded her she pressed her thighs together. The soft deep baritone of his voice was bad enough on the phone but in conjunction with his face, his hands… She was about to lose her mind at the throbbing ache he elicited in her without even trying.

 

Rey glanced at the time on her bedside table, having completely forgotten that he was indeed eight hours ahead of her. “Ben, you should get some sleep, it must be late there.”

 

She sees him glance at his phone and groan – a sound she’d give an arm and a leg to hear in another less innocent context. “You’re right. I don’t want to hang up.”

 

She chuckled at him and he reached forward, running his fingers across her face on the screen. What he’d give to be able to touch her.

 

“Me either. But you need to sleep and I have a Saturday to get to.”

 

He huffed unwilling to let her go but his own exhaustion was beginning to wear him down. “Fine. Fine. I’m going. Have a good Saturday.”

 

“I will. Sleep well.” She said as they rang off with one another.

 

Both of them closed their laptops and sunk further into their respective bedding.

 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” Ben announced to no one in particular. He tore off his t-shirt tossing it across the room and he looked down at himself, painfully hard over just a damned video call.

 

If he thought she couldn’t be more beautiful than at the gala he was dead wrong. No, Rey Erso was a vision with no makeup on and messy morning hair. A visual he couldn’t help but imagine her like that in his bed, flushed and breathless. Cursing, he palmed himself over his sweats at just the thought of her here with him. His body a live wire now that she’d ignited this desire in him. He definitely wasn’t going to be able to sleep unless he took care of himself.  

 

At the same moment Rey shrugged out of her robe, similarly affected by the visual she’d gotten in their video chat. She leaned back against the pillows of her bed, one hand skating up under her camisole to palm her breast. She leaned her head back further and sighed. Her hand was too small to match the image in her mind but it’d have to do for now.

 

In reality the two were separated by two continents and an ocean, but their movements were in complete synchronization as his hands pushed his sweats down and she rid herself of her pajama shorts.

 

He wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, laying back and letting the image in his mind take over. Rey standing before him, that mischievous glint in her eyes as he knelt before her. One eyebrow arched and a hand graced his chin, bringing him forward to kiss her abdomen.

 

Rey gasped as she imagined what his lips would feel like against her skin while her fingers worked around her clit. Her other hand slid down to join in, sliding two fingers inside, pumping them quickly. Wishing they were his fingers, his mouth against her.

 

Ben sighed as he imagined the taste of her skin and her soft sighs as he’d kiss lower until he could hook a leg over his shoulder and lave his tongue against her soaked cunt. He moaned loudly pumping his hand faster. He imagined her head tossed back sighing his name.

 

“Ben,” Rey cried, arching her back as her fingers picked up a quicker rhythm.

 

“Rey,” He growled, thinking only of the taste of her on his tongue, imagining the salt and tang against his tongue made his mouth water. In this fantasy he’d look up at her face to watch the pleasure roll over her.

 

Her body convulsed quickly at the same thought of those honey brown eyes meeting hers with his mouth and fingers coaxing her to one of the quickest and more intense orgasms she’d ever had.

 

His hand pumped faster over himself as heat pooled in his spine and his abdomen clenched. Just the thought of her climaxing because of his touch set him off, his body shaking and his cock spilling over his stomach.

 

The two collapsed against their respective beds, spent, breathless and boneless at the thought of the other. Each of them stared at the empty space in the bed next to themselves, wishing, wanting the other’s presence there beside them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all your comments and kudos thus far! I'm hoping Monday updates can become a regular occurrence! Each of the books listed within this chapter are real books and can be found online in the Amazon kindle store! As always comments and kudos do wonders for my muse. Thank you!


	7. VII. Burning Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey and Ben are finally in the same space again... and things get complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!

 

_Chapter Playlist: Let’s Get Lost – Bat for Lashes (Feat. Beck), Come on Closer – Jem, Lips – The XX, Burning Desire – Lana Del Rey_

 

VII. Burning Desire

 

Monday morning came far too early for Ben Solo as he groaned slamming his hand against his alarm clock. With one eye open he registered the time on the clock’s face.

 

_5:45AM_

 

“No.” he announced to absolutely no one as he rolled over wholly annoyed and stared at his ceiling. He was usually up earlier than this, fitting in a session at the gym or a good run. But he was too tired from his long flights back to the pacific coast. He didn’t want to leave the cozy confines of his bed for any length of time. He settled back into the covers closing his eyes momentarily until it dawned on him what day it was.

 

Monday.

 

As in the day Rey was coming over for dinner to review the dossiers with him. At the sudden realization, his entire body and mind came alive without the typical jolt of caffeine he usually required. Kicking off his covers, he got up and headed to his en suite bathroom to shower.

 

He reveled in the heat of the near scalding water as he stepped under the spray. The thought of Rey in his apartment, let alone within a distance that was easily crossable so that he could touch her drove his mind wild with what he considered to be fatuous fantasies. He was hopelessly attracted to this woman, who’d come careening into his life and suddenly was surrounding it, filling it with her presence even though she wasn’t even physically there.

 

Cursing to himself, he slid a hand down his abdomen to take care of the sudden problem he had throbbing between his legs at the thought of her again.

 

After he showered he ran a towel through his hair as he walked into his closet, taking out clothing for the day. Settling on a dark blue suit and lighter blue button down forgoing the tie for the day he got ready for the day.

 

Down in his kitchen he went, summoning a cup of freshly brewed coffee from his Keurig. He glanced in his refrigerator finding it sorely lacking for what he wanted to make for the evening. He’d have to hit the grocery store on his way home before Rey would show.

 

They hadn’t quite decided on a time, so that gave him a little lee-way to get everything he needed.

 

Grabbing his phone, he sent her a quick text to confirm their meet-up for tonight.

 

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** Still on for dinner? I was thinking 8?  
  


Across town, Rey stepped out of her shower, wrapping herself in her towel and unlocked her phone at the message. She grinned to herself as she typed out a reply, her still damp fingers slipping over the screen.

**Rey Erso:** Sure, gives me time to get home and grab the dossiers. What were you thinking of making?  
  


He smiled as he loaded his laptop into his messenger bag and grabbed his wallet and keys.

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo** Now that would ruin the surprise wouldn’t it?  
  


The trip to work was blessedly short and traffic was relatively light in the early morning hour. He came in, still a bit jet lagged from his international travel to a completely silent office. Maz wasn’t even at her desk yet, then again it was still before seven-thirty. In the office and settled into his desk before anyone else, he ran over the materials for the day.

 

Meetings with a couple different contractors on separate jobs around the country via Skype would keep his morning filled. But his afternoon wasn’t too bad, he figured he could duck out early and hit the market before and get at least the meal mostly cooked before she came over. He spent the rest of his time, looking up the perfect recipe. He’d been craving Indian food the entire flight back to the States. Having sampled some of the best Indian food the UK had to offer he had a major craving for another portion of curried meat and vegetables.

 

Before long, he saw Maz approach his door and he grinned. “Good morning,” he said gently as she came in nursing her Starbucks latte.

 

She grinned at his greeting, returning it in kind. “I don’t know how you get here so early.”

 

He smiled and shrugged. “I’m all set for the Skype meetings, so you can feel free to power up with all the caffeine you need,” he suggested giving her a generous amount of time to acclimate to the day.

 

“Good, and shall I schedule your business dinner for tonight?”

 

Ben shook his head. “No, I have plans already. How about Wednesday?’

 

Maz nodded and took note of it. “Okay. How was London?”

 

“Rainy and cold.”

 

“Did you manage to bring any souvenirs?” Maz teased, grinning at their usual tradition.

 

Ben smirked and reached inside his messenger bag, procuring what Maz was after. “You and your teas,” he replied, taking out the box and handing it to her.

 

“Oh, come on. I usually have to special order this stuff,” she countered, reminding him that indeed the best English tea was not available for sale in the greater continental United States. No, the good stuff had to be specially imported or smuggled back between international jaunts.

 

Ben checked his phone, laughing at her as she thanked him for her present and went back to her post at her desk just outside his office. Glancing at his phone, he smiled and rolled his eyes at her supplication for information.

 

**Rey Erso:** Tease. What if I had a food allergy?  
  
**Ben Solo:** Do you?  
  


He asked still reluctant to give anything away only to laugh a moment later with her rapid-fire response.

 

**Rey Erso:** Well, no. But you can’t blame a girl for trying.  
  


He typed out a response and sat back in his high-back ergonomic office chair, asking her a question. Rey looked at her phone as she contemplated his inquiry. There were multitude of spicy food options. Thai, Indian, Mexican, Latin. The options were truly endless. Ben shook his head as he read her message always fishing for information. He decided that it was worth spoiling the surprise just a bit

 

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** I really can’t. How’s your taste for spicy food?.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Love spicy food. What ethnic branch are you shooting for?  
  
**Ben Solo:** Indian. Lamb vindaloo? I have been craving it since I was wheels up from Heathrow.  
  


Rey raised an eyebrow at his suggestion. A favorite dish of hers for certain.

__**Rey Erso:** I think I know the perfect red wine to pair with that, I’ll bring it and some Naan bread.  
  
**Ben Solo:** And don’t forget the dossiers.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Wouldn't dream of it.  
  


__

 

* * *

 

It’s much later into the evening hours as Rey raced around her apartment in preparation to leave to meet Ben at his place. She’d stopped at the market on her way home, grabbing Naan bread and the Gamay red wine she knew would pair perfectly with vindaloo. He’d texted his address an hour before, letting her know he was home and ready whenever she was. A pit of nervous excitement filled her belly, making her head swim with anxiety over seeing him again in the flesh.

 

She chided herself as she changed into a simple short sleeved white pull-over sweater and tight black skinny jeans. It was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous.

 

And yet the nerves still rose as she contemplated the fact that they hadn’t shared the same physical space since the gala and that in and of itself felt like an absolute lifetime ago.

 

Her hands shook as she slipped on black espadrilles and ran her hands through her hair – leaving it down and in loose natural waves. She licked her lips and went into her office, looking at the stack of manila folders she’d organized for him. Her own file staring her blatantly in the face as she felt her anxiety peak.

 

Giving him the option of choosing her to be his dominant was a decision she’d made on a whim. And now she stood in her office, swimming in anxiety and fear of the unknown.

 

He could choose her.

 

But then he might not.

 

Rey wasn’t sure exactly which would be more terrifying.

 

She liked him. More and more with each passing encounter and conversation. He was kind, generous in a way that made him infinitely more attractive than his own physical appearance had already made painfully evident. And he was funny, his humor mirroring her own in a bit of arid morbidity. Add to it that he was also smart as a whip and with a quick wit as sharp as a scalpel. He was exactly the type of man she had always fell for. Exactly her type in every single way. And that’s also what terrified her. For in Rey’s past she’s never quite been able to find that perfect fit.

 

A man who could both handle her in the playroom and out.

 

For none had ever been able to before. So why would he be any different? She was always too much, yet somehow never quite enough.

 

Fear and anxiety wrapped up neatly in her insecurities and abandonment issues flooded her as she stood stock still in her home office dissociating to the point the world faded and she could only hear the roaring pulse of her heart in her ears and the heavy intake of air as she gasped for breath.

 

She shook her head at herself and refocused, coming back to the present as she weighed her options. Putting herself on the table had been a foolhardy idea. No matter if he would choose her or not. She knew that either was too much to bear. Stacking the files together, she took her own file out, staring at it one moment longer before she placed it on her desk, gathered the other files and walked out of her office.

 

Placing the files in her bag, she told herself over and over, convincing herself it was better to not know his answer to that choice than to take the leap. She gathered up the rest of her things, the paper bag, containing the wine and bread along with her keys and coat as she turned off the lights and embarked on her short journey to his apartment, one file short of the full stack she began with.

* * *

 

 

The sizzle and sputter of simmering curried vegetables and lamb resonated in Ben’s apartment filling it with the most delicious aroma that would make anyone’s parotid gland tingle. He refused to glance at the clock as he cooked. Willing himself not to stress or over analyze when Rey would arrive.

 

Internally he scoffed at himself at how much like a school boy he felt. Like a fifteen-year-old asking a girl to homecoming. He had to tell himself again and again that it was just dinner. She was coming over to discuss dossiers she’d made specifically for him to help him find a dominant to train under. And yet, his own anxiety hoped, beyond hope that her name was amongst the rest.

 

He knew it was stupid to hope. Foolish and ridiculous to just expect that her eagerness and enthusiasm to help had meant more than just cursory friendliness. But they’d flirted. To the point of almost shameless witty repartee. So there had to be something more there beneath the surface. Then again, she could just be that type. Even though he knew on some deeper level that summation was a wholly inaccurate assumption of her character.

 

He stirred the simmering pot on his gas stove just as he heard the buzzer from his front door. Turning down the heat for a moment he went to the buzzer pressing the button to see if it was indeed his expected party.

 

“Rey?” he asked into the intercom.

 

“Yeah! Can you buzz me in?”

 

“Yeah, take the elevator at the end of the hall, top floor,” He instructed as he took a deep breath and pressed the button to let her in. Swallowing down his nerves he moved to open his door, leaning on the frame as he waited for her arrival.

 

Seconds dragged for what felt like an eternity but really was less than a couple of minutes before the elevator doors opened revealing Rey at the end of the hall. His breathing came to a full stop as he took her in, dressed casually but still as stunning as ever.

 

Rey herself took a breath as she stepped off the elevator and headed his way, the enticing aroma of homemade Indian food wafting down the hall from his apartment. He was even more than what she’d remembered in person and their video call. All broad shoulders and lanky legs as he leaned, hands in his pockets against the doorway to his apartment. He was similarly dressed, a tailored blue button-down, with the sleeves rolled up his forearms and the shirt tail wrinkled from being worn throughout the day. He’d also exchanged the dress slacks for dark wash jeans and his feet were bare upon his sealed concrete floors.

 

“Hi,” she announced, feeling like a complete fool at the simple greeting.

 

A warm grin illuminated his face, forming vertical dimpled creases on his cheeks and crinkling the corners of his eyes as he righted his posture and reached for the brown paper bag. “Hi. Come on in.”

 

She passed him as he turned to let her into his apartment. She stopped in the doorway with a sharp intake of breath. Considering his occupation, she really shouldn’t have been surprised by the magnificence that was his apartment. Industrial meets city meets a comfortable smattering of minimalistic lines and use of liminal spaces. Stained wood rafters accented the high open ceiling, and the furniture was a cross between European simplicity and American historical elegance giving it an eclectic but deeply modern feel. He took her coat from her shoulders as he shut the door behind her while she continued to surveil the interior of the open concept loft.

 

Across from the living room with a large L-shaped teal sofa there were chairs made for entertaining and talking with guests. Furthermore, was the open kitchen just opposite the sitting area, with the large gray quartz waterfall countertop across the island and Viking gas range where dinner was currently simmering away.

 

Rey stopped before going any further to just marvel at the sleek space that he’d no doubt had a hand in creating. Off to the far end of the room were the open floating stairs that went up and made a sharp angled turn around a glass and steel encased atrium that was filled with plants and open to the city air above.

 

“Your apartment is incredible,” she stated as she continued to gape.

 

A low chuckle rumbled out from somewhere deep in his chest. “Thanks. I was project manager on the repurposing of this old factory building into apartments, and I loved the space so much that I was the first buyer, which is fantastic because they sold fast. And it’s nice to have the top floor entirely to myself.

 

Rey nodded and glanced down at the floor suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious that she was still standing, in what could be construed as a foyer yet there was no formal space to be called as such. He broke the tension however and walked forward towards the kitchen to investigate the contents of her paper bag. He took the bread out first plating it and setting it just beyond the kitchen to the long banquet table set across from a long bank of factory styled windows. The table itself was made from a petrified slab of wood at which two places were already set at one corner.

 

Rey followed him into the kitchen, taking her bag with her to set on the barstool that ran in a series of stools on the opposite side of the island. She took the folders out of her bag then, placing them on a faraway spot on the island free from the splatter of curry.

 

As Ben came back carrying a couple long stemmed wine glasses he took note of the folders on the counter and nodded. “You weren’t kidding when you said dossiers, were you?”

 

Grinning, she nodded. “It includes everything you filled out so you can make an educated decision. Of course, there’s always a requisite trial period that I’m sure whomever you choose will go over with you.”

 

“Right.” He stated as he grabbed a wine opener from a kitchen drawer and proceeded to pop the cork on the wine to let it breathe. Rey made herself busy, meandering around the opposite side of the island to waft the smell of the food for a better assessment. “You want to try it?”

 

Rey looked over at him and shook her head. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

 

Mirth shook through him at her echo of his earlier words. “Well you can tell me if I’ve done it any justice or if I bastardized it like every American does with ethnic cuisine.”

 

Another short laugh rolled through her as she took the wooden spoon and dipped it to the simmering pot before holding it up, one hand guarded beneath as she blew cool air on the hot liquid before tasting it. Her face grew speculative as she mulled over the flavor profile, causing him to begin to doubt his own culinary prowess.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

She grinned, taking pity on him. “Nothing. But it could use more coriander.” She replied simply.

 

Ben smirked at her as he then poured two glasses of wine. “Add away,” he stated, giving her free reign over the precise ratio. 

 

Rey chewed her bottom lip a moment as she surveyed the grouping of spices laid out on the countertop next to the range, before reaching over and taking the tiny tin canister of powdered coriander and sprinkled a bit more into the dish followed by stirring and repeating her taste test.

 

They moved easily then, working around each other in tandem as they drank wine, chatted and finished cooking dinner. As they sat at the table Rey noticed that he left the seat at the head of the table open and took the one on the side instead. Rey took the chair and sat down ready to dig in. For the first few moments they fell into a companionable silence as they began to eat. Ben reached over, taking the plate of Naan bread and taking a piece for himself before holding it out to her.

 

Rey chuckled and took a piece for herself as well. “Too spicy?” she asked and he shook his head.

 

“No, but I am a bit of a masochist when it comes to spicy food. So, I particularly enjoy melt-your-face-off spicy.”

 

She shook her head at him, smiling. Because of course he’d be the type to eat uproariously spicy food. She was used to it, however. Having grown up with a Mexican father who had long killed off his pain receptors for capsaicin on his own tongue before she had ever been adopted.

 

“Try growing up with a father who makes Menudo every holiday, and ancho chille pork tamales for New Years,” Rey countered, making Ben’s eyebrows rise.

 

“Yeah I’ve got nothing on that. Unless you count growing up as a really lax Jewish kid whose mother simultaneously is really great about guilting you for not observing the normal traditions of the faith but is also is a giant hypocrite and doesn’t go to Temple or really observe the traditional holidays aside from the big ones.”

 

“So exactly like my Catholic adoptive father who only goes to midnight mass on Christmas Eve, then?”

 

“And they wonder why neither of us are more gung ho about faith.”

 

Rey nodded and took a sip of her wine. “I mean, I always struggled with accepting that there’s this big man in the sky who can see you every second of the day who judges you for every action and thought but somehow still loves you? Probably why I’m far more agnostic than anything.”

 

“Honestly, same here. Though the traditions were a deeply cultural thing growing up so it goes so much beyond perfunctory notions of faith. Seders and obligatory bar mitzvah aside. It is an important part of my familial history, considering my maternal great grandmother who was ethnically Ashkenazi, escaped Europe in the early 1930s. Luckily I might add, or she might not have met my great grandfather and became the matriarch of the entire Skywalker side of the family.”

 

“Understandable. I don’t know anything about the culture of my birth parents or really remember anything much about them. But, I can imagine having that kind of cultural impact on your own bloodline is quite a legacy to have on your shoulders much less uphold.”

 

Ben nodded as he took another gulp of wine. “Oh completely. That’s big enough of a weight before you add in two generations of political dynasty between my biological grandmother, Padme, and my mother as well as the Organas.”

 

They continued to eat and talk throughout the meal, discussing anything and everything from philosophy to scientific advancements they’d each read about to everything in between. Once finished, Rey went to help clear the table and Ben gave her a severe look that stopped her in her tracks.

 

“What? You cooked, I’m only helping.”

 

Ben shook his head. “You’re my guest. And guests don’t do the dishes. You can help by taking the wine to the living room.”

 

Rey gave him a look but acquiesced when she realized that he wasn’t going to budge. Taking their glasses and the bottle, she walked into the living room, depositing her shoes next to her bag on the barstool by the island. Ben cleaned up quickly, putting dishes into the dishwasher and packing up the leftovers into smaller Tupperware for him to take to work throughout the rest of the week. Rey poured their glasses full again, curling up with her feet tucked beneath her as she reclined against the plush cushions.

 

Ben joined her shortly after, sitting angled towards her on the sofa, and in close enough proximity that their knees were almost touching. Their conversation continued, straying into their daily careers and what had occurred during the day since the last time they’d spoke. Ben regaled her with how his meetings went and how infuriating contractors could be.

 

“They’re always trying to cut corners and shave off cost but sometimes the right thing to do Is the more expensive option. Even if it’s just for the longevity of the build itself. You don’t want to build an office building and then have it not stand the test of time, structurally. It’s one thing for aesthetics. Those are constantly shifting and no amount of forward thinking will ever keep a design from eventually showing its age.”

 

Rey laughed as she set her wine glass down on the coffee table at his story. She surmised that his work in some small way was far more active than hers was. While she was a passive listener he was the decision maker. The game changer that could alter the course of any project. She studied him before taking another long draught of her wine.

 

“Honestly, thank you for the meal and the company. Today was not the easiest day.”

 

Ben turned his eyes towards her studying her expression with genuine curiosity. “And why’s that?”

 

Rey sighed, placing her arm along the back of the sofa, bending her elbow to rest her head on her knuckles. “I just-,” She began before reconsidering her words. “You know I specialize in couple’s therapy, right?”

 

Ben nodded but his face maintained the same expression.

 

She took a breath before the story just came pouring out of her. “I had this client today. Husband and wife. Struggling with infertility and they’re having trouble conceiving even with IVF. And the constant trying for a baby is really draining on their relationship. And I suggested that they redirect their attention to each other and that if they want to have a biological child it would happen with modern medical help or not and that they shouldn’t forget each other along the way. But if they really were infertile that adoption is always an option. Being a child of adoption myself as I’ve told you, I was very lucky to have extremely loving and wonderful parents who couldn’t conceive. I thought this would be good advice. Yet, they were wholly insensitive to the idea. That no child would be good enough if it weren’t their biological child,” Rey finished her eyes glassing over as she bit back her own emotion on the subject.

 

Ben had listened to her intently and thought for a moment, ruminating over what she said before he moved to speak. “You know, it strikes me as pretty obvious that they don’t deserve a kid if they can’t see what kind of positive impact they could have by giving someone who has no one a loving home,” he stated leveling a matter of fact look at her.

 

Rey stared at him as his words tore down every wall she kept around herself and shoved themselves straight into her chest wrapping around her heart. A battering ram that eviscerated every barrier and hesitation she’d had about pursuing whatever this thing was brewing between them.

 

Her breathing picked up and maybe it was the wine.

 

Maybe it was the fact she was already attracted to him.

 

It was probably the combination of the two that had her closing the gap between them. Knees pressing and sliding into the sofa cushion as she did so. She leaned in slowly, waiting for a rejection. A rebuff from him that he didn’t want what she was actively seeking. But nothing came as he waited, letting her come to him. Her eyes studied his looking again for any sign she shouldn’t do what she’s about to.

 

Again, she found nothing but hunger and anticipation there.

 

His eyes didn’t deviate from hers as their faces came closer. Only when their noses brushed did his dark eyes drop to her mouth. His lips parted as he tipped his chin up ever so slightly to meet her when her lips tentatively brushed against his. Rey pulled back ever so slightly looking to see his face as his mouth chased after the fading taste of her. She smirked to herself as she brought a hand up to his jaw, leaning in again and kissing him once more with greater force.

 

A sigh against her lips and in a moment his hands wound around her. One at her waist, pulling her closer, and the other to her collarbone and neck, ascending into the loose waves of her hair.

 

Rey deepened the kiss, licking along the edge of his lower lip, tasting the mixture of wine and dinner lingering there only to find him eagerly opening his mouth to bring her bottom lip between his own.

 

The kiss could have gone on for minutes, hours, days even before Rey realized what she was doing was probably completely the wrong thing. She shouldn’t do this. He was new to her world but she couldn’t stop herself.

 

She wanted him despite her sense of propriety and better judgment.

 

And from how he was pulling her into his lap, he wanted her just the same. She settled against him, eliciting sighs of relief from both of them as her knees pressed on opposite sides of his hips and he abandoned her mouth to lavish attention to her jawline.

 

A strained moan fell from her lips as she pushed herself against him, seeking friction as his teeth nipped along the hinge of her jaw before bringing his lips back to hers. That delicious slide of denim against denim as she ground her hips against his, feeling his denim covered hard on against her own heated arousal. Both of them, groaning into the kiss with the effort of their hips.

 

Her body and her brain were fighting against each other as she whispered to him, garnering his attention. “Tell me to stop. That we shouldn’t do this.”

 

His hand left her hair and came to the front of her face, cradling her cheek as his thumb brushed along the edge of her bottom lip and the pad laid flat against the jut of her chin. “I can’t do that. I won’t,” he stated, with a resolute tone that struck her with its confidence.

 

She regarded him with one arched brow at the defiance that sliced through his refusal. The thrill of it settled deep in her bones as she claimed his mouth once more. Both of her hands traveled to soft his hair, scratching her short fingernails along his scalp. He groaned low and ragged against her mouth, letting the hand at her back pull her roughly against him. Rey broke the kiss again, leaning back as he continued to push forward chasing her lips once again, hungry for her kiss like a starving man before a feast.

 

“Then take me to bed,” she commanded, throwing her doubts aside if only for the moment.

 

A lascivious smirk graced his features as he lunged forward to kiss her, wrapping his hands around the back of each of her thighs. Supporting her weight with his arms and back he stood, swaying only slightly as she settled against him, wrapping her legs high-up around his waist as he began walking to the stairs that lead presumably to his bedroom. They continued to kiss until he reached the stairs, breaking his mouth away from hers so that he could see each step. Unbothered by the shift in focus, Rey busied herself with kissing along his jaw, to his ear, tugging his earlobe between her teeth. A bold move that made him stumble, almost missing the next step entirely.

 

Her laughter rang in his ears as his pace quickened up the stairs.

 

Upon entering his bedroom, he set her feet back on the ground gently before his bed set against large windows, letting in the light of the city at night. As soon as her feet touched the ground her hands slid from around his shoulders to unbutton his dress shirt. With his hands at her hips he guided her backwards into the room stopping just before his bed. Opening his shirt. she let out a ragged sigh, helping him shrug out of it.

 

“Oh, of fucking course you’re bloody beautiful,” she huffed as she took in the lines and definition of his torso. She observed him from his broad shoulders that were a stunning dichotomy of muscle with the delicate jut of his collarbones against his pale skin that was speckled with freckles and moles down to his chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyes travelled further south to the hard lines of his abdomen, narrowing to the angle of his hips.  The thick bands of muscle of his arms flexed as he reached for her, pulling her closer.

 

A laugh rumbled through him as his hands went to her shirt, lifting the material up and over her head before tossing it idly to the ground.

 

“Thanks, I think. You’re pretty perfect yourself,” he replied, examining her lithe form as she had his. His eyes raked her in from the hint of cleavage beneath her bra to lean lines of her waist and finally to the sharp plane of her hips. He bowed his head to nip at the apex of where her shoulder and neck met eliciting a gentle moan from her lips.

 

He ran his hands along the lean lines of her arms and then her waist, going to her jeans to unbutton them as she rid herself of her bra, tossing it somewhere. He made a long line of kisses from her collarbone down the center of her sternum to her abdomen as he fell to his knees before her, sliding his hands into her jeans and underwear as he pushed them down over her hips and thighs to pool around her ankles.

 

Her hands went to his shoulders, steadying herself, and watching him with rapt attention as he helped her step out of her clothing. He looked up at her then, kneeling before her and looking into her eyes with such intent it made her skin tingle. An unfamiliar intense energy passed between the two as he looked up at her, completely and utterly under her spell.  Moving up he lavished attention to her breasts, bringing each into his mouth to suck and swirl his tongue over her as her hands found purchase in his hair.

 

A ragged moan breached her lips as he made his way south again. Licking and nipping at the taut muscles of her abdomen as he brought his hands around one thigh, parting it as one hand moved higher to tease his fingers across her warmth. Rey gasped and widened her stance as he whispered a curse against her the skin of her hip, finding her already slick. His fingers found her clit, stroking around it before gently pressing against it.

 

“Ben,” she sighed, her body already twitching at just the gentle tease.

 

Urged on by her hips pressing towards his fingers, he slid two inside her, stretching her ever so gently. With her head thrown back she moaned breathlessly at the gentle push and pull of his fingers as they thrust against her, twisting to stroke each spot inside her.

 

“Yes, just like that,” she panted, as she looked down at him, meeting his heated gaze as he watched the pleasure roll over her. Her hand released from his hair to caress along his cheek, blazing a trail that brought her fingertips to his mouth. A smirk played along his mouth as he pressed forward, bringing his mouth to the apex of her thighs, moaning at the taste of her, having reality only blissfully eclipse what he’d imagined days previously in a lonely London hotel room.

 

His mouth kept pace with his fingers, focusing on her sounds, on her words of encouragement as he learned what made her shiver and cry out. Her body shook as he coaxed her towards bliss. His name falling from her lips as she arched and stiffened against him. Watching her come undone at his hand and tongue made him only want to see it again, immediately, repeatedly and in rapid succession.

 

Detaching himself from her, he gently guided her to the bed, keeping her hips at the foot of it. Rey watched him again as he hooked one knee over his shoulder and sucked a bruise high up into her inner thigh.

 

Their eyes stared, a silent communication as he brought his mouth back to her center. Without breaking their heated gaze, he kissed and nipped along every inch of her, before flicking his tongue against her clit.

 

This time he was less gentle, less hesitant - a man on a mission to bring her another shaking moment of pleasure several more even if he had his way. Her thighs parted wider while he worked his mouth over her.

 

One hand skated along the side of her thigh as her hips thrust against his mouth, seeking release once more.  Her hands held on, one taking a fistful of his hair between her fingers, and the other, the sheets just above her head. Her sounds were desperate and loud, which made him grin against her as he brought her another orgasm and then changed his target to bring her shaking and sighing again mere minutes later.

 

Her breathing was out of control, her cries desperate and her thighs clamped around his head as the intense pleasure rolled through her. Satisfied for the moment, she pushed him away then, sitting up on the edge of his bed.

 

Still on his knees before the end of the bed, Ben stared at her a moment, mouth and chin slick from her pleasure as she reached for the fly of his jeans. Rey leaned forward, kissing him slowly, tasting herself on his lips and tongue. He stood a moment later, breaking the kiss as her hand pushed into the open fly of his pants, wrapping around his length that was already hard and hot in her hand. A hot puff of air knocked out of his chest the moment her hand pulled his cock out of its confines. Her eyes took him in and she let out a soft curse at the size of him.

 

He swallowed thickly at her reaction. Insecurity rearing its ugly head at the worst possible time. “We don’t have to if you’re not-,” he tried to say but she shook her head at him, further silencing his words.

 

“You’re perfect,” she responded, ending his doubt and insecurity. Something in his tone, had been so unsure, almost scared of what she would say. And that she surmised must be from some previous relationship where his large size had obviously been an issue. She was all too pleased to inform him that, that would certainly not be the case here.

 

Her mouth kissed along a line from just beneath his navel to the base of his length, bringing her mouth to the side she moved slowly, licking and sucking along the length of him before taking what she could of him into her mouth, her hands wrapping around the rest. One hand clenched into a fist as his neck and jaw went slack and the other tangled his fingers into her hair. She kept up the gentle tease just until the point where his breathing began to shorten and his sounds grew more stilted.

 

Releasing him from her mouth, she looked up as he bent forward, his hands went to cradle her face as they kissed, cherishing her with a gentleness that made her ache. Without breaking their kiss, she used both hands and pushed his pants and boxer briefs over his hips. Her legs were unsteady as she moved to stand but Ben was there to right her, standing with her. She turned them, pushing him down onto the bed, before stripping the rest of his clothing from his legs.

 

Ben moved back on the bed, situating himself comfortably while she climbed on next to him, pressing her knees into the soft mattress. 

 

When her leg moved over him positioning herself across his hips he spoke then. “Wait, I have condoms in the nightstand,” he stated but stopped when Rey shook her head once more.

 

“No need. IUD.” She replied as the breath caught in his throat, never before committing this act without a latex barrier. He breathed quickly, licking his lips as he placed his hands at her hips he helped guide her up, and back down onto him, sheathing himself inside her with one slow glorious slide. Sighing, Rey pitched forward bracing herself on his chest as he leaned up to press his forehead to hers. Breaths stolen from both of them as they adjusted to the feel their joined bodies, adjusting to the delicious pressure and warmth. Rey closed her eyes, and a flicker of a smirk crossed her lips at the stretch of him finally inside her.

 

His chest heaved and his mind shut down, only focusing on the slick heat that surrounded him.

 

“Holy fuck,” he swore, making her chuckle. She was so snug around him. A wholly other experience that pushed him close to the edge even further than he already was.

 

“I’ll say…” she snorted back, making him breathe out a laugh. Sitting up, anchoring a hand to his abdomen she met his gaze again, adjusting the angle, figuring out for a moment what would work best as the muscles in his abdomen clenched at even the slightest adjustment.

 

“Fuck.” She cursed, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. “You feel so good like this,” she praised, leaning her head back, her eyes closing to savor the sensation.

 

It was the little things like her praise that he hadn’t expected. She continued further, more than just telling him how good he felt, but also how good he looked beneath her, inside her, and that she’d gone nearly mad from imagining it. Her words hit him in rapid succession, telling him that he was wanted, needed to the point of desperation. It made his head swim as she swiveled her hips again to tease them both.

 

“You’re not allowed to come, until I tell you,” she commanded, her tone stern and unforgiving. “Do you understand?” she asked, seeking his compliance.

 

Beguiled, he stared up at her and nodded before half moaning out an emphatic _yes_ while he succumbed completely beneath her will. A smirk flit across her lips at that and then she set a pace that was slow, almost too slow as she moved above him, taking her pleasure from his body.

 

Grunts and sighs filled the room as she rode him. She slid her hands up his chest angling herself as she moved, just as Ben shifted up gripping her hips but not altering her pace. She sighed at the pressure of his fingertips into her hips.

 

He moaned and writhed beneath her, trying to hold off his orgasm as she’d demanded but was struggling to do so. She felt too good. Too much. Too intense. Their eyes, gazing too intently into each other’s.

 

Just as he almost couldn’t hold back she slowed her pace to a near stop, reading his body like they’d already done this a thousand times over. His heart was pounding in his ears while she bit her lip again and tossed her head back in pleasure as she ground her hips into his. Her body pulsed – her own orgasm so close, seeking release against him once more.

 

He watched as she began to fall apart again. Her pace lessened into one that was stilted and convulsing around him that made them both curse and moan. His hand reached for hers on his chest, linking their fingers and letting her press it to the sheets as she stopped moving altogether, just reveling in the feel of him as she came down from her high.

 

He was almost too far gone at this point, abdomen clenching to hold back his hips from rising any higher than a small flex of his hips to help her ride it out. Feeling her walls pulse around him, it was nearly too much in addition to watching her face as she reeled in her own satisfaction. And yet how she built him up closer to the edge, closer than before but stopped just before he could fall drove him closer to the brink of begging. Yet he stayed quiet save for their sounds His other hand came to her face, brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear.  A lazy satisfied smile on her face as she looked down upon him.

 

Just as his breathing began to slow again her pace resumed, slow at first but then rising again to that fevered pitch. Ben pushed her back, rising with her. His arms wound around her back, locking around her and his mouth latched onto her throat. His hands were everywhere. Vacillating between anchoring her movements at her hips, or up her back, he touched every spare inch of skin he could reach as she bounced harder making him groan loudly at the force of her thrusts against her collarbone, biting and sucking a line of bruises into one side. He felt the heat pooling low in his spine, and his hands shifted back to her hips, frantically trying to hold on.

 

She ground her hips against him as she slowed her pace again, a throaty chuckle against his temple at the annoyed whimper he tried and failed to conceal.

 

“Be patient,” she commanded. She was playing with him now. Making him needy to the point of delirium.

 

Leaning back, she planted her feet behind him, placing her hands on his knees to balance herself. He stared at her, awestruck by how easily she pulled at every ounce of his restraint. Pushing him to the point where he was ready to plead for release. But he held his tongue, hoping – knowing rather that she wouldn’t leave him unsatisfied.

 

Swaying her hips towards him, Rey closed her eyes briefly at the change of angle. She rolled her hips as she moved, as his hips rose to meet hers. Ben watched her expression closely. Their eyes not breaking from one another. That intense energy between them that had started the moment he’d knelt before her heightened, enveloping the two as they pushed and pulled at each other. He braced himself as he felt the edge nearing, expecting her to pull back to slow and reign in his pleasure again.

 

But she didn’t this time.

 

Instead she moved forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and slamming her hips into his. He wrapped his arms tightly around her torso, gasping against her lips as he cried out with each maneuver. The precipice so close that if she snatched it away this time he might scream in frustration.

 

She kept her pace fast, a short staccato against his hips. Her own body was reacting and beginning to shake as her own orgasm neared once more.

 

“Come with me,” she demanded, yet her voice held none of the severity in her tone. Gentle, soft and pleading. He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to his chest as he let go, feeling the waves of his orgasm wash over him just as hers crashed against her. They moaned into each other’s mouths; their kiss hot and needful. Both of them shook in each other’s arms wholly and completely spent.

 

The heat of their sweat sated skin began to sink in as he laid back with her on the bed, turning to the side to let her rest on the against the cool sheets. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder that turned into a line of kisses up her throat and finally to her mouth as they both laid there in the silence of the afterglow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Your comments and kudos keep my muse happy. Also you know how I have mild angst tagged? Well hold onto your butts because the angst train is pulling into the station soon.


	8. VIII. Fight or Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey panics and makes a horrible decision. Ben channels his inner Louis Litt, and Maz her inner Donna (really that'll only make sense if you watch Suits). Poe and Hux get honorable bamf mentions as well as Finn for being the bestest besties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for being patient with me the past few weeks while I was on vacation, recovering from a 3k mile roadtrip and then adjusting back to lab full time. Hopefully we'll be back on the weekly update schedule soon! 
> 
> As you can see the tags changed a bit. Angst is here ya'll. All aboard the Ben Solo pain train. (It's temporary I promise).
> 
> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process as well as so many Reylos, new to me and others from other fandoms of mine that have reached out on tumblr!

 

_Chapter playlist: Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division; River Lea – Adele; The Moment I Said It – Imogen Heap; Hurt – Nine Inch Nails; Ain’t No Sunshine (Cello Cover) – Nicholas Yee_

VIII. Fight or Flight

 

 

The early light of dawn shone through the windows behind Ben’s bed, indicating that it was very early the following morning when Rey’s eyes fluttered open. She took in the odd surroundings at first alarmed until she realized that she was still in Ben’s apartment. In his bed. Searching for him, she turned, wincing at the stiffness in her muscles, as she took in the empty rumpled sheets to her back.

 

Alone.

 

He’d left her alone. A slice of anxiety ripped through her chest at the idea that he’d left. Before she got that far however the more rational part of her brain kicked in. She looked to the foot of the bed, staying quiet as she listened to the silence of the bedroom. No noise from the bathroom, or other rooms on this level. However, she could smell the faint waft of bacon and maple syrup coming from the kitchen, indicating she wasn’t exactly as alone as she’d originally perceived. She smirked a bit at the idea he’d only left her in his bed to make breakfast. At the foot of the bed she caught a glimpse of her clothing, folded neatly with a small sheet of paper resting atop the pile.

 

Holding the soft sheets against her naked skin she sat up on the bed, body aching and sore from the previous night as she leaned over, taking the piece of paper between her fingers. His careful yet elegant script scrawled across the middle of the page.

 

_Didn’t want to wake you._

 _Shower is that way, if you’d like.- >_

 _Breakfast is downstairs, if you’re hungry._

She smiled a bit at the thoughtful note. Discarding the sheets from around her body she stood, wincing again as she gathered her clothing to go into the bathroom. Her body felt used and sore throughout, reminding her of their night together in ways that she should have expected. Sex with a guy like Ben meant that even the most-gentle of lovemaking could have probably made her feel raw and sore for days after. But what they’d done had been far from slow and gentle. Stretching a bit, she caught her reflection in the mirror of his en suite bath. Her hand flew to her mouth in a gasp as she took in the distinct line of bite marks that trailed along the length of her left collarbone. Her hand that graced her kiss bruised lips trailed along the line of marks he’d left. Remembering more of the prior evening, she looked to her inner thigh, seeing the bruise there as well, her fingertips dancing along the edges of the purple bruise. However pleased that it should make her that he’d marked her as his, it only served to give her that all too familiar twist of anxiety in her gut.

 

She shook her head as she started her shower, determined to shake off the impending anxiety attack she could feel brewing.

 

The night before hadn’t been like her. She’d been so unprofessional. Letting her body do the talking instead of keeping him at a comfortable distance. And yet more than she’d like to admit her heart had wanted it too. Wanted him even. Over the time they’d known each other she’d let him see pieces of her that she’d only spoken of previously. Let him in, in more ways than one. And that was the beginning of the anxiety. He knew her now. Intimately. More than she usually let any man in. Not since the last time so many years ago. Annoyed at her mind’s detour into her personal romantic failings, Rey stepped beneath the scalding spray as her body tensed from the heat and the memories that continued to assault her brain from just the night before. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that the night before had been a revelation. How easily he’d fallen beneath her command and followed explicit instructions more than any man she’d ever been with – in the scene or not.

 

It was delicious, perfection even. But that still didn’t stop the fear and anxiety from bubbling up and overwhelming her. She closed her eyes and faced up into the spray from the showerhead as memories rolled over her. Voices of the past telling her over and over again that she wasn’t good enough. That some piece of her was too much to bear. Always to come before the inevitable heartbreak.

 

In the end that’s what people did. They left.

 

So, she kept everyone at a distance. Even her own loving adoptive parents. In truth the only person who’d ever known the real her wholly and completely had been Finn mostly out of knowing each other throughout their lives and knowing his secrets as much as he knew hers. Experience told her that any man would eventually leave her. Either because of the scene, or because she desperately craved love as well. And it broke her heart to realize that Ben would be no different even as she ardently hoped it wasn’t true.

 

In time she’d learned from these experiences that maybe she was supposed to keep everything separated. And that’s how things should have remained with Ben.

 

But damn him. He’d made her _want_. Made her _care_.

 

And now she’s standing in his shower, having one of the worst panic attacks she’s had in years at just the idea that he might be like the rest. That he’d eventually leave too. It’s what they did. Leave and in their wake was all the broken pieces of her heart for her to pick up and stitch back together. She gasped for breath as she faced her head down out of the onslaught of the spray. The idea of falling for Ben was easy. Too easy even. And that was where the true fear of abandonment lay.

 

Love, in Rey’s experience, if anything gave someone the power to break you into a million little pieces. A death by ten thousand tiny cuts. And she’d be the one with the bleeding heart.

 

Rey wasn’t entirely sure if there would be pieces left once Ben had walked away from her as she could foresee happening.

 

It was better to just stop this all together. She told herself this as she rinsed away the night and everything that had happened between them. A foolish notion to be sure. The damage was already done. She was going to hurt herself to push him away. And certainly, he’d fight her on this. Whether that was out of some misplaced notion of obligation or what he’d felt she wasn’t sure. She played the scenarios and conversational possibilities over and over in her head, plotting out her exact responses to things she figured he might say.

 

It was for the best, after all. He didn’t need someone like her screwing things up for him. Not now when he’s just getting his feet wet in the community. Some selfish piece of her was all too pleased that she was his first experience with any of it aside from what he’d told her from his past.

 

Shutting off the water she pulled the towel he’d left her on his towel warmer. Drying herself off she didn’t dare catch her reflection in the mirror. If she had she may not have the strength to do what she felt must be done. She had to end this. Before she got too invested. She had to put a stop to it. She wouldn’t let this be like the others. She couldn’t stand that kind of pain again. Even though with Ben it would be all the more acute.

 

Dressed and prepared to face him finally she made her way down the stairs, hearing his soft hum emanate up as she rounded the corner. He wasn’t facing her. Faced towards the Viking range flipping pancakes in a frying pan. She couldn’t place the song exactly but the tune was familiar all the same.

 

It tugged at her heart to see him like this. Unguarded and doing something thoughtful. Delaying the inevitable was only going to make it worse but seeing him like this. She knew she could table the discussion of their nonexistent future for now. Ben turned as she was hitting the second to last step and he grinned upon seeing her.

 

“You’re awake!” he announced with a small grin. Rey nodded and padded over to the island where there was coffee, and juice waiting. “I didn’t know what you preferred in the morning. Though you’re British so probably should have made tea.”

 

A flicker of a grin lifted the corner of her mouth as she sat at one of the stools. “Coffee is perfect, thank you,” she stated in reply, trying in earnest to enjoy his company for as long as she could.

 

Ben loaded up their plates with scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon before handing hers over.

 

After setting his plate down next to hers, he came around the island, a gentle hand grazing across her shoulder blades as he passed, making her tense at the sudden contact. Ben eyed her strangely as he sat down. “Everything all right?”

 

Rey nodded mutely even though it was a lie. Nothing was all right. But she could play the part for the time being. Wait for a better moment then the morning-after breakfast he’d just made for them. But Ben sensed there was something amiss in how Rey was acting. Her body language was stiff and she was eerily quiet as he filled the morning with inane chatter about his plans for the day and the week.

 

Taking a long sip of his coffee he eyed her again, seeing her having eaten only half the food on her plate, and considering she’d polished off a rather large helping of vindaloo the night before made him nervous as to what she was communicating in her listless and closed off appearance.

 

Setting his mug down with a clang he pulled her attention to him. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

 

Rey shook her head slightly and tried to dispel his concern but the severe look he gave her told her not to lie to him. Swallowing she looked forward, not making eye contact as she set her fork down on the plate. She looked down at her hands, now folded in her lap and licked her lips for good measure, steeling herself for the conversation she’d convinced herself was the only way to keep her heart from being broken. Because in the long run he’d see that this was for the best.

 

“I was just thinking that you should look over the dossiers,” she stated, trying to keep her voice neutral.

 

Ben swallowed thickly at the implication but planted his feet, trying valiantly to become the immovable object to her unstoppable force. “I didn’t think those would matter after last night,” he spoke softly, almost too afraid of what she might say in response.

 

Rey took a breath and turned to him, finally meeting his gaze. “As unexpected -,”

 

“And incredible -,” Ben interjected, as he turned to her as well, squaring himself up for a fight. He had a feeling this might happen. That she might run after the night they had.

 

Rey again steeled herself against what would surely be a fight. “Yes, as unexpected and wonderful as last night was, it was a mistake.”

 

Ben’s face grew solemn. “A mistake,” he said the words slowly, as the meaning sunk in. A mistake could mean so many things. After all his very existence could be considered a mistake. A missed birth control pill during a tumultuous and victorious senatorial campaign had saddled his parents with a son neither understood nor had time for. A mistake could mean that she wanted to take back what she said. That she didn’t really want him after all. That being with him had been the catalyst to end her attraction to him.

 

 _Was it me? Was I not enough?_ The questions plagued his mind but he dared not let them fall from his lips as he stared at her.

 

Rey could see the play of emotions run across his face. Oh-so-readable and transparent and it made her heart ache to take the words back but it was too late. The words were out now and no matter how she back tracked it wouldn’t change the fact that she’d labeled their night together a mistake.

 

“It’s not that it wasn’t something either of us both wanted. It was wholly unprofessional of me and I should know better.”

 

At her self-flagellation he bristled, “oh, come the fuck on. Don’t act as if I wasn’t a more than willing participant.”

 

Rey closed her eyes but still held firm. “Willing sure. But what I did? I threw you half into a scene without properly negotiating it with you first. That was wrong of me. But I kept going because I wanted you even though I knew it was wrong.”

 

“Wrong? You call that wrong? Rey, that was…” he stopped, pausing himself before he let her know just how deeply affected he was by that night. He shook his head and changed his tactic as he stood taking his now empty dish to the sink. “Last night wasn’t a mistake. I don’t buy that. And as for the dossiers if your name isn’t on one of those files I don’t want to even look at them,” he half snarled and half pleaded. Though he knew her name wasn’t among them as he’d shifted them to his home office earlier in the morning, spying the names on each of the tabs his heart had sank a bit at the idea that she hadn’t put her name up for consideration.

 

However, he’d hoped that with last night between them that she might have had a change of heart. Yet as she stared at him, eyes watery and a chasm ripped between them bigger than the space now distancing them across his kitchen.

 

Rey swallowed and looked down to the island. “I can’t be what you need.”

 

A huff of breath blew out from his chest as he almost wanted to laugh. “Why don’t you let me decide between what I want and what I need?”

 

Rey closed her eyes again, her hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “You’re so new to this lifestyle Ben. You don’t know the difference. You need a domme who can train you without emotions getting in the way. I can’t be that for you.”

 

“Why, because you feel something for me?” He asked and a single tear slid down her cheek.

 

She took in a long breath and met his gaze again. “What I feel doesn’t matter. It’s what you need that does. Emotions complicate things. They cloud judgement and reason.”

 

“But you do feel something, don’t you?”

 

Rey rolled her eyes and stood. “Follow your thoughts through to conclusion here, Ben. Emotions cloud everything. If we were to try something sure it might be great for a time but when it inevitably ends I don’t want you to turn your back on the scene just because of one experience, believe me I’ve been there.”

 

The admission in her words began to click for Ben as to why she was pushing him away. “You think it’s going to end? You’re pushing me away because you have already made your mind up about us. That we’re doomed before we even try so why try at all is that it?” He surmised, shaking his head. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath.

 

Rey stepped forward and placed a hand atop his on the quartz countertop. “I can’t be what you need, Ben. I’m sorry. You need someone who can train you without emotions getting in the way. You shouldn’t have all your experiences in the scene wrapped up in just one person. That never ends well, trust me.”

 

Ben looked down at their hands and then up to her face, trying to reign in his own emotions. He wanted to reach out and pull her to him, kiss reason and logic back into her mind but his pride wouldn’t let him. His heart constricted as she moved her hand away from his and gathered her bag and shoes. “I’ll walk you out,” he stated with an emotionless tone that sliced at Rey’s resolve but still she held firm as she slipped on her shoes.

 

The walk to his front door was short but could have easily have felt like a lifetime. His fingers twitched towards her as she walked ahead of him, opening his door and hesitating for just a moment. Sentences were born and died in her expression before she ever uttered a word. He stood there, not letting the emotions that were threatening to overtake him show aside from the expression on his face. Rey swallowed and leaned forward to press her lips to his cheek, using his shoulder for leverage as she leaned up onto her tip toes. Pulling away, Ben followed her retreat but still said nothing, frozen as his own wounded pride refused to let her see just how much he was hurting within.

 

“Take care of yourself,” she said softly before turning to leave taking all the oxygen from his apartment in her wake as he shut the door and leaned against the wall, gasping for breath as the pain and anger pushed their way to the surface. He balled his fist and pressed it against the opposite wall as he stepped forward. The pain that filled his chest at her rejection was too much to bear and he had to steel himself against it.

 

In the hallway Rey crossed to the elevator, pressing her head back to the wall once inside it as tears began to fall in heavy sobs. Regret and anger at herself filled her as she pressed the button for the lobby against everything in her that was calling her to go back; to make things right. She closed her eyes and told herself over and over that it was for the best. That they’d only hurt each other worse in the end had she stayed. For now the pain would be acute but would lessen far more quickly than it would have otherwise.

  

* * *

 

The rest of the morning to anyone else should have felt like a flurry of productivity and yet for Ben, it was anything but. At work the day seemed to drag which annoyed Ben to no end. Everything everyone did it seemed to grate on his very last nerve. He knew that it wasn’t so much what they were doing that was getting to him but what he wasn’t emotionally dealing with. He couldn’t though. Not right now. There was work to be done and he couldn’t focus on the hollow ache that followed Rey’s words and departure from his apartment. He knew if he wasn’t at work that he’d be wallowing as much as he probably needed it he just shoved the burning ache and sting of rejection as deep as he could.

 

There were so many things he’d rather be doing at this moment but being one’s own boss had certain responsibilities that were inescapable even when your mind would rather focus on anything but work.

 

And as such it made him an absolute tyrant to deal with. Impatient. Impertinent. Walking the line that verged on the unprofessional with how cold, clipped and downright rude he was being to any slight inconvenience.

 

He’d already made two interior designers leave his office after an abruptly ended meeting muttering the words _what’s gotten up Solo’s ass today?_ and _dickbag_ just loud enough for Maz to question what was going on with him. Mitaka was even as white as a sheet as he left Ben’s office after having been told in no uncertain terms that his production timeline needed to speed up even though Mitaka had already been given the requisition and purchase orders for the 3-D printer’s he’d been begging for. Now he was trying to teach himself the software such that he could actually increase his concept to print timeline.

 

By lunch time Maz came in to ask Ben for his lunch order, knowing he usually loved the Thai restaurant she frequently ordered from. But instead of the normal amiable rapport between the two it started off entirely on the wrong foot.

 

“What?” He barked, not looking up from his drafting table as he busily scribbled and then let out a frustrated curse under his breath before turning to her with an expectant and annoyed expression.

 

Maz was only ten years older than Ben but she had never heard him take such a tone with her before. “You want to walk that back to a more-polite tone of voice?” She snarked, taking on the older sister tone that she so often did when one of the three partners that led this firm stepped a toe out of line.

 

Ben arched an eyebrow at her and shook his head. “Can you just get to the point? I’m working.”

 

Further surprised at his continued tone she sighed and put her hands on her hips. “I was just going to ask you what your lunch order was going to be since I was going to Grubhub from that Thai place we both like but considering your attitude I’m not sure I should offer to buy you lunch.”

 

Ben flinched at the sharpness to her words and then squared his shoulders. “Yeah? Well that’s fine. I can buy my own lunch I definitely don’t need any charity on your end.”

 

“You want to talk about it?” Maz asked, knowing there had to be something bothering him for his attitude to be so belligerent and down right hostile.

 

Maz’s observation caught him off guard and she saw instantly the pain flicker across his face before he steeled himself once more, slamming the door hard on his own torrent of emotions. “Not particularly no. Especially not with an employee.”

 

His words cut her deep, in the few years she’d worked for ArLoD she had become a surrogate sister to the trio of males who ran the place. A friendly camaraderie between them all that while an air of professionalism was maintained, still didn’t mean that anyone couldn’t come talk to her for advice or just a friendly ear. She huffed and decided to drop the subject for now.

 

“So, no coconut curry sea bass then?” She proffered, hoping that the mention of one of his favorite dishes from the restaurant would pull him out of his discontent.

 

He rolled his eyes at her continued assault on changing his foul mood. “No. I’m not hungry,” he lied, his own stomach, quietly growling in protest. “Will that be all then?” Ben asked coldly, putting a distance between them and their normally warm and cordial interactions.

 

Maz huffed once more and narrowed her eyes. “Yes. That’s all.” She stated before turning on her heel and walking off in the direction of the in-house kitchen. Once inside the kitchen she paced back and forth, utterly fuming at the state her boss was in. It wasn’t so much that he was being a jerk but that there was something wrong that he was pushing down and ignoring only to then take it out on the entire staff.

 

She had three options of which to handle this situation.

 

One was to ignore it, assume Ben got up on the wrong side of the bed and tell people to steer clear until the storm clouds that surrounded him abated. Two was to go to Dameron who as head of human resources and Chief Operating Officer would no doubt need to know that his CEO was being a ripe jackass to everyone in the firm. However, Dameron and Ben had been friends since childhood. And no doubt he’d give Ben the benefit of the doubt. Option three was the nuclear option – Hux. As much as Ben and Armitage had been close friends throughout college the two were notorious for their rather volatile disagreements. Dameron was often the buffer between the two mediating disagreements between the creative and financial branches of the firm. She vacillated for a moment before seeing a young intern practically run past the kitchen’s opening, crying as they ran back to their desk. Another victim of Solo’s wrath.

 

“Oh, that’s it,” she softly proclaimed and stalked towards Armitage’s office. He was at his computer typing away as he ran the numbers for the monthly budget.

 

Without knocking, Maz walked straight into his office, taking him off guard. “Not that I’m not pleasantly surprised to see you Ms. Kanata but exactly why are you storming into my office?” He asked with an amused smile on his face.

 

“Solo is an absolute ass today. He’s made several employees disparage him as they left meetings. He turned Mitaka sheet white with his fury and made an intern cry. Not to mention he was a complete jackass to me when I only wanted to ask for his lunch order.”

 

Maz watched as the amused smile slowly faded from Armitage’s face in favor of a look that bordered on homicidal. “Entitled, son of a prick,” he muttered under his breath as he looked down at his hands and then back up to her. “Exactly, what would you like me to do about it?”

 

Maz nodded, squaring up her stance. “Confront him. Dameron will placate him. You at least have a history of going toe to toe with him and living to tell the tale.”

 

Armitage nodded solemnly and dismissed her. “Go back to your desk I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

 

Maz smiled minutely before nodding in gratitude for his action before she headed back to her post just outside Ben’s office. From her perch she could see him still grumbling and cursing to himself as he tried to be productive. She knew something was bothering him. Something entirely not work related that was indeed affecting his work for the day. And yet the day before he’d been almost chipper. The stark 180-degree turn in his mood didn’t make any sense at all. Curious she pulled up his calendar from the day before, seeing the meetings and goings on he’d attended while at work and one after hours meeting on his schedule.

 

_8pm Dinner with R. Erso_

The name wasn’t familiar to her, nor did she schedule the meeting. Even more curious was the fact that he hadn’t flagged it as a work appointment category either. Instead flagging it as his personal schedule. Intrigued she did a quick Google search of this mysterious _R. Erso_.

 

The first few hits were of an immigration nonprofit and a sculpture artist but then she struck the jackpot.

 

_Rey Erso, Phd. Psychologist and Licensed Couple’s therapist._

Maz glanced to Ben, whose face was pulled tight in a grimace as he placed his drawing into CAD with his tablet and stylus. Eight o’clock in the evening was indeed a strange time to see a therapist but not wholly unheard of. She clicked on the website for the practice and was greeted with a pleasant screen with a picture. And in that second everything clicked.

 

_Dinner with R. Erso._

 

Not an appointment for therapy. Especially since she couldn’t quite recall the last time Ben had anything resembling romance. But this, little tidbit of information coupled with the fact that the picture on her practice’s website showed that she was young, attractive and in conjunction with his much lighter demeanor the day before she concluded that his behavior entirely had to do with the keen sting of some sort of rejection. Suddenly it all made sense. Every cold glare and clench of his jaw said it all.

 

She saw Armitage walk up, and tried to stop him, to warn him before going in but Armitage waved her off, stalking into his business partner’s office with a stiff set to his shoulders that showed he meant business.

 

From the outside people began to look, to gawk at the scene the two were creating, only hearing muffled snarls between them.

 

“Just what do you think you’re doing treating our employees like dispensable garbage?” Armitage snapped as Ben’s glare narrowed.

 

“Oh, so you can trample over people’s feelings but the second I do it’s unconscionable?” Ben countered just as angry.

 

Armitage rolled his eyes. “Are you done?”

 

Ben huffed and rolled his eyes as well. “Yes, we’re done here. Go away Hux.” Hux planted his feet and didn’t budge which only served to piss Ben off more. “You’re still here. Why?”

 

“Because you’re being an insufferable prick. I think it’s in the best interest of everyone in the firm including you that you take the rest of the day off.”

 

Ben sat back for a moment. “Are you sending me home Armitage?”

 

“Yes.” He hissed.

 

The two continued to argue, snarling and snapping at one another before Armitage finally snapped. “If you don’t take your shit and go home I will have security come to collect you. Either you move or you will be moved, period.”

 

From the outside of the office the two looked to be at a veritable standoff. The two fuming as employees tried their best to spy and gather any and all gossip they could. Maz stood and ushered them all back to their desks. “Honestly, all of you, back to your offices or desks. Let them hash it out in peace, will you?”

 

Poe walked up then looking vaguely alarmed by the argument he was witnessing through the glass walls and door leading to Ben’s office. He turned to Maz who was standing now, hands on her hips as she made sure the rest of the employees vacated the area. All she needed was for both Ben and Armitage to get angry and blow up at the entire firm. What a PR nightmare that would be. Solo’s attitude for the day had been abhorrent surely but nothing a few well-placed bouquets and extra paid vacation time wouldn’t fix.

 

Poe narrowed his eyes and turned slightly to Maz, pointing towards the scene in Ben’s office. “Should I intervene or is it a bad idea to break up the dog fight?”

 

Maz shrugged. “It’s your hand that’ll be bitten should you try. Besides it should be ending soon. Ben’s the one in the wrong.”

 

Poe’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “What happened?”

 

Maz sighed. “You always come to me for gossip.”

 

“Because you’re Maz. You know everything.”

 

Maz grinned at Poe, shaking her head ruefully. “Such flattery, Dameron.”

 

Poe shrugged and smiled unapologetically. “I only speak the truth. Anyways, what’s going on? What kind of damage do I have to deal with?”

 

“Oh, nothing much, Solo has been a tyrant today. Even rude to me which is saying something. So, I may have let Hux know and to do something about it. He even made an intern cry.”

 

Poe’s brows furrowed as he considered her information, flummoxed as to why his best friend since childhood was acting like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. “Any thoughts as to why?”

 

Maz nodded, crooking her finger to him for him to step around to her side of the desk. “He was a lot lighter yesterday, so I checked his schedule and there was a dinner with this woman, Rey Erso, last night at eight. So, I’m guessing a date that didn’t end well?” She explained, before clamming up quickly as Ben stormed out of his office and out to the elevators, messenger bag in tow.

 

Poe looked at her screen and took in the vision on it. He cursed under his breath, knowing that the woman in the picture was exactly Ben’s type. And from the looks of her website, was also educated and employed. “She’s definitely his type. I’m sure whatever happened it will blow over. But Hux is right to kick him out for the day.”

 

In a simple instant Poe was able to put pieces together as to exactly why his best friend was in foul mood. It reminded him so much of the sour moods he had during undergrad, any time he’d had a one-night stand. Poe knew Ben better than most. Knew that while he tried to hide it that he wasn’t the hit it and quit it type. He respected the Hell out of him for his ability to abstain and wait for someone who he could click with on an intellectual and emotional level when Poe himself was far more a serial monogamist and a bit of a playboy in his singledom.

 

Hux came over to them then, smoothing his slicked back hair and straightening his tie and vest. “Thank you, Ms. Kanata for letting me know. The situation has been handled.”

 

Poe followed Hux as he retreated to his office. “What was that all about? Fighting with him in front of the entire fucking firm is not going to go over well with our competitors. You know Snoke is going to salivate over this kind of gossip.”

 

Hux took a breath as they entered his office. “Dameron, I have neither the time or the patience to deal with your nonsense right now. I just fought with one-third of the partners of this firm don’t make it two-thirds.”

 

Poe sighed and sat across from Hux’s desk. “Dude, I’m serious, do you even know why he’s acting like this?”

 

Hux rolled his eyes as he sat himself back down at his desk. “Does it look like I care?”

 

“Armitage, listen. He had a date last night.” Poe began trying to get Hux to see exactly why Ben was acting in such a way.

 

“Your point?”

 

“Remember back in undergrad when we all were young, stupid and sowing our wild oats or whatever they call it. Ben was always a jackass the morning after a one-night stand. And he had a date last night with some Rey Erso. I didn’t even know he was dating again.”

 

Hux perked up at the mention of the name. He and Rey had never crossed paths but he knew the first name well enough from the community he belonged to but hadn’t quite interacted with aside from Trisha. He sat back for a moment and cursed, the realization dawning on him as to why Ben might have reacted as he had. Ben had never mentioned the name of the woman he’d met at the gala but there were just too many coincidences to not add up all the bits of information into one neat little package.

 

“Yeah. You know about her, don’t you?”

 

Hux nodded. “Ben might have mentioned there was a woman he met.”

 

“Shit. And he didn’t tell me? I’m a little offended.”

 

“There might have been other reasons for not telling you Dameron. You’re like brothers, you think he’d tell you about a woman he was serious about right away?” Armitage argued, keeping the real reason for Ben’s discretion from Poe to himself. Truth be told the only reason Armitage even knew there was a woman in the first place was because of Ben’s own revelations about his personal tastes thanks to him snooping through Hux’s texts.  So, he couldn’t really qualify his knowledge of her over Dameron as anything more than also knowing the big secret that Ben was keeping about himself due to their similarity rather than having any sort of larger importance in their friendship.

 

Poe sighed in resignation. He knew that Ben was not the type to wax poetic on his own love life. He felt for his friend who was angrily speeding back to his apartment, pedal to the floor even though he didn’t need to be so aggressive for a relatively short drive.

 

Once back at his home Ben walked inside, taking the apartment in. He walked around it, thanking himself silently for doing the dishes before he left that morning. He didn’t dare go upstairs to his bedroom, however. The sheets there were in dire need of washing after last night and were still unmade. Instead he went to the cupboard where he kept his best booze.

 

He grabbed the bottle of Jameson and a glass tumbler, filing it with one large cube of ice from his freezer before he popped the bottle and poured himself a glass, then another, and then took the glass and his bottle to the sofa where he flopped down and looked up at the ceiling, dazed and let the alcohol begin to sink in and blur his consciousness. It wasn’t a healthy thing to drown one’s sorrows but he figured that for just today he could dull the ache that ripped its way through his chest and clawed at his gut.

 

If only he’d woken her up. Maybe if he’d taken her one more time that morning she’d have been convinced to stay. Too blissed out to argue against it. To try for whatever this thing was between them. Instead he played his part of the hopeful lover, making her post-coital breakfast and giving her space to clean up and join him at her leisure. He cursed at himself as he nursed the alcohol in his glass, resting the tumbler on his chest as he continued to replay the images and the words of the night before and the morning that followed over in his head again and again, sipping each time the pain lanced through him.

 

Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow would be a better day to get a handle on his emotions.

  

* * *

  

The sky was painted pink and purple and gold in the early signs of dusk as Rey trudged to her front door to let Finn in. She’d felt awful the entire day. Like a shadow of her normal self, just going through the motions of her day. Her patient load was light and as a result it wasn’t enough to distract her from the pit gnawing in her stomach.

 

Regret and shame swarmed her in regular intervals. Everything in her wanted to take the words she said back but her stubborn pride refused to let her go back on her argument. She was right in a lot of ways. They could hurt one another far more deeply than the damage she’d already wrought.

 

And yet there was one small voice nagging at her, wondering if they actually would. She couldn’t deny that everything with him felt different from anyone she’d ever been with even outside of the bedroom and outside of the scene. They could talk to one another on the same intellectual level even though their areas of expertise were in vastly different arenas, only filling in key pieces of information where needed to aid the other’s understanding. And they seemed to genuinely enjoy one another’s company despite the undercurrent of attraction between them.

 

And what did she do? She shoved him away.

 

She opened her door seeing that Finn was stacked up past his face with baking supplies and things he needed to use her kitchen as his own personal after-hours test kitchen. New menu items he’d said when he’d texted her earlier at her inquiry as to what he was planning to make. Rey grabbed one box from the top, revealing his smiling face.

 

“Thank you, love,” he said jovially, but when he took in her somber expression concern melted the grin right from his face. He followed her to the kitchen, setting down his supplies and things. “Everything okay?” he asked. She nodded quietly, which was Rey code for _no, no it wasn’t but please don’t ask_.

 

So, being the ever-dutiful best friend and adoptive brother, he let the matter drop, hoping that whatever it was wouldn’t sour their night.

 

Rey helped him unpack, the second of three boxes smelled distinctly of moo goo gai pan and sweet and sour chicken. “Did you get the hot mustard?” She asked plaintively as she began to rummage through white takeout boxes.

 

He scoffed at her question and reached in the box for the little plastic tub of yellow hot mustard. She grinned finally and took it from him as they set about working in her kitchen.

 

Finn unveiled his ice-cold croissant dough that he’d painstakingly folded over the course of the afternoon was ready to be rolled out, cut, filled and baked. Rey sat on her barstool, eating and watching with rapt attention as Finn set to work on his first project – lemon ricotta croissants with honey drizzle.

 

They chatted amiably until Finn looked around and wiped his hands on a damp kitchen towel. “What do you need?” Rey asked.

 

“Paper and pen? For notes!”

 

Rey nodded back towards the opposite end of her apartment. “Office, desk drawer,” she stated, unmoving from her perch on the barstool.

 

Finn grinned and headed toward her office. Inside it he located the pen and paper quickly grabbing a legal pad and a ball point pen. However, upon her desk a plain manila folder caught his attention. Particularly because it had his sister’s name on the side. Curious, and devoid of any boundaries that would have inhibited him before. His eyes roamed over the documents and his eyes began to rise with every line.

 

Taking the file, he marched back out to the kitchen and smacked it down on the Carrera marble countertop. “What the shit is this?”

 

Startled, Rey looked to her side and blanched. She’d forgotten completely about the dossier she purposefully and cowardly hadn’t included in the stack for Ben to consider. “I…” she started but couldn’t quite finish.

 

“I learned things about you in thirty seconds that I never expected nor ever wanted to know. What the hell are you doing leaving something like this just lying about on your desk?”

 

Rey swallowed and sat her carton down. “It was for a potential submissive.”

 

“Wait what?” Finn asked surprised at the sudden mention however his brain worked backwards and he recalled their earlier conversations about the new guy she’d met at the gala. “Was it that guy? The one you swore was a dominant?” He asked in rapid succession not giving Rey a chance to answer.

 

She sighed and nodded. “Apparently I was wholly inaccurate in that summation. He’s a sub, not a dom, not even a switch.”

 

“So, you made this file for him? Are you going to -,” Finn stopped, trying to find the correct terminology, “you know?” He settled on finally.

 

Rey rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I mean we did and it was,” she paused her eyes, glazing over at the memory before she shook her head again. “But it can’t happen again. It won’t.”

 

Finn took a step back and put his hands on his hips. “So, you mean to tell me that you met a man that you find attractive and happens to be interested in the lifestyle you are a part of and even did a scene with him?”

 

Rey shook her head again. “No. _No._ We got to know one another. He had questions and I answered them but we kept talking. About anything. About everything. And then I went over to his place to give him a stack of files with available female dominants and I was going to include my file but at the last minute I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t decide which was more terrifying. Him not choosing mine or actually choosing me. And then dinner was wonderful and we talked and one thing lead to another and we slept together. And this morning I panicked. I said I couldn’t see him in the scene or out.”

 

Finn’s confusion melted away at Rey’s explanation. He knew Rey’s past trials and tribulations with love as well as her abandonment issues. In fact, if anyone understood abandonment issues it was Finn. Having gone through his own during the mourning process after losing his mother to cancer. At some point he was angry at her for abandoning him and leaving him alone. And yet he wasn’t alone. It’d taken time and the love he’d gained in Jyn, Cassian and Rey as his newfound family. They couldn’t replace his mother. No more than Jyn and Cassian could replace Rey’s biological parents from what little if any memory she had of them.

 

He stepped forward, placing a reassuring hand at her knee. “Rey,” he started in that oh-so-brotherly tone, “not everyone is going to leave you.”

 

Rey blinked a few times, pushing back the stinging sensation at the corners of her eyes. “I know.”

 

Finn gave her a suspicious glance. “Do you?”

 

Rey closed her eyes and let the tears fall freely. “I just. I can’t go through anymore heartache, Finn. I pushed him away to protect myself. It’s selfish and stupid and I know I hurt him but I couldn’t stop myself and now I have to live with the consequences.”

 

“So, you pushed him away to protect yourself but from what I’m surmising from your story and the details I’ve gleaned from our previous conversation you probably broke his heart more than you protected your own.” Finn stated, dropping the truth like anvils over Rey’s psyche.

 

The pain and realization that she probably did more damage than good by her actions struck her to the point of near panic again. But she really only had herself to blame. She just didn’t know how to make things right apart from taking the words back that she stubbornly refused to negate.

 

* * *

 

 

The loud cacophony of pots being clanged together along with soft arguing voices and subsequent offkey singing in Spanish startled Ben out of his alcohol induced sleep on the sofa in his living room. However, moving and allowing the light to hit his eyes only made the room spin and his head throb in excruciating pain. A hangover worse than the one he had weeks ago settled over him in the instant that he awoke. He wasn’t used to drinking that much in such a short period of time anymore. Even though he’d had maybe four or five drinks the entire night. His days of keg stands and lines of shots were far over the minute he’d entered his thirties.

 

With a scowl he looked to the offending perpetrators. Because of course when you’re at an emotional low your two best friends show up to aggravate your hangover migraine. Wonderful.

 

“Oh wonderful, sleeping beauty is awake!”

 

Ben grumbled, cussing and rubbing the heels of his palms into his eye sockets to try to relieve some of the pressure built up behind them.

 

Hux chuckled at Ben’s gruff response, seemingly over their tiff from the day before. “I don’t know if I’d call him a beauty in that state… Far more a Beast, if you ask me.”

 

Poe’s laugh resounded with a sharp bark that made Ben flinch at the sound. “You’re calling that a beast? I mean, maybe if we put a helmet on him to cover his face…” Poe began to digress, motioning with his hand over his face to mimic what a helmet would cover.

 

Annoyed with their banter about fairytale characters at his expense Ben finally spoke, “Alright, Lumiere and Cogsworth, will you two, please, shut the fuck up?”

 

“Ooh, someone needs aspirin, water and Shara Bey Dameron’s hangover cure. You know I even went to that carniceria that I love, special to get chorizo for you, so why don’t you stop being an insolent bag of dicks and come over here. I even fried plantains for your sorry ass.”

 

Rising and steadying himself, he made his way across the living room and into the dining room, silently cursing the inventor of the open concept floor plan. Hux handed him two aspirin and a glass of water to which he downed readily before sitting at his barstool at the island.

 

Poe continued to hum and smack his wooden spoon in time to the beat of his song, which annoyed Ben to no end. However, if anything it served to show just how much like Shara, Poe actually was. The Dameron household had been a refuge he’d clung to growing up, both of them military brats and their fathers higher ranking officers in the Navy. Kes Dameron had been a third generation American, his family having come up from Guatemala and established residency in the arid desert of west Texas. Kes had longed for greener pastures and was the first in his family to go to college, his father and grandfather before him working the oil fields to afford Kes that opportunity. And he’d taken that hard-earned degree and become an officer in the Navy to give back to the country that had given his family so much. It was while he was stationed in Pensacola that he met a young Guatemalan tourist by the name of Shara Bey, and that was it. They married six months into their courtship and had Poe within the year after and had been together ever since. And as a result of Poe and Ben’s friendship, Ben had grown up hearing far more Spanish colloquialisms than he’d ever learned from his linguistics tutor.

 

“¡Come mierda! Jackass,” Ben spat as he scowled in Poe’s direction.

 

The sound of derisive and vulgar Spanish, though near flawlessly delivered, coming from Ben was enough to make Poe turn and his face scrunch up in laughter. “You’re too white to roll your Rs that well.”

 

“Tell that to the tutor I had, growing up,” Ben shot back, shaking his head. “Also, how in the fuck did you two get into my apartment?”

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “One, I know your code to get into the building. Two you also have a very obvious hide-a-key outside your door, you asshat.”

 

Ben rubbed a hand over his face and groaned. “Ugh, why am I friends with you two?”

 

Poe raised an eyebrow at the challenge in Ben’s tone, “Because we’re the only two people who have put up with your shit long enough to actually like you sometimes. And for the record, yesterday was not one of those times. What the _Hell_ got into you?”

 

Ben looked down, avoiding their imploring stares as Poe began to dish up three plates of his mother’s specialty: chorizo, beans, rice, chorizo and scrambled eggs. A perfect hang over cure complete with fried plantains on the side.

 

“Does it have anything to do with your dinner plans the night before?” Armitage asked, making Ben’s attention snap up to him.

 

“How’d you know about that?”

 

“Maz. She saw the appointment on your calendar and Google stalked your date, Ben. She’s very proficient at her job. Which is why we hired her in the first place. Hell, she even knew to go to Armitage instead of me to bench your sullen ass.”

 

“Ugh, I was pretty awful, wasn’t I?”

 

Armitage and Poe both nodded emphatically. “I’ve had to promise PTO out the ass and Maz has been drafting apology scripts for cards for you to write when you get back along with bouquets of flowers and fruit. You were not just a complete replica of how awful Snoke used to be but –,” Poe said, only to be interrupted by Hux.

 

“But, you were also wholly unprofessional. Maz deserves a paid vacation to see her parents for putting up with you.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes and took his lumps in stride. In hindsight he _had_ been an insufferable prick. But he couldn’t stop himself. His anger and self-loathing needed an outlet and no matter how hard he shoved those emotions of worthlessness down deep inside they always had a way of resurfacing that only served to make him feel weak and paranoid that everyone could see it. That his pain was so clear that everyone was mocking him even with the kindest of gestures.

 

“Okay, yes. It had to do with the dinner, or well what happened the morning after.”

 

“Did you get laid?” Poe asked, a smirk rising on his face.

 

Hux rolled his eyes, “Now is not the time for menial locker room banter, Poe.”

 

“For the record yes, BUT,” Ben all but shouted the last word, pausing as Poe got that giddy congratulatory grin on his face. “But,” he began but softer this time. “She didn’t want to continue seeing one another,” he said, putting it in the most vanilla of terms. Hux would certainly understand but Poe for one did not know of Ben’s shift into the scene and for another Ben wasn’t entirely sure of what his reaction would be.

 

Poe’s face fell a bit. “So, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to just let her blow you off or are you going to fight for it? Obviously, you like her or you would have told me about her sooner and I wouldn’t have had to find out from your assistant’s proficiency at internet stalking.”

 

Ben groaned at the mention. “I am sorry about that.”

 

“You better be. I’m not asking for details but considering the picture on her practice website she’s a total ten, isn’t she?”

 

Ben snorted at the questioning. “More like a twenty.”

 

Poe’s eyes widened at the boast. “Well shit, I’m impressed.” Hux rolled his eyes and Poe only shrugged in response. “The question still stands, what are you going to do about it?”

 

Ben shrugged unaware of what even he should do. She’d clearly indicated that not wanting him wasn’t the reason for her flight, but it still didn’t stop his own insecurity from wheedling at his brain with ideas that, she was just being polite in her rejection. “I don’t know.”

 

The three men ate in near silence as Poe tried to offer advice only to have either Ben, Hux or both shoot him down at every turn. At one point, Poe finally relented and left to handle the rabble at the office, and suggested that Ben sit it out another day, take a sick day, a mental health break just to get a handle on himself before coming back. Ben grudgingly agreed as he stacked their dishes in his dishwasher before walking Poe to the door.

 

Hux turned to him after Ben returned to the kitchen with a suspicious glance. “Is she a pro-domme? I recognized her first name from some of the community emails I get from the list serv.”

 

Ben shook his head. “No. She is a domme though. She’s the one I met at the gala. And Hux, Christ, if I didn’t know I was a submissive before the other night, it would have completely opened my eyes.”

 

“Did you do a scene?” Hux asked, now intrigued by the story.

 

“No. Damn near close, though. And I like her. A lot. And I know that’s stupid of me and rather naïve but I can’t help it. She’s incredible.”

 

Hux nodded and pursed his lips in thought as he scratched a hand along his neck. “So, why did she not want to continue seeing you? Did she say?”

 

Taking a deep breath, Ben ran a hand through his hair while he explained everything. From the moment they met at the gala, to their conversations and what led to the single greatest night of his life to this point in his thirty-one short years until finally he described the conversation they had the previous morning. “She said she couldn’t be what I need. That I shouldn’t have all my experiences in the scene wrapped up in one person. That when it inevitably ends she didn’t want me to turn away from the scene because of it.”

 

“Well, I can’t fault her logic,” he stated, garnering a surprised look from Ben. “I said I can’t fault her logic not that it’s completely bulletproof. I get it though, you are emotionally invested in her as much as you are physically and that can be a problem in the scene. A lot of people just want casual. Some a specific contract over a duration of time. It’s not unheard of to find romance in the scene but it’s just as rare to find your perfect match out in the regular dating pool, too. In a way I agree with her. You don’t want all of your scene experiences wrapped up totally in someone you’re emotionally invested in because lines will blur. The line between your D/s relationship and the romantic side will blur if you’re not careful.”

 

Ben sighed, knowing that there was at least some rationality to Rey’s fearful run from him. “So, what do I do now?”

 

Hux considered him for a moment. “Lick your wounds, and then consider the dossiers she gave you. You do need training, or at least a pro-domme who you can get experience with. Maybe once you’ve had the experience you can go back to her and make a more informed decision and make your case.”

 

Ben nodded, “I’ll think about it.”

 

Hux agreed, placing a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Take your time. Let what happened breathe a little, give it some space and see where you’re at in a few days.”

 

And in reality, that’s really all Ben could do.

 

Give it space.

 

Give it time.

 

The old adage wasn’t just a trite saying for nothing, time really did heal given the chance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please also check out [Across the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13718967/chapters/34286921) by [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) I beta this wonderful fic and it's my personal favorite BaTB reylo au, and we now finally have smut!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I'd love to hear from you!


	9. IX. Elastic Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben talk. Ben picks a domme to train under. But we come to find out that expectations and reality don't always quite match up. The beautiful beginning of Phas/Ben friendship but promise this is firmly a Reylo fic, no shenanigans to be had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This begins a little interlude in the fic that we will be focusing on more of the psychological aspects of the D/s dynamic. That's where Phasma comes in. No Ben and Phas will not be sharing a formal BDSM scene together in this fic. Sorry any Phaslo multishippers. But they will become really good friends as a result of their interactions in the next few chapters!
> 
> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!  
> Also check out [Libido Lunares](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14755586/chapters/34119086) by Meagan (27vampyresinhermind) which is a new fic I am beta-ing on the side!

_Chapter Playlist: Razor’s Edge – Digital Daggers; How Soon is Now – The Smiths; Elastic Heart – Sia; Meet Your Master – Nine Inch Nails_

IX. Elastic Heart

 

If there’s one true thing about time is that it inevitably passes. Seconds to minutes and then to hours. From there it moves ever more swiftly on to days that eventually while away into weeks, months and years. However, right now for Rey time felt like it had slowed to a proverbial crawl. Seconds droned on for days. Hours like weeks. Each moment excruciatingly long and punishing to keep her brain occupied away from what she really wanted. In truth It had only been a couple of days but her hand still reached for her phone every so often throughout the minutes and hours since she left Ben’s apartment that fateful morning.

 

She knew as a psychologist exactly what was happening to herself. Hindsight and distance gave her clarity that she couldn’t fathom in the heat of the moment. The anxiety that had ripped through her that morning was something she’d struggled with for the longest time. Years of therapy as a teen and young adult had taught her healthy coping mechanisms and a confidence that she’d thought she’d overcome those barriers. However, with that stunning resurgence of her own doubts and fears meant one thing - she needed to revisit her scars and reexamine if she’d actually gotten past it at all or had in effect just buried the insecurity and anxiety deep in her own psyche.

 

As much as regret swam through her, it was still better to have let him go. It’s what she tells herself even now. Trying to convince herself of the altruism to her action of pushing him away. He didn’t need to deal with her anxiety. Or her own little mental breakdown. He wasn’t hers. She wasn’t his. They had no claim to one another and that’s how it should have stayed. But of course, she went and fucked everything up by letting attraction and desire cloud her judgement. Even though this was worse than usual. It was a cruel twist of fate that it seemed that he felt the same way about her that she did about him. It made pushing him away that much more difficult.

 

Still, that nagging sensation of hope lingered. That someday they’d find their way back to one another. Shaking her head at herself she chuckled wryly at the thought because even if that were to happen there were things Rey needed to do for herself. More so than just getting her own shit sorted than just to get her own anxiety and insecurity situated before she could ever hope to have a normal relationship in or out of the community.

 

At that thought the more derisive part of her brain chimed in to tell her that she shouldn’t even try. The dark cloud that is her subconscious mind argued that she was an actual human disaster. She’d just fuck it all up again, stacking up her previous relationships into neat little piles of failure, and this one fleeting moment of failed potential bliss sat atop the stack.

 

Sighing, she glanced to the clock on her computer in her office: _6:45:34 PM_.

 

The day had been overall pretty productive. She’d had several good sessions with her clients and even managed to squeeze herself in with a lunch appointment with her mentor from Stanford. Talking with Dr. Levy had always been a pleasure in the past and this time was certainly no different. She’d sought out her old mentor, in reality to discuss her own issues, and get advice. As a clinical psychologist himself he’d first admonished her for not continuing with therapy after graduate school. And yet through it there was this almost fatherly like pride that she was reaching out. Thus, he’d recommended a few good psychotherapists in the area.

 

The old cliché that medical professionals were the worst patients wasn’t a stereotype for nothing. Rey herself was even loath to admit that she needed help. But the pain of walking away from Ben that morning continued to linger, tearing fresh wounds over her old scars. In her heart of hearts, she knew that it wasn’t healthy to live like this. To shove the pain, anxiety and insecurity down so deep that it came as a shock when it resurfaced.

 

Just like she knew she should give Ben space. Give him time to heal and move on.

 

And yet she couldn’t resist that pull.

 

The urge to reach out was too tempting, as her fingers unlocked her phone of their own accord. The more rational part of her brain tried to stop her, shouting that she shouldn’t do what she was about to do. But the rest of her didn’t listen as she pulled up Ben’s contact info and her pointer finger hovered over the call symbol. Taking a breath and steeling herself, she tapped her screen and brought the phone to her ear as the call connected.

 

At this precise moment, across town in his darkened office Ben laid across the sofa, thumbing through the new _Architectural Digest_ issue, ruminating on sealed concrete or bamboo flooring as he awaited Poe to return with dinner. Brought out of his quiet contemplation over the use reclaimed water filtration systems in residential areas he noticed his phone buzzing across the coffee table to his right. Rolling his eyes, he didn’t even look at the caller ID before answering, assuming that it was Poe asking for his order one last time.

 

“Poe, I think we need to get you tested for early onset Alzheimer’s if you can’t remember my dinner order from five minutes ago,” he teased into the phone, not bothering with a greeting.

 

“Ben?” Rey asked, recognizing his voice but making sure that she had indeed called the right number.

 

At the sound of her voice Ben sat up immediately, heart leaping into his throat. “Rey?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

He swallowed thickly at the confirmation. It’d been only a couple days but just the sound of her voice felt good. And he hated to admit that to himself. Every part of him wanted to ask her why she called, wondering in earnest if she was calling to say she was wrong, that she wanted to try. But the words died in his mouth before the could ever be uttered. Instead he stayed silent, waiting for her to continue or hang up, he couldn’t decide which he favored more at the moment. For as much as he wanted to keep her on the line, his resentment and pain was simmering just beneath the surface, waiting to lash out should he let it off its fraying leash.

 

“I was calling to apologize,” she began, knowing that starting there was just the beginning. “For how I left things the other morning.”

 

Ben took a breath still not saying a word, hoping that she’d continue.

 

Spurred on by his silence she began to ramble. “I know I said that I didn’t want things to end up souring you on the community itself and then I realized that what I did might have anyways. So, I apologize for that. And I hope that I haven’t completely run you out of the scene.”

 

Defeat swam through him again as he realized the reason for her call. She didn’t want him to give up on this part of himself even if he couldn’t be with her. “I see. And you didn’t.”

 

Rey felt simultaneous relief and anguish over his decision to stay because if he stayed that meant he was going to find someone else. And as much as she knew that was an inevitability it wasn’t one she wanted to entertain. Even though this was her doing. She could have offered herself to teach him but therein lies the rub. Too afraid to love him, yet too afraid he’ll love someone else all the same.

 

“Good. That’s good.” She said, slowly, drawing out the last two words. “Have you by any chance looked at the dossiers yet? I know our dinner was supposed to discuss them but that didn’t happen.”

 

Ben let out a dark chuckle at the allusion. Discussing those files certainly hadn’t happened as much as he thought his decision had been clearly communicated that night. “No, it really didn’t,” he joked right along with her, finding a small bit of levity in the pain. That levity soon vanished as he replied to her question, a sharpened edge to his tone, replacing that brief lightness. “And to answer your question, no. I haven’t looked at them yet and I think you know why.”

 

Rey closed her eyes momentarily, knowing at least in part that he still might fight her on it. “Ben…” she began in supplication.

 

The sound of his name so softly whispered sliced through his chest. He ran a hand through his hair and scratched along his neck as he steeled himself against the onslaught. Ben ignored her almost pleading tone, keeping his voice firm with an almost clinical detachment. “But I will look them over this evening when I get home. I’ll let you know when I decide on one. I assume you’ll arrange a contact info exchange between who I choose and myself?”

 

Taken aback by the sudden shift in his demeanor she nodded as she replied. “Yes. That would be most helpful. I can arrange the exchange of information and see if they’re willing to take on a green submissive such as yourself.”

 

“Good.” He stated in a cold, matter of fact tone. Poe returned to his office then coming in with two white bags with a red and yellow logo of their favorite West-coast burger joint, with the tell-tale splotches of grease across them from their French fries.  “I’ll have my decision for you within a couple days.”

 

“That sounds good. I guess I’ll talk to you then,” Rey replied, cringing at how unsure she sounded.

 

Ben swallowed as Poe gave him a suspicious glance. Ben shook his head and held out his hand for a bag. “Okay, I’ll talk to you then,” he added, before they hung up with mutual goodbyes.

 

“What was that?” Poe asked as he sat across Ben in one of his office chairs.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Again, Poe served Ben a suspicious glance only to be waved off. Leaving it alone for the moment, he shrugged and handed Ben his double-double animal style burger and little white container with his animal style fries.

 

Back across town, Rey stared at her phone in her office and felt the sting of tears prick the corners of her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she breathed a heavy sigh. That had gone better than she might have expected but damn if it still didn’t rip right across those wounds of hers with hot coals. Again, she reminded herself, she really only had herself to blame for her current predicament as well as blame her stubborn refusal to alter it.

 

* * *

 

“What I’m most unhappy about Gary is that you felt that you couldn’t just be honest with me,” the client, Arthur, stated as he continued explain his feelings of betrayal that he’d received from his husband of thirty-four years.

 

“Arthur, I was ashamed. When I saw how much debt I racked up I panicked. I couldn’t just tell you.”

 

“But we’ve been through worse. We survived the eighties Gair,” he reasoned turning to Rey. “I know this might be before your time Dr. Erso, but the 1980s were a scary time to be a gay man. Between Reagan, the rise of the moral majority in the GOP and the AIDs epidemic, wiping out so many of us we were lucky to have made it out without a diagnosis even in spite of the culture back then.”

 

Rey nodded. “I was born in early nineties so I apologize. But I do know my US history.”

 

“Born in the _nineties_. Oh, bless you, you’re practically a fetus!” Gary proclaimed.

 

Rey’s shoulders shook with mirth at the jab about her age. “Hardly. I’m twenty-seven.”

 

Gary ran a hand through his silvering-brunette hair. “Oh, to be twenty-seven again. Arthur, you remember that trip we took for your twenty-seventh birthday?”

 

“Tahoe?” The other man said with a glint of recognition and nostalgia in his eyes.

 

“Yeah, those were good times.”

 

“They were.”

 

Rey smiled at them, knowing they were obviously still very much in love. “That’s good. Remembering good times is always great, but let’s not get too lost in nostalgia of yesteryear. Arthur your feelings of betrayal are valid and warranted. But let’s examine why Gary kept this credit card debt from you in the first place. Gary, what ran through your mind when you were confronted with the size and scope of the debt?”

 

Gary took a moment to collect himself. “I really didn’t think it had gotten that bad. I’ve done stupid things in my lifetime. But this I just when I saw the statement balance, I panicked. All I could think of was how disappointed Artie was going to be.”

 

“Disappointed sure. But you should have trusted me to help.”

 

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

 

Rey smiled warmly at the exchange between the two men. “It’s obvious that you two love one another very much. Financial troubles are very common in long term marriages. The important thing is that you two establish strong trust and communication to avoid future issues. For your homework next time I want you two to sit down and make a monthly budget of all expenses, bills, food, transportation, entertainment, and really walk through it together. No judgments no sniping. Just talk it out. What you’re willing to sacrifice to pay down the debt and what things you are going to put on hold to do so. Then when you come in next week we’ll discuss what you two decided on,” Rey explained, as she wrapped up their appointment.

 

As she walked them out in her pocket she felt her phone buzz expectantly, signifying a new text had come through.

 

On the lock screen she could see that the message was from Ben with two words. Or really a name.

 

Ben Solo  
  
Phasma Delacroix  
  


 

Rey swallowed as the name hit her gut like a sucker punch. She adored Phasma to pieces and knew she was a more than apt teacher for Ben to learn with. However, that nagging sense of jealousy and possession overwhelmed her momentarily. She’d been dreading this message for two days now since their talk on the phone.

 

Shaking her head at herself she pushed away that jealousy. _He’s not yours_ she told herself quietly. _You shoved him away._

 

And she had. But that didn’t stop the feelings from coming at her all at once. The stages of grief hitting her one by one in rapid succession until she landed upon acceptance and resignation.

 

With calm determination she took up her phone and called her oldest and dearest friend in the community.

 

“Hello, Phasma? It’s Rey,” she began.

 

“Well hello, darling. You don’t call. You don’t write? Am I only to see you at official social events?” Phasma teased.

 

Rey chuckled at her friend’s jibes. “Hey this is a call. See, I can call.”

 

Phasma in turn laughed at her reticence. “For what do I owe the pleasure of your call, my dear?”

 

Rey took a breath before she began. “I have a potential submissive for you to train, if you’re interested?”

 

“Oh! Well by all means, do tell,” Phasma encouraged, settling into her large executive swivel chair in her office for the story she’s about to hear.  
  
  


* * *

 

A few nights later Ben sat in his car, hands gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He was nervous. Ever since he looked through each of the dossiers and decided on one – Phasma Delacroix he hadn’t known exactly what to expect.

 

What did one wear to meet their prospective dominant? He figured a pair of jeans and an gray colored Henley worked but aside from that he wasn’t entirely sure what he was to expect upon their first meeting. Half of him expected her to be in full dominatrix garb, complete with corset, PVC latex dress and a whip in hand.

 

And yet as he talked himself down he tried not to imagine the worst-case scenarios his brain kept cooking up for him. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to perform should the occasion arise. He knew he had to disabuse himself of any notion that he could somehow get Rey to see reason and take him on. But his nerves twisted in his gut kept him frozen for the moment as he tried to coax himself out of his car and head up to Phasma’s front door.

 

Pepping himself up with his own internal monologue, he extricated himself from his car and headed towards the door to a gorgeously restored Victorian home that was maroon with evergreen trim on a quiet street in the rolling hills of suburbia just outside of the city center. It was one of those historic homes you’d see featured on a tourist map, complete with stained glass bay windows and a veranda that wrapped around three quarters of the house.

 

Tentatively he ascended the steps up to the front porch and door. Ringing the bell, he stuffed his now clammy hands into his pockets as the nerves continued to twist his gut as he awaited the door to be opened. Yet when the door did open to his everlasting surprise stood a statuesque blonde who was barefoot and the same height as him, in a slightly undone pantsuit. Her pale blue silk blouse was slightly untucked from her navy blue slacks and the first few buttons unbuttoned revealing a hint of lace in her undershirt. Her short coif of blonde curls was similarly unkempt from running her hands through it one too many times upon arriving home. Her beaming blue eyes lit up at his presence as she took him in.

 

“Ben Solo?” She asked and he nodded, thoroughly stunned at her lilting accent.

 

Her answering warm grin as she stood to the side, opening the door and subsequently her home to him.

 

“Please, come in, and you can leave your shoes at the door,” she stated as he came inside the foyer to her beautifully appointed home. Slipping off his shoes he followed her, noting the cabernet sauvignon in the large wine glass in her left hand.

 

He followed her into her home taking in the French country style furniture and overall warmth of her décor, keeping much of it in time with the age of the home. Once they reached their destination, the parlor she turned and grinned as his attention was far more to the detail of her abode than herself.

 

“Am I to assume the architect approves?” She teased gently bringing his attention back to her.

 

All his nerves seemed to melt away with her gentle derision. “Yes, it’s beautifully restored. Who did you hire because I need to poach them for my firm.”

 

Phasma’s indulgent grin widened. “Most of this is a DIY project.”

 

Ben’s eyes widened as he took in the meaning of her comment. “You did this? It’s stunning. I thought you were a lawyer?”

 

Phasma nodded in agreement. “Oh I am. But my father ran a small tool shop in Sussex back home in England. So, I happen to know my way around a tool box. Most of it was just stress relief from long days of writing legal briefs. I’d come home and channel all that energy into a restoration project. Took me ages but even the floors you’re standing on are original to the house. There’s just something so wonderful about an old place like this.”

 

Ben turned around, taking in the high cathedral like ceilings and the painstaking care she must have used in restoring the home to its original glory. “I’m impressed.”

 

“Now, would you like some wine? I find a glass helps relax the nerves,” she offered. He nodded his acceptance and she poured from the open bottle of Cabernet into the open glass on her coffee table. “Please, have a seat,” She added as she handed him his glass.

 

Taking his seat opposite her on her sofa, he felt his nerves rise up once more, only to swallow them down with a generous gulp of wine.

 

“Now, I wanted tonight to be more of a getting to know you type meeting.”

 

Ben took a breath and set his glass down as relief came over him. “Oh. I wasn’t expecting that.”

 

Phasma nods. “I figured from the stiff set to your shoulders and the ‘oh shit’ look on your face.”

 

Ben’s expression grew mortified and then crumbled into self-deprecating laughter. “That bad huh?”

 

“Rey was right, open book.”

 

Ben was so shaken by the mention of her name that he looked at Phasma surprised. “Open book?” he asked, feigning nonchalance even though he very much wanted to ask what else Rey had divulged about him.

 

“Yes, your expressions. Rey told me you were a bit transparent there and I have to agree.”

 

“I’m afraid of what else she might have told you,” he muttered, shamefaced at her having pegged his too-readable face so easily.

 

“Nothing more than what a good old-fashioned Google search can. Son of a senator, successful architect, aged thirty-one, single, never married, and heterosexual. Then of course the one thing that google can’t tell me, that you’re a new submissive. I took the liberty of having Rey send me your file as I’m sure she had given you mine. We aren’t too different, you and I as far as tastes go. There’s so much for you to learn and experience.”

 

Ben swallowed thickly as he tried to get comfortable, settling back into the cushy confines of the sofa.

 

Phasma watched him closely as he did this noting that his body language is sending off all kinds of signals that he’s nervous, unsure and uncertain. “You’re not sure about all this are you?” she asked, catching him off guard once again.

 

“Shit, you’re observant, aren’t you?” He asked, realizing that she was just reading him and his behavior as if he’d spoken his feelings plainly. Phasma sat there with an expectant look on her face as she awaited his answer. Taking a breath, he stilled his anxious movements and turned a bit toward her, “And no, I’m not. This is all new and a little bit frightening to be honest.”

 

Phasma once again grinned at his candor. “I’m glad you’re being honest with me. Now I want to tell you something that might reassure you a bit. Half of a successful dominant and submissive relationship is trust. And as such you and I will not do a scene together until there is a mutual trust built here. I should like us to become friends if that’s all right with you?”

 

Once again Ben was taken aback by Phasma’s demeanor. For the first time since telling Rey of his choice via text he felt like he made the right choice. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

 

Phasma shrugged. “It’s the least that can be expected, besides there’s much we can work out outside of my playroom before we ever set foot inside it. Most of our beginning work is going to focus on getting you into the submissive headspace. That is of the utmost importance if we’re ever going to be successful as a team.”

 

Intrigued Ben sat forward and grabbed his glass of wine, taking another generous sip. Setting it back down he considered the woman in front of him. She’d defied every single one of his internal expectations and somehow, he respected the Hell out of her for it. “How do we do that?”

 

“Well I figure we can start negotiations first. Defining our boundaries for one another.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement. “Okay. I’m not sure where to start there.”

 

“Here’s one for you, preferred safe word? I particularly like the red, yellow, green system since it’s universal. Green means yes, keep going or yes may I please have another. Yellow means proceed with caution or hold on I need a moment.”

 

“And red means stop.”

 

“Yes exactly. Red should only come when you’ve reached a hard limit or as your dominant I’ve pushed you too far. Now my goal as a domme is to skirt the edges of your limits and push them gently forward but never crossing into the red territory. It’s quite alright to yellow if necessary but an attentive and observant domme will notice when a submissive is distressed, nearing that red and pull back. Not to say mistakes aren’t made. They can and do happen to the best of us, but it’s the goal of the domme to always skirt that edge of getting close yet never crossing the lines that are clearly predefined.”

 

“Okay. I think those work and are easy to remember. I would come up with a unique one but I’d be too afraid to forget it when I need it.”

 

“Good. Now, trial period.”

 

“Yes, what does that entail?”

 

“For the first six months, either of us can end the partnership no questions asked by either party, though out of courtesy it is good form to give at least a reason why the partnership is ending. Is that amenable?”

 

Ben nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I’m fine with that.”

 

“Again, good. Now we won’t have to get into the details of our checklists yet, since we’ll be working on the psychological aspects of the dynamic first. Your head has to be in the right space for you to be able to submit accordingly,” Phasma explained as Ben nodded along. “The most important way to do that is for me to exert my authority in different ways without having to even come near you.”

 

“How do you do that?” Ben asked, utterly intrigued at the idea.

 

“Simple. First, when you arrive next time, you’ll get here promptly at seven-thirty. What you’re wearing is fine, I want you to be comfortable for our first few sessions until we’re ready to move forward. Another way a domme can exert her authority over a submissive is by restricting their orgasms.”

 

“Meaning?” He asked, though he was quite sure of the answer already. However, explicit explanations avoided misunderstandings and assumptions.

 

“Meaning, that you wouldn’t be able to get off on your own. Only if I gave you explicit permission to do so. One of the easiest ways for a D/s relationship to work is for the dominant to claim the submissives pleasure for themselves and themselves alone.”

 

Ben nodded and took all the information in. “Is that what you want to do?”

 

“Yes, it’s a way to get you into the subspace, that will make you focus on your experiences outside of pleasure. As fun as that can be it can be a terrible distraction, too. Although, if you aren’t comfortable with that then I’m okay with waiting on that as well.”

 

Ben shook his head to assuage her. “No, I’m good. I think you’re right, it can only help.”

 

Phasma grinned again. “Fantastic, with those initial things established, safe words, trial period, and restrictions, is there anything else you’d want to talk about before we table the negotiation?”

 

A low chuckle rumbled through his chest at her authoritative speech. “You sound like such a lawyer.”

 

A light laugh rolled through her shoulders as she spoke. “I guess I shouldn’t quit my day job then?”

 

“Definitely. But to answer your question, I think I’m good for now with the negotiation, is there an option to reopen them later?”

 

Phasma nodded in response. “Always. Any good D/s relationship is flexible and adaptable as the partnership grows and changes. This room is where we’ll have aftercare chats. Once we get into full scenes we’ll discuss them at length afterwards. What worked, what didn’t, what either of us liked and didn’t like. This room in particular I’d like you to think of it as your space to express yourself freely with me without fear of judgment or repercussion.”

 

“That works for me.”

 

“Fabulous. Now Ben, let’s get to know one another a little bit better, shall we?” Phasma implored, grinning from ear to ear as she and Ben shifted topic, getting to know one another on a personal level in the hopes of forming an amiable friendship and a foundation of trust.

 

One thing was for certain, in all the little surprises that Phasma had given him thus far he was certain that he’d grow to trust her in no time at all. Her kindness and candor were easily her best qualities with her tenacity and passion for the law a close second and third. Even as they continued their conversation into the wee hours of the Saturday morning, having polished off a bottle of wine and charcuterie platter that she had in her refrigerator, he could tell that even though he was still reeling from Rey’s rejection that through Phasma’s insight and determination to guide him that he couldn’t be in more capable hands.


	10. X. Ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma and Ben have another session and go to a demonstration party where Rey is in attendance as well. Rose makes an appearance as does EU Legends characters Corran and Mirrax Horn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
> I also want to thank all my readers who have reached out to me on tumblr and through comments here on AO3, you're support is most appreciated!
> 
> I apologize for this chapter taking so long to be updated. I've had a 14yo summer student in my research lab who I've wanted to murder throughout his 6weeks that he's been present in the lab. Lazy, entitled, and quite frankly just annoying. He leaves on tuesday after his presentation and I cannot wait to celebrate! So I decided to start the party a little early with finishing chapter 10.

_Chapter Playlist: Trust – Christina Perri; Frozen – Madonna; Under Pressure (Feat. Queen) – David Bowie; Crawl – Kings of Leon; Conscious – Broods; Ache – FKA Twigs_

 

X. Ache

Ben pulled up in front of Phasma’s home promptly at eight o’clock that evening for their third session. The second, a week prior, had been a brief lunch to discuss what they were to do going forward now that they were beginning to get more comfortable around one another. Quelling his anxiety a bit, he swallowed thickly as he stepped out of his car, rolling his shoulders and smoothing out his shirt as he locked his car and took the steps two at a time up the front stoop. As much as he was ready for whatever she had in store for him, he had to admit he was still nervous if that meant she wanted to do a full scene any time soon.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t find her physically appealing. No man in his right mind wouldn’t find the statuesque woman beautiful. His apprehension laid however with his ability to perform under pressure. Where with Rey everything had fallen into place effortlessly he was concerned that this was going to be anything but.

 

However, in the short time of knowing her, Ben had begun to admire and respect Phasma in a way that he wasn’t sure he’d ever quite respected anyone save for Rey. Phasma was keenly intelligent and pragmatic. Yet there was a softness to her that he got glimpses of that made that admiration grow.

 

He stepped into the foyer of her lovely home and called out her name. “Phas?”

 

“In the solarium, Ben!” Came her reply. “Grab two glasses of wine for us, would you?”

 

Grinning to himself he shut the front door, locking it and went into the kitchen. “Red or white?” He answered back as he grabbed two long stem wine glasses from the cupboard.

 

“Riesling tonight, if you don’t mind,” she called back.

 

He nodded and figured it must have been a better day than when he saw her the week before. Even though they hadn’t spent all that much time with each other he’d learned that a bad day called for a stronger wine than a good day. Riesling, a sweet dry white meant she must be in at least somewhat of a good mood.

 

Pouring the glasses followed by re-corking the wine and placing it back into the refrigerator, he then followed the sound of her soft hum into the solarium. He noted the papers before her as she made some last-minute notes on what looked like case files.

 

He stood before her for a moment holding her wine until she looked at him. She glanced up as she set her pen down, smiling at him, her pixie cut curled and tousled into a casual disarray. “Thank you, love,” She stated taking a glass from him. “Have a seat.” She directed and he sat next to her on the sofa surveying the paperwork in front of them on the coffee table.

 

“Working late?” He asked and she shrugged.

 

“Last minute briefing notes for closing arguments tomorrow.”

 

“Big case?”

 

She nodded again. “Yes, lawsuit against a big oil company for destroying federally protected wetlands. I can’t wait to run rings around my opposing counsel with this one.”

 

Ben smiled as she took a long sip of her wine. “Sounds like you’re ready to celebrate.”

 

Phasma sighed as she leaned back. “I wish. But I think the jury is with us on this one. Thankfully we’re in a more earth conscious district for the proceedings. Anyways enough about my job how was yours?”

 

“Good. Went to a smaller jobsite in midtown today, it’s coming along nicely.”

 

Phasma grinned wider as he detailed the goings on of his day.  “Sounds like you’re about as productive as I’ve been.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement as he took a long swig from his glass as well before setting it on her coffee table atop a coaster already set out for their glasses. “So, what’s on tap for tonight?”

 

Phasma set her glass down and turned to him as she settled against the sofa cushions again. “I was thinking that we could do a mindfulness exercise. I know you’re struggling with settling into the submissive mindset and I think that’s important before we do any sort of scene that you’re easily able to slip in and out of it.”

 

Agreeing he turned a bit towards her, bringing a knee onto the sofa. “Mindfulness exercise.”

 

“Yes. Close your eyes and listen to what I say and try your best to visualize what I tell you.” Phasma explained as they turned towards each other more.

 

Ben wasn’t certain this would work but he couldn’t turn his nose up at it completely without at least giving it a try. He had to place his trust in Phasma. If their training was ever going to work he needed to do just that. Putting aside his misgivings he nodded and closed his eyes at her further prompting.

 

“Good. Now I want you to take a deep breath and let it out for five… four…three…two…one. Do that again.”

 

As he followed her instructions he felt his heart rate slow and his muscles relax. He knew breathing exercises. Those were key things his therapist had taught him as a younger man, to temper his anger, as well as his anxiety.

 

Phasma watched him with rapt attention as she waited a few moments before giving the next directive. Upon watching his shoulders relax she felt confident enough to move forward. “I want you to think of a playroom. It can be any design you want. Build it in your mind. What kinds of things you’d find there, the décor, what color the walls are.”

 

Ben did as she said to and tried imagining what his idea of a playroom would be like. A bed certainly, cabinets filled with toys and tools, maybe a chair here or there. Other tools he wasn’t quite sure of their purpose but had seen them in his earliest Google searches.  

 

“As you’re imagining this I want you to imagine yourself there. You feel at ease in that space but with a sense of anticipation. Imagine yourself waiting in your correct waiting position whatever that may be.”

 

Ben took another breath as he put himself into the space he’d imagined, running it over in his mind as he took a knee towards the center of the room.

 

“Now that you’re there, what do you feel?”

 

Ben thought for a moment and realized that he was calm as Phasma had said he would be. But excited all the same. “On edge, but in a good way,” he stated, eyes still closed.

 

Phasma grinned as he spoke. “Good. Do you feel ready to do as instructed without question or hesitation?”

 

“Yes.” And he was surprised at his own answer. He hadn’t expected that so quickly but maybe there was something to this visualization thing after all.

 

“Perfection. A woman walks into the room but you don’t look at her. You keep your eyes trained down as you know you’re supposed to. When she gets to you, take deep calming breaths to keep yourself centered.”

 

Ben did as instructed, and felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end at just settling himself into the mindset and the anticipation of it all even though this wasn’t real. It was imaginary but it felt different. Felt almost tangible in a way.

 

“On the count of three you’re going to listen to her instruction to look up at her. One. Two. Three.” She stated, pacing her counting over the course of fifteen seconds.

 

When Ben complied in his mind he let his eyes sweep up the figure his mind had conjured. At first from her feet up her toned smooth legs to a black silk night gown that fell just to her mid-thigh and then up he went past her collarbones to her face, settling his gaze upon striking hazel eyes beset in an all too familiar face framed by chestnut brown waves.

 

 _Rey._ Beautiful, commanding, yet soft and beguiling.

 

His breathing picked up then and he opened his eyes, effectively breaking the exercise as he moved to stand, crossing the room in exasperation and anger at himself. He knew he shouldn’t be imagining her. He should be imagining the Domme right in front of him. The one who’d graciously accepted him as her trainee. The one who had been nothing but kind to him. The one helped him see that it wasn’t so much a struggle to get into the mindset because he wasn’t used to it but that it was as blatantly obvious as this little exercise that he had an ideal that only one person could live up to. He damned himself as Phasma sat back, staying quiet as she let him work out whatever it was that threw him so quickly out of their little exercise.

 

Phasma observed him, concerned but kept her distance, unmoving from her spot on the sofa. For what it was worth Phasma understood on some level what he was going through. When she first joined the community so many years before, she’d been twenty and back home in England. It had come as quite a shock to herself to figure her own self out as much as it was a shock that it took her a while to find the proper headspace. No one had been that patient with her back then, so now she was determined to be that patient person for Ben. In their brief time and acquaintance, she’d grown to admire him for his honesty, and his kindness.

 

But now she sat and watched as he paced and self-flagellated over being unable to sustain the headspace for longer than a moment or two. And while that wasn’t a concern for her at the moment she still wanted to help in any way that she could.

 

“Will you tell me why you threw yourself out of it?” Phasma asked politely as Ben stopped pacing and came back to sit.

 

Ben looked at her with guilt in his eyes and at that moment it hit her as to one reason why. She wasn’t the woman he’d imagined. And though that stung a bit she knew that she had no claim to Ben or he to her.

 

“Was the woman you imagined different than me?” She asked tentatively, trying to get the story as much as she could out of him.

 

A sigh emanated from him and he nodded. “I’m sorry,” he stated softly.

 

Phasma only shook her head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. If every man or woman was arrested for imagining someone who was not the person they’re with then there would be far more people in prison. And we’re not even together, Ben. You have no loyalty to me nor I to you, aside from our friendship. I do appreciate that you feel wrong. But you can’t punish yourself for a fantasy.”

 

He nodded. “That did throw me. It was also difficult to imagine a playroom. I’ve never actually been in one before.”

 

At that Phasma’s face changed from serious to bemused, as a slow grin lit up her features. She stood and Ben looked at her strangely. “Follow me,” she commanded yet the tone was still a soft and kind supplication than a direct order.

 

Confused he followed her as she took him into the kitchen where the basement stairs were located. She opened the door and began down the stairs. Ben hesitated for a moment at the top of the stairs, noting that she’d turned on the overhead light, illuminating their descent.

 

“Is this where you hide the bodies?” He joked darkly as he came down the stairs to meet her at another door.

 

“No that’s in the garden out back,” she quipped in response, making him snort at the sarcasm in her tone. “Come now, I think this is something you might want to see,” she supplicated again turning the knob on the door and allowing him to walk past her into the room.

 

It was dark for a moment, until Phasma flicked a switch on the wall adjacent to him. The room lit up in a soft glow and was stunning. White furniture set against white walls, but sealed concrete floors beneath their feet. To his left was an all-white medical chair that looked eerily similar to a dentist chair.

 

He pointed to it and the chair next to it with a questioning glance at Phasma. She grinned and shrugged. “For medical scenes. Could be anything from getting an injection, usually saline to be safe to other medical like procedures. A lot of these don’t get much use anymore, but when you’ve been in the scene as long as I have you tend to accumulate accoutrement as they say.”

 

He nodded, amused by her explanation and looked up at the sign on the wall. Plain white wood emblazoned with black script with the words: _Yes, Mistress._

Phasma smiled wider. “A gift from Rey when I made junior partner and bought the house. Sort of a congratulations and housewarming gift all in one.”

 

“You two go back a long way, huh?” Ben said leaning back and turning his head to look at Phasma. He could tell that a gift like that placed as prominently as it was, must mean that the two women had a deep friendship. Much like his own with Poe or Hux that had taken years to foster.

 

Phasma nodded. “I trained her to be a domme. Like many others. But yes, we’ve been friends for quite some time.”

 

Ben turned and walked towards the giant white metal X that stood across the room in front of a mirrored wall that made the already expansive basement look all the more massive.

 

The X itself didn’t really explain why it was there, but the cuffs attached to each point of the X told him what it was used for.

 

As he made his way around the expansive room he noted a white metal cage in one corner, and in the far corner a white metal four poster bed along with other pieces of furniture and cabinets that lined another wall and a small stereo that sat atop the glossy white finish.

 

“It’s all very clean,” he joked noting her simplistic and almost European elegance to it.

 

“I like the white. I felt it contrasted well with the brick wall and the grey flooring. Most dungeons or playrooms that you see are in various shades of black and red. Boring and uninspired if you ask me. If anything, those speak far more to an elicit or darker theme that BDSM as a community has had hoisted upon us. While some embrace it I for one like this side of myself. I like the balance it brings to my life. I’m in a very male dominated field. And in here I hold all the power.”

 

Ben looked around the room sweeping his gaze once more throughout. “I get that, completely. And I like it. Definitely not what I expected from you, but I’m beginning to realize that you enjoy being unexpected.”

 

Phasma chuckled and leaned against a brick support post. “My dear, no one wants to be reduced to a cliché.”

 

Ben laughed, his shoulders shaking a bit from the force of it as he took in her statement. “Why’d you bring me down here?”

 

She smiled again and shrugged. “Well you struggle with the mindset right now, so I thought maybe being in a playroom, my playroom might help.”

 

“It does really. It makes the idea more tangible I guess. Before it was hard to imagine beyond the concept of what I feel about this part of me.”

 

Phasma stepped forward, facing him as she did so. “That’s the whole point of this. To bring you into this world you want to be in. Now how are you about crowds?”

 

He looked at her strangely. “How big are we talking?”

 

“Thirty or so people. There’s a reason why I ask,” she began as he remained silent, hoping she would reveal her reasoning. After a beat she took pity on him. “A few nights from now there’ll be a demonstration party. Kind of a cocktail mixer where like-minded people in the scene get together and a few of the more prominent members of the community put on scene demonstration. I’ve heard that there will be an interesting bit on rope play that you may like to watch. It’s a great way to meet people and see how scenes can be run from an outsider perspective. Would you like to accompany me? I can introduce you to a few people in the community.”

 

Ben thought about it for a moment and realized he was offered an excellent opportunity. The gala had allowed him to see the people of the community sure, but this would allow him to witness the community as it traditionally was. Demonstration parties from what he’d read were a common practice to showcase safe practices for particular scenes that were more advanced. He could learn more just from observing and talking to others in the community in a way that might help him move forward with his training.

 

“I think that’s a great idea; I’m in,” he replied with a smile to mirror Phasma’s warm expression.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

During his work hours, Ben found new focus and purpose in his career. The ability to shut everything out that was Rey related helped immensely so he could focus on the next job. Twelve hour drafting sessions followed by days of endless planning meetings and a well-placed apology lunch with Mitaka ensured that this next design would be one of his favorite they’ve done thus far. A renovation to the naval hospital in Bethesda. A close passion project for himself and Poe.

 

Ben was initially hesitant to even make the pitch, considering that anything Navy related inevitably brought up his last name and if he was related to a certain highly decorated Admiral. Had it been a few years before, Ben surely would have turned the idea of the proposal down when Poe first mentioned it.

 

Having budgetary meetings and planning sessions with his father was not something he would have wanted to entertain then. Now though, he almost wished his father hadn’t retired just a few months ago. In some ways their separation from one another was more of a curse than a blessing, and in other ways the opposite was true. While his relationship with his father had improved some over the years since he became an adult the overall relationship couldn’t be characterized as warm and loving. In fact, if there was one person who could get under Ben’s skin the easiest it was dear old Dad.

 

But as he stood bent over, looking over the newly printed and assembled three-dimensional model that Mitaka had created for him all thought of his father left him as he marveled at the preciseness of the lines, the durability of structuring through it all. But most of all how true to reality it looked and felt. He straightened then and clapped a hand to Mitaka’s shoulder.

 

“Dopheld, I’m impressed.”

 

“Thanks, Ben,” Mitaka replied, puffing out his chest with pride at the praise from his boss.

 

Armitage gave the model a once over as well, smirking at the first full scale model made by the new flight of 3D printers that Mitaka had painstakingly fought for, for months.

 

“I see our R-O-I on this will be steep indeed,” Hux stated, pulling Ben’s attention over to him.

 

Ben snorted in reply at the only kind of praise that Mitaka would be able to pull from the CFO himself. Ever the number cruncher, stingy with the budget unless it proved profitable. Had it not kept the company firmly in the black since they began Ben might have qualms about it but since Armitage’s financial acumen seemed to even surpass his own design capability he’d become the de facto budget guru for any and all projects, leaving much of the design to the staff and Ben’s more than capable hands.

 

With another few moments to coo over the model behind them, Mitaka bid them both a good afternoon to work on his next three projects that were all lined up, and busily printing at the present moment.

 

Both men continued to marvel over the model before them, truly impressed by the attention to detail and the capability that Mitaka had gained in getting the printers.

 

Hux looked to Ben who was busy taking down notes of particular points he wanted to showcase in their meeting with the budgetary committee in four days. A short-day trip to DC to discuss the budgeting and overall plan for the renovations and the new neurosurgery wing was planned for later in the week. For now, though Ben was content to just stay focused on the tasks at hand.

 

Driving himself to distraction was important these days. Keeping his mind straight and focused from exactly who lingered in his thoughts constantly was enough to drive himself insane. He wouldn’t let himself dwell long on that line of thought. Too much time spent going down that line only spelt heartache and longing that he couldn’t afford. But maintaining a laser focus on his work was helping, at least in part.

 

Ben looked up to see Hux staring at him with a question on his face. “What?” Ben asked.

 

“You’re in hyper focused work mode. Everything going okay?”

 

Ben rolled his eyes at Hux’s concern. Even though he knew it came from a good place it brought things to the surface he just didn’t want to deal with while at work. “Since when are you concerned when productivity is up?”

 

Hux sighed and rubbed a hand along his face. “Since you are terrible at dealing with rejection. You’re not burying it are you?”

 

Ben let out a long-suffering sigh at his friend’s implication. “No, and I’m not talking about this with you.”

 

“Are you still looking into-,” Hux began but stopped when he saw the expression on Ben’s face change.

 

Ben held his hand up, halting the conversation. “Yes, I’m actually going to an event tonight.”

 

Hux nodded in response. “Good, that’s good,” he stated in an attempt to be encouraging. “I just wanted to check in. I have never been to any of the events myself. You’ll have to let me know what they’re like.”

 

Ben grinned a bit at his friend’s curiosity. “Will do. This is my first since the gala anyways so it’ll be definitely an experience.”

 

* * *

 

 

Much later into the evening, Rey stood in her closet, towel wrapped around herself, and skin dewy fresh from a shower as she picked out her outfit for the party that evening. Settling on a black cocktail dress with plunging neckline, she pulled her hair into a soft one-sided low ponytail and placed a black shoelace like choker around her neck with metal accents that rested upon her exposed sternum.

 

Checking her reflection once in the mirror as she slipped on her favorite heels for such an occasion she took a breath and went to apply minimal make up, focusing on a bit of eye shadow and a soft lip color.

 

The entire day she’d tried to ignore the butterflies in her gut. She knew Phasma had RSVP’d for the party and was bringing a plus one. No doubt that plus one was anyone other than Ben. She’d fruitlessly tried to push down the wave of jealousy that swam through her every time the thought of the two of them together flit through her mind. As infrequent as it was it still was enough to rile her own self-loathing to remind her that this was a problem of her own making.

 

Had she not run. Had she not shoved him away at the first blush of anxiety he would have been her plus one to the party and not... She stopped herself, cutting the line of thought right from its logical conclusion.

 

Instead she focused on what Dr. Levy and she had been working on. Torturing herself wasn’t the answer. Focusing on every misstep and mistake wasn’t either. Yes, she’d made those mistakes but now she needed to understand why. And she did to a point. Even as it was happening she understood her innate fears and anxieties but was paralyzed to stop herself from her act of self-preservation.

 

And now she had to live with the consequences of those actions. Pushing Ben away had been a mistake, she knew that but one that would take a lot more than just words to undo. He had done what she’d wanted. Found a domme to train with that was off that ridiculous set of dossiers she’d made for him. A set that was incomplete because she was too scared to admit that her growing feelings for him and her fear of rejection was what held her back.

 

But now she pushed all of that aside as she finished getting ready and grabbed her clutch to head out to the party. The drive was a good twenty minutes from her apartment which was both a blessing and a curse in its own right. Anxiousness swelled in her gut and made her heart race just a bit more as she came closer and closer to the understanding that she would most likely be in the same space as Ben again. And she didn’t exactly trust herself not to do something royally stupid.

 

However, that didn’t stop her from entering the demonstration party and losing herself in old acquaintances and friends as she milled about the large living room of the host couple’s home.

 

Corran and Mirax Horn had been in the D/s community long before they ever wed. Having gotten off to a rocky start in their first meeting it took both of them quite some time, circling one another in the community before they ever did a scene together. From that minute on, working together, being around one another they’d become instantly inseparable. Married for just over a decade and in a fully-invested 24/7 domestic D/s partnership gave them quite the insight into many different angles a relationship could take. Even though most of the younger set of the community preferred single or recurring scene appointments or casual hookups at play parties.

 

“Rey!” Corran announced happily as she entered.

 

“Corran, how lovely to see you,” Rey stated giving the older man a warm hug. Beside him stood Mirax who looked regal as ever. Dressed simply in a cream-colored wrap sundress. “And Mirax, you look beautiful,” she added as she moved to envelop her in a short hug as well.

 

Rey engaged in pleasantries with the couple for a moment but soon scuttled herself off in search of the bar to get herself a cocktail. The party was already bustling when she arrived, making it easy to hide herself away, martini in hand as she observed the room.

 

Meanwhile outside Phasma had arrived moments before Ben had. Although finding parking on the street a bit scarce with the sizeable turnout had proved to make her late. Thus, Ben had arrived, parked a street over and walked before she could find parking herself. Ben leaned against the stone retaining wall at the bottom of the stairs, leading up to the large two-story home as he turned and saw Phasma half-jogging down the street in a pale pink floral jump suit beneath her wool trench coat and ballet flats.

 

“You okay?” Ben called out to her as she approached and slowed her gait.

 

“I just hate being late,” she huffed as he chuckled and offered her his arm to loop hers through. “Such a gentleman,” she praised as she took his offer. “Did you come straight from the office?”

 

Ben nodded looking down at his apparel, a grey button down beneath his coat, with a black vest, loosened tie, and slacks. “Yeah, didn’t have much time to change, but you said this was less formal so I figured a bit of an undone suit would suffice. You look lovely by the way,” he stated in earnest. And she did, though her jog down the street had given a lovely flush to her pale complexion. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him.

 

“Flattery will get you nowhere, young man.”

 

He shrugged at her playful admonishment, considering she was only two years his senior. “I’m shocked you’re not in six-inch heels,” he goaded knowing that she did love the ability to rock such obnoxious footwear in his presence since they were the same height without the aid of stilettos.

 

Phasma shrugged a bit as they ascended the stairs. “I was in them all day because I was in litigation. Depositions and the like but they still kill my feet and my back so I decided comfort was far more important than maintaining a towering stance.”

 

“Not like you need help with that anyways,” he joked as they entered the home, hanging their coats on the rack provided. He surveyed the area of the foyer and found a soft contemporary layout in the design and feel of the home. Soft neutral colors throughout the open floor plan of the main floor, spanning all the way back to the kitchen and presumably the backyard.

 

“Phasma!” Corran nearly shouted as they came fully into the home. Ben looked over at the man who’d all but announced to the entire party who had arrived, seeing a slightly older man, maybe in his mid to late forties with silvering dark hair dressed in a simple white button down and black slacks and a brunette woman of similar age as he on his arm.

 

“Corran, darling, how have you been?” Phasma greeted warmly, leaning over to half hug and kiss Corran’s cheek.

 

“Well, and yourself?”

 

“Wonderful.” She stated before, turning to Ben to introduce him properly, “Corran this is Ben, he’s new to the community and is training with me for a while.”

 

Corran turned to Ben to greet him just as a pair of hazel eyes settled on him from across the room.

 

Rey’s heart rate picked up as she took them in. Standing both at six-foot-three and smiling and chatting amiably with tonight’s ever most gracious hosts. She swallowed and watched them for a moment, seeing them break from the initial pleasantries and introductions. They seemed at ease with one another. Relaxed even. Though she knew Phasma would have ensured that. She was always the kind of domme that made you feel at first comfortable and second subservient. However, Rey felt her gut twist as Phasma leaned in to whisper something to him.

 

At the present moment Ben listened intently as Phasma gave him explicit instruction. “Now this is a night for you to learn and meet people. I want you to observe, learn, and only speak when spoken to. Do you understand?” She asked, looking for confirmation.

 

Ben nodded and replied with a simple _Understood_ before Phasma excused herself to get them drinks at the bar. Ben for the most part milled around, avoiding looking for the one face he was most nervous about seeing. In truth some part of him hoped Rey had other plans for the evening, but the rest of him including his traitorous heart hoped that she was indeed in attendance. Yet he kept himself regimented and controlled, knowing that scanning the crowd for familiar chestnut brown hair or hazel eyes would only make tonight more difficult. He was here with Phasma after all. A woman who has taken it upon herself to show him the things that Rey had refused to do herself.

 

Ben made his way around the main floor, watching the people for the most part and only stopped when Corran and Mirax called everyone to attention. He watched as Mirax untied her dress revealing a simple slip and underwear beneath it. Ben observed as Corran walked the crowd that gathered through simple to more intricate rope designs with his wife Mirax as the willing model.

 

“Mira, relax your shoulders,” he instructed and she rolled them back in the same breath. “Good girl,” he praised as he brought her arms back with her elbows almost touching behind her and began elaborately weaving rope around her arms. Mirax leaned her head back as he finished and Corran kissed her forehead with such a soft tenderness that Ben hadn’t expected to see a dominant give to a submissive.

 

Yet, as he crouched low to the ground, on nearly the same level as Mirax herself as he watched them work together, her offering herself to her husband even in spite of the crowd of gawking eyes, he surmised that tenderness must be indeed from their marriage as well as their dynamic within the community.

 

Ben didn’t listen to Corran’s instructions to the dominants and switches in the room. He remained there sitting back on his haunches watching Mirax and the emotions that played along her features as well as the absolutely breathtaking rope design her husband had made to restrain her arms behind her. Watching a fellow submissive slip easily into the headspace right in front of him was intriguing to behold.

 

What struck him the most was the serenity he found there, and how that easily transitioned to complete devotion and love when Corran rounded to her front, bending at the waist to kiss her and thank her for her obedience.

 

Over at the bar Phasma stood, leaning on her elbow as she awaited her second drink and a cocktail for Ben while she caught up with an old friend and fellow domme, Rose Tico.

 

“So, tell me about the tall dark and handsome you brought with you tonight?” Rose asked, grinning from ear to ear. Rose Tico was a relatively recent addition to Phasma’s small circle of friends within the community. A newer dominant herself she often liked to keep things casual flitting from submissive to submissive, male, female, and nonbinary alike. In her professional career she was a young, vibrant marketing director and was also the social media head for the community’s listserv. In that capacity Rose had quickly made herself indispensable when helping out with events. Which had been most helpful with the gala, having been one of the major players who secured more than half of the donations for the silent auction herself.

 

Phasma chuckled and turned to her dear friend. “Rose, how are you?”

 

“Wonderful. Single but good. Yourself?”

 

“I’m well,” Phasma replied softly before answering Rose’s earlier question. “I assume you mean, Ben? The submissive I’m training?”

 

“Oh, he’s a sub? Now there’s an image. A guy that big on his knees. Gotta admit, Phas, you definitely pick the most interesting trainees,” Rose quipped.

 

Phasma grinned at the praise and watched Ben as he crouched low, rolling his shirt sleeves to his elbows to watch the demonstration, admiring the determined look of concentration and awe upon his face.

 

Truly enraptured he didn’t even realize that someone had come to stand beside him. Even more unaware that it was Rey standing next to him, torn between her own fascination at the demonstration in front of them and the look of utmost curiosity and enchantment that was across Ben’s expression.

 

“Beautiful work isn’t it?” Rey offered, knowing that she was breaking all of her own rules at the present moment. This was what she had meant when she told herself that she wasn’t to be trusted with him in the same room. Drawn in like a moth to a flame she couldn’t keep herself away.

 

Ben startled at the soft lilt of her familiar voice next to him, he looked up at her with surprise painting his expression. Slowly he stood taking her in. It seemed that her absence from his life only made his feelings for her that much more acute and he damned himself for it. She’d been entirely clear before but that didn’t stop his heart from beating out of his chest and that small thrill of hope in his mind whisper that maybe she’d changed her mind.

 

From across the room Phasma could see the instantaneous shift in expression and body language as he looked up at Rey before standing. That brief flash of surprise followed by a flicker of devotion put everything into perspective. In that instant his struggle to get into the headspace made perfect sense as she watched him stand, shoulders no longer rigid but relaxed body language open as Rey took a half step forward as they spoke to one another.

 

The shift in demeanor and the spark of attraction between the two was not lost on Phasma for that matter nor Rose. “Huh, looks like you better go swoop in before your trainee gets poached,” Rose joked. Phasma turned, taking the now finished cocktails from the bartender with a grin and dropping a fifty into his tip jar for good measure.

 

“It was lovely to see you Rose,” Phasma began, excusing herself to go see exactly what was transpiring across the room.

 

Rey surveyed Ben’s attire giving him a quick once over as he spoke, answering her question about how things have been with Phasma.

 

“Good, to be honest. Phasma’s wonderful.”

 

Rey nodded as she tried to push the pressure in her chest down to keep it from rising and seizing her throat. “That’s brilliant. I know Phasma is a fantastic teacher. She taught me everything I know. So, I knew you’d be in the most capable hands,” she explained, keeping her tone light even though part of her knew that the words felt hollow.

 

“She’s definitely capable and very patient,” he stated as he saw Phasma over Rey’s shoulder. “Speaking of,” he began as Phasma descended upon them holding out a glass tumbler full of scotch on the rocks for Ben and a gin and tonic for herself. Rey took a step back once she realized that she’d drifted into Ben’s personal space during their short conversation.

 

“Rey, my dear, how are you?” She asked genuinely, grinning and biting the inside of her cheek at Rey’s startled expression.

 

Ben took his glass gratefully and took a long sip to avoid the awkwardness of the situation before him. He knew eventually this would come to pass. That he would have to face Rey again, and potentially be at Phasma’s beck and call at the same time. But however uneasy the situation may be Phasma didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all.

 

“Good, Phasma, how have you been?”

 

Phasma gave Ben a short grin and nodded to him, “Thanks to you, I’ve been well. I’ve been meaning to take you out to lunch to thank you for sending Ben my way. He’s been a most apt pupil,” she praised, probably laying on a bit thicker than she’d intended but the praise was true all the same. Despite Ben’s struggles here and there he’d been an absolute pleasure to teach and get to know.

 

But Phasma’s reasoning for such praise wasn’t just to stroke her trainee’s ego, no it was to see the subtle clench of Rey’s jaw and the stiffness that settled in her shoulders as she gently bristled at the implication behind Phasma’s words. Jealousy and anger were the two most apparent emotions Phasma could glean from Rey’s demeanor at the present moment. Jealousy that Phasma had Ben at her side, and the anger most likely internalized at Rey, herself.

 

“I’m pleased to hear that, Phas. We should get lunch soon,” she stated with false enthusiasm to her tone as the anticipation at spending time with one of her closest friends in her expression was nonexistent, almost as if she dreaded it.

 

“Tomorrow then? That bistro we both liked down in the financial district?” Phasma offered, though her tone implied that Rey’s attendance was expected.

 

Rey nodded, “Twelve-thirty?”

 

“Splendid, I’ll meet you there,” Phasma finished her plan already beginning to cement in her mind. “Now if you’ll excuse us, there’s some people I’d really like Ben to meet,” she stated excusing herself and Ben from Rey’s presence.

 

“It was good to see you,” Rey said to them both as they left, catching Ben’s almost sad expression as they turned and walked to the outdoor patio to mingle with others within the community.

 

Rey took a breath and turned from them as they walked away, not able to bear the fresh onslaught jealousy that pierced her gut and made her feel anxious and nauseated all the same. This was what she deserved after all, she told herself. What she’d brought upon herself in pushing him away. It didn’t do well to dwell on her mistakes she repeated in her mind almost like a mantra. She’d made her bed and now she had to sleep in it. Steeling herself and downing the rest of her martini she moved back into the crowd, to watch another demonstration for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again your support as readers through kudos, comments and messages on tumblr have been what's kept me going this summer. I decided to shorten the angst a bit as a thank you to all you readers and we'll be getting a conclusion of that angst in chapter 11 so hold tight we're almost off the ben solo pain train!
> 
> As always your kudos, comments and messages are what keep this writer writing. Thank you so much for reading!


	11. XI. Pursuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And award for fastest turn around time goes to... nah not really, but I like to call this the fanservice chapter. Although I've been planning this chapter from the beginning it gives you all what you've been clamoring for. 
> 
> Otherwise known as: Phasma coming in clutch for our loveable idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
>  
> 
> And a big thank you to all you readers who have commented, and given kudos thus far!

 

_Chapter Playlist: Delilah – Florence and the Machine; Hey Jude – Joe Andersen and Jim Sturgess (Originally the Beatles); I Miss You – Adele; I Want It All – Depeche Mode; Breath – FKA Twigs_

 

XI. Pursuit

 

Late.

 

So late.

 

Rey thought as she made her way to the bistro in the financial district a bit later than she’d wanted to and a full fifteen minutes later than their agreed upon meeting time. Waltzing up to the hostess stand she gave the name and subsequently followed her into the restaurant to a secluded corner table by a window. The window in question held Phasma’s attention as she contemplatively stared out of it.

 

Phasma’s attention quickly diverted as she glanced to see Rey walking up. The blond, ever so tall, and even taller thanks to the six-inch Manolo Blahniks on her feet stood and enveloped Rey into a friendly hug.

 

“You’re late,” Phasma tutted, giving her best amused but disapproving glance.

 

Rey sighed as they broke away and sat down. “Thank you for waiting. My client right before ran a bit long.”

 

“Of course, it’s not like I don’t have a full schedule to attend to myself,” Phasma snarked but brushed the rest of her annoyance aside at being kept waiting. If there was one thing that could incense Phasma it was a lack of timeliness which happened often with her junior associates when they’d first arrived under her supervision at the firm. One firm talking to however had put the proverbial fear of God in them to not disappoint their direct supervisor.

 

“I know, and I should have texted or called. I thought I was just going to make it but there’s construction a couple blocks over. Again, thank you for waiting and I’m sorry for being late.”

 

Appropriately mollified Phasma picked up her menu as the two began to peruse the options for lunch. The two chit-chatted for a few moments whilst they did so until Phasma broke the small talk without looking up from her menu. “I’ve decided to break things off with Ben,” she stated, nonchalantly letting her eyes roam over the selection in front of her.

 

Rey’s breathing stopped for a moment as surprise flashed over her features. Surprise followed by anxiety flooded her. “Phasma, you can’t,” she began but stopped when Phasma raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her in question.

 

“Oh really? And why is that?” Phasma asked only to be greeted with sullen silence from Rey.

 

Rey didn’t want to admit her reasoning for balking at Phasma’s decision. But the major factor was that this would be the second Domme who’d rejected him in the last few weeks. She knew that was definitely going to take its toll on him and could quite frankly push him out of the community for good. And yet there was another factor deep within that rejoiced at the idea that Ben would be a free agent so to speak.

 

Phasma rolled her eyes and went back to her menu for a moment. “You know I should be rather cross with you.”

 

Rey looked up with a questioning glance. “For?”

 

“Sending me a submissive who already has a dominant. Or did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

 

Rey’s eyes widened at Phasma’s accusation as she tried to recover quickly, throwing up her defenses and reinforcing that wall of stone around herself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stated, firmly, metaphorically planting her feet in obstinance.

 

Phasma scoffed at Rey’s play at being obtuse. “So, am I to believe that you didn’t take him to bed, then?” She countered, smirking when Rey’s shoulders stiffened and her complexion paled. “That’s what I thought,” Phasma added.

 

“Phas…” Rey began only to be silenced with the severity of her friend’s expression in turn.

 

“No, you listen to me. It would be completely irresponsible of me as a dominant and your friend if I didn’t call you out on this. He cannot possibly submit to me when he’s already yours.” Phasma retorted, leaning on her elbows.

 

At that precise moment the waitress decided to come over for their orders, noting the tense conversation she made an effort to try to give them a moment longer. And yet Phasma’s anger melted as she turned her attention to the server with a warm grin.

 

“Nonsense, we’re ready to order,” Phasma assured as both women made their orders, each getting entrees. For Rey it was the grilled salmon, and Phasma it was the chicken picata. A moment later and the server departed leaving the women back to their standoff.

 

“Phasma, you don’t understand. I can’t be what he needs.”

 

Phasma cocked her head to the side as she considered her friend’s response. “Really? Because I’ve seen both of your checklists, darling girl and you are _exactly_ what he needs.” Phasma responded, studying how acknowledging this information made Rey nearly come unglued, fidgeting and unsettled in the idea that Ben and she were in fact more compatible than she wanted to admit. “Do you know how rare it is to find someone who matches with your likes and dislikes in our community at that level? Or even have half the heat between them like I saw Corran and Mirax’s party last night?”

 

Rey shifted in her seat, playing with the roll of flatware in front of her as she unrolled it, and placed the cloth napkin across her lap. Phasma’s words cut straight through every single defense she had. Every rebuttal save for one was eviscerated by Phasma’s words. But Rey shut down, keeping that argument to herself, knowing it would only open her up to more scrutiny as it would tell Phasma the full picture.

 

Most specifically, the reason why Rey had pushed Ben away from the beginning.

 

Fear.

 

It clicked then exactly for Phasma why Rey was bucking so hard at the idea. Her discomfort at the call out and the way she was avoiding eye contact at the present moment. She’d known Rey for so long and had been present for each dissolution of Rey’s previous relationships that it was comical that the reason hadn’t been more apparent to her before now. Mirth shook Phasma’s shoulders as she laughed at the dawning realization.

 

“Oh. _Oh_ , that’s why, isn’t? He’s gotten to you, hasn’t he?” Phasma accused, laughter seeping through her entire tone as much as the melodic chuckle that bookended her realization.

 

Rey took a breath and looked up to her friend as her shoulders slumped. “That’s not the point-,” she argued but it was half-hearted at best.

 

“Bullshit, it is entirely the point.” Phasma’s expression was thunderous just in time for the server to return with their drinks. The both of them stayed quiet, save for thanking their server for their beverages.

 

Once the server walked away Rey sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Phas. I already pushed him away.”

 

“Nonsense, you can still make it right, no matter how much you think you can’t. The way he looked at you was proof enough for me that there is still something there,” Phasma reasoned.

 

Shame and regret filled Rey as they muddled through an awkward silence before their food was brought to them. Their conversation idled for the moment as they both ate.

 

Phasma observed Rey in their momentary silence. Noting her anxiety in the stiff set of her shoulders and her shifting gaze. “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. Ben and I have another meeting tomorrow night. I plan to break the news to him then. I’ll send him to you, but you must hear him out. Rey you cannot continue to think that everyone is just going to leave you. You have parents that love you, a brother who adores you and you have friends like me.”

 

“I know, Phas. I know,” she replied but it was again a much smaller and unsure tone than her normal tenor.

 

“Give him a chance. He’s a quick learner and a kind man. You need him as much as he needs you.”

 

Rey took Phasma’s words to heart as she tried to adjust to what was about to happen. Things were changing again, throwing her world off its axis. “Okay. I still not sure this is the best idea.”

 

Phasma grinned at Rey’s reluctant agreement. “It is. And it’s settled. I wanted to give you a heads up but I was planning on doing this anyways. I only do this as a courtesy of our friendship to allow you time to consider what will be before you. If you care about him at all as I suspect that you do, you will talk to him and you will give him a fair shot,” Phasma commanded.

 

“Fine. I promise I will hear him out,” Rey replied, the confidence slowly returning to her tone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

With all of his strength in his back and shoulders Ben pulled himself up to the bar he hung from, counting each repetition while Poe was busily chatting with a guy on the lat pulldown. Shaking his head, he continued his pull-ups counting up to thirty before hopping down to place his feet back on the floor.

 

Ever the Don Juan, Poe used half his gym time to flirt rather than focus on lifting weights. Once he’d gotten the man’s phone number he found his way back to Ben who was doing seated squat presses with an impressive amount of weights attached to the machine.

 

“Lose another one?” Ben joked, though he knew by the smug look on his best friend’s face that it was quite the opposite.

 

Poe chuckled and shrugged. “Got his number, actually,” he shot back rounding the machine to the rack of free weights to do bicep curls. “Whatever happened between you and that psychologist? You ever see her again?” Poe asked.

 

Ben took a breath and stopped for a moment. “Recently, yeah, but not intentionally. We ran into one another.”

 

“Oh? You know I’m still pissed that you didn’t tell me about her.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes as he resumed his reps. “And I recall, telling you about her in this very gym weeks ago.”

 

“What?” Poe asked but then the memory seemed to dawn on him. “So, psychologist girl, and the girl from that charity event are the same person?”

 

“Yes, jackass. Unlike you I don’t go about my day looking for the next notch on my bedpost,” Ben retorted.

 

Poe laughed a bit and nodded. “Okay, you got me. So, what happened? Did you talk?”

 

Annoyed by the pry Ben clammed up. “I’d rather not go into it. We’re still not…” He began but stopped before he went any further. The keen sting of rejection still resonated through him.

 

As much as Poe was his longest friend he couldn’t bring himself to discuss it. Poe would only ask questions and that would lead them down the road to explaining exactly what had happened as well as Rey’s reasoning. At the present moment he wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout of essentially coming out to his best friend. While he knew Poe would only ask questions out of curiosity he just couldn’t stomach the kinds of questions he knew would be asked in rapid succession.

 

Poe seemed to get the hint however, acknowledging the agitation across his friend’s features. He wished there was something that he could do. Some small thing that could help him handle the pain he was going through. In all their years of friendship through everything Poe knew that if there was one thing Ben didn’t take well it was rejection. He always internalized it. Turned it into another pile to add onto his own self-loathing and diminished self-worth. Poe had seen him spiral after his first long term relationship dissolved and how that had made him question everything about himself. And he’d seen the manipulations of Ben’s former employer mold him into a callous shell of his former self only coming back to himself once he was away from the man’s influence.

 

As much as Poe knew all of these things he also knew when not to say anything. Knowing that his mere continued presence in Ben’s life was enough support that he would be there, should Ben decide otherwise. But until then he had to just let things be.

 

The two men finished their workouts moving on to much more stimulating conversation, discussing the next round of hires that Poe was eager to bring on board. With the expansion of their residential architecture division there was going to be a big push to take on the high-end realtor clientele as well as potential contracts with housing developers for suburban projects far from the city as well as residential high rises within the heart of the city’s center.

 

Indeed, their conversation carried them back to the office as they pushed through the rest of their day until Ben checked his watch and noted that he should head out to Phasma’s house if he were to make it there in time for their eight o’clock session. The drive there was familiar to him now, where he almost could do it on autopilot. Following the twists and turns up to her neighborhood and parking out in front of her house he sat for a moment as the nerves rose in his gut.

 

He wasn’t sure what to expect tonight. Usually Phasma would give at least a small bit of prior knowledge ahead of time. However, he wondered if tonight would be the night she’d expect him to try to do a scene with her. And that’s what made his nerves fire up more than anything else. He definitely wasn’t sure if he could handle it. He told himself, rationalizing as it was, that it wasn’t that Phasma wasn’t beautiful and it wasn’t. But if he were being honest with himself the only person he wanted to do a scene with at all had told him three and a half weeks ago that in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t be what he needed. And damn him if it didn’t stop him from wanting her still.

 

With a sigh he resigned himself to getting out of the car and heading up the stairs of the veranda. Walking into the home he was always greeted with how warm and home-like it felt.

 

“Phas?”

 

“In the parlor!” She called out.

 

“Would you like wine?” He asked as he made his way towards the parlor

 

He could almost hear the smile in her tone, “Already popped open a bottle, come on in!”

 

He followed the sound of her voice to the parlor, sitting at the sofa there typing away at her phone. “Late night e-mails?”

 

Phasma nodded and set her phone face down on the coffee table, flicking the sound off. “Yes, unfortunately. The junior associates are still at the office doing case research for me.”

 

“You don’t do your own?” Ben asked as he took a seat across from her on the sofa.

 

With one arched eyebrow she gave Ben a superlative glance. “Of course, I do my own. But they’re junior associates, I make them earn their salary and sometimes they find things that I might have overlooked before.”

 

They fell silent for a moment as Phasma poured him a glass of wine as well. “I’m glad you came tonight, Ben. There’s something very important that we need to discuss.”

 

At the implication behind Phasma’s words Ben sat up, feeling the prickle of suspicion run down his spine. “Is everything all right?” He asked though something in his gut twisted, instinct informing him that no, everything was not all right.

 

Phasma grinned warmly and inched forward to place her hand on his knee. “I wanted to discuss the future with you. And that tonight will be our last session.”

 

Ben sat back for a moment stunned. In just under a month he’d been rejected by not one but two women within the community. He tried to shake it off but the questions came tumbling from him despite himself the first and most important was: “Why?”

 

Phasma nodded, acknowledging that as the most logical of questions he could have. “There are a few reasons, that I would like to share with you but I wanted to say first and foremost that you have been a pleasure to converse and work with these past few sessions. I am quite disappointed that we won’t be doing a scene together but I suppose it’s ideally for the best.” She stated taking a sip of her wine.

 

“Now, to answer your question, it is a far far better thing I do than I have ever done.” She stated cryptically but the words still held resonance.

 

“Dickens?” Ben asked wondering why she was quoting a book he hadn’t read since the ninth grade. But the quote still held meaning. A sacrifice given freely so that one could find the happiness they deserved. While in the book it ended for one character in a trip to the guillotine, here he figured something far more metaphorical was at play behind her words.

 

“Yes, but the meaning is quite the same. At the party the other night I realized something rather obvious that I had not before.”

 

“And that is?” Ben asked perplexed as to what she could mean.

 

“It was wrong of me to assume that you could submit to me, when you’ve already given that to someone else.”

 

Ben swallowed thickly at the implication. Had he truly been that transparent in that oh so brief interlude with Rey? “Phasma, I…” he began but she held up her hand silencing him.

 

“If you’re going to apologize I don’t need it. Nor do you owe me one. Tell me, the last session we had, when we did the mindfulness exercise, the woman you imagined, was it Rey?” Phasma posited, asking the question he’d hoped she wouldn’t.

 

Shamefaced he looked down at his hands and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I said don’t apologize, didn’t I?” Phasma said a bit more sternly this time, which pulled Ben out of his haze of self-deprecation. Phasma observed him and the range of emotions that crossed his expression as the conversation began to fully sink in. “You care for her?” She noted, though the sentence came out far more like a question than a resolute statement.

 

Ben sighed and rubbed a hand over his face and slumped against the cushions of the sofa. “Does it even matter? She’s the one who walked away. She told me she couldn’t be what I need. And I have been trying to respect that.”

 

“Which is admirable but have you any knowledge of her past?”

 

“I know she was adopted, and that she hasn’t had the greatest luck with relationships especially when this side of it is involved.”

 

Phasma chuckled a bit. “Quite the understatement. I won’t get into specifics because these aren’t my stories to tell but she was severely affected by each rejection. It stands to reason that it’s precisely because she can be both for you and even wants to that she is pushing you away. A tactical first strike to keep you from breaking her heart in the long run.”

 

Ben chewed on her statements for a few moments but he still wasn’t entirely sure. “I get that. More than anything. I haven’t exactly had the best luck either. But that doesn’t mean I’m just going to give up at the first chance of something real.”

 

“You’re not her. She’s not you.”

 

“True.” And it was true. He couldn’t find any fault with Phasma’s logic, here.

 

“Your previous relationships, have you always felt something emotional for a woman before you were physical?”

 

“Usually yes, why?”

 

“Well I think I may have an explanation why you have been struggling with the mindset.”

 

“And that is?”

 

“You also told me you had a long string of one-night stands in your college days, but did you ever want to have more than a one-night stand with any of the women?”

 

Ben huffed and looked over at Phasma with an annoyed glance. “Yeah, usually, which sucked because they usually didn’t.”

 

“Have you ever given a thought as to why you wanted what you wanted?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Phasma grinned a bit and sat forward. “I’m talking about demisexuality, Ben. You strike me as a prime example. And to be honest I should have seen it sooner but I had hoped that with time and trust you would be able to work with me. But with all this information and the fact that you’ve been with Rey with disastrous consequences afterwards, it just all works together that you crave emotional attachment with the physical.”

 

“Is that wrong?” Ben asked wondering why he’d never thought of it like that before. He’d always thought it was just some ridiculous ideal of the unattainable.

 

“Not at all. I personally believe it to be one of the healthier outlooks on sex in general personally. Although that’s not to say that someone who is emotionally detached from sex isn’t healthy in a broad generalization,” Phasma explained. “And quite frankly I only bring this up because I myself am partially as well. I’ve done casual before and hated it, however a lot of people in the community find it to be the only truly liberating way to be. As you can see it makes finding a partner within the scene just as difficult if not more so than in the regular dating pool.”

 

Ben took in everything she was saying and something about it. Something in her explanation of his own feelings and preferences seemed to click on an even deeper level than before. In fact, he hadn’t ever really considered that there could even be a label for what he felt. Which shouldn’t surprise him at this point, considering just over a month prior he had no inclination of his other predilections either. And yet he felt like he’d just unlocked another piece to himself. New information assimilating in remarkable speed and ease with everything else he’d learned about himself in just a month’s time.

 

Still rooted in Rey’s stubborn defiance he shook his head. “But this still doesn’t answer what I’m going to do now. I don’t have anyone to train with.”

 

“You do, Rey.”

 

“She rejected me. What makes you think she’s going to just agree to train me now?”

 

Phasma grinned widely at the question. “Remember, I asked her to lunch?”

 

Ben’s face grew shocked and his complexion paled. “Oh God, you didn’t…”

 

“I merely told her I was going to end our arrangement and send you back to her. I was quite cross with her, you know. It’s bad form to give a submissive to a dominant if that submissive is already invested in someone else. And she knows better.”

 

Ben swallowed feeling his own anxiety bubble up in his chest. “Phasma, she knows about tonight?”

 

“Oh yes, and I’m sure she’s sitting at home wringing her hands or getting herself wine drunk knowing that I’m going to text her later that I’ve done it.”

 

“Jesus, _fucking_ , Christ this is madness,” Ben replied, scoffing at how ridiculously like high school this felt. “So, what now am I supposed to pass her a note between third and fourth period? Check the box next to yes if you want to dom me, or check the one next to no if you don’t?” He shot back, making laughter erupt out of both of them.

 

Through her chuckles Phasma shook her head. “A text or a call might be good, but give her a day or so, let her sweat. Then you are to try to get her to talk. From there I leave the details to you, but you have one last command from me.”

 

“And that is?”

 

“Do not take no for an answer. She’s going to fight you every step of the way. Every little progression she will plant her feet and be completely idiotically stubborn about it. Do not let that deter you. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she cares for you just as much as you do for her. It’s up to you to break down that wall around her heart brick by glorious brick.”

 

Ben snickered at her statement. “You’re saying to defy her? Even if I were to get her to agree to train me, you’re telling me to openly defy her.”

 

Phasma smirked and leaned forward as if she was about to let him in on some great secret. “Ben, let me tell you a great thing about your dynamic with her. As a submissive you hold more power than you know. A bit of well-placed defiance can shift the relationship in any direction you want it. A dominant is not a dominant in a scene without a submissive who gives them their submission, wholly and completely. By revoking it, even in part you communicate that there is something amiss in what the dominant has done or is doing that must be rectified. Maybe she isn’t strict enough and you’d prefer punishment, or maybe she isn’t emotionally available and you’d rather she was. These tensions outside of the playroom manifest within it and can be quite cathartic to work through them within the structure of a scene. The aftercare is where the open and honest communication must be to iron out what the scene could not. To get at the root of any such defiance. Do you know how much power you have over everything? With one word you can continue the scene or end it completely for the night. The D/s dynamic is a subtle balance of power, a duality in which there is power in submission, just as much as there is absolute devotion in dominance.”

 

Her words sunk in slowly one after the other, melting into him like ice on a hot day. The paradox of it all has been intriguing and provocative from the beginning but even in all of his reading he hadn’t really ever heard it put quite so succinctly before.

 

“So, what do I do?”

 

“Give her a day or so, then reach out. Get her to talk to you, in person if you can. Through technology it’s easier for her to throw up those walls of hers. But in person you can make a personal appeal that will soften her. I’ve already told her that she needs to hear you out and give you a chance. Do you think you can do that?”

 

“Yeah. Hell yeah, I can do that,” he replied, with the confidence in him beginning to build.

 

* * *

 

From that night into the next morning Ben tried to find rest but found himself antsy and too keyed up to find any sort of respite. The minute Phasma had given him his marching orders his mind was coming up with any and all conversational possibilities for the impending tête-à-tête with Rey.

 

The following day at work had been trying at best, running on adrenaline and caffeine in one’s thirties was never the same as it was when in one’s twenties.

 

Late that afternoon he ended up passing out on the black leather sofa in his office for a solid four hours before he woke up to the city lights around the bay beaming into the room. The rest of the office was dark as he gathered his things and made his way home for the rest of the evening.

 

Even now he sat at his drafting table at home his phone within reach as he itched to connect. What was the appropriate amount of time before one made first contact in a situation as strange as this? He didn’t know. Hell, he barely knew proper protocol for regular relationships and this was proving to have the potential to be anything but.

 

He eyed his smartphone with an almost mercurial like disdain. How one small device now held the beginning of what could be, was remarkable and terrifying.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake just text her,” he told himself, grasping for the phone and clicking around until he brought up their text exchange. Seeing the last message from just before their dinner that fateful night jarred him a bit but nonetheless if anything it emboldened him further.

 

Tapping out the words he figured going for vague was a good start, even though he knew that Phasma probably texted her the minute he left the night before.

 

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** Can we talk?  


Short. Simple. To the point. It conveyed his message that he wanted to speak with her.

 

A moment later his heart leapt into his throat when his phone chirped back, indicating her reply.

 

**Rey Erso:** Like this, or do you have something else in mind?  
  


  
  
**Ben Solo:** In person, if possible.  


He smirked, figuring she was hoping for the former, but with Phasma’s advice still fresh in his mind he definitely wasn’t going to settle for technological barriers.

Across the city’s center Rey sat in her office, her heart racing as she looked at the words printed on her phone screen. Of course, he wasn’t going to make it that easy for her. Phasma had certainly taught him well. Her heartbeat had been racing since the night before, when she received Phasma’s message that it was done and that he’d contact her soon. And here they were, twenty-four anxiety-ridden and excruciating hours later texting one another almost as if no time has passed at all.

 

Even still she typed out her response, having received her own marching orders herself from Phasma she knew that evasion was only going to piss off her dearest friend.

 

**Rey Erso:** I had a feeling you might prefer that. When?

  
  
**Ben Solo:** Is now a bad time?  


Ben had grinned widely as he typed out his message almost too quickly and Rey barked out a laugh at his tenacity. Of course, he’d jump at the chance to see her, the little voice in her head told her. He’d been denied her presence for weeks now and it was only natural to jump at the first opportunity.

 

Swallowing down the fresh pulse of anxiety that pushed its way through her chest she closed her eyes and pressed send on her latest reply.

 

**Rey Erso:** No. I'm at my office, meet me here?  


Ben stood immediately his brain fogging and forgetting everything from where his wallet and keys were (both of which were on the table by the entry way where he usually kept them to the fact that he needed a coat in the chilly March evening. Centering himself he cursed loudly to himself and located everything he needed before heading to the elevator tapping out a reply.

 

**Ben Solo:** Be there in ten, I'll get the address from your card.  


Rey took a breath, exhaling audibly as she went to the large mirror in her washroom, running a hand through her hair as she let it out of the French twist it’d been in. She felt jejune and ridiculous as she stared at herself picking apart her reflection and damning herself for not putting herself more together for this. She splashed a bit of cool water on her cheeks and wet a hand towel to press along her neck to temper the flush already suffusing her complexion.

 

Walking back into her office she tidied up some, arranging and rearranging the books and magazines on the coffee table thrice in turn before she walked away, declaring herself mad.

 

She looked down at herself, dressed in a simple white sleeveless blouse and coral colored pencil skirt that hugged her figure but still looked entirely professional and demure. Rey tried her best to keep herself occupied with inane tasks as she awaited his arrival.

 

When he knocked on the outer door to the waiting room of her office she walked out and opened the door to him, greeting him with a hesitant grin as she held onto the edge of the door. He passed her as she welcomed him in and he took stock of her office. A small smirk lifted up the corner of one side of his mouth as he took it all in, letting her lead him into her office.

 

He stared at the sofa at the central point of the room, noting that all the seating was pointed towards it. “Is this – uh where you -,” he began motioning to the sofa.

 

The small bit of levity eased the anxiety in her chest as she stepped forward. “Yes, that’s where my clients usually sit. But you can sit anywhere. May I take your coat?” She asked and he nodded shrugging out of it to reveal the blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows beneath. She took the coat and placed it on the coat rack by the door, averting her gaze from his form as he continued to peruse her office, bending at an awkward angle and cocking his head to read the titles of books on the lower shelves of her bookcase.

 

“Find anything you like?” She teased, keeping the exchange light.

 

He jumped, straightening himself as he turned to her. “Curious, is all,” he explained giving his best noncommittal answer though the subtext was screaming his intent. He wanted to know her. Not just the side of her in the playroom but her as a woman, as person.

 

Rey walked around to the sofa and took a seat, motioning for him to sit where he pleased. And though it shouldn’t have surprised her that he took the seat next to her she still backed up a little in surprise when he did, bumping her knee with his as he settled.

 

An awkward silence fell over them, neither one sure who was going to break first.

 

“You wanted to talk?” Rey asked, caving at last.

 

Ben nodded. “I’m sure Phasma told you already, but uh, she ended things yesterday.”

 

Rey nodded in the affirmative but remained quiet. The thought of the two of them together had made her gut twist with envy but as much as she possessively rejoiced in the thought that Phasma had cast him aside she still felt for him having been rejected not once but twice within a month.

 

“I wanted you to know that she and I, we never…” He started, trailing off as his hands flailed to illustrate his point. “You know, did a scene or anything. She was helpful and wonderful but nothing ever happened.”

 

Rey looked up to his eyes and he swore he could see relief cross her features for a brief moment. “Okay,” she said, unsure of what else she should say if anything at all.

 

_Hear him out._ She could almost hear the condescension dripping from Phasma’s tone at the thought.

 

Ben took her silence as a means to push his agenda. “The reason why I wanted to talk was that I want you to train me.”

 

And though she’d promised Phasma she’d listened, at his words she bristled even though it was far less than it had been before. “Ben,” she supplicated, her voice almost pleading.

 

“No, listen, please. Listen to me.” He implored and Rey quieted down the anxious pulse around her heart, and the vice grip beginning at her throat. With a nod he continued. “I want you. All of you. Anything you’ll allow. I know you think I’m just going to leave in the end but I need you to believe me when I say I’m in this for the long haul,” he stated with a surge of confidence he didn’t know he even had in him anymore.

 

Rey sat there and stared at him, unnerved by the idea that he could possibly be telling her the truth. “What about when you grow tired of the scene and just want to be in a normal relationship?”

 

“Who says I’m going to get tired of it? You can’t know that.”

 

“And you can’t know that you won’t.”

 

“True.”

 

“Or what if you grow tired of me? What then? Are you going to just leave?’ Her voice tried to remain solid but at the implication of his departure her voice broke, shattering like glass.

 

At the crack in her voice his hand shot out, reaching for her face as he brushed the pad of his thumb along her cheekbone. “Why are you so convinced that I’m going to leave you? We haven’t even had a chance to begin and you’re willing to throw away all this potential because of the slim chance it might not work?”

 

She leaned into his hand for just a moment before bringing her hand up to take his away from her face as she countered, “in my experience, it’s not a slim chance, Ben.”

 

“And what you fail to realize is I’m not them,” he argued, pushing harder than he had before. “I’m not, Rey. Please give me a chance to prove it to you.”

 

Rey breathed but didn’t let his hand go just yet, cradling it between both of her own. She shook her head as tears stung the corners of her eyes. She fought against the tide within her telling her to give in. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. It was easy with him. Everything was easy. But that’s where her anxiety and insecurity loved to pounce most. Because it was as such between them it made her stop and question everything because it was so foreign and new. Truly something she’d never experienced before, finding someone she could finally breathe around and fall into being herself, really her entire self. In some ways she couldn’t even do that with Finn and they’d known each other since primary school.

 

Ben sensed the cracks seeping in to the foundations of her resolve and pressed further, an unrelenting battering ram against her restraint. “Rey, I get it. You’ve been hurt. But you can’t let your past rule your future. I learned that the hard way myself. I’m willing to try if you are.”

 

The words hit her in succession, like mortar shells against that wall she used to keep her heart safe. He had a point. She couldn’t keep pushing people away because she was afraid they’d disappoint or hurt her in the end. Fighting off the fresh blush of anxiety that fought its way to crush her, she grazed her fingertips against his palm as she used that gentle contact to center herself once more. “And what if I said no dating, no romance, to start.”

 

He grinned because it was a concession. A victory. However small or big, a victory it still was. Even more it was a compromise and she was conceding at least on some small level to what they both wanted. “Would you be open to renegotiation in the future?” He asked, further.

 

She arched an eyebrow at him, “Are we negotiating, now?”

 

Ben nodded in the affirmative. “I told you. I want _you_. Any way I can have you. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to push for more later, either.”

 

With a few calming breaths she nodded, “I’d be open to that. But you need training first. If this is ever going to work we need to start there.” She stated, reinforcing her no romance rule.

 

“I agree. So, how do we do this?” He asked, entirely curious now as to how this was going to proceed from here.

 

Rey shrugged at first but quickly an idea formed. “Um, we meet weekly, and I’ll teach you. Train you. Traditionally I like to have a meeting prior to the scene to negotiate it. If I have an idea or if you had one we could discuss it and I’ll work on putting each of our suggestions and decisions into the scene structure.”

 

“Okay, do we need to set up a contract ahead of time?”

 

Feeling the anxiety ease more with his eagerness, Rey grinned and nodded. “Yes, I can draft one up and we can meet at the first negotiation meeting to go over everything, checklists, limits, questions, lifestyle preferences, and the like.”

 

“All right, how about Wednesday, lunch at my office? To go over it?”

 

“And when would you want to schedule a session?” Rey asked grabbing her phone to flick through her calendar as Ben did the same.

 

“Uh, the best day usually is Friday night. Unless I’m travelling for a job.”

 

“That’s perfect, gives you the weekend to recover.”

 

Ben raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes. “Trust me sometimes you’ll want the recovery time.”

 

“What about when I need to travel? Which I’ll admit is often.”

 

“Skype,” Rey replied quickly without thinking. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d dominated someone long distance. “What?”

 

“I didn’t realize we could do that.”

 

She shrugged smirking, “There’s a lot you don’t know.”

 

“But you’ll teach me.” He said, almost as a question but the certainty in his tone absolved her from answering.

 

They continued to plan their Wednesday lunch and what they’d each need to do before then. Before long Rey noted that it was late and they should both be going. Reluctantly Ben agreed with her, not yet wanting to leave after making such progress in just a short time. He could tell that she was still nervous, shifty and waiting for the first chance to bolt but he had to make her see that this was something good, something that held a great amount of potential to be something permanent and life altering.

 

As they made their way around her office, inching towards the door in their reluctant goodbyes Ben stopped before grabbing his coat, wanting one thing to seal this development between them.  

 

“Would it be completely against the rules if I kissed you, goodnight?”

 

A small smirk upturned the corner of her mouth and she shrugged. “Probably but I’ll allow -,” she stated, only to have the last bit of her statement cut off by his mouth against hers. One strong arm snaked around her back, his hand, stretching and spanning across four ribs as his other hand went for one of hers, lacing their fingers as he lifted her up against him, letting her feet dangle a few inches off the floor.

 

Bracing her arm around his shoulders, to bury a hand in his hair she sighed against his lips having denied themselves this soft gesture for far too long. The spark of chemistry between them reignited to a fiery flame. She melted into the kiss and him as her world resettled onto its proper axis, allowing her to breathe and in turn breath him in. he drew his tongue lightly across the seam of her lips, and she deepened the kiss losing herself in his embrace. As the kiss slowed to embers he lowered her back onto solid ground, keeping her rooted against him as she steadied herself.

 

When she drifted the hand that had been in his hair to his shoulder he pulled away from the kiss, her lips chasing after the fading heat of his before she remembered herself and pulled back as well, allowing the gentle press of his forehead to hers.

 

“For the record,” he whispered, his voice soft and gently. “I really fucking missed you.”

 

Her fingers squeezed his from where their hands were still entwined. “I missed you, too.” She admitted, swallowing thickly.

 

He grinned a little at the admission and half turned, grabbing his coat off the coat rack as they continued to say goodnight. All the while their hands still connected until finally, reluctantly they parted ways for the evening, both a little breathless and drunk off each other, but hopeful all at once. For this would be the start of something entirely new for both of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is about to really earn it's title and rating now. We're officially out of the Ben Solo Pain train and heading back on course. I thank you all for your patience and kind words and outpouring of love for this fic. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> As always your comments, kudos and everything mean so much. Come chat me up on tumblr or the reylo network discord - same username on all of them!


	12. XII. Off to the Races

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little contract negotiation over lunch, Rey meets the boys, and finally our first official BDSM scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!

 

_Chapter Playlist: Let Go – Frou Frou; Off to the Races – Lana Del Rey; In Chains – Depeche Mode; Master and Servant – Depeche Mode; In Time – FKA Twigs_

XII. Off to the Races

 

“And I think that’s time,” Rey stated as she glanced at her watch. She’d have just enough time to wrap up this session, run over to the restaurant to grab lunch and take it to Ben’s office.

 

Her clients, Karen and Matthew, stood thanking her for another great session. In the time they’d finally stopped being critical of Rey’s advice and started following it the couple had pulled a complete 180-degree turn around.

 

“Still on for next week?” Karen asked, expectantly.

 

“Yes, I want you two to work on setting aside personal time this week. Both with one another and on your own. Self-care is just as important to your marriage as it is the intimate communication you two have been working on. Go get a massage or go to lunch with your friends. Do something you haven’t done since you were just dating.”

 

The two smiled and nodded as they left, with Rey leading them out of the office.

 

So much had changed even within the last few days that even her clients could tell that Rey’s spirits had definitely lifted. And there was one reason that Rey was loathe to admit that had completely changed her state of mind. Letting Ben back into her life had altered her far more than she’d wanted to admit.

 

Even just friendly text chats and e-mails back and forth had been sorely missed. The morning after their talk she’d sent him her own checklist and medical/sexual histories, nerves swelling in her gut as she pressed send on her laptop. She had to disabuse herself of the notion that this was going to end up hurting her in the long run. Trying, sometimes in vain, to quell the anxiety that nagged at her insides.

 

But she was pushing through that nervousness because she had agreed to help him. Mentor him and train him as he’d asked. The fact that they both had feelings for one another couldn’t get in the way of that promise.

 

Turning away from the door she stepped to Jessica’s desk with a small grin on her face. “How can I help ya, boss?” Jess asked with a bright smile.

 

“Nothing, just take messages, get some lunch. I’ll be back by three.”

 

“Got a date?” Jess joked, smirking like she knew

 

Rey rolled her eyes, “Not exactly, but I do have an important lunch meeting. It should only take a couple hours but I blocked out time until three-thirty today just in case.”

 

“Okay, I’ll see you back at three, then.”

 

Rey bid Jess goodbye as she gathered her things, shoving the contract file into her messenger bag, putting her coat on and grabbing her purse and keys. Within moments she was in the elevator out to the lobby. The restaurant was within walking distance, and she’d Uber the rest of the way to Ben’s office. The hustle and bustle of the city during the day was always a welcome sight as she made her way down the street to the Indian restaurant she often frequented when she missed the dreary skies of London.

 

Once inside she picked up the order she placed that morning greeting the hostess as if they were old friends. Paying quickly, she pulled up the app to call for an Uber and waited a few minutes outside for the car. In it she made small talk with the driver and focused on her breathing. This was going to be fine.

 

It's just Ben, she told herself over and over. But that was also exactly the problem. She’d never had this much nervous excitement with any previous relationship in or out of the playroom and yet she knew that she needed to just let go. To take things as they come and roll with the punches. But as Dr. Levy had so sagely put in their last session that it also wasn’t fair to herself to just expect that her anxiety will just go away because she wants it to.

 

So, Rey decided to face that anxiety head on. The only way she’d be able to get past it was to confront it and prove to herself that she’s stronger than she gave herself credit for. Pulling up in front of Ben’s office building she looked up at the sky scraper and grinned a little.

 

Because of course his office would be in some high rise near the financial district but with views of the skyline and the bay.

 

She walked into the lobby and signed in with security before making her way to the elevator pressing the button that indicated the twenty-third floor.

 

However, what she had been expecting was anything but what greeted her as the elevator doors opened. Emblazoned on the marble wall across from her in distinctive calligraphy font read: _ArLoD Visionary Design_. Stepping off the elevator, her heels click-clacking on the sealed concrete flooring she turned and took in the office space in awe. Just beyond the corridor of elevators was a room befitting of a modern architecture firm to be sure. Exposed beams that gave sightlines all the way back to the expansive window wall overlooking the skyline and part of the bay. Off to the left was rows and rows of desk space and offices small and big alike. Common areas that allowed for creativity and collaboration as well as enclosed office space that allowed for isolation and concentration.

 

Every kind of worker could find their ideal environment with desks that converted between sitting and standing, to the common areas that had sofas and tables for meetings over coffee. The whole color palette of the place was pale white and grey with pops of green and brown with plants and wood accents.

 

It was entirely a space she knew she should have expected considering Ben’s own tastes in his apartment but she hadn’t expected quite how warm and modern the place would be.

 

She spotted Ben’s office easily, seeing it was the largest visible, and set against the window wall, with three glass walls along the front, back and one side, letting in as much natural light into his office without impeding the expanse of light into the main bull pen of assistants, interns and associates who hadn’t risen up in the ranks quite enough yet to merit their own private offices.

 

Rey smirked a bit as she saw Ben standing between two others who shorter than he was, one a red-headed man who seemed bored by whatever conversation was going on between the three of them and the other a shorter man with dark curly hair and a jovial look about him that told her that these must be his infamous business partners that she’d learned a little about in the many conversations she and Ben had.

 

“Can I help you?” A voice to her left asked and she stopped short of heading straight into Ben’s office. Rey turned and noted the woman who was standing at a desk, cup of tea in hand.

 

“Uh, yes I’m here to see Ben Solo, I have a lunch appointment with him,”

 

Maz Kanata grinned as she recognized the woman standing before her, “Ah yes, Dr. Erso? It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, I’m Ben’s assistant Maz,”

 

Rey blushed as she realized the implication behind Maz’s words. Had she been mentioned? Naturally she assumed their appointment must have shown up on his calendar. And as his assistant Maz would have taken to memorizing the details of her boss’s schedule.

 

“Hello Maz, you can call me Rey, the Doctor title is just for my clients. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well,” she began as the two fell into small talk.

 

“Ben should be wrapping up with the boys in a moment. Is there anything I can get you? Coffee, tea?”

 

Rey smiled and shook her head. “I’m good for now thank you for offering.”

 

“Of course. I’ve been with those three hooligans from early on in the business. Solo was resistant to the idea of having a personal assistant. He likes to be a hands-on kind of boss, but keeping track of schedules and making flight arrangements last minute on top of keeping tabs on the expanding staff was getting to be a bit much so Armitage and Poe insisted. They both already had gotten assistants before him but he held out as long as he could.”

 

Rey grinned at Maz’s summation of Ben’s leadership style. While some liked to be more of an armchair general Ben was the type to lead through action. The two women continued to chat amiably already forming a quick acquaintance with one another.

 

Within Ben’s office however, Rey’s arrival had yet to be noticed as the three men continued to discuss the monthly budgetary plans as well as current and future projects.

 

“I still think that the Seattle job is going to be done by January,” Poe postulated much to the annoyance of Hux.

 

Hux scoffed a bit and shook his head, “only if we can get the contractors to step up their timeline. It’s in fucking Seattle and every time so much as a drizzle occurs they want to stop.”

 

Ben chuckled, “The contractors are from Arizona, Hux, they’re not used to temperate rain. Give them time and keep pushing on them. It’ll get done. Now we need to also talk about Japan. They’ve chosen the job site so we’ll need to head there in a few weeks for the groundbreaking ceremony as well as meet with contractors and go over the specs with them. I was considering bringing Maz since her Japanese is far stronger than mine. And I’m sure she’d appreciate the chance to sightsee a bit.”

 

The three of them nodded in agreement as Poe glanced over to Maz, noticing Rey standing with her, holding white takeout food bags. A slow smirk formed on his face as it clicked just who might be the reason Ben blocked out at least two hours in his schedule for today. “Oh, holy shit, no fucking way,” he stated drawing the other two’s attention towards the women standing just outside Ben’s office.

 

Ben followed Poe’s gaze to see Rey, in a light coat holding presumably their lunch, her laptop bag, and purse chatting and smiling at his assistant. A wave of calm contentment washed over him as he realized that Rey was already making friends with his assistant, a very good omen indeed.

 

Both Hux and Poe looked back at Ben who quickly tried to recover, wiping the half grin off his face but not quickly enough for the two men to have not noticed. “What? We talked.”

 

“You smooth motherfucker, how did you pull that off?” Poe asked, thoroughly amazed at the sudden appearance of any semblance of game in his best friend.

 

Ben rolled his eyes and began to laugh, shoving a hand in his pocket as the other scratched along his jaw. “Uh a few days ago. I texted her and we met to talk things out.” Hux arched an eyebrow at Ben who shrugged and nodded. “The whole thing before was moving too fast and I get that. But hey she was willing to give it a shot,” he said, speaking in code as much as possible.

 

It wasn’t so much that he wasn’t exactly ready to let Poe know about what was really the reason for them taking it slow or that it wasn’t exactly what could be called traditional kind of relationship they were forging here. It was however not something he was inclined to go into at the moment either.

 

At the present moment though, Rey and Maz noticed that they’d also taken notice of her presence and Ben grinned wider, waving her over with a flick of his hand.

 

Poe bounced on his feet, ready to pounce like an eager puppy. “Down boy, Dameron, you’re going to scare the girl off,” Hux admonished making Poe snort and roll his eyes.

 

“How are you so chill about this? Benny brought a girl to work, this is huge.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes at Poe. “Fucking hell, Poe, go easy on her okay?”

 

Hesitantly Rey came forward opening his office door, leaning on it and the hinge. “I’m not too early, am I?” She asked, noting the other two men in the room.

 

Ben shook his head and moved to speak but was preempted by his hyperactive best friend. “Not. At. All.” He stated, over punctuating each word as he came to hold the door open for her to step fully into the office. “You must be the psychologist we’ve heard so much about.”

 

At Poe’s proclamation Rey served Ben a smirk with an arched eyebrow, making him shrug and roll his eyes. Rey turned to Poe and took his outstretched hand, shaking it firmly. “You must be Poe.”

 

Poe smiled broadly, “How’d you guess?”

 

“Ben told me that he worked with a fellow Brit and his childhood best friend, considering you don’t have an accent you must be the latter.”

 

Poe nodded as Hux approached them next, “If you’ll quite excuse the overexcited Labrador we have for a C-O-O, I’m Armitage Hux, the Brit,” he stated taking her hand to shake it.

 

Rey chuckled and nodded. “I’m Rey.”

 

“We know,” Poe added, practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement that his best friend had finally brought a woman to the office.

 

“Seems I’ve been mentioned then,” Rey asked cocking her expression towards Ben.

 

“Maybe once or twice,” Ben added as he stepped forward. “Now will you two assholes get the fuck out of my office so I can eat lunch?”

 

“So that’s what we’re calling it now?” Poe snarked back, making Rey snicker.

 

Ben rolled his eyes at Poe and nodded at Hux, a silent communication that Rey caught and in the next moment Hux grinned at her. “It was lovely to meet you, Rey, I hope we’ll see you more often around here,” He stated politely, as he smacked a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Come on, we both have work to do.”

 

Poe sighed and nodded yet still made no move to leave. “It was nice to meet you as well, Rey.”

 

“Likewise,” Rey added, echoing the boys’ sentiments. Hux took Poe by the shoulder and lead him out the door, though the latter was far more resistant to leave than the former.

 

Rey watched them leave shaking her head and chuckling.

 

“I apologize for them,” Ben said as he approached Rey, coming to stand in front of her.

 

Rey turned back to him grinning and shook her head ‘no’ at him. “Don’t apologize, they’re incredible.”

 

Ben disagreed, “I wouldn’t go that far, but for best friends, they’ll do,” he joked.

 

They stood there silently chuckling a bit at his friends’ antics until Ben remembered that she was still standing there, coat on, holding their food. “Can I take your coat?” He said suddenly.

 

Rey grinned and instead handed him the food bags. “Where shall we set up?”

 

Ben took the bags from her and lead her over to the sofa and coffee table, opening the bags and taking a long whiff of the pungent spicy aroma. “Curry?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as she set down her messenger bag and purse on the floor next to the coffee table.

 

Rey bit her lip a moment while she thought of an appropriate response, shrugging her coat and draping it across the arm of the sofa. Ben looked her up and down for a moment, noting the form-fitting sleeveless hunter green dress that came to just below her knee. “I figured Chicken Tikka Masala could be an acceptable peace offering, considering I ruined the last time we had Indian food.”

 

Ben stared at her for a half a moment stunned by her response before he snapped out of it, closing the distance between them to kiss her soundly, his hands cradling her jaw so tenderly it made her ache just a little. Surprised Rey took half a step back, stumbling slightly as she went up on her tip toes to lean back into the kiss, pressing her hands to his sides and losing herself to the feel as he brought her lower lip between his own.

 

A moment later Ben broke the kiss and immediately looked abashed by the bold move. “Sorry, I just -,”

 

Rey shook her head. “Never apologize for a kiss like that,” she stated a little breathless.

 

The two stared at one another for a moment, cheeks flushed and breathing labored. That was until Rey swallowed and broke their stare down to move to her bag. “I uh… I figured we could eat and then get started, or work whilst we eat?” she offered, giving him options.

 

“We can work and eat I think, right?”

 

“Multitasking, should keep us to about a couple hours. Is that okay with your schedule?”

 

“I blocked out time so yeah it should be good. Most of my afternoon is free for drafting anyways.”

 

“A new project?”

 

“Potentially, we’re considering going for an account up in Vancouver, residential development.”

 

Rey smiled and gave a nod of appraisal as she crouched low to pull the files out of her messenger bag. “I took the liberty of drawing up a contract,” Rey began as she noted that Ben took a seat on the sofa, already rummaging through the food, setting themselves up with water bottles, naan bread and dishes of the fragrant masala entrees.

 

“A contract? How formal of you,” he joked, making her level a serious look his way. He swallowed thickly at the sharp look in her eye.

 

“A contract between a domme and her submissive is of vital importance, Ben, and I should expect you to treat it as such,” she countered tapping the stack sharply on the coffee table to align all the pages before standing.

 

She moved to sit by him, their knees brushing once more as they had when they sat next to one another in her office just a few days ago.

 

“Sorry,” he stated for the third time in less than ten minutes.

 

Rey sighed and took a pen from the coffee table, “Now we’re going to go through this, so that we both agree on all the terms and then we’ll sign it and I’ll send you an updated copy if we have any adjustments or additional clauses. This is where you can negotiate any particular terms of our arrangement and we each have an equal decision-making power and veto power here. If something I’ve placed into the contract is not something you’re okay with I need you to be honest with me and we’ll find a compromise. Is that amenable?” Rey asked looking the picture of all business.

 

Ben tried and failed to stifle a small half grin from turning up the corner of his mouth as he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds like it will work for me.”

 

“Fantastic, now the first few pages goes over the standards of such an agreement. The first is the term of the contract, that we begin it on today’s date for an indeterminant length of time until one or both of us seeks to renegotiate or revoke the contract in full. There’s a standard trial period clause of six months where either of us can call the contract to a close but I included a clause where the party who seeks withdrawal must supply an explanation which can be as formal or informal as you like. Any changes there?”

 

“Is there a clause in the renegotiation that allows us to alter the relationship at any time?”

 

“Alter it?”

 

“I mean where it’s not just, an arrangement,” he stated, trying to find the right wording.

 

However, it didn’t take much for Rey to understand his underlying agenda. “You mean, dating?”

 

At that Ben nodded as he took another bite of his lunch.

 

Simultaneously Rey took a drink from her water bottle, letting the act give her time to think. She knew that this was bound to come up sooner or later as their arrangement progressed, and she wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea either, but he definitely needed training first and foremost. “I think that would be fine, I don’t have that explicitly in the clause but it does state here that either party may seek renegotiation of any aspect of the previously defined relationship so I guess in legalese it could be interpreted as such.”

 

Ben nodded, “Okay.”

 

Rey took a few moments to eat before she continued, “Next we get into the short term and long-term goals of the arrangement. For the short term it is to train and mentor you into the lifestyle and introduce you to different tools, aspects, and approaches in the community. Long term is more open to interpretation and focused on building trust and our communication during any and all aftercare, and preceding scene negotiations.”

 

“How does aftercare exactly work?”

 

Rey grinned a bit at his question. “Much like a pre-scene negotiation. But we focus on the success or failure of the scene. What worked, what didn’t. It’s also a place for unpacking any emotions that the scene might have provoked, as well as just allowing each other to discuss how the scene impacted one another without judgment or fear of reprisal. Open and honest communication is going to be absolutely key here, especially if any scene wasn’t quite what either of us were expecting.”

 

“So, kind of like a therapy session?”

 

Rey laughed, her shoulders shaking from the force of her chuckles. “Not exactly, but if that helps to think of it like that sure. Again, aftercare is meant to not just tend to any welts or bruises one might acquire during a particular scene but it is also to help return to the non-submissive or nondominant mindset. A way to unpack from the headspaces so to speak.”

 

“That works. What’s next?”

 

“Respect. Since this is a power exchange dynamic there must be a mutual respect between the both of us whether in the scene or without. You’re effectively handing me your submission on a silver platter here and we both must acknowledge both your sacrifice and mine in undertaking the responsibility of your safety and enjoyment of our activities. As a submissive you have an extraordinary amount of power going through each scene. The concept of a safe word was to in effect make sure at any moment that I push you too far or cross a line that you can communicate that and the scene ends and we discuss what went wrong and how to rectify it. I’m sure Phasma already explained this but I only hold the control in this arrangement so long as you give it to me freely. The moment you don’t, then we need to address what’s wrong and why to fix it. That comes with mutual trust and respect. Even when speaking with each other, though we might argue or have our disagreements we both must maintain that mutual respect. Do you think we can adhere to that?”

 

Ben set down his fork in the takeout dish and placed it on the coffee table opposite them. “I think so. Do you?”

 

Rey grinned, nodding. “I think we can, as well.”

 

“You’ve barely touched your food, want to switch?” Ben offered, noticing that Rey had only taken a few bites from her meal.

 

Surprise flashed over her features, not realizing that Ben would have noticed her laser focus on the contract at hand. “Um, sure,” she replied handing him the file and the pen with unsure hands.

 

“Okay, next up we have rights and responsibilities of the dominant, want me to read them aloud?” Ben asked as he looked over the statements.

 

Rey swallowed the bite of food she’d taken as he began looking over the document, “You don’t need to, but it basically entails that it’s my responsibility to set up and maintain the playroom, which is in my apartment, by the way. It also states that I am responsible for your safety in any and all scenes and to be cognizant of any particularly risky activities we might do. Some acts that both of us have on our checklists as willing or likes can be dangerous if not done with the proper care and restraint of a trained dominant. It is also my responsibility to take care of you afterwards, in the aftercare that is. Whether the scene goes on without a hitch or serious punishment gets doled out the aftercare must suit the corresponding scene and adhere to the norms and traditions of communication.”

 

“It says here that it also states that the dominant has the right to use punishment as she sees fit.”

 

“Entirely the point of this arrangement. With time you might actually develop a craving for punishment, and that’s completely normal in this kind of a relationship. I am not as ruthless as some domme’s out there but I feel more that the punishment should fit the transgression.”

 

“Such as?”

 

Rey smirked, her voice dropping low and seductive. “For example, if you were put on orgasm restriction, and you got off without my expressed permission – I might not let you get off or force you to on my terms.”

 

Ben took a breath, feeling his heart rate stutter and warmth suffusing his skin while clearing his throat at the tone shift in her voice as he shifted to sit back against the cushions. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh,” she replied with the flick of her fork before digging back into her food. “Continue,” she instructed.

 

“Availability of the submissive?” He began, his voice more questioning than he’d intended. Instead of looking up he continued to read aloud. “It is for the full intent of the submissive to promptly arrive at the dominants apartment at seven o’clock in the evening each Friday unless otherwise pre-arranged due to work commitments. From there the submissive will ready himself and be in his waiting position on one knee eyes on the floor until the dominant arrives at eight o’clock. Preparations are included but not limited to bathing, and other personal hygiene that the scene might require. Clothing shall be provided by the dominant and will be adorned before assuming his correct waiting position.”

 

“I put that in there, so that if you wanted to hit the gym beforehand you could shower at the apartment. My playroom has a en suite bathroom attached with a lovely clawfoot tub and separate shower. I also expect us both to adhere to a common standard of hygiene but you’ll find that in the areas of control section coming up. Nothing more than what you already do, but I believe in being thorough in any contract.”

 

“I like that you put in that I might have to travel for work.”

 

“I’m not a complete tyrant. I get that your job is important as is mine. So we’ll work around our schedules as needed. But again, communicating a conflict early will make things easier to arrange.”

 

“Noted.”

 

“Additionally, I would like to keep Wednesday lunchtime appointments with you, schedules permitting of course to negotiate the upcoming scene that Friday. This will allow you and I to discuss everything planned, and approve of on both our ends before we go through with it. I think it allows for us to build anticipation while also setting forth specific expectations. Now a scene may change while we are in the middle of it but if it changes a pre-agreed upon component of the structuring of the scene then I will offer it to you as an option for you to choose at your discretion. If it’s something as simple as changing from reward to punishment however, that is entirely up to my discretion. Is that understood?”

 

 

“Yes, entirely,” Ben nodded, and turned back to the document jumping to the next clause entailing the rights and responsibilities he undertakes as the submissive as well as his veto power. “The submissive must adhere to each rule as set forth by the dominant. Any dereliction of the duties or dismissal of rules shall result in swift and purposeful punishment at the discretion of the dominant. The submissive must also communicate with the dominant at any point and time when there is an issue that affects the power exchange dynamic. This may be done verbally or in action. If done in the latter, verbal explanation during aftercare or separate conversation is needed so that there is no miscommunication.”

 

Rey listened as Ben continued through each of the responsibilities and rules he is to adhere to. Rey stopped him when he got to playroom etiquette. “I devised simple rules and such for us both to follow, eye contact, names, and such. Though I left what you want me to call you blank in case you had a particular preference.”

 

“Just so long as it’s nothing cheesy I should be okay,” he replied. “You want me to call you, sir?”

 

Rey grinned and nodded. “I like the subversion of gender norms, and you’d never question a man’s authority, would you?”

 

Ben shook his head making her grin widen.

 

“Exactly nor should you question mine. Of course, unless you want to suffer the consequences.”

 

“Right,” he said with a laugh. “Okay, then. Sir, it is.”

 

“I suppose I’ll have to think of one for you.”

 

“Maybe something that sounds good in your accent.”

 

“Oh, bit of an anglophile, are we?”

 

“I thought that was obvious.”

 

She chuckled again and shrugged. “I don’t know what’s so darling about my accent, but sure.”

 

“Um, that could work.” Ben replied, voice cracking through his sentence while he noted the way the sound of the word ‘darling’ rolling off her tongue did things to him that clouded his better judgement.

 

Another smirk. “Darling, it is, then.” Ben shifted against the cushions a bit, making her smirk grow wider as he did so. Licking her lips as he stared at her mouth, she nodded to the document in his hand.

 

Snapping out of his trance he went back to the task at hand. “Areas of control. The submissive shall adhere to the following.” He began listing out areas in which Rey exerted control over him. Some were simple such as getting an appropriate amount of sleep, and exercising regularly, others were more strictly related to their sexual relationship including that he was not to orgasm without her consent. He knew that in particular was going to be difficult, even just the thought of what was to come on Friday night was enough to get him going lest he be in her actual presence. But he supposed that it was all part and parcel of her plan to teach him control and restraint and for that he didn’t question the stipulation even a little bit.

 

Other rules included personal hygiene and grooming which he already adhered to on his own. “You really are thorough, I didn’t think that body hair would be considered.”

 

Rey shrugged. “Some domme’s have different preferences but I like to outline mine. It’s no different than what you already have there anyways, I prefer natural but trimmed but if you had a thick pelt of back hair, I’d definitely prefer that to be gone.”

 

Ben laughed, “Don’t like the full Teen Wolf look then?”

 

Rey laughed right along with him. “Though if someone had a genetic disorder like hirsutism that is one thing. A man who doesn’t properly groom himself obviously doesn’t take pride in his appearance.”

 

“Agreed, though I don’t go to some extremes. And uh what you have going on too is preferable too.”

 

Rey blushed slightly at the allusion to her own personal grooming routine. Both of them were more natural than most societal expectations would have one assume but trimmed neatly. “I also will adhere to the same rules as far as exercise, sleep, nutrition that I’ve outlined there, as well as personal grooming and hygiene. It’d be hypocritical of me not to, just so you know.”

 

Taking a moment Ben took a long drink from his water bottle and nodded in agreement before relaxing back into the cushions. Moving back to the document he flipped another page going to another section. “Terms of exclusivity, duration and termination,”

 

“The former is to just establish that this is a monogamous arrangement and that we both consent to it. The second sets forth that this is ongoing and can be amended at any time. The latter, while hopefully not something we’ll need to address, I placed in just to cover all the bases.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Next up should be safety and lawful disclosure. You may have noticed on both our checklists that we both have listed exhibitionism which can be dicey if we were to do something outdoors, especially on public or private property. While these activities do violate public decency laws here in America there are ways of not getting caught. But that will be something to discuss at a later time should we explore that area. Safety of course is of particular importance, especially with any sort of breath play or suspension or other activity that could result in serious injury. The statement here states that we both are of sound mind and go into any scene with a dangerous activity that both parties must take all necessary precautions and planning to ensure that the scene runs safely and that no one is seriously injured.”

 

“Sounds reasonable.”

 

“It is, but you don’t want to know how many people do things like choking or asphyxiation without proper training. I’m actually glad you have the latter as a hard limit like myself.”

 

“I noticed that as well, why didn’t you tell me before that our checklists were so spot on to each other’s?”

 

Rey swallowed hard at the question she wasn’t ready to answer but tried to answer anyways. “Fear I guess. I actually um,” she began clearing her throat. “I had included my file with the dossiers originally, but couldn’t go through with it the night we had dinner, and then -,” she trailed off stopping when Ben held up his hand.

 

“I remember, I was there. So, you knew how compatible we are, and you kept that from me?” Ben asked, the hurt that he’d kept at bay for the duration of their reunion resurfacing with this new information.

 

Rey looked down at her hands, placing her dish of half eat curry on the table. Shame swelled in her chest as she felt the impact of his anguish in just his tone alone. “I know and I’m sorry for it. I just, I was scared. You terrify me,” she admitted, trying to get him to see why she’d done what she’d done.

 

He stayed silent but held out his hand to hers. She looked up to his eyes seeing the encouraging look there. Tentatively she reached out with her own, placing her small hand in his, letting him lace their fingers as he slid closer to her on the sofa letting their clasped hands reside on his thigh. “I’m really not that scary.”

 

Rey scoffed a bit as she gazed upon their hands before she looked up to meet his gaze again. “It’s not so much you, but this,” she began, motioning between them. “That is truly terrifying.”

 

And that, Ben could understand. The potential that laid between them was overwhelming. He didn’t let it scare him but he acknowledged that if he did that he’d be just as terrified as she was. Never before had either of them experienced a connection quite so easy, electric or potent. And that in and of itself was enough to scare anyone.

 

“Shall we?” Ben offered motioning to the contract before them. Rey simply nodded in response as they went over the final details of the document, which entailed how to alter the contract, terms for renewal and any additional clauses they’d like to add. And last but not least, their safe word system. Both agreeing that green, yellow, and red would be perfect until a better alternative presented itself. Once through it all Ben took the pen and leaned forward, breaking their clasped hands to hold the paper down as he signed with his right hand.

 

“You’re sure about this?” Rey asked as he pressed pen to paper.

 

Undeterred he signed his name, turning to her after he did so, holding the pen out to her. “Yes, absolutely.”

 

Struck by the certainty in his voice she took the pen from him and slid the document over to herself, signing and dating just as he had. “Well then, I guess that settles that.”

 

“So, for Friday-,” they both spoke simultaneously breaking out in soft laughter at the same wavelength of their thoughts.

 

“Friday,” Rey began. “I was thinking that we should start with sensation play. To familiarize yourself with common tools that we’ll use most often.”

 

“Like?”

 

Rey swallowed as she gathered her thoughts, “Instruments mostly to focus on different types and ranges of sensations. Hot, cold, sharp, dull, stinging and so on. Candle wax, ice, for the temperatures, other tools like a feather, Wartenberg wheel, riding crop, flogger, paddle, et cetera to show you the different sensations each can elicit.”

 

Ben shifted a bit, knowing what some of those tools were but not all of them. “Okay. Anything else in particular?”

 

Rey nodded, a smile growing. “To get the most out of the sensations I am going to blindfold you. Some sensory deprivation will heighten the other senses as you know from previous experience. And you’ll be restrained.”

 

Unsettled in the best possible way Ben raised an eyebrow, “Restrained?”

 

“Have you ever been tied up before?”

 

“Once or twice. Though previous partners usually preferred to be tied up. Which was annoying and probably should have told me something about my own preferences before now. But it’s whatever. What did you have in mind?”

 

“Padded, four-point restraints, wrists, ankles. Is that okay?”

 

A breath later he nodded not trusting his voice to be able to form coherent words.

 

“Say it,” she instructed firmly.

 

“Yes, that’s fine,” he replied a breath later. It wasn’t that he was opposed to the idea, quite the opposite in fact. Just the idea of being blinded, and restrained was enough to push him just that much further towards sexual frustration, not to mention he couldn’t take care of himself without permission beforehand. But he realized in his thoughts that this was exactly what Phasma had meant. Taking control of his pleasure was only one way that Rey exerted her authority, and his willing submission to that authority would be rewarded.

 

The two continued hashing out the minor details of the scene, explaining what she expected of him when she walked into the playroom that following Friday night. Building anticipation for both of them the more details they discussed. As they finished their discussion they began cleaning up, noting that the time they’d both blocked out in their schedule was ending.

 

Tossing their food waste into one of the takeout bags for Ben to dispose of in the communal trash bin in the staff kitchen Rey gathered her things, stopping only when Ben tugged her hand, bringing her close to kiss her again to which she readily accepted. Breaking the kiss, he pressed his forehead to hers, both of them keeping their eyes closed.

 

“I know I keep breaking the rules, but after that discussion I needed to kiss you,” he remarked a little out of breath from the kiss they’d just shared.

 

“I keep allowing it, so I think we’re both at fault there,” she answered, just as breathless.

 

“I mean it also makes it easier for the office to assume we’re dating, otherwise they might begin to wonder how complicated this is.”

 

Rey pulled back a little and nodded. “I suppose. I also suppose it’s not entirely breaking the rules either. I mean it’s not like we won’t do this in a scene either.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

They both smirked at their rationalizations of desired physical contact outside of their arrangement. Indeed, it was breaking the carefully constructed boundaries Rey had originally agreed to but it was an overstep of that boundary that Rey was loathe to restrict.

 

Ben helped her into her coat, and handed her purse over as she slipped on her messenger bag across her shoulders. “Seven o’clock?”

 

“Yes, seven. Be ready and waiting before eight and I’ll be in. Oh!” Rey added, startling them both. “I almost forgot the most important detail!” She exclaimed, digging into her purse for something. After a moment she procured a small black box with a red ribbon tied around it. She offered it to him on the flat of her palm.

 

With a surreptitious glance he took the box from her, untying the ribbon and lifting the lid off the box to reveal a small gold key. He glanced up to her face to see nervous excitement written across her features. “A key?”

 

“To my place. Since you’ll get there before I do. You’ll need a key to get in, and there’s a piece of paper with the alarm code.”

 

Ben tried in vain not to let the simple act impact him as he realized she’d just given him complete access to her apartment. “You’re giving me a key to your apartment.” He said slowly, letting the words sink in more than the key and small piece of paper did.

 

Rey smiled and nodded, her own anxiety vanishing in the face of the tender look on his face. “Trust goes both ways. You trust me enough to train you, I trust you not to trash my place,” she replied making him laugh a little as he set down the box on his coffee table.

 

“All right. Friday at seven. I’ll be there.”

 

“Good, don't be late,” she said as he led her out of the office, seeing her off at the elevators before heading back to an uneventful afternoon of drafting the next potential project.

  

* * *

 

 

The following two days were downright torturous for Ben as he tried to remain occupied with work, hitting the gym harder than usual, anything to keep the anticipation from consuming him completely. He hadn’t realized in pursuing this lifestyle that he’d actually enjoy the anticipation and the sweet torture of waiting. He supposed he owed Rey for already teaching him that so early on and they hadn’t even performed a scene yet.

 

But even their Wednesday negotiation had been a careful balance of power. A shift had come over them both during the meeting where she was firm and commanding and he followed without question.

 

He supposed once more that it was just one more piece to their dynamic that was settling into place. From the moment they met she’d captured his attention only now was he beginning to see the side of her she’d kept from him. When before now he’d seen the woman and desired her he now could make out the commanding force she could be as a domme and desired that just the same.

 

Even now as he made his way to her apartment, anticipation fueled every step and press of his foot on the gas pedal. Pulling in front of her building he parked in an open space, noting, thankfully that parking was free on her street, a rarity in such a large bustling city though not entirely unheard of.

 

The jingling of her key against his own house key as he took his keys out of the ignition wasn’t lost on him. That simple act of giving him a key to her apartment had been enough to warrant half of what he felt already. Already so devoted to her yet he didn’t want to label it quite yet but he knew simply that he was falling for her, hard and fast. However, he also knew it was going to be difficult to get her to open up to the idea of more than just the lifestyle together at the present moment.

 

Patience was a virtue indeed.

 

Or so he told himself over and over. If he’d had it his way, they’d have been doing this for weeks now. But in giving himself over to her he deferred to her judgment and thus he tried to remind himself that all things would come in due course. That patience would prevail even though as he unlocked her front door and made his way to her apartment door to let himself in and punch in the alarm code he felt a surge of impatience and desire surge in him.

 

Once in the door he locked the door behind him, placing his keys in the dish on the foyer table. Her home was exactly as he’d imagined. Overstuffed furniture, simple soft lines and flowers throughout the home denoted exactly how much Rey valued comfort in every aspect of her life. He headed down the hall, passing the master bedroom to a guestroom at the end of the hall, her playroom, going inside he stopped and looked at the room in awe. Grey herringbone hardwood with contrasted beautifully with dark blue walls and white wainscoting that came up about a third of the wall.

 

Dark mahogany cabinets stained black lined the walls between two arched large windows that had frosted glass, obscuring the outside world. At the corner of the room was a large wrought iron four poster, bed with a cathedral ceiling and gossamer fabric draped across the top. At the foot of the bed a small tufted bench sat, holding the tools for the evening on display as she’d said they would be. On the bed itself lay in stark contrast to the white bedding, a black square with a white piece of paper.

 

Off to the side of the bed sat a high back chair made of steel and reclaimed wood planks, stained and sealed to offset the flooring. Laid across that were the cuffs and attached metal chain that strung two cuffs together each. Along with the restraints was a simple black blindfold. Swallowing thickly, he felt a small bit of nervous energy twist his gut. Though he couldn’t quite understand why. Perhaps it was fear of new territory, fear of the unknown that struck him. Whatever it was he ignored it and pressed on further.

 

Walking over to the bed, making sure to close the door behind him he took the piece of paper, smiling at her unique script.

 

_Figured you’d like something comfortable to wear. I hope these fit._

_See you at 8!_

 _-R_

He examined the clothing, a pair of soft cotton pajama pants, with a drawstring waist. And just like that what small set of nerves left him immediately. He was to be comfortable just as she was in this space. That no matter what she’d take care of him and guide him through this. That simple idea settled him instantaneously.

 

Thus, as he awaited her arrival he went and took a cool shower, to temper his excitement as every minute pushed closer to eight. Clothing himself in the pants she’d provided he noted the time, it was just about a quarter to the hour. Tossing the towel he’d used to dry himself into the hamper in the bathroom, he made his way out into the bedroom, placing himself just ahead of the bed and the chair, sinking to one knee and settled himself into breathing.

 

He doubted that he’d ever be able to fully show Phasma gratitude for teaching him how to slip easily into the headspace because that’s exactly what he focused on. All that work had certainly helped him precisely for this moment as he breathed slow and deep, keeping his eyes trained to the floor, following the flowing grain of the wood beneath his foot and opposite knee.

 

At that moment he could hear, just faintly, the front door open and the clang of keys set in the same dish he’d set his own. He focused on what he could faintly hear, the click-clack of heels down the hall, stopping at what he presumed was her bedroom before disappearing entirely. The sound of water in her bathroom running, for a solid ten minutes before it stopped, the old pipes of the building groaning with the effort.

 

And still he waited, the anticipation making his skin tingle as much as the cool air of the room was as well. He couldn’t hear anything more from then until a soft almost imperceptible whisper of bare feet across the hardwood flooring drew his attention to the door. But he still did not look up. Knowing that proper protocol had to be followed lest he ruin their first scene before it even began.

 

She opened the door to the playroom taking him in as her own breathing picked up at just the sight of him in this space, ready and waiting as she’d instructed. Rey grinned as she watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as she approached, having shut the door behind her. She could see from the tense set of his shoulders that he was schooling his features, forcing his eyes downward as commanded.

 

Rey came to stand before him, keeping her feet just out of his range of eye sight from the angle he kept his head at. “You want to look, don’t you?” She postulated, giving him no indication that he was allowed to answer.

 

And so, he stayed quiet, tongue caught between his teeth to stop him from the knee jerk instinct to respond.

 

He could almost hear the soft chuckle in her voice as she stepped forward. “You may answer me,” she stated, giving him the okay.

 

“Yes,” he answered truthfully.

 

Rey’s grin widened as she placed a hand to his shoulder. Her touch burning his skin as he wanted to look up, pull her to him, but even as he imagined so he made no movement, just the gentle expansion of his shoulders and ribs as he breathed. “Good. I’m glad you’re already this obedient. You may look now.” She added, releasing him.

 

He swept his eyes up from the floor, his breath catching as he took in her attire. A silk nightgown in a soft pink with black lace edging around the neckline and hem that hit just the top of her upper thighs. The thin material, indicating that there was definitely nothing but glorious skin beneath it. He breathed sharply as he met her gaze, her face framed in soft tendrils of waves that escaped her haphazard attempt at a French braid. Her hazel eyes were soft and her face scrubbed of any trace of makeup from the day. Her skin gently glowing in the light of the room.

 

There were so many things he wanted to say, wanted to tell her but he stayed quiet, knowing that they’d have time for that later. That he could tell her how stunning she looked afterwards, or how ecstatic he was that they were doing this, finally.

 

Rey seemed to get the picture though, from his expression alone, reading him like an open book. “Rise,” she commanded, taking a step back as he did so. It seemed almost comical that with their difference in height factored in that he was the one who deferred to her judgement but he supposed that was exactly how they both wanted it. She held out her hand to him, palm up for him to give her his own, making her grin as she did so. “Ready?”

 

He nodded and she arched an eyebrow as if to remind him to speak. “Yes, Sir.”

 

“Much better, darling, now shall we begin?” she asked rhetorically as she lead him over to the chair, moving the restraints and blindfold over to the bed for a moment. “Strip, and sit.”

 

With a breath he broke away from holding her hand to slip off the pajama bottoms and took his seat on the chair, coming to the quick realization that the low stature of the chair not only put him below Rey, but exposed the backs of his thighs when his feet were planted flat against the floor.

 

Rey shamelessly let herself look him over, her own arousal easier to hide than his but just as apparent to herself, as she took a deep breath before turning to the bed to grab the blindfold first. Ben’s mouth ran dry as he took in the back of her nightgown, the thin straps crisscrossing her shoulder blades, and the soft expanse of skin before the nightgown began again at the small of her back. She stepped behind him securing the blindfold over his eyes and tying it. “Is that too tight? You may answer,” she added.

 

“No, Sir.”

 

“Fantastic.” She replied, placing a quick kiss to his temple as she passed him in her path back to the bed. “Now, throughout this experience tonight, you’re free to vocalize as much as you need to. At any point that you need to, you may safe word. If I push you too far you must be honest and tell me if it’s a red. You won’t hurt my feelings at all. And there is no need to fear any reprisal. This scene is to be instructive for both of us. Not only is it to teach you what these tools can pull from you, but it is also to teach me your responses to different stimuli. Do you understand? You’re free to answer from here until the end of the scene.”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“Good. Left wrist, if you please.” She requested and he held it out feeling the padded cuff slip around and buckle closed. Rey pushed his arm back down as she kneeled before him, smirking to herself if he could see her like this, kneeling before him as she secured the corresponding cuff around his left ankle. “Keep your feet planted, the chair puts your legs at the perfect angle for what I have in mind.”

 

Easily and with purpose she made her way around to his other side, securing the cuffs to his other wrist and ankle. “Try to move for me, slowly.” He complied realizing quickly that he could only bend his elbows to a 120-degree angle before the cuffs on each wrist and corresponding ankle tugged, the chain between wrapped around the steel base of the chair taut. “Perfect, you may relax.”

 

Quietly, he sat there listening as he waited for what she would do first. And yet for all the ideas he’d had in his head of what she might try first what surprised him most was that she stepped between his legs, placing her hands on either side of his neck, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair. “Before we get started I just wanted to say thank you. For tonight. For being patient with me. You have no idea what it does to me to see you like this. Ready and waiting for whatever I want,” she told him in earnest bringing her mouth to brush gently against his in a soft kiss that was in sharp contrast to everything they were about to endeavor upon.

 

As she broke away she smirked a little, before going to the bench lighting the candle with the lighter next to it. She let it burn on the floor for a few as she grabbed an ice cube from the small cooler she’d placed in there earlier in the day. The large bag of ice was more than half melted making the piece she took out drip along the floor as she came back to him. Taking a seat across his thigh she held the cube up to his collarbone before making gentle contact, the cold jarring him and causing him to sharply inhale.

 

“Ice,” she stated, as she dragged the piece across his collarbone towards the dip of his sternum. He breathed sharply, chest rising and falling rapidly as she. “I wanted to start you off slow. Familiar sensations. The stinging numbness of cold. The stinging burn of hot. The candle is special, burns at a lower temperature so it won’t blister your skin, but will still give the desired effect.” She explained as she used the ice cube to trace lines around his torso, his abdomen clenching as she drifted close to his hips. “Ice can be a great tool on any part of the body, though the same can’t be said for hot wax. I doubt either of us would appreciate it if I were to use the candle the same way as I use the ice,” she said, switching the cube to her other hand, using her now free but ice-cold fingers to circle around the head of his already swollen erection.

 

Ben hissed and groaned as she swept her fingers along his length. “Fuck,” he groaned out unable to keep himself quiet. Rey smiled a bit as she released him.

 

“Good. I want you to be free to vocalize. Do you want more?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” he said through clenched teeth as she circled the ice cube around his Adam’s apple.

 

She continued on until the ice cube melted against his over-heated skin, a faint flush already forming across his chest and cheeks. Rey stood then walking over to the candle, blowing out the flame as she came back to him, angling the candle to gently drip along his opposite collarbone and down across his chest, as his back arched reflexively. “Christ. That…,” he cried out in surprise.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked, prompting him to answer in one of three colors to indicate if he was indeed okay with this new direction.

 

“Green.”

 

“Lovely,” she responded warmly, brushing the solidifying wax from his skin. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

 

“Not at all, just surprised,” he answered.

 

“I have a feeling a lot is going to surprise the both of us,” Rey remarked taking her seat again on his thigh. “You’re doing so well already. Am I to assume temperature play is a go from now on?”

 

“Without a doubt,” he replied, blowing out a long exhale as he spoke.

 

Rey chuckled and moved to sit the candle down. “Now temperature play has a low range of sensations. As does what I’m about to use. As we progress the range of sensations will increase with each tool. I’ll remind you again that at any time you feel you need a moment to recuperate you may say yellow. If I push you too far, I do not want you to hesitate to say red. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“Excellent. Now the real fun begins.”

 

Rey picked up the feather and dragged it softly against his torso making his skin turn to gooseflesh even more so than the ice had and an involuntary chuckle fall from his lips as she hit a spot on his side. “Oh, are you ticklish?” Rey asked, the teasing apparent in her tone.

 

“A little.”

 

“You might regret admitting that one day,” she joked as she gently dragged the feather along each limb, from shoulder to fingertip, and hip to toe. “This is on the softer end of the sensation spectrum as you might have noticed. Meant to tickle and tease and nothing more.”

 

Discarding the feather, she walked back over to her tools, grabbing the spiked wheeled device called a Wartenberg wheel. “This device is a Wartenberg wheel, looks kind of like a pizza cutter but instead of a blade it has tiny spines that can produce sharp or dull sensations.” She stated, placing the wheel at the top of one pectoral, letting one spine press into his skin but not hard enough to puncture. Once his breathing slowed again she gently drew the wheel across his chest, letting him feel the muted sensations of each successive spine, far duller than the sharp prick, of one. “I liken the difference in sensation here to those people who sleep on beds of nails, one is enough to cause sharp pain, but many buffets the force applied and distributes it across a larger surface area, dulling the sensation.”

 

Ben remained quiet until she ran wheel across one nipple making him huff out of soft groan. The sharp stab of one spine hitting it just right. Rey smirked but grew tired of the wheel, hoping to elicit a much stronger reaction out of her next implement. Grasping the thin riding crop, she came back over to Ben who patiently awaited her next move.

 

“The next few tools will introduce you to the differences between pleasure and pain. I will be showing you the full range of each and as such if you need a moment, you know what to do.”

 

At first, she took the crop and dragged it gently from his knee to his hip, letting him feel the soft buttery leather loop at one end before with one sharp flick of her wrist she brought the crop down on the outside of his thigh with a resounding slap. At the stinging sensation he inhaled and a moan ripped from his lips. She watched as his breathing increased and he leaned his head back against the high back of the chair.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Green,” he panted barely holding it together.

 

“Good. I won’t ask again. But you will have to state unsolicited if you need to say yellow or red,” she said, flicking the crop gently against the edge of his thigh only to sharply hit it one more time just to see that sharp inhale and a mumbled curse fall from his mouth all the while his cock twitched at the jolt of pain.

 

Rey discarded the crop in favor of the rabbit fur flogger, which had strips of leather backed faux rabbit fur extending from a leather wrapped handle. Gently she alternated to the other leg, letting that one rest as she dragged in varying levels of pressure the ends of the flogger against his leg. “What you felt before was a riding crop. This, is a faux fur flogger. The fur dulls the sensations while the opposite side of leather delivers quite the sting. Other floggers can be fully leather or if you’re into self-flagellation as was a custom in medieval times, it can be made out of crude knotted rope which tears at the skin. This I feel is a much nicer alternative.”

 

Slowly she made her movements purposeful, a soft smack with the fur side only to change her grip to hit a spot close to where she’d previously hit with much greater force, letting the leather side smack hard against his skin. The chains of his restrains clanged against the steel of the chair as his whole body tensed and a loud groan came from somewhere in his chest.

 

“Holy shit,” he breathed slowly unsure of exactly what that just was but whatever it was he wanted it immediately and repeatedly.

 

Rey took that as a good sign and alternated between softer hits and harder smacks for three hits each. Each eliciting the same groan and posture stiffening as it had the first time.

 

His breathing sped as he felt himself succumb to the sensations, already so close to the edge and she’d barely even touched him. At the same moment an unbidden sense of anxiety swelled in him for just the briefest second as she readied her next swing. “Yellow.” He stated firmly, making her halt from her next barrage.

 

“Everything okay?” She asked, concern lacing through her tone.

 

“Yeah, just overwhelmed,” he answered breathlessly leaning his head back again.

 

Rey grinned, pleased that he’d followed her instructions to the absolute letter. Stepping towards him she kissed his cheek. “Take all the time you need, darling. We have all night. Say green when you’re ready to continue.”

 

A few moments passed until Ben felt more in control of himself that he felt strong enough to say green.

 

Rey used the flogger a few more times eliciting similar responses only he knew what to expect with each flick of her wrist. She watched with rapt attention and a deep sense of awe at each of his reactions. The sound of each moan or curse, heightening her own arousal where she could feel her own slick on the upper inside of her thigh. Pleased she was getting more information about his limitations and preferences she discarded the flogger and picked up her last instrument. A leather rectangular paddle with a curved metal handle.

 

“The last tool I want to introduce you to tonight is a paddle. Some like to use a switch, or wooden paddle, some even prefer using a rattan cane to bring about the dichotomy of pain and pleasure that I’m about to give a go. There’s a big difference here between a teasing smack and a deep thudding hit. Both can be used alternately during either a paddling scene or used as punishment for a transgression. I personally prefer a leather paddle because it balances better than the switch or rattan. But we can always try those at a later date, if you wish.”

 

Switching legs, she came back to his left side, having worked his right with the flogger. Gently she stroked the paddle against his hamstring before a light smack. She followed that up with a quick stinging spank only to wait a moment and then swing hard to produce the deep thudding pain, resonating deep in his hamstring and femur that shook his leg and made his entire body grow taut as he cursed loudly.

 

Rey could tell he was close, closer than he was when he’d yellowed before as he ground out the word, needing another moment in what she realized wasn’t so much as being overcome by sensations but to hold back an orgasm at the pleasure the pain caused that his brain was having trouble reconciling between the two. A surge of triumphant pride came over her as she stepped close to him, pressing her lips to the shell of his ear. “My, my, darling do I detect a hint of a pain kink?”

 

He couldn’t muster much of a response, his body already so close to the edge as he tried to calm his erratic breathing.

 

Rey gave him time as he continued to calm himself, saying the word green once ready to begin again. This time she alternated between the sting of a smack with one crack of a deep thud sandwiched between in quick succession, his reaction, much the same as before, making near joyous laughter pour from her. “Oh, that’s delicious.” She stated tossing the paddle aside. “You have a pain kink. Look at what we’ve already learned in one session alone,” she marveled clapping her hands together.

 

If the sight of him before had done wonders to her state of arousal, watching him nearly come undone twice because of her was enough to get her close as well. Originally, in her more rational planning of this scene she’d plotted that his reward for such impeccable behavior would be oral. However, she hadn’t quite accounted for what watching him go through each sensation would do to her carefully constructed but oh-so-flimsy self-control. Instead she found herself, coming back over to him and kissing him full and slow as she cradled his face between her hands.

 

“You did so well. I’m impressed. Do you know what happens when I’m impressed?” He shook his head no, nearly unable to form words at this point. “You get a reward. Initially I’d planned on oral sex to reward good behavior, but I think such restraint deserves something extra, don’t you?”

 

He didn’t answer her, or more realistically he couldn’t, too lost in the sensations just moments ago to do anything but nod in agreement.

 

She kissed him once more, sliding her tongue against his in a teasing yet delicate fashion for however brief a moment before she broke the kiss and turned her back against his chest, her hand wrapping around the base of his length to angle him just right so she could lower herself onto him, the both of them letting out sighs of relief once their bodies became joined. Rey leaned back against him, leaning her head against his so that her lips were pressed to his jaw as she moved up over him, feeling his shoulders tense with ever thrust back down onto him as his arms struggled, tugging roughly at his restraints in a vain attempt to touch her.

 

“You’re going to bruise, if you keep doing that,” she murmured in warning but it didn’t stop him from trying. Rey reached one hand down, covering the back of his knuckles with her hand, as he splayed out his fingers and she placed hers in the spaces between. He was already too far gone, too drunk off the feel of her around him, already needy to the point of delirium before she even sunk down onto his length. She praised him, lips brushing his jaw, his hear lobe as she did so. Told him over and over how proud she was. How well he did. How turned on it made her to watch him take everything she could give him. The words hit him again and again with every hit of her ass against his hips. He cursed and moaned leaning his head forward until he realized he could touch her like this, he could kiss her neck, her shoulders, along what swatches of her back he could reach when she leaned forward to change angle and speed up her pace, his own hips trying to flex what little they could to meet her hips with each thrust.

 

His mouth never left her skin, only skimming along it, while she cried out for him to come with her as she fell apart against him. Her entire body shook and collapsed around him as he followed, with a shout into her apex of her shoulder. The two laid sated, sweaty and breathless against the chair. Rey sighed happily as she leaned her head back against his shoulder with his lips still firmly attached to her shoulder in turn.

 

A few minutes later Rey finally convinced her body to extricate herself from his as they both groaned at the loss. She took off his blindfold first, moving to his restraints next, kneeling to unbuckle the cuffs at each ankle. Ben watched her with silent awe as she then stood. “I’m going to go clean up, you should as well,” She explained motioning to the bathroom. “If you feel you need to shower again please do, and you can be dressed however you please. Meet me in the living room in no more than ten minutes, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

She grinned and stepped forward, placing a hand on his face, studying his expression, her own so soft and full of unspoken emotion that he wasn’t quite sure he should dare hope to think it could be anything other than affection. She excused herself a moment later walking out of the room as Ben watched her leave, still rooted firmly to the chair as he did so. Once she was gone he stood, wincing at the stinging sensation in both legs. He looked down noting redness on each side and muscle group of each thigh. He took a short shower, using the warm water to ease the dull ache that already set in.

 

Minutes later he came out, dressed in his dress shirt with the sleeves rolled and dress slacks, minus the tie and belt, carrying those in his hand. In the shower he noticed the red rings around each wrist that were certainly going to develop into impressive bruises. Rey had already set out two glasses of wine, and a tray of fruit, meat, cheese and vegetables for them to pick at.

 

“I’m usually famished after a session,” she said from just off to the side, coming from where the kitchen must be. Her outfit had changed, to a simple grey v-neck t-shirt and lilac pajama shorts, her hair still in that messy braid. “I figured you might be too.”

 

Ben nodded and sat down on the sofa, wincing again. Rey carried in her hands several ice packs. “Lift your legs,” she told him, placing two long ice packs, one under each leg. He sighed as he let his legs settle back down against the cool ice.

 

“Thank you,” he said with gratitude in his expression as much as his words.

 

Rey grinned and placed two more ice packs on his thighs, and placed both of his wrists against them. “Ten minutes of ice should help reduce any swelling or discomfort. How are you feeling?” she asked, as she settled against the sofa, popping a couple of grapes in her mouth.

 

“Sore, already.”

 

She chuckled at his frank response. “That’ll be a feeling you’ll become accustomed to. I mean not just physically though. How are you doing emotionally? I put you through your paces tonight.”

 

Ben nodded and shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly. I don’t feel bad, I know that. But I don’t know, calm, I guess? Relaxed maybe? Whatever you did in there pretty much melted whatever stress I had at work today and that is an achievement.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

He shifted a little the cold, dulling the soreness enough to where it didn’t hurt as much to move. “My job is stress incarnate. I’m constantly making decisions that will affect the entire business and all sixty employees that we have. It’s a lot to handle sometimes.”

 

“And not having to make any decisions, having a whole evening planned out and executed for you helped ease that stress?” She asked leaning her head onto her hand that she supported across the back of the sofa.

 

“Yeah,” he stated, surprised by the realization. “I didn’t realize that’s what I was missing in my life. An outlet.”

 

“An unconventional outlet, but an outlet nonetheless. And a healthy one at that. Other men would find their outlet in drink or gambling or promiscuity.”

 

“And I like to get flogged?” he joked, his voice full of mirth at his own statement.

 

Rey chuckled and nodded. “That did surprise me, discovering that you have a pain kink, of all things.”

 

“It surprised you? How did you think I felt? Why do you think I yellow’d twice?”

 

Rey’s laughter grew, “and here I thought that was to stave off an orgasm I hadn’t given you permission to have.”

 

“You noticed that, huh?”

 

“It doesn’t take anyone remotely that observant to realize when you’re close.”

 

He snorted in response and leaned forward to grab a piece of cheese. Rey watched him slowly settle back onto the couch, seeing his wrists already were beginning to bruise.

 

She reached for them, examining them closely as she shook her head. “I warned you that you were going to bruise them,” she muttered, placing a kiss to each wrist as he watched her with gentle eyes.

 

“And I’d do it again. I wanted to touch you,” he reasoned, as if the explanation wasn’t already crystal clear.

 

“I know, that’s why I restrained you,” she retorted, getting a perplexed glance in exchange. Her serious expression melted in favor of a grin. “You’re entirely tactile.”

 

“You got that from a one-night stand?”

 

Rey rolled her eyes at the jab. “You’re not hard to read. Besides it wasn’t just that night, it was everything after it too. And I’m not just talking about the breakfast I ruined. I mean the other night last week, when we agreed to give this a try, or even in your office. Both times you initiated the kiss. You live for physical connection.”

 

He nodded and reached for the glass of wine, balancing it on his chest as he ruminated on her summation of him. “I guess you’re right. Is it a bad thing?”

 

“Hardly. Just something I wanted to control for the evening. To force you to focus on the sensations and not your own desires to connect. It was important.”

 

“Understandable. So, what happens now?”

 

“We eat. We talk. You tell me what worked for you and what didn’t. Aftercare is more than just a conversation between dominant and submissive, it’s about bringing each other back out of the headspace and back into regular life. It’s unpacking how each sensation made you feel, good, bad, indifferent, and us filing that information away for later use in future scenes. It lets me know what I’ve done well as you dominant and what I need to work on.”

 

“Is it too soon to say that was incredible?”

 

She shook her head in response. “Not at all. Your opinions and tastes will evolve with time and successive sessions. And I agree, that was incredible. I hadn’t considered in all of my careful planning that I would enjoy it as much as you. So, it seems we both came away surprised at our own reactions.”

 

“Have you never enjoyed it before?”

 

“To an extent I have. But this was different. An oddly welcome change from previous experiences, yes,” she added.

 

“Good, I wasn’t sure what to expect when you came in and said I could look. And then you looked so stunning, it was nice to see someone so calm and collected, so undone, even hair a bit messy.”

 

“Messy? I braided my hair to keep it out of the way.”

 

“Did you braid it in the dark?” Ben asked, cocking his head to the side as he playfully jibed her.

 

Rey’s jaw dropped at the apparent insult. “Oh, and am I to assume you can do better?”

 

Arrogantly Ben nodded, smirking.

 

With one eyebrow arched she undid the unkempt braid and handed him the hair tie. “Fine, you try then.”

 

Never one to back down from a challenge he took the hair tie and motioned for her to sit on the floor in front of him as he took both their wine glasses and placed them on the table. Huffing in annoyance Rey sat cross-legged on the floor as he got to work, first running his fingers through her hair to smooth it out. The sensation of which had her nearly purring like a cat which only fed his ego.

 

“Oh, do I detect that someone likes having her hair played with?” He mocked, mirroring her words from earlier.

 

Rey sighed as his fingers parted her hair and got to work on making a uniform French pleat. Securing it with the tie he gave her she stood a moment later, to peer at his work in the mirror above the fireplace. “How? Where did you learn how to do this?”

 

Ben laughed heartily at the sheer disbelief in her voice. “My mother taught me when I was a kid. It’s been her deepest wish that should I ever grace her with grandchildren that she at least get one granddaughter to spoil. She reasoned that I would need to teach her how to braid her hair once she was old enough, so she taught me how, and I’d braid her hair for fundraisers occasionally. That stopped when I hit puberty and suddenly felt like anything to do with it was stupid and emasculating.”

 

Rey scoffed at his teenaged logic. “If anything, that just makes you all the more masculine that you know how. Societal ideals of masculinity are so opposite to what women find masculine and appealing.”

 

“So, you like that I know how to braid your hair-,” he offered, smirking all the same that he’d found another way to gain her favor.

 

“Definitely, in fact, that might just become one of your duties from here on out unless I decide to wear my hair otherwise.”

 

Ben shrugged, nonplussed at the idea. “I’m fine with that,” he replied.

 

A few hours later, and clearly past midnight before they finished the rest of their conversation, and the food she’d laid out for them. Yawning, Rey walked Ben down to the security door and front stoop.

 

“Thank you, not just for tonight,” Ben said, turning to her as he began walking to the stairs. “For everything.”

 

Rey grinned and nodded, ducking her head against the unfathomable look in his eyes. “You’re welcome. Still on for Wednesday next week? I want you to come up with some ideas you want to explore too, going forward.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement, his expressing melting into a soft grin. “Yeah, I’ll come up with some ideas we can discuss.” He stepped down a couple of steps before Rey called out to him.

 

He stopped, turning on the stoop to face her as he watched her cross from the door over to him, now eye level as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. Surprise came over him at her own bold move that mirrored his from their previous encounters as he took her bottom lip between his own and wrapped both arms around her waist. They both sighed into the kiss as it grew deeper and more passionate, but Rey pulled back before they could get too carried away.

 

Leaning her forehead against his, she whispered softly, “thank you for tonight.” Another short-lived press of her lips to his followed. “I’ll see you Wednesday,” she finished, finally breaking away from him to go back inside, pausing at the security door to offer him a shy smile and a goodnight for good measure before closing the door.

 

Ben stood on the steps of her apartment building for a moment longer, an unfamiliar feeling overcoming his senses. For the first time, in a very long time he felt light and airy. As if there wasn’t anything that could tamper with his good mood. Half laughing to himself, he practically hopped down the remaining steps and jogged over to his car to head home for the rest of the night content and relaxed more so than he’d been in a very long time if ever at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos, they're keeping me going on this weekly update schedule. You don't realize how much I appreciate them! I hope you enjoyed our first major taste of what's to come!


	13. XIII. What Kind of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A goddess worship scene, need I really say more? Rey starts to let Ben in, little by little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
> Also a huge thank you to [kayurka](https://kayurka.tumblr.com) for the [lovely art](https://kayurka.tumblr.com/post/176707957554/bedroom-hymns-by-drnucleus)she made of BH a couple weeks ago! 
> 
> I've also made a soundtrack via [spotify here](https://open.spotify.com/user/rk9t35jsabz8gknvjvwvru97v/playlist/7kOCZvTmcHYJOOmVahsbZP) and have posted the paperwork/checklists for our couple [here](http://drnucleus.tumblr.com/post/177003419059/bedroom-hymns-misc-post-i-got-word-from-some-of)

 

_Chapter Playlist: Precious – Depeche Mode; What Kind of Man – Florence + the Machine; Two Weeks - FKA Twigs; Taste of India – Aerosmith; Jupiter – Jewel; Tiptoe – Imagine Dragons_

XIII. What Kind of Man

 

Her phone chirped just after her morning run as she made her way to Finn’s bakery on a glorious Saturday morning in the city. The scene the night before had definitely surpassed her expectations. And it pleased her to know it surpassed his as well from what she could glean from his word choice. Tone was always so difficult to intuit over text.

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** Did I hallucinate last night or did that really happen?  
  


Chuckling to herself as she tapped out a quick reply. 

**Rey Erso:** How do you think you got those bruises on your wrists? No, you definitely did not hallucinate anything last night.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Considering they’re self-inflicted, it stands to reason I did it in whatever fever dream it was.  
  


Came his reply no less than five minutes later. The response had her laughing despite herself. She knew he was simply marveling at the fact that last night had happened at all given her previous hesitations but it amused her all the same.

**Rey Erso:** How bad are your bruises?  
  


She asked feeling genuine concern for the state of his wrists. Even though the cuffs had padding he’d tugged on them so viciously she’d thought they’d snap from the sheer force of his attempts.

 

That’s how their sporadic conversation continued, well throughout the weekend and into the work week.

 

For Ben, he found himself wanting to tell her about his day. When meetings were long and tedious he wanted to reach out and vent to her, or ask her questions about her own day to distract himself from his own level of purgatory. He stared at his phone as he wrapped up another meeting. The fourth that Monday morning alone.

 

Budgets this time. The time before that was a Skype call with their main contractor on the West Coast, who was currently on a job site for them in Los Angeles.

 

“Are you going to ever pay attention to these meetings or stare at your phone?” Armitage said; his tone dripping with disdain at his friend’s apparent inattention.

 

Ben looked over at him, shooting a mildly annoyed look. “I hate these meetings. You know I do.”

 

“You’re the one who wanted to be C-E-O, Ben. It is your duty to oversee -,” Hux began to explain only stopping when Ben held his hand up.

 

“I know. Doesn’t mean I have to enjoy this,” he countered, reaching for his phone as his mind began to drift back to the brunette who was most assuredly seeing clients at the present moment just across town in her office.

 

Armitage eyed Ben’s wrist as he noted a flash of green and brown displayed across his skin as Ben grabbed for his phone. “Seems like you had some enjoyment over the weekend. Hasn’t Rey taught you how to conceal bruises yet?”

 

Bewildered Ben cocked his head to the side. “What?”

 

“Your wrist is quite bruised. Am I wrong to assume the lovely Dr. Erso is the cause?”

 

Flustered and shamefaced Ben adjusted the cuffs of his dress shirt. “She was, technically, but it’s my fault she told me not to struggle.” He replied, the momentary embarrassment leaving him as he realized that if there was any one person in his life that he could discuss this new aspect with it was most decidedly with Hux that he could find the counsel and friendship he’d need going forward.

 

Armitage arched one eyebrow and snorted in amusement. “I’m glad things are sorting themselves out.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement. “Yeah. It uh, it was definitely an experience.”

 

“First scene always is.”

 

“How’re things with Trisha?”

 

Hux shrugged a bit. “Haven’t been in a while. Been too busy with fiscal responsibilities here to make the time. I’m sure I’ll be arranging another appointment in the near future. But until then -,”

 

“All work and no play. Sounds familiar. Don’t burn yourself out.”

 

“Is that concern I hear?” Hux shot back, making the both of them laugh.

 

The two men finished their brief conversation, gearing up for job interviews slated for the rest of the week. Increasing their residential sector had brought them an influx of applicants, a few of which had just abandoned ship at Snoke’s firm. The idea that even now they were poaching business away from his former boss gave Ben a darker sense of pride. Served the old man right, treat your employees like shit and they’d flock to other competitive firms with better benefits and salaries.

 

In the midst of his musings he typed out a quick message to Rey, letting her know that Hux gave him shit about his wrists.

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** Hux says you need to teach me how to conceal bruises.  
  


Across town Rey was just finishing up a session with a new couple. Beatrice and Nina had been together fifteen years before communication began to deteriorate between the two. Rey had listened intently to the two express their concerns in their relationship before offering any initial advice. She smiled at both of them as they left her office, giving her much to think about in her own life as her clients often did.

 

Smiling to herself she walked back to her desk, picking up her phone as it buzzed across it. Her smile grew blinding when she read the latest text from Ben.

 

Because of course Hux would be the one to notice the bruises and know what they were from.

**Rey Erso:** Tell Armitage to stuff it. I wanted you to have the reminder, which is why I didn’t teach you how to apply concealer.  
  


Ben chuckled at her response and they both went about their day, trading messages back and forth between meetings and clients and before Ben knew it, it was nine o’clock at night and he was at home unwinding from a long day, the Warriors basketball game on the television, providing background noise while he read from one of the many books Rey had told him to read weeks prior.

 

Reading about different dominatrix archetypes was a fascinating escape from thinking about the slate of job interview candidates he had the following morning.

 

Of the categories were five major archetypes that a domme could undertake or combine in any fashion she saw fit. The governess – the unforgiving teacher who demanded absolute perfection. Then there is the nursemaid – motherly and loving but a true disciplinarian. Another detailed the Amazon – brutal, ruthless, and commanding, but follow her rules and she’d reward you in kind. Or the Queen – who demands the fealty and devotion of her subjects. And finally, the Goddess – who commanded worship and was generally kind and benevolent unless one sought her wrath through disobedience.

 

As he read he wondered exactly which one or combination of the five that Rey preferred to embody most. Understanding that would only inform him of what he was particularly dealing with.

 

Any of the archetypes had their pros and cons. Their positive and negative traits that didn’t make one any greater or lesser than the others.

 

He could ask her himself he supposed. His phone sat across from him, lying face up on the coffee table next to his feet. Chewing on the inside of his lip he considered the device as his eyes drifted back and forth from phone to his tablet and back again. Rolling his eyes at himself for the momentary indecision, he moved to grab his phone before re-settling back into the sofa in his earlier position.

 

His fingers hesitated as he tried to come up with the right way to form the question. However, his mind took over and the blunt approach was really the only way he could logically see working.

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** So, tell me, what kind of domme are you?  
  


Rey sipped on her steaming mug of tea as she finalized plans for the week in her calendar with notes to pick up groceries at the farmer’s market on Saturday and to do laundry later in the week. Distracted by the chirp of her phone she set her pen down to see the message. Curiosity piqued, she pushed for clarification.

**Rey Erso:** What do you mean?  
  


Ben smirked at the answer she’d given him, of course she wanted an even more explicit question to give a more accurate response.

**Ben Solo:** I’m reading one of the books you recommended, and it details the five archetypes. I was wondering which one you are.  
  


Rey remembered back to their original conversations, both in e-mail and text where she’d given him book recommendations. It pleased her to no end that he’d followed through on procuring each and that he’d even continued to read them beyond what she had initially thought was a quick ploy to earn her favor. However, this gesture further proved to her that he was as much in this lifestyle as she was by now.

 

She licked her lips, unconsciously as she weighed her options in telling him exactly what she preferred. It didn’t do any harm she supposed but at the same time it was one more piece of her own personal jigsaw that he was asking for. Wondering in earnest about all the pieces she kept too close to herself. Yet he only wanted to complete the picture.

 

With a breath she tamped down her nerves, reminding herself that it didn’t matter what his opinion was but that she can and should share this information with any other submissive. And just because he could so easily see through her carefully constructed façade didn’t mean she shouldn’t treat him as such.

**Rey Erso:** Personally, I prefer the goddess but have used others for specific submissives’ tastes in the past. Phasma is more Amazon/Queen which totally fits her, uncompromising and ruthless.  
  


Ben read the text, having sat with bated breath the minute his phone indicated that she was typing, that little chat bubble with three dots taunting him as he waited. But the wait had been worth it as he realized that this was just one more piece that fit between them. A goddess who deserved the devotion she’d been so long denied.

**Ben Solo:** I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because now that you’ve told me I can’t see you as anything but.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Good? Bad? Indifferent?  
  


She asked quickly, wondering exactly what his thoughts were. 

**Ben Solo:** Good.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Very good, even.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Actually, let’s bump that to perfect.  
  


Came his rapid replies each one in succession that made her grin wider and sink deeper into the cushy confines of her armchair.

 

And really it shouldn’t have surprised him. Even though from their first scene she hadn’t given him that impression at all. A goddess commanded that her needs be met first in worship and devotion and yet in their first scene she’d focused entirely on his experience, only giving in to her own needs once neither of them could take anymore. This information though new and obvious now that he had it within his grasp only pushed him further to think of ways he could better do his part of this arrangement they were entangled in.

 

He hated to call it as such. An arrangement felt clinical, business-like and detached. And everything about what they shared the previous Friday had been anything but. However, he knew that it was her way of justifying it. To keep him at arms-length for as long as possible, readying herself for when he’d inevitably bolt, at least in her mind he was as skittish as a feral cat. Reality however only served to keep him rooted in place. Becoming the immovable object to her unstoppable force.

 

That’s what got him thinking throughout the day on Tuesday when he began to formulate his idea. Reading more about what her archetype needed to feel fulfilled in the lifestyle helped but he also knew that with time he’d get her to open up. Peeling apart the layers of brick that she liked to hide behind and protect herself.

 

It was then on Wednesday morning when he’d requested to get lunch for them that his idea had solidified. What did a goddess need most? Devotion. Worship. And he planned to show her exactly that, if she let him. That was the next task. Getting her to agree. But she had said she wanted him to come up with ideas of that fact alone he was entirely certain she’d at least hear him out. And if he played his cards right she might be receptive to the idea.

 

Rey showed up promptly at noon. Walking into the common work space for the second time a week later drew more attention than she had the previous week. Whispers of employees, taking in her renewed presence garnered her attention most of all as she made her way to Ben’s office, stopping to chat with Maz for a few moments before Ben caught her form with his gaze and watched her come into his office while he argued on the phone. He motioned to the chair opposite his desk for her to sit down and set her purse as well.

 

“No, that’s not going to happen. You’ve done flooring for us before at less than half that cost. Would you rather I get Armitage on the line to haggle then? Yeah, I’m sure you’ll see it our way. Take our counter offer back to your boss and run the numbers again. Flooring doesn’t mark-up that much due to inflation alone so don’t even try-,” He countered going silent as he began to grin. “Fantastic, I’ll be waiting. Of course, I’ll have Hux send over the proposal by end of business today,” he added before ending the call a moment later.

 

Rey watched him with rapt attention as he handled the business call.

 

“Give me one moment. I have to message Hux that he’s gotta get that proposal to our flooring supplier by five.”

 

“Proposal?”

 

“Yeah, it’s basically our order for a job, but with what we expect to pay for it. Normal people don’t get our prices. And the new guy on the phone just needed a little reminding of who he’s working with,” Ben answered her, explaining the call itself.

 

Rey nodded as she watched him type out the e-mail to Hux. “I’m sure Armitage will appreciate you volunteering him for it,” she replied wryly.

 

Ben nodded, equally amused and in agreement. “Lunch should be here in a few, I grub-hubbed from a deli nearby. They have the best sandwiches in the city. Do you like pastrami?”

 

Rey shook her head ‘yes’ as she took off her warm fuzzy sweater, revealing the dark blue silk blouse and black slacks beneath. Spring weather was hitting the city, warming it slightly from the chill of late winter.

 

Ben stood as well as Rey and they moved over to the sofa to relax for a few moments before Maz came into the room carrying brown cardboard takeout containers, and a drink carrier. “Lunch is here!” She announced and Ben stood, to take two of the three boxes along with two of the drinks.

 

“Thank you, Maz,” He said as he took them from her.

 

Rey mirrored his statement as she took a box and drink from Ben. Maz lingered for a moment, to be sure the two were satisfied with the food. Around Maz, Rey could see a couple of younger employees, looking fresh out of undergrad staring at the spectacle before blushing and turning away at the realization they’d been caught. The earlier whispers she’d noticed came back to her and she hummed to herself. “Maz?” Rey asked.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Ben tells me you’re in the know with all the office gossip. Mind telling me why it feels like we’re being watched?”

 

Maz chuckled in amusement. “I told you she’d notice,” She remarked to Ben who rolled his eyes and shrugged at Rey’s subsequent questioning glance. Maz sighed and shook her head. “You’ve caused quite the uproar in the office. Apparently, half the interior design department lost the office pool.”

 

“Which was?” Rey asked, now thoroughly intrigued.

 

Ben huffed an annoyed groan and put a hand to Rey’s knee. “They were convinced that I’m gay.”

 

Rey let out a sharp bark of a laugh at the implication. At Ben’s expression however, her face lost all humor, replacing it with a look of horror. “You’re not joking, are you?”

 

“Nope. Apparently because I’ve never brought a woman into the office they’d all assumed. Some thought I was asexual, others-,”

 

“Others,” Maz chimed in, then chuckling as well at the ridiculous stories. “Thought that Ben had a secret wife somewhere that he never told anyone about. Some of the theories were ridiculously outlandish. There was one about Ben in a love triangle with Poe and Hux.”

 

Ben snickered at that one. “Probably because we all bicker like my parents. Not that there’s anything wrong with any sexuality but the fact that my private life was such hot topic for debate was really unnerving. At least with you here now, some of that is put to rest.”

 

“Some, but there is still rampant gossip about who she is and why she’s suddenly appeared out of nowhere.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes as he took a bite of his food.

 

Rey smirked at his utter annoyance of it all. “Well, let them talk,” she stated, making Maz laugh a little more.

 

Moments later Maz excused herself to go eat her own lunch in the lounge, leaving word with Ben to text her if he needed anything.

 

Rey shook her head as they fell into a companionable silence, eating their respective pastrami on marble rye sandwiches. Ben finished his first, wolfing most of it down in a few bites, starving from having not had anything to eat since the wee hours of the morning when he’d had breakfast at home. Rey took longer, but finished not long after, crumpling up the wrapper and tossing it in the container that Ben offered her before tossing it in the recycling bin just outside his office.

 

Settling back into the sofa they stayed quiet for a moment, before both speaking at once. “So,” they said in unison, making them both stop and laugh at the shared thought process.

 

“Go ahead,” Rey stated, wanting to hear what Ben had to say.

 

“I have an idea for Friday, if you’d like to hear it.”

 

“Oh?” Rey asked, having her own idea herself she wasn’t completely averse, however to hearing his idea.

 

“It um - I thought of it when you told me what archetype you like best.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at him in question. “Go on,” she stated, entirely curious.

 

“I was thinking that as great as last week was, we focused on my experience the entire time, and I just thought that maybe we could focus on you.”

 

Rey’s heart stuttered in her chest as she swallowed hard at the implication behind his words. “Ben,” she began to say, trying to resist the idea. “We’re training you, it’s important that we focus on your training.”

 

However, Ben was prepared for that answer countering smoothly, “And shouldn’t it be a part of my training to know how to serve you? How to meet your needs before my own?”

 

Her mouth ran dry and she cleared her throat, grabbing for the bottle of water to take a drink. The idea was tempting. Too much so. Heat pooled in her spine and radiated outward, suffusing her in warmth at the thought of what he was asking for. “You don’t know what you’re asking for,” she warned, as she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, to wipe away the excess water.

 

“Enlighten me, then?” He offered.

 

Rey met his gaze, seeing that he was unwavering in his idea. “So, you want to try your hand at a worship scene?” she asked, trying to be sure that he was really asking for what she thought he was.

 

“Yes. Have you not had that before?”

 

She shook her head gently. “Not an entire scene, no. Pieces sure.”

 

He grinned a little at her admission and grew more confident in his argument. “Okay, I get you might have had another idea, but you said to come up with ideas, and this was the best one I’ve got. And you just said yourself you’ve never had a full scene like that. So why not?”

 

Rey took a breath and sat back against the cushions, her entire plan before had left her. Completely forgotten and discarded as his idea wormed in. Her traitorous imagination coming up with a multitude of possibilities of things she could command him to do. Each one raising her heart rate more than the last. Her body came alive at just the simple request. Aroused and painfully so, she tried to find her voice, all thought of refusing him leaving her the longer she thought about it.

 

“Okay,” she acquiesced, her voice unsteady.

 

He grinned widely at her agreement. “Really?”

 

She cut her eyes over to him in a look that said _don’t press your luck_. “Yes really.” She added, her voice growing stronger. “You’re right if this is going to work, knowing how a scene like that works is going to be important going forward.”

 

His smile didn’t abate one bit as he grew triumphant. “I was almost afraid you’d say no.”

 

Rey shrugged and sighed at the same time. “I almost did. But I can’t argue with your logic here either.”

 

“Okay then, so we have a plan for Friday?”

 

Rey nodded, her grin growing but doing nothing to match his. The two continued to hash out minor details and discussions as they continued through respective their lunch breaks. However, time seemed to slip through their fingers and Rey’s alarm went off, telling her to get back to the office for her next clients.

 

The air between them stayed light and almost jovial between the two as he walked her to the elevator, much to the amusement of prying eyes and enquiring minds. Stopping just before the elevators Rey turned to Ben, grasping his tie and hauling him forward into a heated kiss, meeting him half way as she leaned up on the tiptoes of her heels. His mouth met hers with a soft sigh and his hands went to her waist, steadying her against him as his tongue ran along the seam of her lips. A soft sigh escaped her as she opened her mouth to him, melting into the kiss as it deepened. Her hand ascended the back of his neck, holding him close before she unceremoniously broke the kiss, but not stepping back from his embrace just yet.

 

“Not that I’m upset or anything, but what was that for?” He asked, kiss drunk and amused at her advance.

 

She grinned for a moment and whispered back, “Just letting the peanut gallery know who you belong to,” she replied as she began to pull away. Ben gave her a sidelong glance, smirking at her statement and all that it implied. “See you Friday,” she added, stepping onto an open elevator.

 

“See you Friday,” he replied, waving her off before heading back into his office, cheeks flushed, and his steps a bit lighter, tacitly ignoring the whispers and stares of several of his employees in the process.

 

* * *

 

 

The grain of the hardwood was becoming familiar to Ben as he stared at the sloping lines and curves of each grain on each plank he could see in his closest vicinity. Little things like this he supposed, helped him stay focused, to pass the time until her inevitable arrival.

 

Counting his breaths were another thing he tried to keep himself occupied. How many breaths per minute he wondered, as he didn’t have a watch or a clock to inform him of the passage of time. Just the steady beat of his heart in his chest as he waited, on one knee in a pair of navy drawstring pants that Rey had left for him. The room was different this time. The chair that had been in the center was off in one corner. A new chaise lounge sat adjacent to himself, with its sloping arch of an arm rest, and silvery blue tufted upholstery along its entirety.

 

Fifty-seven breaths later he could hear the faint sound of her front door opening. Resettling himself he took in deep calming breaths, readying himself for her hand at the door handle.

 

Her feet click-clacked against the hardwood, disappearing into what he assumed was her bedroom to shower the day away and change into something more comfortable. He tried not to imagine what that might be, but his mind went all Olympic marathon runner with it and glimpses of her in soft things, sheer things and silk passed through his mind enough to distract him until he heard her hand clutch the knob of the door to his right.

 

He could hear her feet, bare and soft against the hardwood as she approached him, but he did as was expected, keeping his eyes trained down until she’d release him.

 

“You may look,” she said a moment later. He swept his eyes up her form, noting that instead of silk or lace this time it was simple black cotton shorts and camisole that hugged her lithe figure. The color of which did wonders against her skin tone. She placed a hand to his shoulder, nodding to her wrist where a small hair tie was wrapped there. Lifting his hands to her wrist he lifted the tie from her as she pivoted and took a seat on his bent thigh.

 

Surprised he took in a sharp inhale, her floral perfume invading his senses and clouding his judgment temporarily.

 

“A regular braid will do just fine, tonight,” she stated as his hands began to card through her tresses, separating it into three sections to braid together. Her soft moan at the feel of his fingertips on her scalp didn’t escape his notice but he said nothing, focusing on the task at hand instead, but damn him if it didn’t fill him with a small sense of pride.

 

Once tied securely Rey turned, planting her feet so that she sat perpendicular to him, their torsos creating a 90-degree angle. “Thank you,” she added in gratitude for her braid. “Tonight, is going to be a little different than last time. You’ll be allowed to speak freely throughout. I want you to be able to talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling, what you need at any point. Same safe words apply but we won’t be using any tools or toys tonight. Is that understood?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” he answered back, though he fought it a small smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.

 

Rey chuckled and stood, holding out her hand. “We’ll start over here,” she said as Ben stood, leading him over to the chaise lounge. She motioned for him to sit at one end as she moved to grab something from one of the night stands.

 

Coming back Rey handed him a bottle of oil and flopped onto the chaise opposite him, leaning on that curved arm and placing her feet on his knee. “You must be clairvoyant, because somehow you knew I’d need this,” she said cryptically as Ben gave her a perplexed expression in turn. “Shitty day at the office. And my feet are killing me from the new shoes I tried to break in. Could you…” She started but he nodded and poured a bit of oil into his hands, rubbing them together to warm the oil before grasping her left foot, setting to work on the arch.

 

Rey melted back into the chaise, moaning at the stroke of his thumb along the arch of her foot. He worked slowly, releasing the tension from each foot, paying special attention to the arch and ball of her feet as well as her Achilles. His hands moved up slowly circling each calf and shin to her knee as she closed her eyes and sighed, relaxing.

 

“That feels wonderful,” she mewled softly; her voice small and soft.

 

However, when she turned her head she grimaced slightly, a hand coming up to poke and prod at one shoulder.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, figuring there might be something amiss with her shoulder.

 

Rey opened her eyes and grinned softly at the concern in his tone. “I think I slept on my shoulder wrong, it’s been annoying me all day.”

 

“May I have a look?” Ben asked and Rey observed him, seeing the sincerity in his expression. After a beat she sat forward and turned her body away from him, pulling her braid to the side.

 

Wordlessly Ben inspected her shoulders and neck, noting the tension there in each muscle group, trailing down between her shoulder blades where there were knots formed in her muscles, no doubt the source of her discomfort. Getting more oil onto his hands he reached forward gliding his hands over her neck and shoulders until they grew lax and the muscles pliant.

 

Rey sighed softly as he focused his attention on the shoulder that was causing her the most discomfort, drifting his hand down her scapula. “Wait,” she stated as he came to the edge of her camisole.

 

He stopped, taking his hands from her shoulder as she crossed her arms in front of herself and peeled her camisole off, tossing it haphazardly to the floor. On display in front of him was the expanse of her back, the muscles defined gently against her delicate soft skin. Going back to work Rey scoot herself back as he adjusted, stretching out one leg on the chaise so that she could move closer. He focused more of his attention along her spine, her back arching as he hit a particularly tender knot in a pressure point.

 

Working gently but diligently he worked out each knot, pulling and pushing each muscle until it gave way and relaxed. Rey leaned into his chest then, turning her head to bring his mouth to hers. They both sighed into the kiss and her hands took his, bringing them around to the front of her first to her waist, and then upward to cup her breasts. Swallowing her soft sighs, he pinched and played with each nipple rolling them between his thumb and forefinger before gently kneading her skin.

 

Sufficiently wound up, Rey took one hand away from her chest as he kissed along her shoulder, tasting the combination of the massage oil and her skin together. Rey slid that one hand down her abdomen and underneath her shorts to slide his fingers against her already soaked core. He cursed against her shoulder which only made her grin and her fingers graced his wrist as he slid two fingers inside her, the heel of his palm stroking her clit with every pass.

 

Rey laid her head back on his shoulder and let out a series of soft sighs and moans with each movement while her free hand reached behind her and into his drawstring pants to wrap around his cock. Her name was a soft prayer on his lips as she tightened her grip around him only to loosen it a moment later as she stroked him gently, working him too slowly to reach any sort of fevered pitch but enough to keep him hard for however long she wanted.

 

His fingers moved more quickly, finding purpose in bringing her close to orgasming. Feeling her body shift, and stiffen as she clenched around him. Cries of pleasure fell from her lips as each wave washed over her. Yet she only stopped him for a moment to help her remove the shorts she’d been wearing before she directed his hand back between her thighs.

 

“Again,” she commanded only this time his other hand came to join the party as well, circling her clit rapidly as he got an idea he’d wanted to try, curving his fingers just so that her eyes flew open and her jaw dropped at the change in intensity as her grip on his length faltered in surprise. A litany of curses came from her mouth as he worked her more quickly towards bliss, marveling over the gently quake of her thigh muscles and her desperate cries just before she came again, only this time with a small gush against his palm.

 

All too pleased with himself he kissed her temple as she slumped back against him, body quaking with aftershocks. He didn’t start up again, but didn’t take his hands away from her either, letting her heart rate come back to normal.

 

Flushed but not nearly sated enough she pushed his hands away and directed him to lay down on the chaise, propped up against the sloping arm but not before she relieved him of his pants, letting him kick them to the side. The angle of the chaise lounge was just at the right angle for what she had in mind, turning away from him as she pressed a knee in the space between each arm and his torso. Ben smirked and pulled her hips back towards his mouth, hungrily lapping at her folds with his tongue.

 

She keened and rocked against him, balancing herself with a hand to his abdomen. “Fuck, just like that,” she instructed, breathlessly as his hands dug into her hips, like a man who’d been denied something so essential like food or water for so long all sense of patience or decorum was lost as he sloppily devoured her.

 

She leaned forward, the angle at which they were positioned aiding her in her ability to reach his erection with her mouth, running her tongue along the tip and down the side, as he moaned against her clit, the vibrations causing her body to jerk. She took him in her mouth then, torturously slow, hollowing out her cheeks as she pulled up each time, getting him precariously close to the edge before stopping and sitting back, pushing herself back against his face as he also pressed a thumb to her entrance, swirled his tongue across her labia, and chin pressed against her clit.

 

She cried out and rocked against him, feeling her body close once more while his tongue entered her quickly, thrusting as his thumb shifted to her clit rubbing it until her body was shaking and her cries grew loud and incoherent. Her body clamped down then, thighs shaking a little bit harder as she rocked back against him. She was about to move away when both of his hands held onto her hips in a vice grip as he changed the angle and speed of his attentions, pushing her past her limit and sending her through another release moments after the third had only just begun to subside.

 

He was about to begin again when Rey pulled away from him, separating them for the moment much to his dismay. “Everything okay?” He asked, making sure he hadn’t done something wrong.

 

Shaky and unsteady Rey moved off of him, with his hands guiding and steadying her as she stood. “Yes, I’m okay, come over to the bed,” she replied, finally finding her voice.

 

He stood and followed, helping her stretch out onto the bed like a cat. Her hands drew him up onto the bed as well, pressing his knees into the mattress behind her. His hands pulled her hips back against him roughly as she stiffened and cried out. She half turned, angling herself and grasping his length as they both angled him to slide in with one slow thrust.

 

She keened again, long and low at the delicious pressure of him at this angle. His head lolled back at the way her body clenched around him, “Fuck. Me.” She stated, punctuating each word as he followed her command to the letter, a hand pressed to her back to arch it and alter the angle that made him curse and stutter his hips.

 

“Harder,” she demanded, though it sounded much more like a desperate plea than a marching order but he followed nonetheless, completely lost to the sensation of her slick squelching around him with each thrust. He took the hand at her lower back and slid it up to her shoulder, her body made smooth and slick with the remnants of oil mixing with sweat. Pressing his fingers into her collarbone he used that grip for leverage, anchoring his other hand to his hip as he thrust hard and deep hitting the exact right spot that had her melting into the mattress, quivering and mewling nonsensically in curse words and moans of his name and _yes_.

 

Both lost themselves in the heat of it, the passion of their union as he pushed harder, deeper, as much as he could, as much as her body would allow nearly beneath him now. Her hand gripped the sheets turning her knuckles white before she abandoned that idea, desperate for connection, one hand at a time reached for his. Starting with the hand at her hips she tore it from her body to pin it to the mattress by her shoulder. Unbalancing him, and half draping him across her back in the process.

 

The other hand at her opposite shoulder she reached up, wrapping her fingers around his as she brought that forward as well, making him fall forward, bringing his chest flush against her back as her hand pinned his just above her shoulders.

 

He kissed the back of her neck, thankful for the access this new position gave him. “You feel so perfect like this,” he whispered, lips hot against her ear. His words hit her one by one making her hips buck back against him and her thighs begin to shake all the more violently. He kept pushing forward, following her occasional one-word commands of what he could make out as harder or faster, to increase the intensity or pace bringing them both close to the edge only this time to let them both fall over the edge together, shaking and crying out from the intense relief.

 

Slumping together against the sheets, they stayed like that for a few moments, aftershocks making them both twitch with any alteration of their position that could even be remotely considered movement.

 

Slowly, ever so slowly they extricated themselves from one another, collapsing in a heap, side by side against the mattress. Ben gathered her close. His lips a whisper against her cheekbone, and then her temple, whispering, “I’ve got you,” as he did so.

 

The two laid there for moments, or minutes neither could tell as they both tried to reign in their breathing. Coming back to herself Rey felt the soreness begin to settle into her limbs. Her body felt deliciously used and run through. Slowly she pulled them up, leading them into the en suite bathroom standing on shaky legs as they waited for the shower to heat up.

 

Ben pulled her into his arms as he surveyed her in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bathroom, naked, still flushed but sated just from the sleepy dazed look on her face. He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before backing her into the shower, both of them hissing and sighing at the sting of hot water against their oversensitive skins.

 

Rey undid the braid he had placed in her hair as she grabbed the bottle of shampoo that sat in the corner. Ben took the bottle from her squeezing some into his palm before working it into her hair, lathering it while she stared up at him her face soft and contemplative.

 

As he rinsed the suds from her hair she poured some shampoo into her own hands and worked it through his hair as he did for her, only he needed to lean down as she leaned up on her tiptoes to reach, bringing their lips close together again as she closed the distance this time, kissing him soundly. He could feel her gratitude in every press of her lips, and slide of her fingers through his hair as they rinsed and applied conditioner to each other before taking turns to wash each other’s bodies, kissing and giggling like drunk teenagers after prom.

 

Their shower antics didn’t progress any further than that, their bodies to overstimulated and oversensitive for anything other than tender fleeting touches and kisses as they washed each other clean of sweat, cum and massage oil. Stepping out of the shower into the sufficiently steamed bathroom Ben wrapped a towel around Rey and then himself, rubbing her shoulders and leaning to kiss her again, smiling against her lips just as she did the same.

 

“Meet me in the living room?” She said in that soft almost dreamy voice. He nodded and she past him, walking on unsteady legs to exit back to her bedroom to change her clothing. Ben put on the navy pajama pants as he followed back into the playroom, using the towel to soak up the excess water from his hair and shoulders. Feeling even lighter than he had after their Wednesday lunch or even the previous week he flopped himself down on the sofa in her living room, content and sated.

 

Rey joined a moment later, padding in, wearing just similar pair of boy short underwear and matching camisole as to what she wore earlier, dropping down onto the sofa, curling into him as if her body and his were just extensions of one another.

 

Smiling to himself he ran his fingers through her hair, listening to her purr like a sleepy kitten at the gentle scrape of his short blunt fingernails against her scalp and his fingers through her damp hair.

 

“Thank you,” she said softly, almost to where he had to strain to hear her.

 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, in earnest but pulled back slightly when she pulled back for a moment sharply, his hand falling to her neck and his thumb grazing along her jaw.

 

“No, I mean it. No one has ever -,” she began but looked away and down to some unseen thing on the floor. When she looked back up he could see her eyes were shining just a bit, “I’ve never had a submissive who really cared to put my needs first,” she admitted and he felt his chest ache for her.

 

“Isn’t it the whole point of the dynamic to sate your needs first and that by extension, mine?”

 

She nodded and sighed. “Yeah, I just, never really felt safe communicating every need. Sexually? Sure, that’s easy. But you took care of me more than just that aspect alone. And that I’m definitely not used to.”

 

His expression turned soft as he pulled her back into his side. “Well get used to it. Because it’s what you deserve,” he answered her back as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

She chuckled wryly at him. “You know, you can spoil a girl rotten with that kind of treatment.”

 

“And that is entirely the point of why I wanted to do this.”

 

“Also, next time warn me before you want to make me come like that. I’ll lay down a towel or something,” she muttered with a playful smack to his leg. He laughed in turn and kissed the top of her head.

 

“It wasn’t enough to warrant a towel, but that was certainly something.” He mused back at her.

 

She laughed, a soft tinkling sound that shook her shoulders. “Have you ever made a girl do that before?”

 

“No. But I read about it in that book you recommended, about anatomy and arousal and I’ll be damned if it didn’t work. Have you ever, before?”

 

“On myself, sure, but no one has ever done it to me. I gotta admit it was more intense with you than on my own.”

 

Ben groaned and pulled her closer. “God, just the thought of you getting off by yourself is incredible.”

 

Laughter fell from her lips again as she snuggled closer, using his chest as her pillow. “This was perfect, really, thank you,” she reiterated as his free hand sought hers playing with her fingers as they continued to talk.

 

However laughter and discussion fell away into soft hums of the two just existing, leaning back on the sofa, basking in the soft light of the room. It wasn’t long until Ben realized Rey had fallen asleep against his chest, her breathing deep and even. Smiling to himself he gathered her up into his arms. Her head resting on his shoulder as one arm wrapped around her back, and the other at her thighs, carrying her gently to her bedroom.

 

Ever so gently he placed her on the bed, lifting her body, only to pull back the covers and tuck them around her form. Satisfied he’d settled her he went to turn and change to leave but a small warm hand on his wrist stopped him.

 

“Stay.” She said so softly he almost swore he was hallucinating.

 

“What?” he asked crouching down to her level.

 

“Stay with me? Stay the night.” She stated again reiterating her point, trying to be clear as to her intent.

 

At the soft sincerity in her sleepy voice he melted and nodded. “Okay.”

 

Rey backed up to the otherside of the bed, staying close to the middle as she held the covers out for him. Silently he slipped into bed beside her, gathering her close again as they both fell into a deep slumber, cradled against one another.

 

* * *

  

The light of early dawn seeped in through Rey’s curtains stirring her from slumber. She awoke pressed into Ben’s bare chest, an arm draped across her waist holding her so delicately but protectively all the same. She leaned her head back, amused at waking up so close to him. Her anxiety nonexistent even though she'd not planned on asking him to stay, instead acting on selfish impulse.

 

Of all things she had expected in taking Ben on as her trainee the fact that Ben Solo was a snuggler in his sleep was not anywhere near the list.

 

Groaning as she shifted back more to see his face he opened one eye annoyed at her pulling away. “It’s too early, go back to sleep,” he muttered, his voice hoarse from disuse.

 

Rey snickered and kissed his chin. “You’re kind of adorable first thing in the morning.”

 

Another groan of annoyance as he resettled and leaned back to give her a surreptitious glance. “Adorable? Before caffeine? What a concept!” he joked, making her smile and chuckle at his clever retort.

 

“Do you want to go on a run with me this morning?” She asked, an idea formulating in her head. It was too soon. She knew that but it didn’t stop her from wanting to do this. And the night before was still clouding her better judgement.

 

He arched an eyebrow and ran his hand along her ribs. “A run? How far?”

 

“A total of ten miles. It’s what I usually do on the weekends. I’ll even treat for breakfast and coffee afterwards, I know a place,” she added on, hoping the allure of caffeine and the promise of pastries was enough to tempt him.

 

“Yeah, okay, you’re lucky I keep a gym bag in my car. Give me a few to run down and get it and change?” he offered and Rey nodded, giving him a quick kiss.

 

The two parted and left the bed, with Ben, donning his work shirt to run down to his car, but not bothering to change his pants. Grabbing his gym bag, he changed into a pair of longer shorts, t-shirt and grey hooded sweatshirt to meet Rey in her living room walking in on her stretching, bent over with one leg hoisted up on the top of the armchair. She turned to see him and smiled as they stretched and got ready for the run, dropping his bag in his car before they took off.

 

It had been a long time since Ben had done a full scale run outdoors, preferring instead to hammer his body on a treadmill and free weights in the gym. They set out at an easy pace for their warm up but Rey sped up quickly after that, with Ben having to use his full stride and height advantage just to keep pace. She directed him with each turn they made, heading down her normal path, feet pounding the pavement together as they headed down to the beach.

 

Ben stopped in the sand and stone huffing and puffing, feeling as if he was completely out of shape by comparison which was hilarious if he wasn’t so out of breath. “You really meant run, didn’t you?”

 

“Of course, what did you think I meant? Jog and you can stare at my ass the whole way?”

 

Ben laughed, or tried to at least as he valiantly reigned in his breathing. “The thought had crossed my mind.”

 

Rey laughed right along with him as she sat down on the sand with him. “I love this spot. I come here every morning on my run to think, to just feel and readjust myself before starting the day. It’s hard to feel anxious with the waves crashing and the gulls flying overhead.”

 

Ben observed her quietly as she made this confession, letting him into this piece of her daily routine was a major step forward in a series of little victories he’d categorized the night before as he’d fallen asleep with her in his arms.

 

“Thank you for sharing it with me,” Ben told her, the gratitude apparent in his expression as she glanced back at him, struck by the emotion written over his too-readable face. With a breath she stood, breaking their brief stare down she held out her hand to help him up, to which he took the opportunity to touch her, despite not requiring any assistance.

 

They ran more gingerly this time, heading back into the city through a different route slowing as they reached shops and the smell of freshly baked bread and freshly brewed coffee caught their senses.

 

Rey smiled as she nodded her head over to the bakery. “I promised breakfast and coffee, didn’t I?”

 

He grinned, out of breath again but not nearly to the extent as before. “You did.”

 

Rey lead him into the bakery which was quiet for the most part except for when Rey called out to whomever was in the back. “Hey what’s it take to get some service around here?” She snarked, hearing a muffled curse from the backroom.

 

“Rey, I swear to Christ, I will -,” Finn started as he came out of the backroom holding a still hot sheet pan full of pastries. “Oh!” he said, when he took in that his adopted sister was not alone. “I’m sorry for the rude behavior. My adopted sister just likes to be a real jerk sometimes,” he stated as Ben took him in, even more surprised that she brought him to meet her best friend and adopted sibling. “I’m Finn, and you are?”

 

“Ben,” he stated in reply, taking Finn’s hand, shaking it firmly.

 

Finn turned to Rey and gave her a speculative glance. “Since when do you bring guys to _my bakery_?”

 

Rey laughed and shrugged. “Since now, Ben is an architect, we met at the gala weeks ago.”

 

Finn arched one eyebrow at the information Rey gave him and smirked. “Ah, so this is the one you told me about?”

 

Ben turned to Rey, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Seems I’ve been mentioned?”

 

Rey shrugged again, feigning nonchalance. “You might have come up in conversation once or twice,” she shot back before turning to Finn. “Two of my usual please,” she stated as Finn rolled his eyes.

 

“Honestly, I’m beginning to think you only stick around for my croissants.”

 

“Nah, your strudel is unparalleled,” she teased, getting a huff from her brother in reply.

 

“Ben, do you see what I put up with? Since we were five.”

 

“Oh, do shut it, Finnegan,” she shot back pulling out his full first name.

 

Finn poured their coffees and procured pastries for them as the three made small talk. Ben learned quickly that Rey had become close with Finn as children only to have tragedy pull them all the closer when Rey’s adoptive parents had taken Finn into the family. As the two drank a little bit of their coffee, Ben went to grab his wallet from his pocket but both Finn and Rey stayed his hand. “I offered, remember?” Rey began.

 

And Finn finished, “And sister’s, don’t pay.” The two of them began to make their exit and Finn called out to them both. “See you tomorrow Rey, we still on for dinner?”

 

“Yeah! I’ll be there, you want Chardonnay or Chablis?”

 

“Chardonnay! And Ben it was lovely to meet you, I hope my sister doesn’t run you off it’d be nice to have you around again soon!”

 

Ben grinned a little in return. “Likewise, I’ll have to get breakfast for the firm here sometime, nice set up you’ve got here,” he said as they made their goodbyes for the morning.

 

Rey and Ben walked, using their coffee and breakfast as their cooldown walk back to her apartment.

 

“So, I’ve met your brother,” Ben stated, marveling over this fact still disbelieving.

 

“I mean technically we’re only legally siblings but we were best friends long before then. It was hard watching him lose his mother. And then I didn’t have to lose him altogether. I’d feared he’d be tossed into the foster system since she was his only family. But Jyn and Cassian refused to let that happen. I’ll be forever grateful to them for it, too. Finn and them have been the one constant in my life since I was five. I don’t know what I’d do without them,” she explained, realizing as her verbal vomiting episode had given away far more information than she’d intended. “Sorry, that was a lot,” she began but Ben waved her off.

 

“No, not at all. I like learning about you. Knowing who you are now, and whatever pieces of the past you wish to share just helps me better understand you now. I’m glad you introduced me to Finn. He makes a good cup of coffee and pastry for sure,” he joked earning a gentle punch to the arm.

 

“Hey now, only I can tease him about being food and caffeine obsessed.”

 

“Noted,” Ben replied as they finished their breakfast rounding the corner to her street. They stopped in front of Ben’s car as he vacillated between wanting to stay and not wanting to overstay his welcome. “I should probably let you get to your Saturday plans.”

 

Rey nodded, ducking her head a bit, for she wasn’t all that keen on separating from him either. Gathering her confidence again she stepped forward and leaned up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. The two lingering as they pulled back, eyes still closed and lost in the brief but consuming contact.

 

Rey pulled herself back, centering herself once more. “See you Wednesday?”

 

Ben nodded and grinned. “See you Wednesday,” he replied taking a sip of his coffee, unlocking his car and getting inside as he watched her grin at him before she in turn watched him leave. A new barrier had been breached between them, a new level of comfort achieved in just the short time since they’d started. And yet she could find no anxiety twisting in her gut at the prospect of what it all meant. Instead of that sickening churn was a small flicker of hope burning brighter than ever before.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and all your kudos thus far! I really appreciate it! Hopefully I'll get to respond to all your comments this week!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Thank you again!


	14. XIV. Collar Stays On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes progression needs a little conflict. And a whole lot of kink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
> A special thanks to [kayurka](https://kayurka.tumblr.com) again for making more doodles of this fic completely unprompted aside from the prose here.

_Chapter Playlist: Mysterious Ways – U2; Running Up That Hill – Placebo; Big God – Florence + the Machine; Test Me – The XX; Freak of Nature (feat. Tove Lo) – Broods_

 

XIV.  Collar Stays On

 

Groggily Rey squinted as consciousness came to her. Sleep hungover and body spread across her bed. She lifted her head to squint with one eye open at her clock on the nightstand.

 

_8:45AM_

 

Rey laid her head back down for a moment until the time on the clock finally seeped into her consciousness and she bolted up right.

 

“Eight-fucking-forty-five?!” She shrieked and flung the covers off her bed. Rey grabbed her phone and called her office immediately, grumpily noting that her alarm had not gone off four hours before.

 

“Dr. Erso’s office, how may I help you?” Jessika answered the phone cheerily.

 

“Jess, is my nine o’clock there?”

 

“No, they cancelled, you’re free until ten. Everything all right?”

 

Breathing a sigh of relief Rey went into her bathroom starting her shower. “Great, I’ll be in as soon as I can. I overslept. If I’m not in by the time the ten o’clock shows let them know I’m on my way.”

 

“Not a problem, boss.”

 

“Thanks, Jess,” Rey added before ringing off with her. Quickly she showered, dressed in a green silk sleeveless blouse and black pencil skirt, tossing on her ballet flats and a sweater before she threw her things in her bag and headed out the door with damp hair piled up high in a bun atop her head.

 

The drive to the office was short but Rey was already cursing to herself for missing her morning routine. Jess was waiting for her when she walked in, bright and ready to greet her.

 

“Feeling better?” Jessika asked in earnest only to get a defeated sigh from her employer in response.

 

Rey made small talk with her assistant for a moment before going into her office to set up for the day. Setting her bag on her desk she pulled out her laptop and searched for the charger cord which was not at present in her laptop bag.

 

Rummaging through her purse instead she again came up empty.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Erso,” she grumbled to herself, cursing the day she was born for being a complete idiot and leaving her laptop charger at home. She’d been up late the night before, reviewing case notes and organizing them, having let her laptop battery run down but forgot to set it on the charger before going to sleep that night.

 

At that exact moment Rey’s phone buzzed across the desk, alerting her to a message and the fact that she’d left her phone on silent. So that was why her alarm hadn’t sounded that morning. Another stupid move she surmised as she flipped the phone over and felt all her grief and annoyance slip away as she read the message across her lock screen from Ben.

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** Good morning, hope you have a lovely Monday.  
  


Smirking to herself she opened up the message, unlocking her phone and tapping out a reply laden with self-deprecation.

**Rey Erso:** I’m glad one of us is having a good morning.   
  


Across town Ben grinned at the quick reply but soon his face lost all trace of that grin as he read her message.

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** Everything okay?  
  
**Read** 9:48am

He asked, noting that she was already replying the moment the message said _Read_ beneath it.

**Rey Erso:** Oh, just fucking dandy. Woke up at 8:45 because I stupidly left my phone on silent last night. So, no run, no coffee and pastry at Finn’s. Thank fucking God that my 9am appt. cancelled. And the cherry atop this clusterfuck sundae is that I left my laptop charger at my apartment, and I have a client in fifteen minutes. Not enough time to run home and get it until lunch. But how’s your morning going? I hope better than mine.  
  


Ben worried his lower lip between his teeth as a plan began to hatch in his mind. On some level he knew that she’d probably balk at the idea but he couldn’t stop himself from trying. Seeing as his morning was just him sitting at his drafting table messing around with new design ideas until his lunch meeting at noon.

 

His thumbs hovered over the phone, hesitating before he threw caution to the wind and replied to her message.

 

Ben Solo  
  
**Ben Solo:** I’ll admit my Monday is going well, but what can I do to make yours better?  
  


Rey read over his message, her heart clenching in her chest at the sentiment behind it. He wanted to help. And that was so painfully kind of him. She was half way typing a response telling him not to worry about it when a short series of messages came from him.

 

**Ben Solo:** I could go get your charger for you, if you’d like?   
  
**Ben Solo:** I mean, I have a key to your place.  
  
**Ben Solo:** And my morning is free.  
  


She bit her lip as he quickly dashed her counter arguments but couldn’t fight off the growing grin on her face at his eagerness to help her have a better morning.

 

**Rey Erso:** I’d hate to be a damsel in distress, here.  
  
**Ben Solo:** That’s not a no  
  


She snickered and kept typing, adding to her earlier statement. 

 

**Rey Erso:** And I’d hate to make you go out of your way to my apartment just for my laptop charger. I can run to the Apple Store and buy a spare to keep in the office.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Still not a no. And what will you do until then? Don’t you need your laptop for case notes?  
  


He argued back reminding her that her laptop was in dire need of its charger in order for it to function again.

 

She cursed under her breath realizing that he was indeed correct.

 

**Rey Erso:** Sometimes, I really hate it when you’re right.  
  


Ben fist pumped in his office to no one in particular as he read the message, knowing that she was relenting and accepting his offer of help. Settling back down he cleared his throat and typed back to her.

 

  
Rey Erso   
  


**Ben Solo:** I’ll be there as soon as I can; where in your apartment is your charger?  
  
Rey is typing...

He waited with slightly baited breath for her answer, seeing that little chat bubble pop with three dots up indicating that she’s typing.

 

**Rey Erso:** On my desk in my office.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Okay, I’ll be there soon.  
  


Ben replied quickly, grabbing his, phone, wallet, keys and blazer, straightening his tie a bit as he headed out of his office.

 

“Maz, take messages for any calls. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

 

Maz arched an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side at his retreating form, only to call out. “No problem.”

 

Ben wasted no time in rushing out to his car, in the parking structure beneath the building, zipping through city streets in his black _Model S_. Pulling up to Rey’s place he made his way up her stoop taking stairs two at a time, unlocking the front door and then up the stairs once more. With ease he found her charger, smiling at the picture frame on her desk of a very young version of herself, arms wrapped around what looked like a very young Finn, both smiling cheesy smiles at the camera that was a few inches from their faces.

 

Upon seeing Finn’s face an idea hit him. Rey hadn’t even had time to get her usual from Finn’s bakery. The idea formed and took root before he could really consider anything more as he found himself heading not to Rey’s office but to Finn’s bakery instead. Seeing there was a sizeable line he queued himself up and flicked through his e-mails while he waited.

 

Once inside the establishment the line seemed to move more quickly with Ben the last in line – the tail end of the morning rush. Ben watched amusedly as Finn openly flirted with one male customer, making a joke that his coffee could be free in exchange for his number. Chuckling to himself he shook his head and went back to answering e-mails and sending messages to Hux about their lunch meeting.

 

Finn noticed him once he was the next person in line and smiled warmly at him. “Well, well, well, seems my sister has made you a regular?”

 

Snickering, Ben nodded. “I’m actually here for Rey, she overslept this morning and I wanted to pick up her usual.”

 

“And I’m assuming that’s because you’re responsible for her oversleeping?”

 

Ben shook his head. “No. We uh didn’t spend the whole weekend together.”

 

Finn grinned and made a cup of Rey’s usual latte, and ordered up a pastry into a little bag for him. “On the house, since you’re Lancelot-ing for Rey.”

 

“Actually, I also want to put in an order for five dozen donuts, and a couple big to-go carafes of coffee. I can pick it up after I drop this off at Rey’s office if that helps.”

 

Finn’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Okay, yeah I’ll have that ready to go when you get back. Any reason why?”

 

“For the office. Being a benevolent boss means sometimes you gotta buy breakfast.”

 

“Makes sense. Any particular type of donuts in the order?”

 

Ben shrugged and replied as he handed over his credit card for Finn to ring up, “Any kind really. A good variety?”

 

“So, uh, you like Rey a lot?” Finn asked as he swiped his card.

 

Ben nodded. “She’s incredible.”

 

A slow grin came across Finn’s face at his response. “Good. She’s been through a lot. She doesn’t talk about it a lot but it takes her a long time to trust people. She still keeps me at arm’s length sometimes and we’ve known each other since we were five.”

 

Ben cocked his head to the side as Finn told him all of this. “Why tell me this?” He asked, slightly suspicious.

 

“You like her. A lot more than you’re willing to say out loud I’m sure. I know what happened. Her pushing you away. The fact you’re still here says something. I just wanted to give you a little friendly advice.”

 

“And that is?” Unsettled by how easily Finn was able to glean from how he interacted with Rey, to what she’d undoubtedly told him in private; Ben was still entirely curious as to what that friendly advice might be.

 

“Be patient with her. She’s not easy. But she’s the best person I know. And she deserves to be happy,” Finn added giving him a small smile in return.

 

Ben nodded, grateful for the kind words of encouragement as he took the coffee and pastry out to his car. Finn’s words stuck with him as he headed over to Rey’s office, parking at a meter outside, paying before heading up to her office. He passed a couple on the way out the door as he walked inside, holding the door for them as they passed. They looked to be an older couple, in their mid-fifties. He smiled a bit as he glanced at them walking away, tittering away at each other about their plans for the week, but nonetheless, holding hands.

 

Inside he spotted a girl at the front desk that had been empty the first time he’d come to the office. “May I help you?” Jessika asked with a kind smile.

 

“Yeah, I’m here to drop off Rey’s laptop charger,” Ben stated, taking the charger out of his blazer pocket.

 

Jessika smiled a bit, noting that Ben had also brought Rey’s usual from Finn’s bakery, recognizing the logo across the thermal sleeve of the cup. “You must be Wednesday at noon, then,” She correctly surmised, garnering a surprised look on his face. Jessika had, had her suspicions that Rey’s weekly lunch appointment was more of a date than she was letting on. Little did Jessika know how exactly involved Ben and Rey actually were.

 

“Yeah, I’m Ben,” He stated in reply, fully surprised that even Rey’s assistant seemed to know who he was.

 

“Jessika, Rey’s assistant. She just finished up with a client, so she’s free, go on in,” she stated as Ben headed to her office door.

 

Opening it he spied Rey scribbling notes on a legal pad, hair up in a bun, with loose wispy tendrils, escaping along her hairline, sunlight from the windows behind her desk illuminating her from behind making her look almost otherworldly as she chewed her lip and continued to write, cocking her head.

 

“Wanna get back into the twenty-first century?” Ben asked, amused and simultaneously beguiled.

 

Rey looked up then and her surprise melted to a warm grin a fraction of a second later as she stood. “You came.”

 

“I said I would,” he answered, crossing the room presenting her with coffee and the pastry bag in one hand, and the charger in the other.

 

“You brought me breakfast?” she asked, her voice small and timid the surprise evident but also another emotion was there one he couldn’t quite identify but still warmed him all the same.

 

“You said you didn’t have time, I figured you must be starving and in dire need of caffeine,” he answered.

 

Rey took what he offered setting it on her desk, plugging in her laptop before turning back and catching Ben by surprise by pouncing on him to press her mouth to his. He caught her half way, with an arm around her ribs, lifting her so that she could wrap her arms around his shoulders as they kissed. His other hand cradled her head as they deepened the kiss before he bent down to set her feet back on the ground. However, his mouth didn’t part from hers, reveling in the contact as long as he could, bringing her lower lip between his own to run his tongue along the edge as hers darted out to meet it. They swayed gently, melting into one another, unwilling to part for the moment.

 

Or at least until a cleared throat across the room caught their attention. Both of them broke the kiss and stepped back from one another as Rey turned to her assistant who had interrupted them. “Yes?”

 

“Sorry to interrupt, but your ten-thirty is here,” Jessika answered with an amused grin on her face.

 

Rey nodded and dismissed her. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

 

Jessika nodded in response and left them alone, closing the door.

 

Ben chuckled a bit, “Did we just get caught making out in your office by your assistant?”

 

Rey’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. “I believe we did.”

 

“Busted,” he quipped, chuckling mildly.

 

“Completely.” Rey responded, laughing in kind.

 

Rey looked up at Ben just at that moment, the two smiling at one another in their lighthearted banter. “Thank you, for breakfast and my charger.”

 

“Any time,” he replied watching as she took a long sip of the coffee, moaning softly and closing her eyes at the rush of caffeine hitting her system.

 

“You like this, the whole running to the rescue bit?” She asked as she walked him over to the door.

 

He agreed, nodding and shrugging all the same. “I like doing things for you.”

 

She smirked and replied in a sing-song voice, “my hero.”

 

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed at her response, leaning down to brush his lips to hers one last time. “Maybe you should forget your things more often, if it means I get to see you.”

 

She gave him a sidelong glance before grinning and opening the door. “Very funny. What do you want for lunch Wednesday?” she asked as they walked into her waiting room, noting that her ten-thirty, Nina and Beatrice were already waiting.

 

“Sushi?” Ben asked as he crossed towards the glass entrance.

 

“Sounds wonderful.” She answered as she walked him out of her office, waving him off down the hall as he went.

 

Rey pivoted then, smiling to herself as she turned back to her clients both of whom had bemused smiles on their faces. Ready to start on her next session with a little bit more of a spring in her step than before, her Monday sufficiently rescued.

 

* * *

 

About an hour after Ben returned to his office, having brought coffee and donuts for the entire office he was sitting at his drafting table working through another design when Poe came bursting through his door, donut in hand.

 

“Do you even knock anymore?” Ben asked laughing as Poe took another bite out of a maple bacon donut, his third in twenty minutes alone. His first had been a Boston crème, and his second a raspberry lavender cake donut.

 

“Maz, told me you’re the one who brought these. Where did you get them?” He asked with a grin growing on his face.

 

“Why do you need to know?”

 

“Because I need to propose marriage to whomever made them because I need donuts this good every day for the rest of my life.”

 

Ben laughed at Poe’s melodramatic declaration but sobered up when he saw the serious look on his face. “Fuck, you aren’t kidding.”

 

“No, Benny I take my pastries seriously. You know this. Now spill before I reverse Google image search the logo on the box.”

 

Ben sighed and turned, not getting off of his seat. “You have to promise not to be a fuck boy though.”

 

Poe arched an eyebrow. “Did you not just hear me? Marriage has no room for fuck boys. Now, come on.”

 

Taking a breath Ben cracked his knuckles on his right hand. “It’s Rey’s best friend and adopted brother Finn’s bakery over in the Marina District.”

 

“Is he Arthur or Martha?” Poe asked using quite the antiquated term to ask what his sexuality was.

 

Another round of chuckles shook Ben’s shoulders as he replied. “Martha. So very, very Martha.” A wicked gleam settled into Poe’s expression and Ben rolled his eyes shaking his head at him. Ben stood, lunging for Poe’s shoulder as he stepped back towards the door. “Poe, I’m serious. Finn’s a good guy; don’t pull your normal hit it and quit it shenanigans, okay? Because so help me if that affects anything I have going on with Rey, I will end you, personally,” Ben stated, towering over his childhood best friend.

 

Poe feigned hurt and shook his head at him. “What the fuck? Aren’t you supposed to threaten him not to break my heart?” He asked, pointing to himself.

 

Ben let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “Not if it means you fuck things up for me.” He added, leveling a look at his best friend.

 

Poe cocked his head to the side, noting the serious almost nervous expression on Ben’s face at the prospect of anything coming between him and Rey. Wrenching his arm away from Ben he observed him, tongue caught in his cheek as he began to shake his head. “Holy fucking shit. You’re in love with her.”

 

Ben rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and shook his head. “I…I wouldn’t go that far, yet. But I’m getting there.”

 

Poe shook his head again. “No, I’ve never seen you like this. Not even with -,”

 

“Don’t go there, Poe,” Ben interrupted his face suddenly thunderously serious. There were few things that could get under Ben’s skin like his first heartbreak. Having been young and naïve enough to think that a beautiful political science major was interested in him beyond getting an opportunity to work for his mother through fucking her son had been his first of many mistakes as an early 20-something in undergrad.

 

“Nah, man. This is different. I can tell. You’re different. Don’t think I don’t hear the gossip around the office, too.”

 

“When did this conversation become about me? Go get your baker. Just don’t fuck him over, that’s all I ask.”

 

Poe nodded and clapped a hand to Ben’s shoulder. “If all goes to plan that won’t be a problem.”

 

At that Poe left Ben, making a beeline for the elevators, wallet and keys in hand as he all but ran to his car. The Marina district was far enough away that he couldn’t just run there. Not without feeling like he ran a marathon through the city’s sloping hills.

 

He found the bakery easily, having mapped it on his phone in the elevator. The place was almost empty except for a man behind the counter speaking to a young woman – teaching her how to run the register. Poe grinned as he surveyed the man. Strong shoulders and thick arms with a pair of kind dark brown eyes to match equally beautiful dark skin. As he neared Poe could hear the British lilting accent as he explained the simplicity of the POS system to the girl who looked maybe twenty, if not younger.

 

Finn looked up for a moment almost startled at the way Poe was surveying him unabashedly. He took him in, dark curly hair with just a few strands of silver beginning to sneak their way in. Glorious tanned skin and an awestruck look upon a face with strikingly unique features. A slightly crooked nose, thick eyebrows and full lips above a strong chin and jaw. “May I help you?”

 

Poe smirked and stepped forward, “Yeah, I’m here because my business partner just brought a whole bunch of donuts from this establishment back to the office. Who made them?”

 

Finn grew suspicious, knowing exactly who had made an order that big, as concern painted his features. “I did. Is there a problem?”

 

Poe grinned then, “Not at all. I was just telling my business partner, I believe you know him, Ben?” He paused seeing the recognition cross Finn’s face. “Yeah, I was telling him that I needed to propose marriage to whomever made them because they’re singularly the best donuts I’ve ever had.”

 

Finn arched an eyebrow at him and began to laugh. “Marriage, huh.”

 

“Yep,” Poe confirmed raising his eyebrows and biting his lower lip for a second, pulling out all the stops save for the full smolder, which he figured he could save at least until the end of the first date.

 

Finn’s shoulders shook hard as full on laughter overtook him, his cheeks dimpling and eyes crinkling at Poe’s seriousness. “How about you take me out to dinner first?” Finn asked through laughter.

 

“Perfect! I’m Poe. Pick you up at seven?”

 

“I’m Finn, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Poe.” He stated as Finn laughed another round of chuckles, expertly dodging the question.

 

“Oh, believe me the pleasure is all mine. Did you know these are the best donuts ever?” Poe asked rhetorically pointing at the donuts behind the glass display case.

 

Finn smiled, ducking his head. “Thank you. My sister says the same.”

 

“Well she has good taste, considering she’s seeing my best friend and all, and likes your pastries. I don’t think I’ve ever had something that good in my mouth before,” Poe added, making Finn’s eyebrows raise once more at the double entendre.

 

“Maybe you’ve been frequenting the wrong bakery, then,” Finn challenged back, smirking.

 

Poe chuckled and nodded, “For sure. So how about dinner? Is tonight good for you?” He asked again.

 

“You sure you’re not some insane person who’s going to roofie my drink and then I wake up in a bathtub of ice and a six-inch scar on my side and one kidney short?”

 

Poe threw his head back and laughed at Finn’s question. “I can promise I’m not quite as insane as I seem.”

 

“But you are a little insane?” Finn countered again.

 

Poe turned half to his side, pointing his finger at Finn. “You’re quick. I’ll give you that. But no, if you need a mental health screening I’d be happy to submit to one. Hell, I’m sure Rey would do it.”

 

“You’ve met Rey?” Finn asked, surprised that Rey had agreed to meet Ben’s friends.

 

Poe nods. “Five-foot-seven, brunette, currently has my best friend wrapped around her little finger.”

 

Finn thought a moment before he grinned, “Yeah, tonight sounds fine. Meet me here at seven?”  He replied only to be met with an even wider grin from Poe. The two made small talk a moment or two longer before another customer showed up and Finn gave Poe his number, thoroughly charmed in just their short meeting.

 

* * *

  

The following Wednesday came all too quickly for Rey as she packed her purse to head over to Ben’s office. She picked up the small black box with red ribbon on it, feeling that telltale swell of anxiety as she shook her head and stuffed the box in her purse. She needed to get over this. Get passed it.

 

But she wasn’t sure how.

 

Maybe with time it would be easier to quell that anxious voice that told her time and time again to be overly cautious to the point of closed off.

 

Part of her was nervous to give it to him. To collar a submissive was a big step and maybe she was making that move too soon. But somehow it felt right. Despite the anxiety and that little voice in her head telling her it was definitely a bad idea there was something about collaring him that she couldn’t quite resist. Even as she’d found it and ordered it, picking out the perfect inscription for it and then painstakingly translating it to a different language so he wouldn’t know the exact meaning until she revealed it had been quite the adventure in triggering her anxiety.

 

And then Monday happened and his little quest to save her morning had only solidified the idea to follow through with this plan.

 

However, her neurochemistry was still sending off all kinds of alarms and warning bells despite her actual desire to do this.

 

Ben wasn’t going anywhere. She tried to remain resolute in that fact. He seemed enthusiastic about everything that had transpired thus far. Still that small nagging sensation of doubt had the ability to destroy her confidence if she let it.

 

And yet she resisted.

 

Gaining that confidence back she made her way over to Ben’s office, knowing that Ben was having lunch delivered. Maz was typing away at her desk as she approached, smiling at her. “How are you today, Maz?”

 

Maz looked up, grinning at Rey’s arrival. “Wonderful, yourself?”

 

“Good, is he busy?”

 

Maz took a look, seeing Ben hunched over at his drafting table, scribbling a new drawing. “No, he’s working on a new design, you should be good to go on in.”

 

Rey grinned and bid Maz a good day as she quietly stepped into Ben’s office, thanking silently that the door was whisper quiet. Stepping as quietly as she could she came up behind Ben pressing her chin to his shoulder as she peered at the design as she spoke. “You’re awfully easy to sneak up on when you’re concentrating.”

 

Ben jumped at the sound of her voice and the simultaneous press of her chin to his shoulder but other than the startled jolt didn’t move away from her. “Fuck! Are you part ninja now?” He remarked, turning as she stepped back from him.

 

She chuckled and moved to set her bag down on the chair opposite his main desk. Pressing her teeth to her lip, she vacillated for a moment as she took off her sweater, draping it across a chair. Reaching into her bag, she pushed down that twist of anxiousness in her gut and took the box and came back over to him as he sat on his drafting chair, one knee bent as his foot rested on the silver ring at the bottom of the chair.

 

Ben gave her an odd look as she held the box out to him on the palm of her hand. “A present?”

 

She nodded. “Something like that.”

 

Curious he took the box off her hand and removed the ribbon before lifting the lid. Inside the box was a thin leather band with a silver metal accent piece riveted into it. A bracelet that would wrap around his wrist twice before it fastened with a simple buckle. Arching an eyebrow, he glanced up at her to see her face was tense, nervous but almost excited to see his reaction.

 

He could see it though; the anxiety beneath the veneer of calm excitement.

 

She stepped forward then, taking the bracelet from the box and his left wrist in hand. Carefully she wrapped the leather around it. “In our contract it states that at a time of my choosing that I would present you with a collar that you could wear both in private and in public. This is it. Normally a collaring ceremony is more formal before a scene. But it came in early so I wanted to give it to you, today. I was thinking you could wear it on Wednesdays and Fridays or anytime we go to a scene event.” She explained, licking her lips as she released his wrist and stepped back.

 

Ben set the box aside and played with the bracelet around his wrist, the metal catching his eye as he realized there was an engraving there. A long quote, written in French. However, he didn’t need to be fluent in the language, which he was, to recognize the quote’s origin immediately. Thanks to his English lit elective back in undergrad it was a simple deduction. The quote, by Oscar Wilde had resonated with him then and even more so struck him now as he recalled the English version and its implicit meaning.

 

_Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling, and Domine non sum dignus should on the lips, and in the hearts of those who receive it._

 

As he’d shown her his devotion now she was showing hers. He knew on a very basic level that she wasn’t making some grand declaration here, but damn him if his heart didn’t leap at the possibility. He eyed the inscription before looking up at Rey, who had begun to shift nervously on her feet. For a moment he wondered if his hopes were correct and she was trying to tell him how she felt, but then it hit him why she was nervous. She was worried he’d misunderstand, which was why she’d cleverly translated it to a language other than English. And thus, to alleviate her fears, he decided to play dumb until she was ready to explain it to him.

 

“What does it mean? The inscription,” He asked, feigning ignorance.

 

She took a breath as relief came over her. “It’s a quote from a letter Oscar Wilde sent when he was in prison,” she started, leaving out the fact that the letter was written to his lover, Lord Alfred Douglas in 1897.

 

“Will you tell me what it says sometime?” He further prodded, playing up the idea that he definitely wasn’t fluent in French. Not even a little bit. He could tell from the stiff set of her shoulders to the way she bounced on her feet that the idea of him knowing what it meant made her nervous. Wondering if he’d bolt if he knew the truth.

 

Rey nodded in response, letting out another cleansing breath, “Do you like it?” she asked shifting her gaze back to the dark brown leather around his wrist.

 

He grinned and nodded. “I do. No one would really know unless they asked.”

 

She smiled then and placed her hand across the band. “That’s the point. Although exhibitionism has its place, I personally think discretion in the everyday is important. Normal people wouldn’t understand what we have.”

 

Ben agreed his expression growing soft as he observed her, his right hand wrapped around the bracelet that sat upon his left wrist. He shifted then, holding out his left hand to her in supplication.

 

Curious she placed her hand in his, letting him yank her forward, knocking into him as she came to stand between his knees. Her hand braced herself on his collarbone as their eyes met and lingered.

 

He gazed at her face, feeling some sort of deep resonating ache form in his chest at the uncertain way she searched his expression. His eyes fell to her lips a half second later, lifting his chin up ever so slightly to indicate his intent.

 

Her eyes fluttered closed as she met him half way. A tender brush of lips as his hands steadied her hips, anchoring her to that singular point. They moved together, foreheads pressing together as they broke apart and rejoined thrice over, breathing each other in. Simultaneously getting drunk off each other’s kiss. Finally, their lips parted from each other’s and Ben, waited, letting their hearts and breathing return to normal.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered into her hairline as he pressed a kiss to her chestnut waves.

 

Rey pushed back from him, that anxiety almost melted from her expression. Though he could still see it, tightening the edges of her smile, halting it from carrying to her eyes. However, it didn’t stop the dimples from forming in her cheeks to which he reached up, using his thumb to trace the soft indentation.

 

Her tongue darted out for a moment, wetting her lower lip as she struggled to pull away from him, still entranced. He loosened his grip on her hips as he felt her pull back. “You’re welcome. Now, for Friday-,” She began, only to be interrupted by Maz waltzing in with takeout containers.

 

“Sushi is here,” she announced in a sing-song voice, placing the containers over on the coffee table by the sofa. “Do you need anything else?” Maz asked, returning to the door.

 

Ben grinned. “I think we’re good. Thanks, Maz,” he replied in kind.

 

Rey thanked her as well as the two headed over to the sofa, sitting back against the cushions as Ben began uncovering their sushi, two orders of sashimi combo platters and some choice nigiri. “I wasn’t sure what you liked,” Ben stated as Rey got herself a pair of chopsticks and immediately dove for the eel nigiri, popping it into her mouth. “And straight for the eel. I’m impressed.”

 

Rey chuckled as she swallowed. “Eel is the best. Though I do have a soft spot for octopus and salmon roe.”

 

He arched an eyebrow at her as he grabbed a piece of yellow fin tuna sashimi. “So, you were saying,” he added before piling the slice of fish into his mouth.

Rey took a drink from her respective bottle of water that came with their lunch. “So, Friday,” she began, pressing an incisor to her lower lip. “I was thinking we could explore your pain kink a bit more.”

 

Ben took a breath and pursed his lips for a moment, considering her idea. “What did you have in mind?”

 

“A full flogging,” she stated simply, popping another piece of fish, salmon sashimi this time into her mouth.

 

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat as he reached for his water, clearly affected by her idea.

 

She smirked and sat back. “That’s what I expected. You like the idea,” she surmised and he nodded.

 

“I mean it sounds like it could be fun,” he replied, trying his best to act as nonchalantly as possible.

 

Rey chuckled at him as she leaned back over, angling for the mackerel as she pat his thigh with her free hand. “It’s ok, you can be honest.”

 

He let out a low whistle and sat back against the sofa, slouching as he shifted. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he proclaimed, cutting his eyes over at her as she smirked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

 

“At least you’d die satisfied,” she countered, making him laugh in response as they finished their lunch discussing the ins and outs of exactly what she planned. The two finished their respective lunches and conversation not long afterwards, with him walking her to the elevator, a tradition already cemented between the two.

 

But as the elevator doors closed, separating them that’s when the swirling doubt and fear held temporarily at bay began planning its counter attack.

 

Once Rey left Ben at his office the anxiety didn’t touch her until well into the evening. No, it was once she was home by herself that her inner turmoil decided to surface, reminding her of her foolhardy attempt at keeping him in the dark about the inscription.

 

_What an idiot_ , she mentally crowed at herself. When really if he was curious enough he could easily type the words into some online translator and get the rough meaning of the quotation. An idiot. Clearly, she was a supreme idiot. He’d figure it out and then what? He’d assume she was making some trite declaration and break their trial period at worst.

 

And at best? She barely dared to even think of what the best-case scenario was here. Because that was almost scarier.

 

More terrifying to think that he could want that declaration. Even though she was nowhere near making such grandiose gestures let alone sure enough in her own feelings toward him.

 

Was she falling? Yes. Quick and tumbling into that abyss. But where would she be when she landed? Would she fall flat on her face as she had time and time again before this?

 

A larger part of her disagreed with that nihilistic outcome. Because he did care. He showed it often, even in the littlest of details.

 

A good morning text every morning. Or saving the day by bringing her not just her laptop cord but coffee and breakfast like some kind of modern day Prince Charming here to whisk her off her feet. The way he constantly reaches for her. Kisses her as if she might disappear if he doesn’t. Desperate and gentle yet full of longing for more than just what she allowed him to have.

 

But even as she gave in, an inch at a time, he never overstepped. Never took a mile like she’d expected. Respectful and gallant. Kind and considerate.

 

It was ludicrous to think that her life could ever become so cliched. And yet he had her almost believing in fairytales once more.

 

And when would the other shoe inevitably drop? When would he tire of her and his kisses no longer linger, and his hands not always reach for her?

 

This inner diatribe is what drove her down her own circle of Hell. A vicious cycle of reassurance and then spiraling insecurity.

 

She tried and failed to keep it from him in the time since their lunch, yet she knew he could sense it.

 

Her replies to his texts clipped, stilted and often one word replies to statements and questions. And one, unanswered, ignored as she felt her anxiety spiral at just a simple invitation.

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** There’s a black-tie fundraiser for the Young Democrats of California on Tuesday night next week. I was invited and need a plus-one. Would you like to go?  
  
**Read** 3:55pm

A simple question. To which she vacillated back and forth about the answer.

 

On one hand yes, she very much wanted to go.

 

And on the other it was breaking every single rule they’d put in place. A plus-one sounded an awful lot like a date. A date to a black-tie event where she’d be on his arm all night.

 

In her dissociation she knew that she wasn’t answering him. Her better judgement screamed at her to reply but she didn’t. Letting the phone sit on her coffee table as she did everything but look at the message once she’d received it.

 

Even as her anxiety ruled her actions, she made an appointment for Dr. Levy for the next morning, clearing her early schedule, having not had such an episode since that fateful morning in Ben’s apartment.

 

At the very same moment, in Ben’s apartment he laid sprawled across his sofa, balancing a tumbler of scotch on his chest as he scrolled through his social media, before coming back to that text growing ever more despondent by the _Read at 3:55pm_ notification beneath it.

 

The clock now taunted him with 9:27PM flashing back at him. It was so unlike her. Even in the beginning before either knew how the other felt she’d always been prompt and courteous in her replies. And this? Silence. Was so chiefly out of character even for her. She’d been the first to reach out to him during their initial separation, checking to make sure he hadn’t walked away from the scene. And then again at Corran and Mirax’s party, she’d approached him. Unable to keep herself away.

 

But now he was forced to deal with the brick wall she threw between them. A veil of silence that was defeaning.

 

Ghosted.

 

Completely ignored.

 

He wondered briefly if it was because of the collar that sat on his chest next to the glass of Macallan single malt. Did she regret making such a large progression so quickly? Did she suspect he figured out the inscription?

 

These were questions he wanted to ask her but didn’t. Instead he sulked and over analyzed every moment between them.

 

Except that only filled him with dread and simultaneous white-hot fury.

 

Hadn’t he done what she’d asked? Hadn’t he been good enough? And what is she doing? Shutting him the fuck out.

 

He didn’t deserve that, did he? Had asking her to the fundraiser gone too far? He knew it could be considered a flagrant violation of her no-romance edict but he could always stipulate that they go as friends. But he didn’t add to his invitation. Didn’t caveat it or qualify his meaning. Because deep down he could never be just her friend. He knew that in his bones.

 

He could feel her slipping from him and that just wouldn’t do. Not now. If watching her walk out when he’d only gotten a taste of her had nearly ended him, then her exit now would certainly destroy whatever was left. Especially now that he’d gotten a chance to be in a scene with her. Knew what it felt like to be hers. Not after he was just beginning to realize that he wasn’t just falling in love with her, but already there. So in love with her that the simple act of her pushing him away was excruciating and terrifying all the same.

 

Ben wondered if this was what Phasma meant by Rey fighting him every step of the way.

 

He’d genuinely thought they’d escaped that possibility. Up until this point Rey had been as open to their progressions as he was. That was until she collared him. Which brought him back around to the beginning of his vicious cycle of despair, anger and self-loathing.

 

Shaking his head, he held onto the tumbler, sitting up as he set the bracelet and glass on the coffee table with a soft thud and clunk of the glass resonating in the space of his quiet apartment. He went over Phasma’s advice once more, remembering it with pristine clarity.

 

_A bit of well-placed defiance can shift the relationship in any direction you want it. A dominant is not a dominant in a scene without a submissive who gives them their submission, wholly and completely. By revoking it, even in part you communicate that there is something amiss in what the dominant has done or is doing that must be rectified._

 

Grabbing the glass of scotch, he downed what was left of it, setting it back down with a thunk. If she wasn’t going to pull her weight as a dominant it absolved him of the guilt he felt at even considering defying her authority. However, shutting him out was one slight he couldn’t let stand. She had to know how pushing him away didn’t just hurt herself, but tore him up just as much. An idea came to mind for what he could do to communicate his disapproval with her emotional unavailability and mercurial mood as he stalked upstairs to get some rest.

 

* * *

 

 

Friday morning came with quick realizations that he might be overreacting. That in truth she could have missed the message entirely, or that something else might be wrong.

 

The clear light of day put things in perspective that the night in its capacity to draw shadows across everything had darkened his thoughts and clouded his better judgement.

 

And so, he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Pressing on throughout the morning through meetings and going over finalized supply lists with three different companies on two separate projects.

 

By noon he messaged her, wondering how her day was and if they were still on for the evening, trying to coax her from radio silence.

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** Hope your Friday is treating you well. Are we still on for tonight?  
  


Color him surprised when her reply came not-five minutes later.

 

**Rey Erso:** About as good as can be expected for a busy morning. I hope yours is less hectic. And why wouldn’t we be? It is Friday is it not?  
  


Ben huffed as he read the message. Maybe he was feeling a little petty. But he couldn’t help that from seeping into his reply as he furiously typed, erased and typed again, repeating the cycle four times before deciding on a tamer word choice. Though previous iterations of the text were a lot more abrasive and abrupt than what he actually sent.

 

**Ben Solo:** Oh, well I thought you might cancel, seeing as you never answered me, yesterday.  
  


He waited with baited breath for her reply as his phone indicated she was typing. Only for his righteous fury to be sparked by three short sentences.

 

**Rey Erso:** Still on. See you at 8. Don’t be late.  
  


Angrily he slapped his phone down onto his desk and stood, going over to his window wall and stared pensively out the window to the bay. _Fine_ , he thought, _if that’s how she’s going to play, then so be it._

 

For the rest of the day he let his anger stew. Pushing him to a point where most people stayed out of his way, yet he never once let that anger lash out. Carefully controlled, contained, but just beneath the surface was that simmering rage and hurt that only betrayal could fester.

 

By the time it was the point in the day where he found himself on one knee, shirtless and dressed in black cotton pajama pants his anger had turned from fire to steel. Counting his breaths, he waited patiently for her.

 

Always waiting.

 

For a text.

 

For her to feel safe enough to give him her heart.

 

For her arrival.

 

Waiting, waiting, waiting. He was beginning to realize that’s all he did.

 

He let each slight pile up. They weren’t numerous, but their emotional weight was enough to tilt the scales.

 

And the one that made the scale tip over was when she walked in, and allowed him to look up at her. Her skin soft and enticing as his eyes drew up the column of her neck only to realize that her hair was already pulled up, forgoing the need for him to braid it. His breathing grew shallow as he felt the urge to voice his disapproval but he kept quiet.

 

_A bit of well-placed defiance_ … he reminded himself.

 

“Rise,” she commanded, acting as if nothing were amiss and he followed, feigning the same. Even though almost nothing was the same as the week before. He let her lead him to the wrought iron-four poster cathedral bed where she sat on the edge, the mattress dipping lightly with her weight.

 

“Kneel.” Again, she commanded and he did as was instructed. She smiled that soft grin of hers as he did so and a hand graced his face. “To start, I think I am going to put that mouth of yours to work.” Rey added, trailing her thumb along his lower lip, and separating her knees.

 

Without a word he complied dropping feather-light kisses to both knees and up each thigh, while his hands sought purchase, anchoring her hips to the bed, simultaneously gathering the short hem of the silk nightgown she wore up around her waist. Using his shoulders, he pressed forward, increasing the space between her thighs glancing upward to her face, watching her as he pressed his mouth to the inside of her thigh, at the crease of where her pelvis and leg met, inhaling her scent as he went.

 

He wasn’t gentle. No from the moment his mouth contacted her heat he was ruthless. Tending to her clit with his mouth as one hand abandoned her hip to stroke along her g-spot with his middle and ring fingers. He watched, keeping his eyes on her as she nearly crumbled back against the bed, cursing and thrusting against his mouth and fingers as he pushed her over the edge. Before she had a chance to think, to breathe, or even blink he was back at it with the same punishing pace, pushing her towards that precipice even more quickly. The waves of which crashed over her, making her entire body shake and shudder from the force of the release.

 

Overstimulated and sated she called for him to stop gently, but he pressed further, beginning again only to make her squirm and cry out that it was too much. For a moment she thought he hadn’t heard her but when his hand tightened on her hip and he pressed his mouth closer the defiance couldn’t be any plainer. “That’s enough,” she ordered a little louder that time, placing her foot on his shoulder and shoving him back.

 

She sat up then looking at the wicked gleam in his eyes as he stared up at her. “Do I need to remind you what happens when you defy a direct order?”

 

“No, Sir.” He replied tersely. Rey gave him a sidelong glance before she stood.

 

“Follow me,” she commanded and he did, standing and following her over to the corner. “Stand, facing the wall. Hands over the back of your neck and round your shoulders, pressing your elbows into your torso.”

 

He did as instructed, offering up his shoulder blades. Rey grinned and kissed each of them. “I’m going to work you over with the flogger here, first,” she explained rubbing her hand over each scapula. “And then here,” she added, flattening her hand over his ass. She grinned wickedly at his sharp intake of breath. “And then we’ll move to the front.”

 

Ben waited, ribs expanding and contracting as he reigned in his breathing. From behind him he could hear her move around him. He felt a brush of the leather tails of a leather flogger on his shoulders followed by alternating smacks of increasing intensity. At the sting he felt his entire body come alive, contract and release with each hit. Rey worked his back over letting the tails drag half way down his back before striking again, her wrist moving in a figure eight motion to alternate sides.

 

He moaned softly as she continued her barrage. Letting the pain intermingle with the pleasure of it that his brain couldn’t reconcile between the two, giving him both and making his head swim.

 

Once his shoulders were reddened and raw she stopped and listened to his breathing before stepping forward, and rubbing her hands along his shoulders, feeling him tense and hiss at the sensation of her hands against his worn skin. “Easy,” she instructed as she felt his body relax. “Pants off, and palms against the wall, like you’re about to be frisked by a cop.”

 

Following her instruction to the letter he waited as she trailed a hand across his lower back and then each side. She backed up a bit and began her figure-eight motion again, lightly percussing across his backside only to stop a moment and wind up to crack the flogger across him. He groaned and leaned his head against the wall as the warmth and sting radiated down the backs of his thighs. She began then using the figure-eight motion alternating across each cheek, stopping every fourth hit to crack the flogger across him. He moaned and cursed loudly with each crack of the flogger, indicating he was getting closer to the edge.

 

Edging him was a favorite pastime of hers as she neared him as close to the edge as she could before she stopped entirely. He growled, annoyed with her toying with him after everything she put him through the day before.

 

“Do you want to come?” She asked, her voice light and teasing against his deltoid.

 

He nodded and panted out an emphatic, “Yes, Sir.”

 

She chuckled and stepped back. “Not yet.” He whimpered in protest but she wouldn’t be moved either way. “Not until I say you can. Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

She moved him then, having him stand against her St. Andrew’s cross, securing his wrists just above shoulder height, and ankles in the cuffs, keeping his legs spread wide. “So, you don’t try to block it. Human knee jerk reaction is to stop something before it hits you,”

 

He watched her as she picked up the straight handled flogger again, instructing him to lean his head back as a quick smack of the flogger came across each pectoral. He leaned his head back and whimpered every time she trailed the tails across his abdomen. He was close again in moments, having not really had time to come down from being worked up before. However instead of controlling himself he didn’t try to stop his orgasm from washing over him, making eye contact with her as he did.

 

Rey’s movements halted as she realized exactly what had just transpired, the evidence of which was now pooled in irregular splotches across the hardwood. The shock on her face quickly morphed to righteous indignation.

 

“Did you just-,” she started to say but stopped herself from going any further. She tossed the flogger aside and stepped forward, raising her hand letting it fly across his cheek with startling accuracy. At the slap his cock twitched, a fact that didn’t escape her notice. “How dare you. I didn’t give you permission to come. And yet you defy me like this?” She angrily spat, only to have him quietly stare her down, his own expression just as angry.

 

Breathing heavily, she stepped more into his physical space than he could have thought possible. “Insolent. Disobedient.” She berated, keeping her voice at an icy calm tenor.

 

“You want to orgasm without permission? Well, _darling_ , you’re going to come, but on _my_ terms,” she resolutely decreed as she met his unflinching stare.

 

Furious she stalked around the room, gathering what she needed, depositing them on the whipping bench to his left. Two rubber bands, a black nitrile glove, a tube of lube, and her Hitachi wand vibrator.

 

Coming back to him she stood in front of him, grasping his chin gently between her thumb and forefinger. “Your pleasure, is mine. And mine alone to give you,” she spoke, her voice as fiery as the glint in her eyes that made them more green, than hazel in this light, but the flecks of gold in them, igniting and setting them ablaze all the same.

 

She took his spent cock in hand, running her hand over his oversensitive flesh, making him breathe sharply and an equally sharp groan escape his lips. Leaning over she grabbed the wand, having plugged it into a nearby outlet, as well as the two rubber bands, wrapping one around the base of him and the wand, and the other at the head, positioning the head of the wand right at the frenulum. His eyes didn’t leave hers as she did this.

 

Moving around him she grabbed the glove and lube, snapping the nitrile as she slipped it on her dominant hand to make him jump at the noise behind him. Squirting some lube onto her fingers she stepped beside him, pressing her body to his side and placed a finger at his tight opening, pressing inside as he tensed and moaned.

 

“Relax, and take your punishment. You earned it.” She commanded and he tried to follow it. Rey moved her finger gently in and out, getting him used to the foreign sensation before adding a second finger, curling them to hit just the right spot that had him tossing his head not even attempting to choke back the desperate moan that escaped him.

 

Keeping up a slow steady rhythm he began to feel his deeper pelvic muscles and abdomen contract and flutter with every pass of her fingers as she worked him through his refractory period, watching as his erection came back to life. She smirked and flicked on the wand to its highest setting.

 

“Holy fucking shit,” he cried out at the dual sensations overwhelming his brain all at once. His cock was still too sensitive for such intensity but that didn’t stop her from pushing him through that overstimulation. His abdomen clenched and he moaned absolute nonsense as she pushed him ever closer. Bringing her free hand to his sac, cupping and squeezing as his cries only grew louder, more desperate and incoherent.

 

Rey bit down on his nipple when she could see the flush creeping across his chest, pressing her fingers harder into him against his prostate, making him see white lights behind his clenched shut eyelids as he came, hard and in thick spurts against the hardwood, shouting and arching his back against the St. Andrew’s cross he was restrained against. Easing him down from his orgasm, she pulled her hands away, flicking off the vibrator and detaching it from him. Discarding the glove in the trash she moved around him, unshackling his wrists and ankles, helping him sit on the bench next to the giant black X he was just tied to. His legs too shaky to completely support him any longer.

 

Leaving him momentarily she wiped up the mess they’d made on the floor with a hand towel from the bathroom, tossing it in the hamper as she walked back into the bathroom. She ran a shower for him, letting the hot water begin to steam up the bathroom before coming back to him.

 

“Stand.”

 

He did, standing on shaky legs as Rey steadied him with her hands on his waist and led him into the bathroom, pushing him into the shower where he slumped back against the wall, dazed and still out of it, having never before felt an orgasm that powerful in his life.

 

Without speaking she took off her nightgown and joined him, taking her time in cleaning him up. He watched her as she wordlessly moved around him, dragging a soapy wash cloth along his skin, paying special care to the reddened and raw areas she’d worked over with the flogger. The effect of which felt like a lifetime ago considering more recent events.

 

Once showered and a towel wrapped around his waist Rey stared up at him, her face had lost that hard edge that her voice maintained.

 

“Living room. Five minutes.” She spat tersely as she wrapped her own towel around herself and stormed out of the playroom.

 

Ben sat on the bed for a few moments. His back, ass and chest sore from the flogger, but a deeper soreness settled into his pelvis and abdomen as the after effects of his first prostate orgasm began to subside.

 

Getting his pajama bottoms back on he also slipped on a black v-neck t-shirt from his gym bag that he stowed in the bathroom. Gathering his thoughts, he headed out to the living room, knowing he was going to have a hell of a fight on his hands.

 

Not only had he defied her, but he’d done it so flagrantly that he was surprised she hadn’t said red and showed him the door. No matter what he resolved that he had to stand his ground as he settled into the soft cushions of the sofa to wait for her as he heard her in the kitchen, slamming drawers and cabinet doors. She’d wronged him just as much as he’d defied her authority.

 

And if anything, the aftercare was where they needed to hash out what went wrong and what led him to that defiance in the first place. He had to let her know in no uncertain terms that she’d tormented him with her Casper routine.

 

Rey came in a few moments later, with two glasses of wine. Setting them down she turned to Ben as she sat on the sofa, keeping her distance.

 

“Do you mind explaining what the fuck got into you tonight?” She asked, her anger all the more evident as she crossed her arms across her chest.

 

Ben clenched his jaw and settled into the couch a little deeper before countering, “How about you tell me what the hell got into you the last forty-eight hours?”

 

“Excuse me?” She asked, indignant.

 

He rolled his eyes and turned to her. “You started this.”

 

“Oh, what are we, in primary school now?”

 

He shook his head. “You ghosted me. Or is it that you regret you put this around my wrist,” he shot back, pointing to the bracelet around his left wrist.

 

“Ghosted you? Is that what this is about? The fact that I was busy and didn’t answer you?” She lied, deflecting his anger.

 

His jaw set as he read the fabrication across her features. “Don’t lie to me.” Her eyes widened as they stared at one another. Neither one backed down as they stared one another down. Instead Ben moved forward, flinching when Rey leaned back from his advance. “So that’s how it is? You’re just going to shut me out whenever you can’t deal with how you feel?”

 

“I didn’t shut you out, Ben.” She argued but it was a half-assed attempt at best.

 

He shook his head and advanced again. “No, you did. And I don’t even think you did it on purpose. You just can’t help yourself. You shut down and close off the minute we get closer to having more than just some fucking arrangement.”

 

She scoffed. “Oh, I’m closed off? What about you? You didn’t even tell me you were upset. Oh no you straight up just defy me without even giving me a chance of defending myself?”

 

“I’m giving you a chance right now, and you’re blowing it. Talk. To. Me. Rey.” He demanded, wanting so desperately for her to just let him in.

 

At his further insistence she looked at him, tears beginning to brim and fall. “I’m scared. Okay? Is that what you want to hear? That I’m terrified?”

 

“Of what, Rey. Tell me what you’re afraid of,” he implored sitting up and searching her expression.

 

She sniffled and shook her head. “God, don’t you get it? You terrify me.”

 

“I told you, I’m not that scary.”

 

“And I told you that it isn’t you per se. It’s the way you make me feel. I feel so out of control because I care about you. And that gives you too much power to hurt me. My heart is too fragile to wear on my sleeve all the time. I’m not good at any of this relationship stuff, I feel like I’m always going to be waiting for you to leave me. And that’s what I’m afraid of. That I’ll never be enough.”

 

Ben’s heart broke for her, but he could understand that. Her fears and his were one in the same. Fear of losing the other. Fear of rejection. Fear of being alone. He moved towards her again and pulled her closer, cradling her face in his hands as his thumbs wiped at her tear stained cheeks. “I understand you’re scared. Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too.” he stated softly, as her hazel eyes flicked up to his.

 

“How can I not be afraid? Don’t you realize what happens to me if you break my heart?” she asked and he shook his head, internally surmising it’d be about the same if she broke his. “I’ll be left with nothing. Because I am nothing,” she admitted, fresh tears streaming down her face.

 

He shook his head as she said the words, disagreeing. “No, you’re not. Not to me.” He stated, repeating the sentiment over and over as he pressed his lips to her forehead and pulled her close, crushing her to his chest. “This thing between us has some hefty potential. Don’t you think that scares me, too?” he added, pressing his lips into her hairline.

 

“You handle it better than I do,” she replied, sniffling against his chest.

 

“I ignore it because I want you more than any fear or doubt.”

 

He let her sob softly into him as he rocked her and rubbed his hands along her back. “I’m going to struggle. I’m going to fuck up.”

 

“I know, and it’s okay but you can’t expect me not to challenge you to fix it, either.” He argued back feeling her arms tighten around him.

 

A few moments of silence passed between them, before Rey chose to speak. Her voice unbearably small and unsure. “Why are you so good to me? Anyone else would have left long before now.”

 

He grinned into her hair, rubbing a hand up her back. “I told you. I want you. All of you. Your perfection and your faults and flaws. I have from the minute we met.”

 

Rey’s shoulders shook with unexpected mirth as she pulled back a little, her eyes red rimmed and puffy. “You can’t be serious.”

 

Ben’s smile only grew as a hand came up to grace her cheek. “Oh yeah, I am. Are you fucking kidding me? Did you even look in a mirror that night?” He retorted, reminding her of how stunning she looked in that burgundy velvet dress.

 

Rey shrugged and laughed a little. “You didn’t look half bad yourself.”

 

Ben continued with her story, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Had I known then what I am I would have done anything you asked,” he explained, trying to tell her how much she affected him without pulling out words that he wasn’t ready to say out loud yet. Words that would scare her and push her even further away. So, he stuck with what was safe, for now. There would be time for grand declarations and sentiments when the time was right.

 

Rey sat back, not leaving his embrace but resettling so that they were sitting next to each other, his arm still wrapped around her protectively. “I think I assumed you were a dom, because that made you untouchable and safe. You carried yourself like one but I can see now that it was just a mask to keep people away because you weren’t sure.”

 

He nodded in agreement, shifting slightly. “I didn’t know what I was. I was just curious.”

 

A small smile curved up the corner of her mouth. “I’m glad you came that night.”

 

He mirrored her grin, nodding once more in agreement, “Me too.”

 

They settled for a moment or two, letting the emotions ebb and flow between them before her voice, soft and timid spoke up. “Will you stay tonight? You know despite the fact that we fought?”

 

Ben took a breath and pressed his lips to her temple again. “I was hoping you’d let me,” he admitted, garnering her attention.

 

Rey broke from him then, standing and holding her hand out to him. He stood as well, taking her hand in his, letting her lead him down the hall way to her bedroom. In silent tandem they worked, turning down her bed, tossing a few throw pillows aside before she climbed in, and he discarded his shirt, climbing in the opposite side, meeting her in the middle of the mattress. He wrapped her in his arms as she slid her knee between his thighs.

 

“You never did answer my question,” Ben whispered, reminding Rey of their initial row.

 

“The fundraiser?” She asked, looking up at him both of their eyesight adjusting to the dark.

 

“Yeah, will you be my plus one? It’s not a date, we’re going as friends.”

 

She smiled a little and nodded, before replying the same. “Yeah. I’ll be your plus one.”

 

He kissed her forehead as Rey pressed her lips to his sternum and whispered a gentle, “thank you,” into the darkness.

 

“What for this time?” Ben asked, truly curious.

 

She took a breath, gathering her thoughts before sighing. “For not giving up on me. For staying.”

 

He pulled her closer, tightening his arms around her. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” He answered as she burrowed closer to him, the both of them emotionally and physically overwrought but finding comfort in each other’s touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started posting song explanations along with the playlist post over on tumblr! Come on over and check it out! Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos. I appreciate you all being patient even though this chapter is just a day late on the weekly update schedule. We have a house guest right now and this chapter took a bit of finesse to get how I liked.
> 
> Again thank you!


	15. XV. Courtship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey to the fundraiser, leaving out one crucial detail. Things begin to take a turn for the romantic as our beautiful space babies begin that careful balancing act. Also smut and kink and emotional development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so many people to thank who helped with this chapter so I'll keep it to just a few. But the rest of you, you know who you are. [13-is-myluckynumber](https://13-is-myluckynumber.tumblr.com) for her constant flailing and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) for her funny faces as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!

_Chapter Playlist: Mother & Father – Broods; Slow Hands – Interpol; Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap; Believer – Imagine Dragons; and Paradise – Coldplay_

XV. Courtship

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Rey Erso:** Come on up, I’m almost done getting ready.  
  


Rey’s text read to Ben that following Tuesday night. The fundraiser he’d known about for over a month now was upon them and he felt nerves twist his gut slightly at the thought. But he shook the feeling easily while the driver made his way over to Rey’s apartment to pick her up on the way to City Hall where the fundraiser was to be held in front of the grand staircase.

 

Pulling in front of her building, Ben signaled to the driver that he would be back in just a moment. Taking the stairs two by two and then again once he came inside the building, up to her second-floor apartment – knocking on the door instead of using his key.

 

But what he didn’t quite expect was the breath to be stolen from his lungs as Rey swung open the door. Looking every bit as beautiful as ever standing in a one-shoulder grey floor length dress that was classy yet unbelievably sexy with a slit that ran up to her mid-thigh and a geometric cutout at her left waist, showing off the gentle curve of her figure as well as a toned line of her abdomen. He let out a low whistle and she smirked, rolling her eyes as she turned around barely taking a chance to look him over as she turned to the foyer mirror to put her other earring in place.

 

Happy with her appearance she turned, pressing her teeth into her dark red stained lower lip as she allowed herself to finally get a look at him, in a tux complete with bow tie, his hair a little unkempt and wavy as ever but still made him somehow all the more dashing.

 

“It’s not too much is it?” She asked, grabbing her coat as Ben stepped forward to help her into it. When she’d bought the dress the day before she’d been worried that it was too flashy, too sexy for a political fundraiser. But from the look on his face alone she knew that the purchase had been worth the substantial hit to her credit limit.

 

He shook his head in response. “Not at all, and here I thought red was your color. I stand corrected.”

 

Rey chuckled and turned, flipping her carefully curled coif out of her coat as he held out his elbow to her. Linking her arm with his, she placed her keys and phone in small clutch but not before locking up her apartment as they departed. “You clean up well,” she stated, her voice light and teasing.

 

“Please, you’ve seen me in a tux before.”

 

Rey nodded as they descended the stairs together. “Sure, doesn’t mean it’s not a welcome sight, either.”

 

Pink suffused Ben’s cheeks at her blatant flirtation. As they walked out she stopped and stared at the car awaiting them, the driver holding the door open as he saw them approach. Rey gave Ben a suspicious glance to which he just shrugged and directed her into the car, allowing her to slide in first. Once situated the driver set them on their course, criss-crossing through the city, leaving them in relative privacy, having closed the divider for them.

 

“So, the fundraiser tonight, did they send the car for you?” To which Ben nodded, leaving out one tiny but crucial detail. Rey nodded and glanced out the window, marveling at the city lights as they passed. The two made small talk much of the way there and somehow in the course of their conversation, it returned to their weekly activities.

 

“Oh, before I forget, I have a last-minute trip to Seattle in the morning, but I’ll be back in the late afternoon. Would you mind moving our lunch appointment to dinner?” Ben explained, catching her attention.

 

Rey surveyed him and nodded in agreement. “Sure, you’re lucky I don’t have anything planned for tomorrow night. I should punish you for telling me so last minute.”

 

Ben swallowed and his cheeks reddened once more. “The decision to go just happened this afternoon, and I didn’t want to mention it over text,” he answered, stumbling over his words a bit.

 

Rey gave him an amused surreptitious glance before her face broke out in a smile. “I was teasing.”

 

And Ben shook his head at her laughing gently. “Although, maybe I should misbehave more often if what happened last time is used as a consistent form of punishment.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at the clever banter, shifting towards him in her seat. “Or I could make that a reward for good behavior. Assuming you like it when I make you orgasm,” she shot back, her voice lowering half an octave.

 

Pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth he nodded. “That was the first, you know, that I’ve -,”

 

“Had a prostate orgasm?” She offered.

 

Ben nodded, glancing down at his hands only mildly embarrassed. It wasn’t that he felt wrong about enjoying it, more just naïve at having never thought to experience it before. How many years had he tuned out when Poe had gone into sometimes ridiculously explicit detail about his conquests when really he might have actually learned something valuable had he listened?

 

Rey leaned forward, placing her hand over his own. “There’s no room for shame in this dynamic, Ben. If you liked it that’s amazing. And I can definitely work it into rotation if you’d like.”

 

Nodding once more he squeezed her fingers, thankful for her reassurance.

 

“Besides, you know what my favorite part is?”

 

“No?” he asked, truly curious.

 

“No refractory period. Which means you can have more than one. Traditional male orgasm relies on blood flow which takes time to come back again after a release. But this relies on the stimulation of deeper pelvic muscles and a gland that produces semen. Much easier to produce a reaction and no need for a sustained erection either. There’s a reason it’s called the male g-spot.”

 

“More than one? I can’t even begin to imagine that. I mean, once was intense enough to nearly cause me to black out.”

 

Rey laughed a bit at his hyperbolic admission, amused that he’d been so affected. “Well, I also purposely overstimulated you elsewhere, too which made things stronger. We can talk about adding it into the rotation tomorrow if you want.”

 

Ben agreed making her grin again. “Good,” he stated, as they continued their talk, shifting their conversation to each other’s day at work, both content to just be in each other’s presence a bit longer.

 

Coming up to City Hall the driver halted and exited the car, holding the door open for them once more. Ben exited first, holding his hand out for Rey to take as she stepped out of the car and stared wide eyed at the gorgeous sight of City Hall at night. “Wow,” Rey remarked, her voice full of awe as he led her up the steps stopping at the girl standing by the door, equipped with a clipboard.

 

She was blonde, pretty even by conventional standards and she didn’t even glance up from her clipboard as Ben and Rey approached. “Name?”

 

“Solo, Ben,” he stated and the girl’s eyes flew up and a slow smile came across her face.

 

“Been a long time, jerkface,” she spat playfully, making Ben’s shoulders shake with mirth.

 

Rey looked between the two strangely before Ben stepped in to reply. “Thanks Kay, missed you, too.” He added, before gesturing to Rey, who’s hand he had yet to let go of. “Kaydel Connix, this is Dr. Rey Erso,” Ben continued, introducing the women. “I grew up with Kay, hence the complete professionalism,” he joked as Kaydel’s fist shot out, punching him in the shoulder.

 

“Don’t be an ass, Solo,” she retorted as Ben rubbed a hand along his shoulder, laughing at her a little. Kaydel had been a fixture of his life, or well his mother’s political life since they were very small. Her mother, having worked for Leia’s first campaign all those years ago had stayed friends with the Senator, eventually recommending her daughter to make her way into politics as well.

 

Ben and Rey passed her as they went inside to the coat check. Helping Rey out of her coat, she turned to him curious as to how he knew the girl. “So, you two grew up together.”

 

“Yeah, she’s almost like an annoying little sister. More like an annoying younger cousin maybe. Her mom worked for my mother, and now Kaydel is following in her footsteps. She’s also really active with the California Young Democrats. Trying to get new blood out into the political field,” He explained, handing Rey’s jacket over to the coat check girl. He smiled and took the ticket for her, giving it to Rey place it in her clutch before he held out his elbow for her, letting her loop her arm through and grasp his forearm as they made their way to the grand staircase.

 

To say that the City Hall’s grand staircase was just beautiful was an awful understatement. Marble stone steps that were at the focal point of the rotunda were gorgeous sure, but the rest of the space was truly awe inspiring. Archways and beautiful stone edifices that denoted French Beaux-Arts architectural style. Ornate fixtures and wall carvings that drew your eye and an ornate marble tile floor. The space was incredible. For the evening the lights were low, illuminating the columns and giving it an almost ancient feel to the space while people in modern gowns and tuxedos milled about.

 

“This place is stunning,” Rey remarked looking to the ornate ceiling.

 

Ben nodded and leaned in, so she could hear him over the chamber orchestra. “It’s in Beaux-Arts style, very French. Other cities like Philadelphia have an even more ostentatious City Hall, which theirs is in Second Empire style.”

 

Rey leaned back impressed with his knowledge of style and architectural history. “I’m impressed. What else do you know about this place?”

 

He grinned at the challenge in her voice and shrugged. “Took two years to build finishing in 1915, and cost a cool three-point-four million at the time which is just under one hundred million today, adjusting for inflation. It was built as a replacement for the 1899 building that was destroyed by the quake in 1906. It’s seen its fair share of history here. Harvey Milk was assassinated here, and Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe got married here as well.”

 

Rey’s arched eyebrow gave way to an indulgent grin as she watched him rattle off facts better than any museum curator or tour guide. “You’re a history nerd, aren’t you?”

 

“Architectural history yes. Set me loose in Europe and I’ll drag you to so many cathedrals,” he replied, sliding over a step to grab two flutes of champagne from a passing server, handing one to Rey as he grinned.

 

They both sipped their champagne for a moment before a voice behind Ben called to him. “Ben Solo, is that you?”

 

Rey took in how Ben’s shoulders tensed at the sound of her voice and definitely didn’t miss the clench of his jaw. She arched an eyebrow in question as he sighed and rolled his eyes turning towards that voice belonging to none other than an old flame of his.

 

“Bazine, do I need to guess why you’re here?” He asked, his tone sharp and sarcastic.

 

The woman, who was dressed in a form fitting black dress surveyed the two. “Well, just because I work in Casterfo’s office doesn’t mean I exactly agree with his politics.”

 

“And here I thought with Ransolm’s reputation of mistaking fact and fiction, you’d fit right in,” Ben shot back, a sharp challenge in his voice. Rey’s eyebrows rose momentarily at Ben’s blatant hostility towards the woman in question.

 

There must be some sort of history between them, she surmised, staying quiet until one of them remembered she was there.

 

Bazine let the slight roll right off her, deflecting his ire. “Who’s your friend?” Bazine asked, directing her eyes over to Rey. She was beautiful, no one could argue the contrary. With beautiful tanned skin and cheekbones that were as sharp as razorblades and a matching black A-line bob to match.

 

Smiling indulgently, Ben wrapped an arm around Rey’s waist then, his hand grasping the gentle curve of exposed skin on her left side. “ _She_ , is Dr. Rey Erso. Rey this is-,”

 

Bazine cut in, introducing herself. “Bazine Netal, it’s lovely to meet you Dr. Erso.”

 

Rey smiled but couldn’t help feel the flicker of possession that ran up her spine at the way Bazine gave Ben the once over. “Likewise,” she answered. “How do you two know one another?” She asked, though the tense way Ben’s fingers were gently digging into her waist spoke volumes to his discomfort.

 

Bazine laughed, “Oh Ben and I go back a long time, don’t we?”

 

Taking a breath Ben nodded. “Yeah, though it’s been what almost a decade since graduation?”

 

Bazine nodded, her phone chirping to interrupt their conversation. “That must be work. Casterfo is a demanding man to work for. Though I’d have much preferred working for your mother,” she threw in as an aside before bidding the two farewell, letting Rey know that she was happy to meet her.

 

At her exit Ben relaxed minutely, downing the rest of his champagne.

 

Rey took in his body language, and the thunderous expression on his face. “There’s a story there, that you’re not telling me,” she commented and he nodded.

 

Looking to her he centered himself and cocked his head to the side. “You’re not the only one with a closet full of exes and trust issues.”

 

Rey arched her eyebrow as he led them over to the bar handing over his empty flute. “You dated her?” Though from her tone it was less a question than an observation. “And I’m guessing from how you look like you’re a caged animal right now that it did not end well.”

 

He nodded, ordering himself a scotch neat. “And you’d be right.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side. “She hurt you, didn’t she?”

 

Ben scoffed as he leaned back against the bar. “Understatement of the millennia.”

 

“Tell me?” Rey asked, her face soft and imploring. He studied it for a moment before setting his tumbler down with a clang against the mahogany bar.

 

He took a breath and looked at her hands, wanting to reach out and take her hand in his own, but he didn’t budge. Instead he ducked his head down a little, shamefaced at the story he was about to tell her. “I was a freshman in college. Nineteen when we met, and very, very naïve. She was the first. First everything. And I stupidly thought it was something more. Something that would last. Only come to find out that the first girl who ever paid attention to me was only doing so to gain access to my mother.” He explained, his eyes not meeting hers as the words fell from his lips.

 

Rey felt a swell of protective anger as the tale unfolded. She imagined him then, though it was hard to think of the nineteen-year-old boy when the thirty-one-year-old man stood before her. “Ben,” she began, her voice brimming with unspoken empathy.

 

He shook his head. “Spare me the pity party. I survived, didn’t I?”

 

Rey’s expression softened more, and she stepped forward, placing a hand to his chest. “You did. And I’m glad you did.”

 

A hint of a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth at her contentment that he’d grown from that heartbreak and had learned to trust again.

 

“She’s the reason why I did the whole sow my wild oats phase for a while. I didn’t want to care about anyone or anything. Problem was that I didn’t realize at the time that caring and desiring someone goes hand in hand for me.” He stated, admitting to more of his history, giving her more context to his own psychosexual progression than he’d intended.

 

Rey fiddled with his bow tie, straightening it even though it needed no such attention on her ascent up to his face. Her hand gracing his cheek softly. “Thank you for telling me. It makes me feel better to know that we both have had our own taste of duplicitous tarts in our respective pasts.”

 

He arched an eyebrow at the unspoken story there. “Tell me sometime?”

 

She nodded. “I will.”

 

Tenderly and with gratitude, he pressed a kiss to her palm before she pulled back her hand, to rest on her own that held her clutch. The two’s eyes lingered on one another’s faces a newer understanding of one another fell into place. Rey hadn’t wanted to see it before but maybe, just maybe Ben was just as damaged as she was. It added nuance and perspective she hadn’t quite thought of before. It made her heartache duller, less acute than before to know that he’d been through his own fair share of disappointments but still had the courage to be vulnerable with her all the same.

 

The music in the room stopped for a moment, drawing everyone’s attention to the circular landing just in front of the main staircase. Rey and Ben turned, watching as Kaydel ascended the steps to come to the podium that had appeared, seemingly placed there while they were distracted by conversation and their growing intimacy.

 

“Good evening.” She announced, calling everyone to her attention. Rey and Ben observed her with warm grins. “Donors, members, and friends of the cause. My name is Kaydel Connix. When I was young I watched my mother stay up late, making copies, sending faxes, and painting posters by hand because she believed in our democratic process. Now as an adult I too have that same enduring faith in our process as a nation. No matter what previous elections have done to shake our national confidence, the foundations of the movement are stronger than ever, thanks in no small measure to all of you.” She paused, garnering applause from the crowd of guests that gathered.

 

Kaydel scanned the audience as she leaned forward to speak again. “Growing up I had strong examples of women willing to fight for their right to their bodies, for the rights of teachers to have better salaries, for the rights of veterans to get the care they need when they come home from abroad. The strongest of which were two women in particular. My mother, who’s stalwart loyalty and tenacity have given me the same fire and passion. And the woman who is our most gracious host tonight. You know her as the leader of the Resistance movement. Our voice in the Senate. Please welcome the senior Senator from California Leia Organa-Solo!” Kaydel proclaimed as the crowd erupted in raucous applause as Leia made her appearance, dressed in a floor-length black evening gown with sheer sleeves that sparkled in the spotlight. Her hair done up in an intricate braided up-do and her famous trademark grin. She walked up the short stairs to meet Kaydel half way to the podium, hugging her closely and whispering to her.

 

Ben surveyed Rey’s expression as her eyes widened and she turned to him, smacking the back of her hand playfully to his chest. “You didn’t tell me your mother was hosting this fundraiser.”

 

“Didn’t I?” Ben replied, playing coy but the smile tugged at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

 

“I’m pretty fucking sure you didn’t mention your mother at all when you invited me,” Rey reminded. And in truth Ben had been apprehensive to mention that his mother wouldn’t just be in attendance but hosting the event when he’d invited her in the first place. Meeting the parents was usually something reserved for a much more serious place in a more solid relationship than the arrangement they currently had. But nevertheless, Ben had wanted Rey to meet them, knowing deep down that Rey would love them as they certainly would love her.

 

Ben bit his lower lip and shrugged, looking as ever like the cat who ate the canary. “Must have slipped my mind.”

 

“Uh huh,” she smirked and leaned in. “Maybe I should punish you for letting something like this just _slip your mind_.”

 

Ben arched an eyebrow and leaned, bending down until he was almost eye level. “Promise?”

 

Rey rolled her eyes, laughing at the challenge in his expression. She shook her head and turned to the podium where Leia was quieting down the room to begin her speech. She had to admit the prospect of meeting a political icon like his mother was appealing. Having voted for her twice since gaining American citizenship and the right to vote at eighteen.

 

“Thank you, Kaydel. Everyone please give a round of applause for my senior campaign manager who’s worked her way up from being a volunteer to now, running the show and keeping me from losing my head on a daily basis!” She said, giving the crowd a chance to give Kaydel their applause. Once they quieted down again Leia turned back to the audience and grinned. “I’m so happy to be here tonight with all of you lovely, vibrant, young and passionate people. I wanted to host this year’s fundraiser for a few reasons. The first being that as a nation now is the time, more than ever that we fight for the things we believe in, and the values that we hold dear,” she began pausing for the requisite applause her words garnered.

 

“The second, was that I’m not getting any younger. You’ve all seen it on Twitter, on Fox News. They call my age into question simply because I am one of the loudest voices of dissent and female to boot. Yet I’m only in my late fifties, younger than half the old geezers in office! I tell you this not to highlight the blatant double standards female politicians face but to reiterate the importance of your generation. You. Those who are coming of age to vote and those who, like my son, have had the ability to for little more than a decade. You are the reason I wanted to host this fundraiser. To light a fire under your collective asses and get you to start running for office! The future is yours and you can be that change. You can spearhead reforms and call out misogyny and oppression. I want each and every one of you tonight to think about your potential to give your life in service to our great nation. Because the way our country progresses is not because of the rich old men we keep electing to office, but because the youth who rise up and begin to replace them. Donors, members, and dear friends, your time to remake the world has come. Thank you!”

 

Leia left the landing, letting the applause die down, returning to her husband’s side to begin glad-handing her constituents and rabid supporters.

 

“She’s something,” Rey remarked as they both clapped.

 

“Yeah, she’s always known how to whip up the masses into a frenzy, for sure.” Ben added, half amused and half annoyed at his mother’s mention of him. She usually kept him out of her stump speeches, of which he appreciated. He’d never been one for the political limelight. Having grown up an awkward kid who got made fun of for being the quintessential ugly duckling of his family he abhorred the attention that came with being so high profile. Thankfully, Leia had realized that much to her own dismay that he was not fit for political stardom despite her designs on continuing the political dynasty.

 

Ben and Rey continued to talk as the crowd around Ben’s mother began to dissipate while she moved about, mingling and doing the requisite meet and greets. Once she caught a glimpse of her son’s wavy dark hair however, her attention was indeed elsewhere as she called out to him. “BEN!” She shouted over the music making him stop his sentence to Rey and half turn towards his mother.

 

“Mom,” he began as she made her way over to them.

 

She shook her head, amused and held her arms out to him to which he stepped forward, bending to hug her and kiss her cheek. “Hey, kiddo, glad you could make it!”

 

Rey shifted nervously as Leia caught sight of her, pushing back from her son and giving him that hopeful questioning glance that made him chuckle at her enthusiasm.

 

Ben stepped away and with a hand pressed to the small of Rey’s back he coaxed her forward. “Mom, this is Dr. Rey Erso,” he began going for the formal introduction.

 

Leia stepped forward then her grin warm and maternal. “A doctor, huh?” she asked giving her son an approving nod, to which he rolled his eyes. “Hello Rey, it’s so lovely to finally meet you.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Madam Senator,” Rey outstretched her hand to greet her as well, unsure of what was appropriate but nonetheless surprised when Leia enveloped her in a warm hug.

 

“Please, call me Leia.” She said, breaking away from her but moved to hold her hands instead. A faint glimmer of recognition crossed Leia’s face for a moment, surprising both Ben and Rey. “Wait, what did you say your last name was?”

 

“Erso,” Rey replied, to which Leia’s grin grew exponentially wider.

 

“Erso. Rey Erso. As in Jyn and Cassian’s little Rey?” Leia marveled.

 

Rey stood there, glancing to Ben who was equally gobsmacked at the notion that Leia knew her adoptive parents. “Yes, those are my parents. You know them?”

 

Leia’s smile grew devious then. “Know them? Are you kidding? I was the one who got Cassian the interview at Berkeley. He’s been one of my greatest assets in understanding and advocating for comprehensive immigration reform for the better part of twenty years. I’d only seen your picture on his desk. You were five in it, with a little boy, that they adopted when you two were twelve, right?”

 

“Finn?”

 

“Yes, that’s his name! I didn’t realize in all these years that you would have grown up, too. And look at you, you’ve grown into such a beautiful and remarkable young woman, and here you are, on _my_ son’s arm,” Leia continued to remark, making Rey chuckle and Ben blush at the implication behind his mother’s words.

 

“ _Mom_ ,” he reasoned, getting that petulant tone that only a son could give.

 

Leia waved him off, “I know, I know. You’re _just_ friends. I remember what you told me in DC.” She replied, her tone telling them both that she wasn’t buying any of it.

 

Rey blushed at the implication. That Ben had told his mother about her even back then when their acquaintance had been via digital technology, only to grow to where they were at now. Though she wasn’t sure the title of _just friends_ could quite accurately describe their current situation. She let it go however, knowing that it was the easiest explanation to give family. And yet a large part of her wanted to be defined as more. The thought, though unbidden, had surprised her. Wanting more than just their arrangement had to offer meant she needed to broach a conversation she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to have.

 

Leia let go of Rey’s hands for the moment and turned, locating her husband’s head amongst the crowd. “HAN!” she hollered making him turn towards her. “GET OVER HERE!”

 

“I didn’t realize Dad was going to be here,” Ben remarked, growing tense as he wrapped an arm around Rey’s waist, his hand pressing into the skin of her left side.

 

“What’s so urgent?” He asked, his tone ever that of the exasperated husband. Though that exasperation melted when he took in the sight of his son, who now stood a few inches taller than him, dressed in a tux with a pretty girl on his arm. “Oh, hey kid, didn’t realize you were gonna make it tonight,” Han said as he came over, using his cane to help him, his hip bothering him more than usual.

 

“Dad,” Ben said in kind, the two men shaking hands.

 

“Ben was just saying the same about you, but Han, honey, Ben brought a girl,” Leia cooed, making Han’s eyebrows shoot up as he turned and took in Rey at Ben’s side.

 

“I can see that _Princess_ , I’m old, not blind.” He shot back receiving a smack to his bicep from Leia as he turned to Rey. “Hi, I’m Ben’s father, Han,” he said warmly extending his hand to her to which she shook it gracefully.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Rey,” she replied, grinning.

 

“As in Jyn and Cassian’s Rey,” Leia added as Han grinned wider.

 

“How are those two? It’s been a while,” Han asked, truly curious as they hadn’t seen Jyn nor Cassian in over a year.

 

Rey smiled back just as warmly. Fascinated to be sure that Ben’s parents knew her own well enough to ask how they were with genuine interest. “Fantastic. Dad is as usual inspiring the masses in his lectures and Mom, well she just had another gallery opening a few weeks ago in LA.”

 

Leia grinned and took Han’s hand. “Oh, I always loved her sculptures. I’ll have to take a run down to see it.”

 

“So, how’d you get mixed up with our son?” Han jokingly asked, garnering a scowl from his son.

 

“Really Dad,” Ben warned, shaking his head and muttering an almost inaudible _Unbelievable_ under his breath.

 

Rey laughed a little, snickering at the playful jibe between father and son. “We met in February at a charity event, that I’d organized, actually. For the children’s hospital,” she explained, masterfully glossing over the details.

 

“That’s wonderful. A great cause, for sure. What kind of doctor did you say you she was Ben?” Leia asked, grinning.

 

“I didn’t,” Ben reminded.

 

Rey cut in and shook her head. “Not an MD. A PhD. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology from Stanford,” she explained much to Leia’s delight.

 

Han snickered, “A shrink, eh? Kid when you had therapy years ago, I didn’t think you’d end up...” he began to say, flailing his hand between the two of them.

 

“ _Dad_ ,” Ben replied sharply, interrupting his father’s thinly veiled accusation as his fingers tightened around Rey’s waist to reign in his righteous indignation. Because of course Han would conflate Rey’s career and their connection. To imply that Ben was in effect, fucking his therapist only served to make his anger flare once more.

 

However, before Ben could retort Rey came to the rescue, placing a hand over his to relax him before countering Han’s statement. “Actually, I’m not Ben’s therapist. I specialize in relational dynamics and intimate communications.”

 

Leia’s chuckle rolled between them as she smacked Han’s shoulder. “A couple’s therapist! Oh, honey where were you when I married this nerf herder?” She added, leaning into her husband who grumbled at the antiquated insult.

 

With the tension diffused entirely, the four of them chatted more until Kaydel came over to whisk Leia away to mingle again.

 

“It was so lovely to meet you, Rey. We hope to see you again soon,” she added, hugging her once more.

 

Rey grinned and shook Han’s hand as well, replying that she’d love to see them again. As the two moved to leave Ben turned to Rey. “Do you want to dance?” He asked, getting the idea as he saw couples, moving about towards the center of the room.

 

Curious she studied him for a moment and then nodded, smiling wider than before. “Sure,” she acquiesced and he led her to the dance floor.

 

As they walked out Rey leaned into him. “Did you really just introduce me to your parents?” She asked, not quite believing the past few minutes had occurred. A first for her to be certain. For no man she’d ever been with had ever introduced her to his family before.

 

He grinned at her and shrugged as he pulled her into position for a slow song. “Maybe,” he quipped.

 

Shaking her head, she laughed as he twirled her and brought her back to press a hand to the small of her back as they swayed to the tempo of the song.

 

Unbeknownst to them Leia had paused in her conversation with Kaydel to observe her son, leading Rey out onto the dance floor. She watched as the two smiling and laughing as they danced. Leia’s hand shot out, closing around Han’s arm as she garnered his attention. “Look,” She said as he tried to protest.

 

Han looked out to see his son, a soft wistful expression on his face as he looked down at Rey, who was smiling and saying something that Ben was listening to intently. A slow crooked grin lit up the old man’s face.

 

“Seems our boy is in love,” Leia mused, that motherly grin flickering across her features.

 

Han chuffed in response, amused just the same. “Sure, looks like it, doesn’t it?”

 

“Mmhmmm,” Leia added, leaning into her husband for a moment before being brought back to the reality of having to mingle with supporters and constituents.

  

* * *

 

“How was your trip to Seattle?” Rey asked as they sat on the floor of his office the following evening, using chopsticks to pick up her beef and broccoli lo mein and offered him a bite to which he took, leaning over towards her and closing his mouth over her chopsticks.

 

He nodded in response to her question, chewing and swallowing before verbalizing his response. “Great. They really love the green space ideas and the rooftop gardens. My landscape architect is a genius at coming up with designs using natural flora of the area.” He told her, holding out his chopsticks with a piece of spicy pork spare ribs drenched in sesame sauce. Rey leaned over taking what he offered much the same as he had a moment later.

 

The two shared food, talking back and forth about their respective days since they’d parted ways the night before. A shift had come over them in the hours since Rey was introduced to his parents. A sense of ease over the both of them that only seemed to cement itself now that they were once again in each other’s presence. The feeling that this was more than just a negotiation meeting hung unspoken in the air between them. Yet neither commented on it.

 

She had to admit, meeting the venerable Senator and Admiral was not what she’d expected when Ben had first invited her to join him for the evening, however, she couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky for him to trust her enough to share in the evening with her. Having learned so much about him in the span of just a few hours by just running into people he was familiar with and had not always pleasant history with. She supposed that her new sense of stillness came in the understanding that he’d been damaged by love as well in his past.

 

The run-in with his ex-girlfriend had been illuminating in more ways than one. Because even as they sat here, chatting away about their respective work days she was struck by how easy this was. How the dynamic between them could be so much more than the narrow constraints she’d forced upon them both.

 

“So, any ideas for this Friday?” Ben asked, popping a steamed dumpling into his mouth.

 

Swallowing and taking a moment to gather her thoughts she pursed her lips. “I was thinking, of sensory deprivation.”

 

Ben arched an eyebrow as he took another bite of his food, humming in acknowledgement. “How so?” he asked.

 

“I mean, so your senses are cut off, except for touch, naturally. You’ll be able to feel everything, but you won’t be able to hear, see, or anticipate it at all.”

 

His eyebrows raised just a little at the explanation followed by a nod in agreement. “I think that sounds good. So, kind of like a more intense sensation play?”

 

“Kind of. I think we could work on a little bit of rope play too if you’re so inclined.”

 

A low huff of air came from him before he replied. “Oh, I think I’m _so inclined_.”

 

Snickering, she nodded. “Great. I was also thinking we could let you experience what it’s like to have more than one prostate orgasm. You seemed to be receptive to the idea last night,” she added, reminding him of their conversation in the car the night before.

 

He again agreed, feigning nonchalance but the way he shifted, adjusting himself belied that outward action. She smirked and reached across him, grabbing a dumpling for herself. He turned his face at just the right moment to meet her gaze, seeing her pupils dilate as her eyes dropped to his mouth. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to hers, tasting food faintly. Sighing, she set her chopsticks back into her lo mein and used her now free hand to thread through the ends of his hair at the nape of his neck. The kiss itself was unhurried, slow but full of promise and heat. Rey pulled back a moment to search his expression, looking for what she didn’t quite know but finding it all the same. That soft look in his eyes that made her feel like the rest of the known universe faded away and was meaningless.

 

Taking a sharp inhale, she dropped her hand from his hair and smirked a little. “I take it you’re in favor of the idea, then?”

 

Chuckling, he agreed. “Hell yeah. I mean, what moron is going to turn down the prospect of multiple orgasms. I know, I’m not.”

 

Rey laughed right along with him. “You’d be surprised. A lot of men find it emasculating for anything to go near that hole. Some even think it calls their heterosexuality into question.”

 

Ben shrugged, shaking his head. “And those guys are sorely missing out. Just because you like anal doesn’t make a dude, gay. Especially if you prefer it when it’s a woman doing it to you.”

 

“More men should be so progressive in their thinking. The world would probably be a better place if more men were comfortable with getting pegged,” she joked, making them both laugh.

 

As their laughter died ebbed Ben chewed on his lip, unsure if he was ready to indicate his interest in the subject of her diatribe. “Speaking of pegging, might that be something we could try?” He said, slowly, the words coming out stilted and unsure, almost as if he was embarrassed to admit the interest but unable to suppress the words all the same.

 

At his tentative request Rey’s back straightened and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end as her skin tingled and a simultaneous feeling of dread twisted her gut.

 

Shifting she turned slightly from him, angling her body straight towards the coffee table. “No,” she answered, surprising him.

 

“What?” he asked, not sure if he’d heard her correctly. “But you just said -,” he stated stopping when her hand raised to stop him.

 

“I know what I said. But the answer is still no,” she interjected, confusing him even more.

 

“Why?” he asked, now entirely curious as to why something she’d listed on her checklist as having experience with but nothing about it being a limit would make her unilaterally reject even the discussion of it. He took in her body language. The tense set to her shoulders, the shifting gaze where she wouldn’t meet his eye. Something in her past, whatever it was, had affected her. “There’s a story there.” He said, mirroring her words from the night before.

 

Taking a breath Rey sat back against the base of the sofa. “I won’t bore you with the gory details but there’s a lot of vulnerability that comes along with allowing another person to do that to you. And I’m not sure if you’re ready for that.”

 

“But I could be, someday. Unilaterally striking it off the table is a little harsh, don’t you think?” he argued back, trying to get her to see his side of it.

 

She sighed and shrugged. “Let’s just chalk it up to a bad previous experience and leave it at that.”

 

Annoyed he ran a hand through his hair. “That’s a bullshit cop out of an answer and you know it.”

 

“But it’s all I’m comfortable with sharing right now, okay?”

 

“Fine,” Ben replied, annoyed with the distance and the simultaneous relief that crossed her features. “Don’t think this conversation is over though. When you’re ready, you will tell me what happened that turned you off to trying it at all.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at his demanding tone. “Are you commanding me?”

 

“No. I’m telling you that you can’t keep me at arms-length forever. Not when it affects our arrangement,” he reasoned, his earlier harsh tone, softening to let her know that shutting him out affected him just as much as it shook the foundations of what they were building together.

 

Rey was reticent, reluctant and all together unsure of everything in that moment. She wanted to explain everything to him. Get him to see why she couldn’t give him what he wanted despite her desire to do so. Not after what she’d gone through before. She wanted to trust him. Trust that his reaction wouldn’t be the same but the fact that he was the one to request it was just hitting a little too close to home for her at the moment.

 

“I know.” She relented finally, knowing that eventually she would have to tell him everything. And considering he’d shared at least in part what he’d gone through with Bazine that it would only be fair to tell the tale one day. “And I’ll tell you, when I’m ready if that’s okay?”

 

Ben nodded. “I get not being ready to share. And I’m willing to wait until you’re ready to unpack whatever that experience was with me. Just, please don’t shut me out anymore.”

 

Rey reached out then, setting her white paper takeout container on the coffee table before reaching over to his hand, lacing their fingers as it laid there upturned on his thigh. “I know. I’m working on it.”

 

“Good,” he replied, squeezing her fingers.

 

Conversation shifted then, moving on to much lighter topics as they completed their plan for their Friday night scheduled activities. The feeling between them returned, speaking of something more than just what this meeting was at its surface was simmering just below. Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that a major shift was coming over them. A sense of romanticism and intimacy that had only been hinted at in their electric connection with one another had seemed to take form and settle over them.

 

Even in just simple conversation things felt deeper. On another level than just friendship or their arrangement. Chewing her bottom lip, she considered this.

 

Maybe it was the fact that she’d met his parents the night before, and felt disappointment at the title of just friends. They’d become more than that she surmised. In all her effort to keep the lines of their relationship clearly drawn she’d muddled it or really, they both had.

 

“You know,” she began, swallowing her nerves as she began to form the words that could and most certainly would forever alter their standing together. “This feels like a date,” she finished, staring at how their hands were still clasped on his thigh, neither moving from that simple point of connection.

 

Ben considered her expression, looking her over as hope made his chest swell at the simple observation. “Do you-,” he started, taking a breath to steady the waver in his voice, “Do you want this to be a date?”

 

Rey pressed her teeth into her lips, meeting his imploring stare as she considered his question. After a moment’s thought she nodded slowly. “Yeah. I uh I’d like that, actually.”

 

Ben kept himself contained even though every fiber of him wanted to shout triumphantly. Instead he decided to goad her just a little. “Well I don’t,” he started making her face pale and her eyes widen. His face lost composure then, melting into an adoring grin. “What I mean is that I wouldn’t want this to be our first date. I’d want to do things right, take you out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, do something afterwards. You know, like an actual couple.”

 

Rey relaxed at his words and picked up their joined hands using them to hit his thigh gently. “Jerk. You made me think that you didn’t want-,” she began but he cut her off, pressing his lips to hers, silencing any further barrage of insults. She broke the kiss half a moment later. “Don’t think that I’m letting you off the hook for that misdirect,” she challenged and he chuckled all the same.

 

“Your face was priceless, though. I couldn’t resist. Besides I should be the one offended because you assumed that I’m not interested when I’ve given you every indication that I am very much interested.”

 

Rey sighed. “Knee-jerk reaction. I’m not used to this, being able to express that I want both and having that desire reciprocated.”

 

His face softened and he kissed her cheek bone, “Get used to it, sweetheart.” He ran his thumb along the side of hers, down to her wrist as they let the idea settle over the both of them. “So, what do you say?” He offered, garnering her attention. She stayed silent however, letting him complete his request. “Do you want to go out on a date, a real date, with me?”

 

Rey nodded, “Yeah. I’d be open to that,” she tacked on trying to play it cool, but her smile indicated her enthusiasm just the same.

 

“How about tomorrow night?” Ben asked, making Rey crack up in laughter.

 

“You don’t waste any time, do you?” She quipped.

 

He shook his head. “When it’s something I want, I’m going to jump at the first opportunity.”

 

“Oh really?” Rey challenged, smirking at him.

 

“Yeah, and I want you. Whatever you’re willing to give.”

 

Rey studied him and her smirk softened to a tender expression, one that he was almost afraid to put too much hope in thinking that it could imply the depth of her feelings for him. “Okay, tomorrow night, dinner at a fancy restaurant,” she confirmed.

 

“It’s a date then,” He tacked on, agreeing.

 

“It’s a date,” she mirrored, letting the warmth of the moment suffuse her as he pulled her in close again to press his lips to hers once more.

 

* * *

 

Rey stared at her reflection for a moment longer as she reapplied her lipstick in the bathroom of the restaurant. Promptly at 6:45pm that evening he’d shown up at her apartment, dressed in a three-piece dark charcoal grey suit, that made her knees weak and her hands itch to wrap around his tie. He’d similarly been affected by her dress, a little black cocktail dress with a plunging neckline, exposing her sternum and just the softest hint of cleavage around a rose quartz crystal pendant that rested there.

 

He'd taken her to a small Italian place not far from her apartment in the Marina district, having told her that he’d brought a client there for a lunch and loved their pasta. It was one of those establishments that you knew was fancy just because of the crystal water glasses and the crisp white linen table cloths and napkins folded into swans.

 

Dinner had been full of light and flirtatious banter between them. Discussing everything and anything from politics to world history to their favorite books. Wine flowed as well, the two polishing off a bottle of the recommended house vintage while they ate, and shared bits from each other’s plates having ordered two different entrees they both had wanted just so that they could share. With the generous flow of wine throughout the night it wasn’t long until Rey needed to excuse herself to the ladies’ room after placing their dessert orders.

 

Chewing her lip a moment longer as she finished up at the sink, after using the facilities and washing her hands before heading back out to their table, seeing that their desserts had arrived.

 

Ben stood as she came over and she waved him off, “Sit, please you don’t have to stand for me,” she assured as he draped a hand over his abdomen and sat down again.

 

Rey grabbed her spoon, plunging headlong into her flourless chocolate cake with raspberry sauce, moaning at the rich flavor. “Oh, this is good,” she remarked making him grin as he dug into his poached pears and vanilla bean gelato.

 

“Yeah? Should I tell Finn that you’re two-timing his pastries with chocolate cake?”

 

Rey threw her head back, laughing at the joke. “Please don’t, he’d be so offended. Or he’d ask for the recipe so he could make a better one.”

 

Ben laughed and nodded that he wouldn’t out her to her adoptive brother after all. “Your secret’s safe with me,” he replied, making her shake her head at him.

 

The date, itself had gone extraordinarily well from all points thus far. Finding that in actuality there wasn’t any awkwardness or ‘getting to know you’ menial surface small talk that often plagued first dates. Then again if both of them were honest with one another, their real first date had been weeks before, that first night she’d eaten dinner at his apartment. But if labeling tonight their first date made her more comfortable about the addition to romance into their dynamic he wasn’t going to put up a fight about it. There were more important hills for him to die on, he supposed.

 

As they finished up their desserts Ben slipped his credit card into the bill folder, despite her protests. “It’s a date, and I asked you.”

 

Rey gave him a look before she acquiesced. “So, if I ask you on a date, will you let me pay?” She countered as the server took his card and brought it back for him to sign the slip.

 

Ben nodded and grinned. “Of course, even though I like doing things for you, I am not that macho to have to pay for everything, either.” He explained as he helped her into her light coat. “Are you ready for part two?” He asked, as he laced their fingers, leading her out into the cool Spring night air.

 

“Where are we off to?”

 

“Well I was thinking of showing you a few of my favorite spots in the city, if you’re up for walking, and catching a coupled of Ubers since I don’t think you’d want to walk all night in those heels,” Ben replied, noting the black five-inch Louboutins on Rey’s feet that made them almost equal in height.  “The first place isn’t far from where we are now,” he added, leading the way.

 

They walked together, hand in hand as they made their way to their first stop, The Palace of Fine Arts. During the day the Beaux Arts masterpiece was breathtaking but Rey had never seen it at night, gasping at how the lights at the base of each column and apex of each archway illuminated each structure magnificently. “Wow,” she marveled and he grinned.

 

“I love this place. It’s in the same style as City Hall, Maybeck, the architect took inspiration from ancient Greco-Roman buildings. You can see that in the archways and rotunda to mirror the ruins you see in modern day Greece and Italy. There’s so much history of this city in this one place alone. I come here sometimes, when I just need to get away from the office. Need space to think and sketch.”

 

Rey grinned at him and squeezed his fingers, “How long has it been since you’ve done that.”

 

“Too long to be honest. Running a business takes far too much time than it’s worth at times.”

 

Rey chuckled and nodded right along with him, “Yeah but could you see yourself working for someone else?”

 

Ben shook his head. “Not in the least so I suppose it’s a good thing I’m my own boss.”

 

They walked around the place, as he explained the different buildings and their uses throughout their time since being built. From there he called them an Uber, bringing them into the financial district to the Hallidie building its glass and steel structure the first of its kind to feature glass curtain walls. A major architectural feat of the day in 1918. Rey listened to his stories about the structure, asking pointed questions that only added to his stories before they moved down Market Street to the Phelan building, an 11-story triangular shaped high rise that had been nearly destroyed by the 1906 earthquake, but had been rebuilt and stood there in its place to this day.

 

Further down Market the Flood Building stood proudly, having been built in 1904 and was one of the few buildings in the city that had survived the quake two years later.

 

As they made their way up to Mission Street, passing the Granite Lady that is the Old San Francisco Mint, he led her up Mission street, to the Museum of Modern Art, an architectural wonder that was stunning in its modern lines and construction. Finishing the tour there, they caught an uber back to his car by the restaurant continuing to talk about what they’d seen.

 

“I could take you so many other places too. The Painted Ladies, or the Lyon Street Steps are just a few more of the countless places in the city to find little gems.”

 

Rey smiled as he waxed poetic about different buildings, letting him ramble about something he was passionate about was definitely a thing she wanted to encourage. “I’m sure. I loved all the buildings you showed me, though I particularly loved the Palace. It’s so beautiful.”

 

“I know, it’s honestly the best spot in the city. Half of the reason I wanted to start the firm here was because of the history.”

 

“I bet. And it’s not like other cities either. New York I’m sure is overwhelming.”

 

“Definitely, though there’s beautiful buildings there, it’s crowded and loud and everyone is on top of each other. Here at least, there’s a little bit of disconnect. If you’re looking for inspiration it’s varied and you have to sometimes get out of your comfort zone,” he explained as he opened the car door for her to his _Model S_ to take her home.

 

“What made you want to be an architect?” she asked, truly wondering what made him want to design and create concrete and steel wonders.

 

He sighed, thinking over her question as he pulled out from the parking structure and onto the street. “I guess it’s because I wanted to be different. Make a name for myself in a way that was different than the legacies on my shoulders. It’s a heady kind of pressure to have two generations of political dynasty on your shoulders not to mention parents who have certain expectations themselves.”

 

Rey leaned back in her seat and regarded him with new found respect. “So, instead of impacting the political landscape you decided to remake the world in your own image? Creating the new world in modern skyscrapers?”

 

Ben nodded, “Yeah, I think so. I have a preference, personally for carbon neutral design, even carbon negative is more possible than it was when I was in grad school. It’s one thing to have a building become a landmark, like the Palace or the Mint. But for the building to have a positive impact on the environment it inhabits is a newer concept.” He explained placing a hand to her knee. She took his hand lacing their fingers as he made the short drive to her apartment.

 

Pulling into a parking spot just in front of her building he stepped out, holding her door open and leaned on the door after he shut it. He turned to her, leaning still on his car, “What made you want to be a psychologist?”

 

Rey blushed under the scrutiny of such a question. “You know that I’m adopted.”

 

“Yeah,” he interjected, agreeing.

 

“Well, I guess I started studying psychology because I wanted to understand why my birth parents did what they did. And then gender dynamics and intimacy communication caught my attention when I was considering the doctorate degree and I never looked back.”

 

“What did they do, if you don’t mind me asking?” He implored, having been curious as to why she’d been adopted in the first place.

 

Rey chewed her lip and glanced at her hands trying to buy time to gather her thoughts. “I don’t remember much of what happened. My own therapist says I probably blocked out most of the memories because of how painful they were. But back home in London, my birth parents were not great people. I only really know the basics from what my file said. They were addicts who tried to sell me for drug money to who turned out to be an undercover officer. From there I was tossed into the system and never saw them again. Two years in foster care, was when Jyn and Cassian found me. I wasn’t talkative, shy and timid, and I clung to Jyn like she was my lifeline. It took meeting Finn in primary school that helped me let go a little and learn halfway decent social skills.”

 

Ben’s face hardened as she told her story, softening only as Jyn, Cassian and Finn’s names were mentioned. In a lot of ways, he could see why Rey kept people at arms-length. Always ready for those that she loved most to turn their backs on her. “Thank you for telling me,” Ben stated softly as she finished her story.

 

“Now you know my sad little story.”

 

“At least it has a happy ending,” he countered, making her grin in response.

 

“I suppose. I’m really lucky to have found any sort of family.”

 

“If Finn’s fierce loyalty is any indication I’m sure the rest of your family says the same of you,” Ben reasoned, watching her face soften and remained still as she stepped forward, leaning up to kiss him.

 

Turning them, he pressed her against the passenger side door, pinning her there with himself as her anchor. In truth he’d wanted to kiss her every moment throughout the night. Learning little bits about her history in their conversation, to her admission just then, he felt his heart ache with the swell of love he had for her. He knew it was too soon to say it. But damn him if he hadn’t imagined a myriad ways of telling her just how much he’d grown to adore her.

 

Carding her fingers through his hair with one hand and pulling him closer by the waist with the other she deepened the kiss, letting that electricity build until they both were left breathless.

 

If he hadn’t been already hoping for an invitation up to her apartment he was certainly anticipating one now. His hand slid around her back underneath her coat, searching out what skin he could find at the top of her dress. The kiss remained heated, though it slowed to a languid pace, before Rey pulled back, feeling butterflies flutter in her stomach as his other hand moved from her ribs to just below the end of her sternum as he observed her.

 

“Will you go out with me again?” She asked, quietly noting the way the corner of his mouth tugged up into a crooked grin.

 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

 

She shook her head and grinned. “No, because it’s my turn,” she countered making him laugh and nod in acquiescence as he ducked his head, bringing her lips back to his once more. He kissed her with more fervor than before, coaxing her lower lip between his own and making her sigh softly as his hand slid over her waist. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, reveling in the contact before she turned the tables, turning him around to press him against the car as her kiss grew aggressive. Making him breathless and his hands twitch to pull her even closer, as if that were possible.

 

However, as soon as her assault began it ended with her lips lingering close to his as she whispered, “good night,” Gently she brushed her lips across his before she backed away, leaving him stunned.

 

“What?” He asked, painfully aroused and stupefied that she’d pulled away from him.

 

A light tinkling giggle fell from her lips as she backed up to her stoop, grinning deviously. “Tomorrow night at 8?”

 

Ben nodded, grinning as he got his bearings, realizing that she’d played him like a finely tuned instrument, working him up just to leave him hanging, a favorite pastime of hers he was quickly learning.

 

“So,” she began as she backed up a stair or two. “Did reality live up to expectations?” She asked, wondering if the date had lived up to what he’d expected when he told her that he wanted to date her properly the night before.

 

Smirking he ran a hand through his hair and replied, “Maybe, I’ll tell you sometime.” He teased watching her ascend the steps to head inside a smile never leaving him even as she turned at the door, holding up her hand to wave him goodnight before disappearing inside.

 

* * *

 

Friday morning came bright and early with both of them returning to their respective offices. However, as Rey entered her office that morning she stopped and stared at the gorgeous bouquet of pink peonies that sat in a glass vase upon her desk. Arching an eyebrow, she walked over, setting down her messenger bag and purse, and hung up her sweater on her office chair.

 

The intoxicating scent of the flowers permeated the room, growing stronger as she approached them, noting a card was nestled between two blooms. Plucking it from its resting place she opened the small envelope, removing the ivory cardstock that had his distinctive script across it.

 

__

_Sometimes reality exceeds expectations._

__

__

_Thank you for a wonderful time last night._

__

He hadn’t signed it, but in reality, she didn’t need him to, knowing exactly who had sent her flowers with a handwritten card. Sufficiently melted she grabbed her phone, calling his, smiling when she heard his voice.

 

“Good morning,” he said, smiling into the phone hoping that she’d already made it into the office.

 

“Yes, it is. Although, the most curious thing happened this morning,” she said, getting his attention.

 

“Oh? Care to share?”

 

She hummed her agreement before she began. “I was on my way into my office when I came across the most beautiful bouquet of peonies on my desk.”

 

He smiled more into the phone, leaning back in his office chair all too pleased that his gift had been received.

 

“But when I read the card, whoever sent them hadn’t signed their name.” She teased, making him chuckle.

 

“Maybe he thought that his message would be received loud and clear without a signature.”

 

Rey giggled and sat in her chair, brushing the card across her lips. “Bold of you to assume that I only had one date last night,” she joked, unable to keep the laughter from her voice.

 

“Oh really, should I be worried about the competition?” he snarked right back at her, amused at her lighthearted banter.

 

“Maybe,” she continued making him let out a sharp bark of a laugh.

 

“I think I can take him,” he added, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

 

Rey snickered and quipped. “Oh, I don’t know about that. He’s pretty built. Hot too.”

 

Ben quieted for a moment, his voice almost unsure. “For the record we are still talking about me, right?”

 

Guffaws of laughter fell from Rey’s lips. “Yes, you, dummy. Who else would I be talking about?” She asked truly curious.

 

“Just making sure. You said hot, and-,”

 

Rey sat up at the apparent self-deprecation. “Wait,” she interjected. “Do you not find yourself attractive?”

 

“Does it really matter?” Ben asked, his voice wavering slightly, uncertain if he really wanted to walk her through all the reasons why he didn’t consider himself as such.

 

Rey hummed a moment and decided quickly that she was going to one day disabuse him of that notion. “Well, I guess that’s something we’re going to have to work on then, aren’t we?” She commented.

 

“Whatever you say,” he countered.

 

Rey hung up a few moments later, saying their farewells for the day until they’d see each other that evening. She sat at her desk, slouching in her chair as she looked at the lush bouquet in front of her. Any doubt as to whether the night before had happened at all vanished upon seeing it and realizing that Ben had sent them to her. Wanting to thank her for their date in the most traditional way possible. It was a romantic ideal that she’d never had before. Her previous relationships had never sent her flowers just to show her gratitude for her company.

 

Shaking her head, she readied herself for her first clients of the day. And as such the rest of her day was filled with the normal level of tedium that her job was notorious for. Client after client, arguing about this or that, looking to her for guidance as always. But as she went throughout the day she’d catch the scent of the flowers, or a client would comment on how striking the bouquet was and she was reminded of the simple romantic gesture he’d given her. Carrying her throughout her day with a lighter feeling in her chest than she’d ever felt before.

 

Even as she came home, placing the flowers in her living room after changing the water. She gave them one last sniff before heading into her bedroom to wash the day away and change into lace navy blue boy-short panties and matching camisole. She could almost feel him near as she showered quickly, rinsing off the stress of work and menial tasks. Knowing he was waiting for her she smirked to herself in the mirror and dabbed a bit of her floral perfume along the pulse points of her wrists and neck, and a dab of it between her breasts.

 

Padding slowly, she came to the door of her playroom and stopped as she opened it, taking in the sight of him waiting as always, on one knee, eyes cast to the floor. Some day she supposed she’d tell him what it did to her to see him like this. Ready for anything she had planned, still and quiet. Yet so beautiful and serene all the same.

 

“You may look,” she said after a few moments of perusing his form shamelessly with her eyes. She smiled as his eyes met hers and she handed him her hair tie. “Single French pleat, tonight.” She stated softly sitting astride his bent leg with her back to his chest. She could almost feel the heat radiating from his smile behind her as his fingers began carding through her hair, weaving the strands as she’d requested.

 

As he finished she turned to him and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her mouth to his. Surprised at first by the contact so soon he quickly recovered kissing her back, but not moving his hands to touch her, knowing that in some small way she was testing him. Waiting for him to break protocol.

 

Parting her lips from his she leaned back, her expression warm and full of promise. “Thank you for the flowers. They really brightened up my day,” she told him and he didn’t reply right away, staying quiet until she told him otherwise. Yet however silent he was the _you’re welcome_ was evident in his expression.

 

Standing she held out her hand to him. “Rise,” she commanded and he followed suit, taking her hand. She brought him over to the bed and instructed him to discard the pajama bottoms and sit.

 

Rey moved to the night stand, picking up a small rubber stress ball. “Since you won’t be able to vocalize properly, this will be your nonverbal safeword. Keep it in your hand at all times. Show it to me if you need to yellow, drop it if you need to red. At any point you’re free to use your safeword cues. Do you understand?” She asked.

 

He grinned, taking the ball from her hand, “Yes, Sir,” he answered, squeezing the ball, testing its weight and plasticity in his hand.

 

“Good. I’m going to use the ropes first, and then put the various sensory deprivation things in place. I want you to see how I’ll restrain you, so that you can tell me honestly if anything is too tight or uncomfortable before we begin.”

 

He nodded and she went, back to the night table, grabbing the hemp braided rope and pulled his left wrist forward, bunching his bracelet against the heel of his palm as she wound the material around his wrist. “This is hemp based braided rope. Excellent for Shibari otherwise known as Japanese rope bondage. The knots aren’t too bulky, and it’s not as irritating on skin,” She explained making an intricate not around his left wrist.

 

Pausing a moment, she motioned for him to lay back in the center of the bed, comfortably. She followed him as he got settled placing a quick kiss to the tip of his nose before she bent his left leg, planting his foot so that his calf and thigh were nearly touching. “Is the rope comfortable on your wrist?”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“It isn’t too tight?” Rey asked again.

 

“No, it’s good.” He replied, his expression warming at the apparent concern in her voice.

 

Rope play was a particular favorite of hers. Though without proper training and communication it could easily be as dangerous as suspension or breath play. The potential for cutting off blood flow instead of just restricting it was a risk one always took. Rising to her knees she pressed each on the opposite side of his bent leg, weaving and knotting an intricate design to bind his leg into place, keeping it bent with his hand laid flat against his thigh. Sliding two fingers under each band of rope to ensure that it was tight enough to hold him, but loose enough to not cut off blood flow. The ropes were tight however, tight enough that if left on for longer than a few minutes, he’d have impressions in his skin for hours after. And that was what she was aiming for.

 

The beauty of rope play wasn’t to just restrain or to cause discomfort in any way but to create beautiful lattice work of knots and cords that would restrict movement and height sensation. She explained all of this to him as she repeated the actions on his right side. Satisfied with her work she leaned back on her haunches to survey him. “Perfect,” she stated, grinning before she slid off the bed to grab the rest of tools they were going to use. Among them a blindfold, scarf with a knot tied in the center, earplugs held together by a rubber string between them, a small tub of Vicks vapor rub, lube, and a remote-controlled bullet vibrator.

 

Breathing slowly, he took in each of the items with curiosity, staying quiet and letting her explain the intended use of each, reminding him of her plan to provoke multiple orgasms from him by way of the vibrator and lube, and deprive him of four of his five senses with the rest.

 

“Now if you’re able to get through all of this I’ll give you a reward at the end, is that clear?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” he answered nodding as well.

 

She grinned and took the tub of Vicks first, dabbing some along his upper lip. “I read that sometimes forensic scientists use Vicks or other creams to block out the smell from crime scenes, which is where I got the idea for this. I want your brain focused solely on the sensations I plan on extracting from you tonight. No distractions, nothing but what I make you physically feel.” She explained before grabbing the earplugs, placing each in his ear canals, letting them block out the sound almost completely before she placed the knot of the scarf at his lips, and secured it behind his head as his lips wrapped around it.

 

Finally, she reached for the blindfold, slipping it over his eyes with a kiss to his forehead as she pulled away. Again, she sat back on her haunches, marveling at him laid bare before her, bound, vulnerable but placing his trust and submission in her hands wholly and completely. She took a breath at the heady rush she got from the sight. There was something so damned perfect about a strong man who so willingly surrendered to a woman’s directive. Of that effect not even, Rey was immune to that delicious rush of power.

 

Beginning at his head she ran her thumb along his lower lip, watching his breathing hitch in the gentle rise of his chest, affected, clearly but just a simple touch. From there she let her hand drift down his chin to his Adam’s apple, down to the curve of his collarbone while her other hand mirrored the motion, meeting in the middle at his sternum before sweeping in broad strokes down his abdomen, carefully avoiding the angle of his hips where his already fully aroused cock lay waiting for attention.

 

Pressing her knees to the opposite sides of one foot she leaned into his shin, pressing a chaste kiss to his knee as her hands kneaded along his thigh, moving up the front and lingering slow as they descended down the back. She repeated the action on the other side, grazing his hand as she passed, his fingers stretching out to meet hers even though done so blindly and in vain the motion still made her grin.

 

Realizing she’d forgotten a glove she left the bed for a moment, making him look for her, raising his head a moment, only to have her return and place a kiss to his forehead before coming back to sit on her legs between his feet. Putting on the glove she grabbed the tube of lube, squirting some on her fingers before circling them around his tight opening. His body tensed at the cold contact at first, instinct overriding logic but as soon as he realized what she was doing he relaxed, letting her slip first one finger then two, warming him up as a soft muffled groan escaped him.

 

Rey’s free hand slid up his shin, patting his knee reassuringly as her fingers pumped slowly hitting just the right spot that had him arching his back as much as he could against his restrains, a long, strangled string of what she surmised were curse words fell from his lips around the soft gag.

 

Slowing her hand, she worked him, edging him for a moment until she saw fit to pull more from him. Removing her fingers from him she smirked as an almost desperate whimper came from him, annoyed that she’d stopped. Had he not had the earplugs blocking his hearing she might have told him to be patient, but she said nothing. Instead she removed the glove for now, and took the bullet vibrator, coating it in a liberal amount of water-based lubricant and slowly inserted it into him.

 

A sharp intake of breath alerted her to his surprise. She looked at his right hand, seeing it still covering the ball completely, letting her know that he was indeed okay to continue. Handling the remote she turned it on to its lowest setting, chuckling as his entire body tensed and what she could almost make out as a muffled “FUCK!” came from somewhere deep in his throat.

 

Amused and painfully aroused Rey, flicked it up a couple notches, changing the frequency to regularly interspaced vibrating jolts that had him rocking his hips and curling his toes as he arched his back. His breathing was becoming shorter, shallower, frantic, as his first orgasm grew dangerously close. But Rey didn’t stop him. Instead she pressed on letting his body take over and the first orgasm wash over him, the evidence of which painted across his torso and the bedspread. As he was coming down from the first high she turned the vibrator down for a moment, back to its lowest setting as she pressed a kiss to his knee again.

 

As his breathing began to slow she turned the vibrator back up, to a different setting this time, that hit in two quick vibrations and one longer vibrato. Her hand then trailed along his inner thigh, pressing gently into his perineum between his sack and ass. He moaned, long and low at the gentle press of her fingers, using external stimulation against his prostate in tandem with the internal. His abdominal muscles shook as his body readied for another release, only this one more powerful than the first, leaving him shaking and whimpering as the aftershocks began to set in.

 

Now Rey knew from personal experience that it was easiest to coax one more out of him if she kept going, keeping her assault both internally and externally only increasing the pressure of her fingers and the intensity of the vibrations. Kicking it up to its highest setting, Ben’s entire body shuddered and rocked into the sensation, craving it as much as he had beforehand. Rey watched with rapt attention as he gave himself over to the sensations, melting into a sweaty quivering mess as the flush that had already set in across his skin deepened as his third orgasm washed over him.

 

Satisfied she’d pushed him as far as she’d wanted for the evening she removed the vibrator, setting it aside to be cleaned, and set to work easing him down off that incredible high she’d just tossed him from.  Breathing hard through his nose she took out his earplugs first, wanting the first thing to be her undiluted praise.

 

“You did so well, darling.” She cooed, kissing his cheek as she undid the gag next and wiped away the Vicks from his upper lip with a damp cloth. Last but not least she slipped the blindfold from his eyes, grinning as she took in his dilated pupils and dazed expression. “Ben?” she asked and only then his eyes shifted to her face, taking her in. “Are you, all right?” she asked, to which he nodded, seemingly unable to string any coherent sounds that made up words like _Yes, I’m okay_.

 

Rey leaned forward, leaning over him as she used the same damp cloth to wipe away the cum streaked across his torso. “I’m so proud of you,” she told him, keeping up the praise as she cleaned him up, and released him from his restraints. She held her hand out for the ball to which he placed in her hand, letting her set it aside. “Since you did so well, darling. You get to choose your reward.”

 

Still breathless but his mental faculties returning to him he stretched out his legs, abdomen clenching still from the aftershocks. “What are my options?” he asked, voice hoarse and ragged. Briefly she wondered if she’d left him ungagged, would he have screamed?

 

Grinning she pulled him to sit, his shoulders still rising and falling rapidly as he was still trying to regain control of his breathing but he followed her just the same, sitting upright even though the action for the moment made the room temporarily spin.

 

“Well, you can have your pick of three things: mutual oral service, a bubble bath to relax, or you can fuck me any way you want,” she stated, getting that matter of fact tone in her voice.

 

He smirked and arched an eyebrow. “I really want to know in what reality you think I won’t choose option three, every time it’s offered.”

 

Rey laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before cocking her head to the side. “How do you want me?” she asked, dropping her voice an octave and looking at him through her lashes.

 

Smirking he pulled her close, “Like this,” he replied, indicating that he wanted her to ride him.

 

Rey giggled softly and crossed her arms in front of her to pull the camisole up and off of her body, while his hands began pushing the lace underwear from her hips. Swiveling her hips to help she moved onto her side to slip the underwear off her ankles and tossed them to the floor. Crawling on her knees, she straddled his hips as his hands undid the careful braid he’d placed there just a little over an hour before. With her hands stroking his erection she positioned herself to slide down onto him in one slow sink down onto her knees, stealing her breath as she leaned her head back.

 

Cursing softly at feel of her slick heat surrounding him, he kissed along her neck and steadied her hips against his own, not letting her speed up or do anything more than rock her hips back and forth against his. She didn’t fight him over the speed, letting him guide the pace as she balanced herself on his shoulders, pressing butterfly kisses across his face, starting from his hairline and moving down to his chin.

 

The two didn’t say a word as he moved her over him breathing each other in as she leaned back, studying his face seeing his expression at first unfathomable but the emotions there flickering across it recognizable and startling. Just as he watched her face in turn, seeing the surprise and simultaneous contentment that settled in her features while all fear and doubt of an uncertain future fell aside and their hearts laid plain for each other to see.

 

However, those emotions Rey saw across his expression she didn’t dare try to name. Her heartbeat stuttered just at the thought of it. Even more startling was the fact that if she examined her own heart she’d see those emotions mirrored there, despite her absolute stalwart refusal to admit their existence even to herself.

 

Slowly though, ever so slowly they continued, building up a fevered pitch as he brought her up and over the edge letting her crumble and fall against him her lips hot and desperate against his own, panting warm breaths into his kiss as she pulled him across the threshold as well, tumbling after her. Softly the trembled in each other’s arms spent and sated.

 

Moments or hours later, really it could have been either to them, Ben helped her extricate herself from him, helping her stand on shaky legs next to the bed as she followed through on helping him stand on even more unsteady limbs. Together they moved to shower, cleaning on another and kissing beneath the hot spray before the parted to dress and rejoin each other in the living room.

 

Ben dressed in a black v-neck t-shirt and black pajama pants before sinking into the overstuffed cushions of Rey’s sofa, thankful for the extra cushion against his sore muscles. His body felt almost as if he’d run a marathon in under an hour. Used and run through but in a delicious sort of soreness he’d never quite experienced before.

 

Rey brought in snacks a moment later, dressed in a simple grey cotton spaghetti-strapped shift that clung to her lithe figure. Gatorade bottles, and cheese with meats, fruits and vegetables. Popping a cube of cheese in her mouth she melted into the sofa next to him. “How are you feeling?” she asked, cracking open a bottle of Gatorade for him and handing it over.

 

Grateful he took a long drink, replenishing fluids and electrolytes as he did. He thought a moment as he sat there, trying to come up with an apt description but failing every time. “I’m good. Tired. A bit sex high, I guess. Sore as hell but a good sore. Is this what you feel like after multiple orgasms?”

 

Rey nodded. “It’s a kind of loopy lucidity I suppose, it’s why I was so tired after that worship scene two weeks ago.”

 

“Were you also pleasantly numb too? Like after all of that I feel both hypersensitive and desensitized. It’s the strangest thing.”

 

She chuckled and handed him a small handful of berries, letting him pop a few in his mouth. “Yeah. It’s a hard thing to describe too, isn’t it? The English language is terrible at describing complex conflicting sensations.”

 

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding along with her.

 

“Question is, did you enjoy it? Would you want to do it again?”

 

Ben scoffed at her first question, finding it ludicrous she even felt the need to ask. “Are you kidding me? I don’t know why I never tried it before. I thought last week was something, but tonight? I don’t think I’ll ever recover.”

 

She grinned and kissed his cheek, settling into his side. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself then. I was worried I might push you too far. But every time I think that, you constantly surprise me by the flexibility of your comfort zone. Or rather the ability to adapt outside of it.”

 

Ben shrugged, patting a hand to her thigh. “I think what you’re missing here, is that I wouldn’t be able to do it if it weren’t for you.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side, curious as to why he would say something like that.

 

At her expression he grinned a little, before he began his elaboration. “Before meeting you, I didn’t really know anything about this piece of myself. And I doubt I would have been so gung ho about exploring it had I not met you the night of the gala. The minute you told me you were a dominant all I could think about was that fact. And then realizing what I am, what I like? It made a perversely funny sort of sense to me that the woman I’d been fantasizing about would be the perfect match for me in more ways than one. It’s easy to submit to your demands because I already want to trust you. It’s easy for me to want to please you because I want you so much on your own even without any of this. It’s why I’m so damned glad you finally let me take you on a real date.”

 

Rey looked at his expression as he explained all of this to her, seeing the sincerity there and it warmed her entire being. “How are we going to balance this, though? I’ve never had a guy who wanted both before. It was always one or the other.”

 

Ben wrapped his arm around her and leaned back, into the arm of the sofa, bringing her to lean against his chest. “I think we’re doing pretty okay so far, don’t you?”

 

A soft huff of laughter emanated from her as she craned her neck up to meet his gaze. “One date, and one scene does not a relationship make.”

 

“True, but the fact we both want to make the effort for both has to count for something.”

 

“Agreed,” she replied, settling back into him as they continued to discuss how they were going to balance this new aspect of their relationship, going forward with what they’d already established. Though new to the idea of a fully-invested romantic relationship couched into a D/s dynamic the both of them were eager to see where this would lead their relationship in the long term. Neither wanted to broach topics like the future, or labels of what their relationship was at this early stage, however the early foundations of a lasting relationship were laid in these small hours of soft discussion and quiet contemplation. A carefully cultivated intimacy of which they entered into and surely from which they would never recover.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of reading this week about p-spot orgasms for men that I feel I could give a lecture on the subject as well as, Shibari, and San Francisco history that I'm shocked that this chapter isn't 20k long. Anyways thank you so much for reading, commenting and giving kudos, it is much, much appreciated!


	16. XVI. Walk the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's birthday is coming up and the two have their second date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I realize it's been forever but a full explanation will be in the ending author's note! 
> 
> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
> Also a lovely shout out to the amazing people in House Swolo in the Reylo Writer's Den. This update wouldn't have been possible without you all.

 

_Chapter playlist: Us – Regina Spektor; Basic Space – The XX; So Much Love – Depeche Mode; Hot Like Fire – The XX; A Question of Lust – Depeche Mode_              

XVI. Walk the Line

 

Spring had officially descended upon the Bay Area that following Monday, warming it to the beautiful crisp spring weather the city was famous for. Rey used the weather as an excuse to use her extended lunch break for a blissful walk in the park after eating while texting about the week’s plans with Ben.

 

 

 

**Ben Solo**  
  
**Rey Erso:** So, there's a movie night in the park on Thursday night. How about dinner and then a movie?   
**Ben Solo:** My, my look who is asking whom out now...

 

Intermittent texts were exchanged with one another throughout the weekend once they’d separated on Saturday morning. It was the little things like their easy banter or how easily they were able to discuss anything and everything in each other’s periphery was something that was not lost on either of them.

 

At his teasing, she smirked at her phone, shaking her head at herself and how foolish and jejune he made her feel.

 

 

**Rey Erso**  
  
**Rey Erso:** Should I rescind the invite, then?

As he walked down a glass encased corridor of the office to Poe’s corner suite he too smirked at his phone. Their witty banter had never ceased to amuse him throughout all of their conversations both in person or otherwise.

 

 

**Ben Solo:** No, don't. Dinner and a movie sound great   
**Rey Erso:** Good. I figure tomorrow I could get Thai for Wednesday's lunch. I apologize this coming weekend is going to be a bit of scheduling nightmare, so I may not be available as much as I've been in the past.  
**Ben Solo:** We're still good for Friday, right?  
**Rey Erso:** Yes, yes. But Saturday night I have dinner plans with Finn and then Sunday Brunch with him and my parents.  
**Ben Solo:** Oh? Special occasion?

Rey chewed her lip wondering if she should tell him that yes indeed it was for a special occasion. She knew dropping that information was going to get some kind of response out of him and she wasn't certain she wanted him to make a big deal out of her twenty-eighth birthday; However, in some respects she was curious to see his reaction.

 

Rolling her eyes at herself she typed out a reply answering him truthfully.

 

**Rey Erso:** Yes, actually. Saturday is my birthday. 

 

Ben stopped listening to Poe prattle on about how his parents were doing for a moment as he stared at his phone. Had she just told him her birthday was at the end of this week? That did not give him nearly enough time to plan anything and perhaps that's why she hadn’t said anything before. Not wanting the attention. Yet now that he had this information it wasn’t like he couldn’t not do something for it. At least a gift, something to show her that he appreciated her presence in his life.

 

“Hello? Earth to Ben!” Poe exclaimed getting Ben’s attention once more.

 

“Sorry, Rey just told me her birthday is this weekend.”

 

“Oh, you didn't know? Finn told me about it after our second date. I assumed you already knew since you two have been pretty hot and heavy for weeks now. Apparently, it’s not so much just about a birthday but it’s also that they celebrate it because it’s also day they adopted her. Their gotcha day is what Finn said.

 

Ben ran a hand over his face, as the reason why she hadn’t told him became all the more apparent. He wanted to ask her why, to grill her for the reasons as to why she hadn’t volunteered the information sooner but he left those questions unasked and unanswered.

 

 

**Rey Erso**  
  
**Ben Solo:** Thank you for telling me, we'll have to do something to celebrate.  
**Rey Erso:** We really don't  
**Ben Solo:** We really do. You deserve to celebrate even just a little bit.

Rey rolled her eyes and tried not to smile at his insistence. She normally hated to celebrate her birthday except for the normal familial obligations. With that being said, however, his insistence was charming to say the least.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** Fine, but nothing extravagant please.

Ben grinned again, agreeing and then continuing his meeting with Poe to discuss their structural plans for a new design he’d come up with. Though the meeting was productive he made a mental note to spend his lunch hour picking out Rey’s birthday present.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Before either of them knew it Wednesday rolled in with Rey’s heels rapidly click-clacked along the marble floor of the lobby for Ben’s office building as she scurried to catch the elevator before it closed.

 

“Hold the door!” She proclaimed just in time to see a hand shoot out to trip the sensor such that the doors pinged open, halting their closure long enough for Rey to make it inside.

 

“You know,” an all too familiar voice said as she got her bearings, after entering the elevator. “I should say it’s too soon for _Game of Thrones_ references like that.”

 

Rey looked over, ready to shoot back a reply when she realized the snark had come from none other than Finn. “Oh, it’s you,” she replied, entirely surprised when a wild adoptive brother appeared out of nowhere.

 

“Well, aren’t you a regular _ray_ of sunshine today,” Finn quipped back, his voice light, teasing and full of mirth at his rather excellently timed pun.

 

Rolling her eyes, Rey snickered and looked him over, dressed not in his usual work clothes instead a crisp blue button down and dark wash jeans, carrying a couple of bags from his bakery all the same. Suspicious she turned to him as the elevator begin to ascend. “Are you making deliveries now?”

 

Finn leaned on the wall opposite her and shook his head. “No, not really,” he replied, not going into detail but leaving something very obviously out of the picture leaving it fuzzy and indistinct as to exactly why he was here at the present moment.

 

She arched an eyebrow at his careful deflection and waited for him to elaborate, an amiable silence falling over them before she grew impatient. “You’re really not going to tell me what you’re doing here, are you?”

 

“What are _you_ doing here?” Finn asked, countering and easily redirecting her.  

 

Rey grinned, letting the deflection go momentarily. She motioned to the white bags in her own hand as she spoke, “Lunch with Ben. Kind of our weekly thing to negotiate-,”

 

“Ah. _Ah._ I don’t need to know about that,” Finn interjected, wagging his finger back and forth.

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at him. Before Ben, Finn had never minded getting the down-right dirty details of Rey’s conquests. “Oh?”

 

“I like Ben. He’s a good guy and I definitely don’t need to think about any of the kinky shit you two get up to when I’ll see him at family functions, okay?”

 

Rey laughed full and loud at his retort. “Oh, are we expecting him at family functions now?”

 

“Eventually I’m sure. What? You two are dating now, aren’t you? Or was the _‘oh fuck Finn, what have I done’_ text last Saturday not indicative of that. I know it’s hard to infer tone over text, but,” he replied, giving her his best big brotherly grin.

 

Rey’s shoulders shook at his summation of her meaning from her text. And really, she had been freaking out. Saturday morning after Ben left her apartment she had slid down her door and had the _oh shit_ moment in question. She didn’t even really know if she could qualify it a panic attack or anything of the sort because it was that kind of stunning realization you have when things settle into place.

 

She’d looked back upon their week even more fondly now. Meeting his parents, then deciding to date. And what a spectacular date it was as far as first dates go. One in which she struggled to pull away at the end of the night and cursed herself for not inviting him up, knowing exactly how skilled he is in pleasing her. It made the take it slow idea she’d originally had quickly become more of an annoyance than the brilliance she once thought.

 

And yet that following night had been made all the more delicious because of that act of abstinence. The scene the following night had been more than she’d ever expected. Pushing him through the scene, talking about it afterwards. Things were good.

 

Solid in a way that she had never really expected to find. It confused her in so many ways because normally she’d think that this kind of contentment would send her running for the hills but it didn’t. That voice in her head that told her that she wasn’t good enough was eerily silent. Waiting, biding its time she was sure to rear its ugly mug and ruin her otherwise pristine mood.

 

But she wouldn’t let it for now. Not now as she exited onto the twenty-third floor with Finn at her side.

 

“Why _are_ you here?” Rey asked, again wondering exactly why Finn was present at the firm’s offices.

 

Finn shook his head, not answering her, as they walked into the main bullpen. Rey’s gaze shifted to Ben’s office where he stood, sleeves rolled up, tie tossed over his shoulder as he was bent over a model, scrutinizing every detail at the conference table in his office with Poe and another man she hadn’t met previously. A thin nervous looking bloke who seemed pleased as Ben’s lips moved, speaking to him as he continued to analyze the model.

 

“Well I’ll leave you to it then, birthday dinner Saturday night before brunch Sunday?”

 

Finn smiled at her and nodded in agreement. “Wouldn’t miss it. Bring the slasher movies, and I’ll bring the cupcakes.”

 

“Fabulous, I’ll see you later then,” she said motioning towards Ben’s office. They bid each other good day as Rey passed by Poe and the unknown man, entering Ben’s office. Her vision tunneling and focusing on only her… well she wasn’t exactly sure if she could say boyfriend yet. Were they labelling this?  Convention of the scene dictated their roles and titles easily. Dominant and submissive. Easy. Simple. But in the scope of romance things were more easily muddled.

 

Ben smiled as she came over holding out his hand for her bag and sweater, only for his eyes to be diverted over top of her head, behind her at something that made an amused expression descend upon his features and a low chuckle roll through him.

 

When Rey turned her eyes widened hilariously as she took in the sight of Poe and Finn, kissing. Her jaw grew slack as she realized why Finn was at the office. But he’d not mentioned this before now. Rey shifted back to Ben, handing him her bag and shrugging out of her sweater. “Exactly how long has _that_ been going on?” she asked completely amused.

 

Ben shrugged. “Probably the same day I brought you, your charger. I might have also bought breakfast for the office. Poe came bursting in here ready to propose marriage to whoever made the doughnuts.”

 

Rey’s expression scrunched up contorting her face slightly as she laughed uproariously at the image. Because of course that’s what would happen to Finn. To find the one guy who would marry someone for his baking skills alone, sight unseen.

 

“That’s hilarious,” she replied as she turned back arching an eyebrow as she saw the two men head off in what presumably was the direction of Poe’s office.

 

The two continued to settle in, with takeout containers already sitting on the coffee table on the opposite side of the room waiting for them to dig in. They caught up briefly, discussing what they’d been up to over the past few days since they’d parted the previous Saturday morning. Though there wasn’t much to catch up on, having texted each other intermittently through their brief separation.

 

Just as they were about to settle onto the sofa together Ben stood up rather suddenly as if he’d just remembered something and walked over to his desk grabbing something out of his messenger bag before returning to the sofa. Rey stiffened when he set the light blue box with white ribbon down on the coffee table in front of her.

 

“What is that?” She asked, pointing to the box.

 

He grinned and grabbed a fork to dig into his shrimp pad Thai. “Just a little something for your birthday.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at him and reached out her hand to take the small box in hand. It was too small, flat and rectangular to be anything resembling a ring box but even still her pulse picked up as she unwrapped the gift, gasping when she took in the stunning diamond stud earrings inside.

 

“Ben,” she added, looking to him in surprise. “This is too much.”

 

Ben shook his head in disagreement. “Nonsense, it’s not even remotely enough. But still I wanted you to have something for birthday.”

 

“They’re beautiful.” She replied, shaking her head as she observed them again, noting that the simple round studs were surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds in a swirled pattern. “Thank you. No one has ever given me jewelry before,” she remarked before setting the box down and turned to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

 

“Well you deserve them and so much more,” he replied, letting his hand grace her cheek. Their eyes held each other’s gaze a moment longer before they broke away again

 

“Shall we begin?” Settling on the sofa Rey turned to Ben, letting him settle as well before they began their weekly ritual.

 

They sat and ate quietly for a few moments before Ben spoke up. “I was thinking that since your birthday is Saturday, that you can pick whatever you’re feeling like Friday night.”

 

“Oh?” Rey asked taking a drink of water.

 

“Yeah. I mean we still have safe words and all that. And have I not been up for anything you’ve wanted to try?”

 

“True. Are you sure you don’t want to negotiate first?”

 

Ben shakes his head. “Your birthday, your rules.”

 

“Okay, then,” Rey stated as they continued to chat and plan out the rest of their week.

 

* * *

 

“You can’t have been that awkward,” Rey countered that Thursday evening as they sat on the terrace of a café.

 

Ben’s shoulders shook and his cheeks were tinged pink. “Oh, but I was.”

 

She shook her head, disbelieving as she sat forward pressing her elbows into the table cloth. “I don’t believe you.”

 

“Trust me. Teenage me was not nearly this smooth, hell I’m not even that smooth now.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow. “I don’t know, the bouquet of peonies and the diamond earrings would suggest otherwise.”

 

Ben smirked and shrugged. “That’s just good manners and a gracious birthday gift.”

 

“The former is old fashioned.”

 

“Are you complaining?” Ben shot back.

 

“No, a girl could use a little old fashioned in her life from time to time.”

 

“Just so long as it’s not too old fashioned.”

 

“Exactly,” Rey replied, cocking her head to the side in agreement. “A modern woman needs a man who can show her respect and that he appreciates her time, while also making her weak in the knees,” she observed.

 

“Do I?” He asked, truly curious as to whether he did exactly what she described.

 

“What?” She asked, her brain, having already moved onto the next topic.

 

“Make you weak in the knees? I mean pretty sure I’ve got the first part down.” Her eyebrows raised at his question, a faint flush suffusing her cheeks as he so quickly put her on the spot. “Why are you blushing?” he asked, smirking in amusement.

 

Rey pressed her palms to her inflamed cheeks and chuckled. “I didn’t realize I was,” she replied, pressing her lips together. “To answer your question, yes, you do.”

 

He seemed all too pleased with her answer but his cheeks flushed red at her answer. “Good. I’m glad.”

 

Rey took a long sip of her wine and surveyed him as she sat back in her chair. “I still don’t believe you were awkward. Not with lines like that.”

 

“Ask Poe. He’ll tell you about the time I had a crush on a girl and wanted to ask her out but was too scared. Being my awful best friend, he made it so that she tripped and collided into me which I thought was an accident at the time, just me being a klutz. And I tried to say I’m sorry and that I’m blind to be all self-deprecating and funny right? But instead it came out: I’m sorry you’re blind.”

 

Rey’s shoulders shook as she laughed heartily at his story. “Swing and a miss on that one huh?” She quipped and he nodded. “But come on everyone has embarrassing stories like that.”

 

“So, are you admitting to your own?”

 

Rey nodded, “Oh completely. We’d already moved to America, and I was fifteen almost sixteen, in drama and there was this boy. Sloane. He was every girl’s dream. Cute, and sweet. All the theater girls loved him. And I was talking to Finn on our way out to the parking lot, since Finn turned sixteen before I did and got his license. It was relatively sparse, just a few cars left but no one in sight. And I rather loudly proclaimed my adoration for him. And low and behold he was already in his car, two cars away from us, and heard the entire thing.”

 

Ben’s shoulders shook just as much as Rey’s had. “Man, us as teenagers. What a pair we were, right?”

 

Rey shrugged, “That’s entirely normal, though. Adolescence is where we are at our most uncomfortable. Unsure of our ideologies and our bodies. I was rail thin and flat as a board until I was almost eighteen. I hated my body when I was a teenager. And for us to move to the States right when Finn and I were hitting puberty and suddenly subjected to American beauty industry advertising?”

 

“That must have been rough. I mean I hated the way I looked back then. Gangly, too tall, and with very obvious features that are not considered conventionally attractive. Add to it that I was just an angry teenager. I had so much anger built up, over sometimes the most inane things. Yet most of it was because, my parents were never around, growing up. Too busy running the world to make time for their kid that they hadn’t planned for.”

 

Rey pursed her lips as she took in his story. “Do you still resent them for it?”

 

He shook his head. “Not really, no. Therapy, college and becoming an adult gave me the space I needed to see why they’d done what they’d done. They’re people and they made mistakes. Back then though, I got into a lot of fights. Was bullied mercilessly until I started fighting back. Which almost got me expelled twice. Poe was there for all of it. He would pull me out if I got in over my head since he was the popular jock that everyone loved. I kind of hated him for it, but also kind of idolized him too. My parents adored him which made it worse. Like the he was the son they should have had and I’m the fuck up. Everything came easy for him, and then college hit and then he came out. Which was a risk too, considering he was at a military school training to be a naval pilot, you know since the whole, don’t ask, don’t tell nonsense was still in effect then. I was shocked that he’d been struggling with his own identity when he’d seemed so at ease in high school.”

 

“You seem to have a better relationship with your parents now, though.”

 

“To an extent. Things are still a little strained with the old man. We’ve never been good at showing emotions other than exasperation and anger with one another.”

 

“I’m sure he’s proud of you now, seeing you successful and happy,” she added, noting the way that Han had smiled at his son at the fundraiser.

 

“Maybe. You’d never hear the words come out of his mouth, though. What about your parents? Obviously, they’re great friends with my parents.”

 

“Yes, now that was surprising.”

 

“Small world, huh?”

 

“Makes me wonder how often we might have almost crossed paths before. There were a few times I’d not gone to a rally my father was organizing at Berkeley for one reason or another.”

 

“Same here, for my mother’s political shin-digs. I hate politics. I get its importance and I vote, civic duty and all. But I am so not the son she wanted.”

 

“Why do you say that?” Rey asked, curious.

 

He took a breath and shrugged. “I had tutors from a young age, linguistics, literature, history, you name it. Was even in Model UN and the debate team. I think she had designs on me becoming President someday. But I didn’t want any of it. When I was really little I wanted to be a pilot like my father.”

 

“Did you ever learn?”

 

“To fly?”

 

Rey nodded her assent, waiting for his reply.

 

“Yeah, haven’t done it in ages though. But I do have a pilot’s license. I learned how to fly before I learned how to drive.”

 

“That’s incredible, actually,” Rey remarked. “Did your father teach you?”

 

Ben nodded. “I was twelve. One of the few bonding things we’ve ever done. It’s also how he gave me the sex talk which was embarrassing to be such a captive audience, quite literally. And then when I was sixteen he bought me my first box of condoms and said, ‘Kid, never be without these, and I’m not just talking about knocking a girl up, you also don’t want to catch anything from ‘em either’.” He stated, making his voice gruff and even toned just like his father’s.

 

Rey chuckled a bit at Ben’s impression of his father. “My parents are wonderful. They struggled with infertility and miscarriages. Jyn didn’t want to try again once she had her second miscarriage. She didn’t even want to consider children but still wanted one so desperately. Cassian was willing to do whatever she needed, or wanted. He wanted kids too but not at the emotional and physical cost of putting her through months of expensive fertility drugs. It was his idea to adopt. She admitted to me as a teenager that she’d been hesitant about it. Worried that she wouldn’t feel as bonded to a child that she didn’t carry and give birth to. But they talked about it for months. And finally, they decided to just try it. To see if they could find a child they could love as their own. Within a few months they found me. I was five at the time.” She explained as he listened intently, loving to hear any piece of her past that she’d give him.

 

Her expression grew dark for a moment as flashes of memories ran through her mind. Darker moments where she’d gone through quite a bit in just that short period of her early life. “I was, at the time, in a foster situation that was not ideal.” She started, putting it mildly.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, growing concerned.

 

“Now not all foster parents do this, but unfortunately a fair bit of them do. Some will take on children, or wards of the state as they often call them, for the money. For each foster child you get financial assistance each month. And for some people, they take advantage of that, not really caring for the kids. I was in a place like that. Underweight and dirty from neglect. When Jyn and Cassian found me, I was quiet. I barely spoke at all. Barely ate. It took them days to get me to warm up to them. But slowly I did. I’d been bounced around foster home to foster home so many times that I figured this was just another stop. Temporary. No one wanted me,” she said as a tear rolled down her cheek, and her voice cracked as the weight her emotions settled on her.

 

“But they wanted you.”

 

Rey nodded, swiping her fingers across her cheek to catch the tear. “They did. They do. I love them. They have been the most loving parents I could have ever asked for. And then when it looked like Finn might be tossed into the system when his mother was terminally ill, Cassian could see my anxiety peaking. I was afraid he’d get taken away. The first friend I’d ever made. So, they worked it out with his mother ahead of time. Offering to take Finn in and give him a loving home. Cassian and Jyn didn’t tell us until Finn’s mother passed away. Holding out hope until the last possible second that she’d make a full recovery. But that night, I was so scared I was going to lose Finn, when Cassian and Jyn sat us down. Then they offered to let him stay. Said it was his decision, but that they’d love him to be part of the family and that his mother wanted him to have people who loved him as much as she did.”

 

“That’s why you two are so close then?”

 

“Yeah, best of friends, siblings in all but blood. Like you and Poe.”

 

Ben grinned at the mention. “Poe is probably the closest thing I’ll ever get to a brother. Hell, like I said before my parents even like him better than me.”

 

“They do not,” Rey argued, certain that wasn’t the case.

 

Ben nodded. “Oh yes, they do. I met Poe in second grade. We’re military brats. His dad got stationed in Annapolis which my dad was on his way to Admiral at that point. Mom was busy filibustering or in committee meetings. I was getting bullied pretty hard by some kids. Mostly Navy kids. I hated going to school with them especially having a C-O as a parent. It breeds resentment. Mom wanted to put me in some Richie private school for all the senators’ kids, but Dad fought her on it, said it would look better to stick me in public school. And I mean, public school was fine. And the rich kids in private school would have been just as terrible or probably ten times worse than the public school kids.”

 

“And you wouldn’t have met Poe.”

 

“And I wouldn’t have met Poe, you’re right. There was a lot to make fun of when I was a kid. My hair was kept short, too short, so the ears were always on display. Someone asked if I was related to Prince Charles or Alfred E. Newman. That was the mild every day stuff. Kids are inventive and awful. But Poe saw some of the older bullies trying to rough me up and he stood up for me. Been best friends ever since.”

 

Rey grinned at him and sipped her wine. “And now your childhood best friend is dating mine.”

 

“I know, weird right?”

 

“Entirely.”

 

The two continued to talk about their respective childhood antics between their friends. Even as they left the restaurant and made the walk over to Golden Gate park, hand-in-hand their conversation didn’t abate. Ben eyed her tote bag she carried alongside her purse as they made their way into the park, seeing the rolled blanket peeking out.

 

For years he’d heard about these movie nights in the park that he’d always wanted to go to but never found the time to indulge his curiosity. It was fitting, somehow, that this would be one of the things they’d do together. Always expanding his horizons in more ways than one. Rey brought them to the vendor and handed them their tickets, who cheerily ripped them in half, handing back the stubs.

 

“I’ve always wanted to go to one of these,” Rey admitted as they made their way into the meadow field where the movie was going to be shown, a large inflatable screen at one end of the clearing.

 

Ben stopped as they saw a popcorn cart. “Are you a popcorn or candy eater during movies?”

 

She looked at him strangely for a moment. “Popcorn, obviously, extra butter,” she retorted making him grin.

 

“I knew I liked you for a reason,” he countered as they stepped in line, making her scoff.

 

“So, it’s not just the orgasms then?” She replied, her voice lowering to a low whisper so as not to alert others around them as to the content of their conversation.

 

“I mean, that is a significant plus,” he retorted feigning seriousness before his face crumbled into silent laughter at her quip, pressing his lips to her temple. Ben purchased a large popcorn for them to share, requesting on Rey’s behalf for extra butter. The two made their way over to an open area towards the outer left side of the field.

 

Rey took out a large blanket from her tote bag and laid it out for them to sit on. “You came prepared,” Ben added as he sat down angling towards the large movie screen.

 

“Of course.” She replied, laughing lightly as she moved to sit so she could lean against him. The two chatted quietly for a few before the movie began. With the movie beginning the two quieted down significantly, tabling their conversation to watch the old movie.

 

Twenty minutes in however Rey shifted away from Ben for a moment prompting his attention. “Everything all right?”

 

Rey threw him a smile over her shoulder before taking off her sweater to lay it across her lap. “Of course, you’re just a furnace,” she quipped before she resettled back against him, leaning her back and side against his chest.

 

The expanse of skin across her shoulders and to just below her shoulder blades proved to be a welcome distraction for Ben as he busied himself with a thumb, skimming across the straps of her floral sundress, and his lips pressed to her shoulder. He measured his movements, gauging her reaction. A sharp intake of breath at the press of his thumb along her spine. A short huff as that simple chaste kiss to her skin turned into a line up to where her shoulder and neck met.

 

Rey shifted, swallowing before she cocked her head to the side. “You know, you’re being terribly distracting.”

 

He chuckled, a low huff of breath against her heated skin. “Kind of the point.”

 

Rey turned knocking him back a tad. “Oh? Should I order you not to?”

 

Ben arched an eyebrow for half a moment before grinning. “But then, I’d have to stop.”

 

Rey smirked at his response, shaking her head half-laughing at him. She’d had some witty reply to continue their repartee but the thought left her as soon as it came. Instead however she leaned into him, seeking to press her lips to his. He met her half way, a hand coming up to grace her jaw and neck.

 

For all intents and purposes the night was perfection. Their second date and neither of them wanted it to end as they broke away from one another a moment later, foreheads pressed together as they caught their breath. It’d been such a long time for the both of them that to have the type of dynamic that they were building together regardless of their weekly escapades made it all the easier to get caught up in the moment.

 

Yet here they were, enjoying a movie in the park after a quiet intimate dinner for two. Ben had a hard time coming up with the last time he’d had a date that felt this easy. Intimacy wasn’t something he was always good at. Neither of them really were adept at vulnerability and yet together it was natural. An easy intimacy that should have raised their hackles and yet it didn’t. If anything, Rey was probably more surprised than Ben at the ease in which they fit.

 

Even as the movie came to its conclusion the energy between the two didn’t abate. Lighter than air the two walked back to his car, for him to drive her home, his hand wrapped in hers in her lap as he did so. Pulling up in front of her apartment, he parallel parked before they got out and lingered at driver side on the sidewalk just in front of her stoop. Rey looked up at him as she leaned back against the door of his car, listening to him tell her about the meetings he had coming up and the business trip that would alter their schedule in the coming weeks. A short trip to a job site in New Zealand that would certainly run him ragged, considering the jet lag alone.

 

“We can work around it.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I mean, Facetime is a thing that exists,” Rey replied, countering his doubt.

 

He chuckled in response. “I realize that. We have done that before.”

 

“We have, though not a scene.”

 

“No, I definitely would have remembered that,” he snarked back as he encroached on her personal space. “Though I have to admit, that first Facetime was torture.”

 

Rey turned her head a bit and gave him a surreptitious glance. “What do you mean?”

 

“Seeing you. Not being able to reach out and do this,” he added, trailing his fingers along her collarbone.

 

Rey carefully watched his expression as he followed the trail of his fingers with his eyes before meeting her gaze again.

 

“Pure torture. To know that I wanted you but afraid to even say it because I didn’t want to push you away.”

 

“It wasn’t easy for me either. I wanted this. Exactly this. Wanted you. And I convinced myself or tried to convince myself that it just wasn’t possible. Sometimes I still think one day you’ll wise up and find someone much more worth the trouble you’ve gone through with me.”

 

He shook his head, disagreeing. “Not trouble. A little miscommunication sure. A lot of time spent, wondering what I could have done to make you stay that morning.”

 

“I’m not sure there was anything that could have made me stay. I was so in my own head. I couldn’t see a way forward that would get us here that wouldn’t inevitably lead to destruction.”

 

Ben closed the distance between them, pinning her between himself and his car as he kissed her soundly. Her fingers threaded through his hair and the other hand snaked around his back to clutch at his shoulder blade.

 

His knee pressed into the door of his car, sliding between her thighs as his arm wound around her ribs, lifting her up. His other hand busied itself running along her side. Light teasing touches that had her arching into him, seeking more. The two continued the barrage against each other’s self-restraint. Playing dirty, getting one another riled to the point where Ben was seriously considering asking to come up to her apartment. Though he knew that was her offer to give and not his to ask for he still held out hope that she would. Emboldening him further as he rolled his hips into hers, and she ground down onto his thigh. Breaking from her kiss he trailed his mouth across her jaw, to her neck while his hand drifted to cup her ass and guide her against his thigh.

 

A soft moan escaped her at that simple encouragement. Yet she’d had other plans in mind to tease him back for distracting her during the movie. And here he was distracting her yet again from that end. So, she turned the tables on him and pushed and shifted until he was the one with his back against the car, gaze hungry and never leaving her mouth.

 

Rey smirked and pressed forward, kissing him back with just as much fervor as he’d given. A taunt that was surely going to sting as she pulled away moments later, breathlessly whispering “Goodnight.”

 

“What?” Ben asked, dazed and most certainly confused as to why he was being dismissed after that.

 

Rey backed herself to the stairs of her stoop and grinned. “Still on for tomorrow night?”

 

Ben shook his head, disbelieving that she could so easily play him like a finely tuned instrument one moment only to completely ice him out the next. “Yeah,” he replied, still unsure.

 

Rey giggled at his reply and he realized it was all a part of the game they were playing. A carefully constructed tease. A build up that she was intent on seeing through to what exact conclusion he wasn’t sure of. But he had a feeling that it involved some form of groveling. Realizing her gambit, he chuckled to himself and bid her goodnight as she disappeared inside. Of all the times he hadn’t minded being placed on orgasm restriction before, now was certainly not one of those times. He huffed, shaking his head and laughed to himself as he was resigned to the coldest shower he could stand as soon as he got home.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben waited patiently the following night. Anticipation roiling in his veins at an all-time high thanks in part to Rey’s stunning ability to tantalize and tease the night before. In fact, it had made paying attention to any of his meetings that day completely futile attempts.

 

His inattention at work was something he’d bring up later when they discussed everything in the aftercare. Though, Hux’s annoyance at his distracted nature had been more than mildly entertaining. Everything else throughout the day was just one more thing to get through. One more waiting period until tonight.

 

It’s precisely why she did it. He knew that. Logically, rationally it made sense. Build anticipation for a bigger pay off. He listened intently, for any sound. Any indication really that she had arrived. And yet, as soon as he heard the faint click of her front deadbolt the hair on his neck stood on end.

 

If she wanted to keep him on edge then she certainly achieved her goal.

 

Still he tried to quiet his mind, trying to push out thoughts as to what she wanted for tonight. Inwardly he cursed himself for suggesting she surprise him with what she wanted for a scene. Not so secretly he hoped she’d ask for a worship scene. Something he was growing to crave the more time they spent in her playroom. To serve her completely, and show her his devotion was something he realized they both wanted and needed on the regular.

 

He distracted himself with following those thoughts through to conclusion as he stared blankly at the hardwood beneath him, that he barely registered her entrance.

 

“You may look,” she stated softly, drawing him swiftly from his daydream. She stood before him, dressed in a charcoal cotton camisole and shorts. Her hair soft and wavy around her shoulders. He noted the hair tie on her wrist at his shoulder. Taking it off her she grinned and turned to sit astride his bent leg. “French pleat, if you please.”

 

Ben set to work, weaving her hair together before securing it. Rey turned once he finished and stood, surprising him. He looked at her speculatively and her expression turned almost mischievous.

 

“Now, I had something in mind for tonight, but considering last night’s behavior I decided that you needed a little corrective action.”

 

His brow furrowed in confusion. Had he not done just as she’d asked? And what about last night was uncalled for?

 

She smirked at his confusion. “You really think trying to tempt me into inviting you up wasn’t your ulterior motive last night?”

 

Ben snickered inadvertently and Rey raised her eyebrows at him in response. “And now defiance. Oh, darling.” She tacked on, tsking thrice over.

 

He swallowed and realized that her tone wasn’t as forceful as it was when she’d punished him before. No this was lighter. Airy almost.

 

He wanted to respond. To counter her argument but he knew that would just add fuel to the fire. Rey could see the response clear as day on his face. His expression transparent as glass. “You want to say something, don’t you? Argue your point? You can answer.”

 

“Yes, Sir.” He replied, making her grin grow.

 

“I appreciate the obedience, love. But, that doesn’t erase your behavior or the defiant intent. Now, if you please, place your hands and both knees on the floor, and keep your back straight.”

 

He nodded and did as was told. Anticipation building again to a fevered pitch leaving him wondering as to what she had in store for him. Real punishment or simply for play he didn’t care. Part of the fun he supposed was in not knowing exactly what she had planned for the evening. That had been the original appeal at least in part. Giving her complete control even over what they did without the usual in-depth negotiation had been appealing. There was anticipation in knowing what your lover had in store for you, but not knowing only heightened it. The amount of trust he put in her to not push him over his limits wasn’t as surprising as it should have probably been.

 

That’s what safe words were for; if a line were crossed.

 

Rey observed him. Smug and pleased that he followed her directions so quickly and easily. Even though they both knew the punishment was all in jest. A playful retaliation for the tease they’d both perpetrated the night before.

 

However, a shift was in the air and it wasn’t lost on either of them as Rey circled him now. Asserting some level of control outside the playroom was new territory for them both. And while it should have startled them it only thrilled. Satisfied with what she saw she sat on his back, crossing her legs, such that her bottom foot remained planted on the floor.

 

She felt his ribs expand with a deep breath beneath her and she smirked. “Now I know we have covered that you have a pain kink, and used all sorts of implements to explore that range. But there’s one we have yet to try. My hand.”

 

Ben swallowed as he began to understand her meaning, breathing deeply and trying to steady his racing heart.

 

Rey smiled a little, chuckling to herself at his reaction. Nonverbal and unable to see his expression, she reached up his spine to his neck, fingers lingering on his carotid for a moment to gauge his reaction. “You like the idea. Good. Now I think ten swats should do it. But you’ll have to count them for me, aloud.”

 

Using her hands, she shifted, pushing the navy pajama pants past his hips. With a gentle firmness she warmed up the skin on the side of one cheek, before she struck with one resounding smack. His entire body tensed at the stinging slap, a short huff muffled groan escaping him.

 

“Now darling, you must count.”

 

Regaining his sense of coherency for a moment he realized that this was part of the torture. To tease his masochistic predilection and then force him to not succumb to it.

 

“One,” he replied, leveling his breathing, struggling to do so.

 

“Good.” She added before another smack landed. Again, he tensed, even though he anticipated the swing.

 

“Two,” he breathed, his fingers curling to dig into the hardwood floor beneath them.

 

Rey continued reaching five before he was gasping and struggling to call out the number.  “Do you need a moment, darling?” she asked.

 

Ben lowered his head to breathe before responding. “Green.”

 

Rey grinned and then shifted, swinging her legs around to the opposite side of him to warm up the other side, the right already a brilliant shade of red against his pale skin.

 

As she shifted against his bare back, Ben could feel just how this was affecting her as well. Heat and slick from between her thighs radiated out, soaking through her attire. That knowledge alone gave him a surge of confidence. In their scenes it was usually difficult to gauge her reaction. To understand what turned her on about any given moment. But this, physical confirmation of how it affected her only pushed everything to another level.

 

Warming him up again, she praised him. “You’re doing so well. I’ll have to come up with more severe punishments in the future, if this is so enjoyable for you,” she remarked before she started up her barrage again.

 

“Six,” he panted through a poorly muffled groan.

 

Three more and his shoulders were shaking, less from the added weight of her sitting on his back, than from all the blood pooling elsewhere in his body. He could feel her squirm, becoming more aroused by the moment with each spank which only heightened his own.

 

“Last one,” she added, before one last swing of her hand.

 

He jolted at the crack of her hand, harder than the preceding nine. “Ten,” he croaked. Rey adjusted his pajama pants back in place, low on his hips.

 

Rey stood and commanded him to do this same. Hissing as he rose his glutes sore from her handy work not to mention his knees and wrists, sore from supporting him for such a prolonged period on the unforgiving hardwood floor.

 

Ben met her gaze and that’s when she moved forward, leaning up to press a short kiss to his lips. Blindly he followed the fading contact as she moved away from him just as quickly as she’d approached, the grin on her face grew as she did.

 

Rey took his hand and led him over to the chaise lounge that had been moved closer to the bed, motioning for him to sit which he followed, wincing as he did. He was going to be sore for hours he was sure. Quietly he watched her walk around the room, locating what she was looking for in a mahogany cabinet by the far window. She pulled out the bundle of rope and came over to him with a small smile on her face as she began unwinding the bundle.

 

He looked up at her quizzically wondering what exactly she had in mind. “Oh, you think your punishment was just a spanking? No, darling. Something far worse is in store for you. An eye for an eye, you see.”

 

Rey pressed her knees into the lounge chair behind him, gathering his arms behind his back to wrap them securely in intricate rope work. Intrigued he didn’t dare speak as he awaited her inevitable explanation. Once she was satisfied with the design she came to stand before him, feet planted between his own. He looked up at her studying her expression.

 

Aside from the mischief he could see the softness lying just beneath the surface. She brought her hands to his face, tracing the line of his jaw with each thumb. Succumbing to her own desires she kissed him long and slow, craning his neck back to give her full access. Her hands moved from his neck to dance across his shoulders, wrapping her arms around them she melted into him. He shifted, struggling to pull his arms against the rope.

 

At feeling him struggle she chuckled against his mouth and pulled back. “So tactile. You’re dying to touch me, aren’t you?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” he replied, a hint of a smile gracing his expression.

 

“Well that’s where your real punishment is. You have to watch, and not be able to touch.”

 

His eyes widened in astonishment as the realization hit that she was planning on a specific kind of torture that he’d especially respond to. Backing away, she licked her lips and began to disrobe, moving to the bench in front of the four-poster bed.

 

She knelt on the bench, angling herself just so that his view of her was partially obstructed, that was until she slid one hand between her thighs and bent forward, hips hitched up high, exposing her fingers circling her clit. He breathed in sharply, mirroring her gasp while she laid half across the foot of the bed, knees still pressed into the bench.

 

He watched, mesmerized and simultaneously continued to struggle against the rope that bound his arms behind him. Her fingers circled and dipped, as she moaned and rocked back against her hand. Watching her get herself off with his name on her lips. He didn’t know where to look, her fingers or her face. The latter of which was a portrait of magnificence, eyes closed, mouth slightly agape to let moans and gasps out in rhythm with the movement of her fingers.

 

Ben shifted, overwhelmed by the visual feast before him, frustrated at the ties that bound him in place but enraptured just the same. Her thighs began to shake as her orgasm drew close and a high keening whine ripped out of her as her entire body grew rigid and then fell slack. Rey’s shoulders heaved, breathing heavily as she slowly extricated herself from her current position.

 

Everything in him called out to go to her, help her stand on shaking legs. But again, as the rope bit into his skin he was reminded that he could not easily do that. Instead he waited. Patiently but with his skin tingling in almost painful anticipation. Not to mention the arousal he felt at everything he’d witnessed and the woman who came to him, fingers still glistening with her own slick. His parotid tingled at the memory of her taste on his tongue and only amplified when she held her fingers to his lips, an offering for his obedience. Greedily he brought them into his mouth and took what he could. His eyes never leaving hers even as his tongue lapped at each digit.

 

The corner of Rey’s mouth lifted in amusement at his eagerness. She pulled her fingers from him a moment later, replacing them with her lips, claiming his. Her hands ran to the top of the intricate network of ropes around his arms as she trailed her kisses to his shoulders, and his mouth simultaneously latched onto her shoulder, sucking a line of bruises into her skin.

 

Rey could feel the bruises forming already and chuckled before biting down, hard on the meat of his shoulder. Ben yelped in surprise and Rey moved around him unbinding him, smirking in admiration at the indentations the rope left behind on his skin.

 

As soon as his hands were free he rolled his shoulders and brought his hands to her hips, trying to pull her around to his front once more. But Rey’s hands settled over his, stilling them. “Not yet, darling.”

 

She moved about picking up her underwear from the floor and handed it to him, “I think turnabout is fair play, don’t you?” She offered, settling on the lounger behind him. He turned his head to give her a questioning glance.

 

Rey’s shoulders shook with mirth at his apparent confusion. “Your reward, but I want you to show me like I showed you and you can use those to help,” she explained.

 

Ben shook his head a little once more amazed at the simple way she could turn anything into something exhilarating and new. He’d never done this before in front of a partner. Usually reserving this act for when he was alone, or in the shower. But now that he’d been on restriction for weeks the simple idea of it being allowed was enough to get him going even if he hadn’t just witnessed Rey coming around her fingers not five minutes beforehand.

 

With Rey positioned at his back, leaning on his shoulders he slipped off the pajama bottoms, engorged erection jutting up between his legs as he lowered his hips back down to the chaise lounge. Rey kissed a line from his deltoid to just below his ear, whispering praise and encouragement as he took himself in hand, using the damp silk of her underwear against the skin of his cock. Measuring his movements, he leaned his head back, giving Rey the perfect opportunity to bite at the side of his Adam’s apple gently. His hand moved faster at the sting, losing that measured pace for a moment.

 

“Yes, keep going,” Rey instructed, keeping her voice soft yet still that undercurrent of authority running through it. She praised him further. Telling him how much she wanted him. How she was imagining him inside her, making him growl and his hand hasten its pace. Filling his ears with a tender sort of filthy sweet nothings to encourage him until his abdomen was clenching and his hips rocking into his hand.

 

She could tell he was trying to hold back, hold out, prolong the pleasure as much as he could. “You’re so close, darling. Let go.”

 

He was so close that his conscious mind was barely even registering her words anymore but with just a few more up and down movements of his hand his movements stunted, body rigid as he came, painting his chest and the hardwood.

 

Spent and overheated he slumped backwards into her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Rey peppered his shoulders, neck and side of his face with kisses. Ben maneuvered her as she did, swinging her around to sit across his lap. They kissed slowly, just enjoying each other in a quiet sort of afterglow.

 

Rey pulled back from him to observe his face a few moments later. “Thank you,” she whispered.

 

“What for?” He asked, though he wasn’t quite sure what she was thankful for.

 

“Everything. Being up for anything. Even a punishment that wasn't exactly deserved.”

 

He chuckled, shrugging. “I did say I wanted you to pick and surprise me for your birthday, didn’t I?”

 

Rey smiled, nodding in agreement to his question.

 

“Although,” he began, rubbing his hand along her thigh. “I had hoped that you’d choose a worship scene. But I can’t say I’d complain about this either.”

 

Rey was taken aback by the fact that he’d hoped to serve her for her birthday. To give her everything and more. It hit her just how lucky she was to have someone willing to give her his entire focus and care without thought or concern of his own, knowing that in turn she would take care of him. It made her heart swell and chest simultaneously constrict at the realization.

 

She swallowed a bit and bumped the tip of her nose to his, lowering her gaze to his mouth. “A girl could use a little worship.”

 

Ben leaned back and arched his eyebrow at her. “Yeah?”

 

Rey grinned wider, nodding her assent.

 

Looping his arm around her waist and the other hooked beneath her knees he stood, hoisting her up as she held onto his shoulders. He moved to go to the en suite bath but Rey stopped him, instead directing him to her master en suite bath.

 

Through her bedroom he carried her into her bathroom, setting her feet down on the cold tile floor. He moved to go around her to start the shower but Rey stopped him, pulling him in as she raised up on her tip-toes to kiss him. He lost himself in her kiss, backing her up to the long Carrera marble vanity. He pushed her back onto it, lifting her hips and running a hand between her legs to her still sensitive core.

 

He cursed when he felt how still aroused she was as his fingers ran along her slit before circling her clit. Rey’s eyes rolled back into her head as she leaned backwards, head against the large vanity mirror and hitched her hips up, seeking more than just the light touch he was giving her. Taking the initiative, he slid two fingers inside curling them up and his thumb took its place at her clit.

 

Rey widened her legs, and gripped the edge of the counter, trying to gain whatever leverage she could. He grinned a little at her effort and quickened his pace, making the thrust of his fingers more wild, rougher to the point her legs shook with each pass. Her back arched and he took it upon himself to kiss down from her collarbones to lavish attention on each breast. Biting down on one nipple and then the other Rey cried out with each, and a hand tangled in his hair. He could feel she was close. Body ready, quaking and on edge so he picked up the pace even more, keeping his fingers curled and pressed to her g-spot. She clenched her eyes, whiting her vision as her orgasm came over her in a small gush against his palm and her walls convulsed around his fingers.

 

Smug, he grinned against her skin and then backed away, helping her stand once again. Rey looked at him in slight confusion, wobbling on unsteady feet. Her expression turned even more confused as he turned her body to face the mirror and placed her hands on the cooling marble, still slightly warm from her skin.

 

He kissed her temple and met her gaze in the mirror. “I want you to see what I see,” he explained, as he shifted down onto his knees, and bent her at her hips, widening her stance.

 

Rey looked over her shoulder at him, one eyebrow arched. “But, I like to watch you.”

 

With a hand rubbing a line up the back of her thigh to palm her ass he grinned. “I know. But you miss the most important detail of why I enjoy doing this for you when you watch me. So, turn around. Watch, what I see.”

 

Intrigued Rey turned and looked at her reflection. The line of bruises forming on her shoulder was the first thing that came into focus. Unbidden, another line of bruises came to mind. The morning after the first time they’d had sex. How much had changed in just a few short weeks from then? Her gaze shifted, to her flushed face. Her eyes alight with passion and her skin flushed a lovely shade of pink beneath the light golden tan and freckle mottled skin. It was then Ben moved in, spreading her wider with his hands on her ass, blowing a gentle current of cool air against her overheated slick flesh.

 

Rey gasped in surprise and smacked a hand down to the countertop at the sudden sensation. And then not half a second later he changed it up, lapping at her gently, avoiding direct contact with her clit, but moving everywhere else instead.

 

She almost couldn’t look at herself, the flush in her skin deepening as he began to suck on her clit, making her keen and buck back against him. She pressed her forehead against the glass of the mirror and let out a series of gasping moans. He was relentless, pulling her hips back to pull her away from the mirror far enough that she could watch herself again. She was close again, teetering on that edge of toe-curling bliss.

 

Pushing his mouth away from her he brought his fingers into it, unrelenting as he spoke to her. “Rey, look. See what I get to see. Do you understand now? Why I’d want this? Why I’d want you?” He explained, using the gentle but forceful thrust of his fingers to punctuate his questions. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. If it were my choice I’d spend the rest of my life, making you look exactly like you do right now.”

 

His words hit her as he kept going, praising her for training him. Teaching him how to serve her. Rey had never felt like this before. Cherished. Taken care of. Desired on a level that was more than just the physical, it transcended those superficial trappings.

 

Satisfied he’d gotten her to understand how much he worshipped every part of her, he went back to what he started he used his mouth and fingers to bring her shaking and moaning and collapsed against the countertop, orgasming for the third time that night.

 

Ben stood then and helped right her, steadying her against the counter before he moved to the shower, to turn on the tap. Rey watched him as he held his hand under the spray, waiting for it to warm up. A warmth filled her heart as she watched him silently. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. Words that held so many different emotions.

 

Gratitude. Affection. Passion. Trust.

 

Yet she didn’t know how exactly she could put it all into succinct words. Anything she could come up with felt trite but didn’t quite fit. Because this was more than simple trite clichés, she was realizing. This energy between them. The chemistry and heat weren’t the powder keg explosion one would expect but a slow sublimation of two separate entities, melding into one.

 

Gaining her senses and faculties again she pushed forward, crossing the bathroom to place her hands at his chest, urging him backwards into the shower.

 

Ben pulled her with him, closing the glass door in her wake. That look of tender affection on his face again. Standing beneath the spray the just looked at one another as they rinsed their bodies but before Ben could reach for Rey’s shampoo bottle she shook her head.

 

“There’s a reason I chose my shower instead of the playroom’s.”

 

“Oh?” He asked, amused.

 

“This one has a bench. Sit,” she commanded pointing her chin towards the bench behind him.

 

Catching where her drift he sat on the cold tile, hissing at the frigid temperature on his bare skin. Rey followed him, pressing her knees to the tile at the opposite sides of his hips. Stroking her hand over his once again hard cock she lined him up with her entrance sinking down onto him without preamble. She leaned her head back at the feeling of him fully seated inside her. A faint satisfied smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.  

 

The two stilled as they settled against one another. Ben angled his hips and slouched against the tiled wall as Rey swiveled her hips, making them both moan and their breathing hitch. The two said nothing more as they moved against one another. Rey peppered kisses across his face, mapping each freckle and mole as she went.

 

The two worked into a lazy pace, taking their time with one another. Memorizing and cataloguing every freckle and scar on their faces, necks and shoulders. All the while they moved in an elegant synchronicity, until they reached their peaks together, clinging and crying out above the din of the shower spray.

 

They washed each other with care and dressed slowly, heading downstairs where Ben took up residence sprawled on her sofa while she got them nourishment from the kitchen. A few moments later she joined him and melted into his side but not before handing ice packs to sit on.

 

He smiled into her damp hair as she cuddled close. “Feeling all right?” He asked when she didn’t move for a solid two minutes.

 

Rey raised her head back and squirmed to get more comfortable. “Fantastic actually, you?”

 

“About the same.”

 

Rey moved away for a moment grabbing a handful of berries to eat, sharing them with her sofa partner. “You know,” she started. “No one has really ever done what you’ve done for me before.”

 

Ben hummed in response, gathering his thoughts. Rey turned to him her glance speculative and curious. His pensive expression melted into a warm grin at that. “I’m glad that I’m able to do it. But I can’t say I’m happy that no one has shown you what you mean to them before.”

 

Rey shrugged and slumped against the cushions. “Maybe I just had really poor taste?”

 

Ben shook his head in disagreement. “I don’t think it was so much poor taste, as just wrong guy, right girl.”

 

Rey arched her eyebrow at him. “And you think you’re the right guy?”

 

“I hope I am. I want to be,” he replied.

 

“I want you to be, too,” Rey admitted, ducking her gaze as if she were almost afraid to admit it.

 

The vocalized desire was all he needed, however, no matter how unsure she felt, to feel like he really could be the right one for her. That maybe he already was and that he just had to keep showing her and someday she’d see it without the haze of her past hanging over her.

 

“I want to tell you though,” she added, turning to him and leaning back to get a good look at his face. “I kind of like the whole topping from the bottom you did tonight.”

 

His face crumbled into laughter at her words. “What now?”

 

“It’s called topping from the bottom. You wanted a worship scene, and knew if you mentioned it I’d cave. Because really who is going to turn that down? You were still submissive in everything, but you were able to push me in the direction you wanted. Knowing I’d have specific reactions. It shows me that you’re confident now in being my submissive. You know what you like, what you want. And you know how to get me to give it to you. Advanced stuff for only having been a submissive for a few weeks.”

 

Ben shrugged. “I guess I didn’t think about it that way. I didn’t even really know that was a thing. But I suppose you’re right though. I feel comfortable with this now. With you.”

 

“I’m really glad that you are. Also, that whole bit in front of the mirror. I didn’t know you had that in you.”

 

“What? That was all part of the worship, sweetheart. Getting you to realize why I want to do these things for you. Why I chose you as a dominant. Why I wanted the worship scene in the first place. You’re amazing. And it’s astonishing that you can’t see it. That I –,” he stopped himself before he continued that line of thought. As much as he knew he wanted to tell her how much he loved her already. That he was falling more deeply every day, he didn’t. Fearful that it would push her away until she was ready to see that she was on the same page. Instead he opted for simpler explanations. “I care about you. More than you realize.”

 

Rey could see the earnest expression on his face and cocked her head to the side as her hand graced his cheek. “I care about you, too. Thank you, for this. For everything. For making me see that this is even possible when for so long I didn’t think it was. I don’t think you know how much of a difference it makes for me.”

 

Ben grinned and took her hand from his cheek and kissed her fingertips and palm. “I guess I’ll just have to keep it up then,” he surmised, making her grin and lean over to kiss him once more.

 

Breaking the kiss they resettled against one another and the two continued to talk out the scene, going over each part of it. No subject was left untouched. And at the end of it all Rey was yawning. Her eye lids heavy with fatigue. Ben ushered her up to bed, following her and cuddling her close in the soft confines of her bed.

 

A happy sigh left her as she sunk into him and closed her eyes. He looked over to her night stand noting that the time was well past midnight. With a gentle kiss to her forehead he whispered, “Happy birthday, Rey.”

 

A soft hum and a mumbled thank you came from her before sleep overtook her senses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to explain this last semester has been complete insanity. I'm currently on a short hiatus from writing until I get my Lit review done, but wanted to get you a chapter for the new year. It won't be too crazy long since my lit review is due to my boss by February 1st. But I'll be writing intermittently until then!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!


	17. XVII. Lights On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brunch with Jyn and Cassian. And date number 3. Meagan affectionately calls this chapter "The fuckening" So take that as what you will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is two comments away from 1,000 comments. And now has over 700 kudos. I couldn't have done that without readers like you. So thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts!!
> 
> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends Perry Downing and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!

_Chapter Playlist: Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi (Feat MGMT and Ratatat); Kids by MGMT; Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande; Addicted to Love by Florence + the Machine; Lights On by FKA Twigs; and Bedroom Wall by Banks_

 

XVII. Lights On

 

Rey tapped her fingers across her steering wheel as she pulled up in front of Finn’s place Sunday morning. The night before had been a nice quiet sibling birthday celebration for Rey. A welcome calm respite end to a day that started with Ben, insisting on making her breakfast still shirtless and in the pajama bottoms from the night previous while she sat at on the marble countertop, enjoying the view, steaming huevos rancheros, fresh coffee and stolen kisses as he moved about her kitchen. After that, Ben departed her apartment with a lingering kiss that left her breathless and half-tempted to drag him back to her bedroom. The thought had startled her a bit, considering they’d yet to cross that threshold.

 

Sex outside the playroom. Vanilla. Outside of a scene.

 

But she surmised it was just as well. Two dates and several weeks of scenes between them and there was that lingering tension. The desire to push for more, yet he was patient. Tempting her with kisses and gentle caresses but all the while, keeping her firmly in the driver’s seat of their romantic progression. She appreciated his patience. And his deference to her agency while still making his intent and interest apparent.  Saturday, on the whole had been, if she were being honest with herself, her best birthday in a long time. It seemed twenty-eight was looking pretty good so far.

 

Dinner that night with Finn had been enjoyable, the two emptying at least two bottles of pinot noir between them after Finn made her his famous coq au vin. The two had talked about anything, and everything. From Finn’s burgeoning relationship with Poe, to Rey’s with Ben and everything in between. And now as she parked and headed up to Finn’s apartment she rolled her eyes, hearing Poe’s voice on the other side of the door before she knocked on it.

 

Poe answered, grinning like a loon. “REY!” He greeted far too cheerily for ten o’clock on a Sunday morning. Rey couldn’t help but grin in return because around Poe you found yourself feeling lighter as was the norm for his magnetic charisma. Along with that kind of infectious enthusiasm. Which made his friendship with Ben almost comical, considering Ben’s more serious and pragmatic nature.

 

“Good morning, Poe, where’s my brother?” She asked, stepping inside, noting that Poe was in the process of getting dressed.

 

The night before after the wine ran dry Rey had called Poe to come collect his wine drunk boyfriend and take him home so he wouldn’t drive in his inebriated state.

 

“Your brother is almost ready to go. We kind of slept through his alarm.”

 

Rey raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “Oh, I’m sure you ‘slept’ through it,” she snarked, using sarcastic air quotes and everything.

 

“And now I can see why you get along with Ben and were a hit with Han and Leia. The snark is strong with you. I like it.”

 

Rey shrugged just as Finn emerged from the hallway leading to his bedroom. “Sorry, I know I said I’d be ready by ten, but ten-oh-five isn’t bad.”

 

“Mom and Dad are already at the brunch spot. You get to explain to them why we’re late.”

 

“I overslept,” Finn replied in his own defense.

 

Rey snorted. “Is that officially what we’re legally changing your name to, Dameron?”

 

Finn rolled his eyes, knocking into her shoulder as he passed to put on his shoes.

 

Rey turned to Poe as he had finished getting dressed himself. “Are you joining us?”

 

Poe shook his head. “Didn’t want to intrude on family time, though the invite was appreciated,” Poe replied, shooting a glance to Finn who smirked as he stood.

 

“Wow, inviting him to meet them already?” Rey marveled, surprised that Finn was already that serious about Poe. Though it suited them both, the ease and intimacy they already displayed.

 

“Didn’t you invite Ben?” Finn asked and Rey shook her head. Finn rolled his eyes. “You’ll have to excuse my sister. She is a bit slow on the uptake about her feelings for your boy, love,” Finn explained.

 

Rey again rolled her eyes petulantly at Finn before turning to Poe. “We’re taking it slow. It’s not like I was going to blindside him with meeting Jyn and Cassian like he did with me meeting his parents.”

 

Poe chuckled at her explanation. “I warned him that was ballsy. But he knew you also like his mother’s politics and figured you’d enjoy meeting her. Han being there was a surprise. He doesn’t always go to those events. Hates glad-handing donors and all that ‘thank you for your service’ bullshit people sling at vets like us.”

 

Rey considered Poe for a second. “I didn’t know you were a vet.”

 

“Yeah, former naval pilot, but didn’t want to go career. Thought about re-enlisting to the Army Corps of Engineers but Ben and Hux got to me first. Convinced me to make bank with them.”

 

Rey nodded, smiling. “Do you regret not going back.”

 

“To be honest, you do three tours and you get burnt out. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for infantry on the ground. Best part was getting to train to do med-evac on the second and third tour. I wanted to do something less destructive that time around. Saving our guys on the front lines felt better than airstrikes.”

 

“I’m glad you were able to feel like you made a difference.”

 

“I did. And I’m glad I’m out. Civilian life suits me just fine.”

 

The three went out of the apartment, Poe giving Rey a warm hug before hauling Finn into a kiss that made Rey snicker and look away to give them a moment.

 

Finn joined Rey as they walked down his street to her car. “You invited him?” Rey asked, a bit surprised.

 

“In my defense I was drunk last night. I am not responsible for what I say when wine drunk,” he explained, holding up his hands as he circled around to the passenger side of her Prius.

 

The two got in and headed to the restaurant. “You really like him, don’t you?” Rey asked as she turned a corner, heading into the heart of the city.

 

Finn nodded looking out the window as the buildings passed them. “Things are good. He’s on the same page too. We just click. It’s the strangest thing. Like we’ve known each other as long as you and I have and we don’t even have to try,” Finn explained further.

 

Rey grinned and pat his knee. “I’m really happy for you. Funny how meeting Ben allowed for this to happen.”

 

Finn nodded. “Right? So, don’t fuck it up again. Poe said that he’s never seen Ben like this with anyone before. It’s pretty clear, he’s invested.”

 

Rey smiled a little and gave her brother a sidelong glance at the red light they were currently stopped at. “What else did Poe say?”

 

“Oh, plenty but ninety-percent of it you’re not allowed to know. But I’ll give you this. When Poe asked Ben who I was, the day Ben brought doughnuts to the office. Ben threatened bodily harm if Poe fucked around with me and it somehow affected the two of you.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened as shock flooded her. “He didn’t.”

 

“He did. They’ve been best friends since primary school, Rey. And he won’t hesitate to pummel him because of you. If that doesn’t tell you how serious he is, in addition to the fact that he introduced you to his parents, I don’t know what will.”

 

Rey let out an amazed sigh, letting it sink in. “He told his parents that we’re friends,” she rebutted, trying for anything, grasping at any argument that could stick.

 

“Because you were present and you two weren’t dating yet. But from the stories Poe has told me Leia is perceptive and far more observant than people give her credit for. And in those stories, I learned, Ben is not a great liar when it comes to his mother. She probably already sniffed out what was brewing between you two based on body language alone.”

 

Rey shook her head as she put her Prius into park just outside the valet for the restaurant. “You’re insane,” she replied as they got out, exchanging keys for a ticket before heading inside. The two made their way to the table on the terrace, spotting Jyn and Cassian easily by the way Cassian waved them over.

 

The two stood to greet them, Cassian going for Rey first. “Feliz cumpleaños, mija,” he said, sounding ever more like his mother and grandmother with his native language as he pulled her into a bear hug.

 

“Thanks, Dad,” she whispered back, locking her arms around his shoulders.

 

He kissed her cheek and held her at arms-length to look her over. “You look more beautiful every day,” he added, his thick Mexican accent shining through.

 

Being back in the presence of her parents always set her at ease. Sliding back into the comforting role of daughter instead of adult and therapist.

 

Jyn moved in next after embracing Finn. “Give me my daughter, will you?” she playfully chided. Cassian gave Rey a wink and turned to let Jyn swoop in, conscripting Rey into a hug. “My darling girl, happy birthday,” she whispered with a kiss to Rey’s cheek.

 

“Thank you. I’m so happy you two could make it,” she said as they broke apart and moved to sit around the table.

 

“Yes, the rally went well yesterday! And the campus chapter of the Young Democrats is already canvassing surrounding areas for the election this November,” Cassian explained.

 

“Right like the Bay area has to worry about going red,” Finn snarked as they perused the menu.

 

Cassian gave Finn a stern look, ready to school him in the finer points of election politics. “Mijo, just because we have a democratic stronghold in the bay means it’s no time to get complacent. It’s just as important to hold the seats we have as well as promote the blue wave elsewhere. I know there’s a contingent planning to go down to Orange county to canvas too, you two should join in.”

 

Rey shook her head. “I’ll keep to voting. You keep fighting the good fight, Dad,” she remarked.

 

Cassian sat back, an amused smirk on his face. “Oh, you have more impact than you realize. I mean, you do have a direct line to a senator now,” he teased as his smirk grew sly and wide.

 

Rey’s face paled as she and Finn exchanged a look. Jyn burst out laughing at the nervous look on her daughter’s face. “Cas, I told you not to tease her. Look at her face!”

 

Cassian chuckled and at Rey’s raised eyebrows he relented, playing with his smartphone. “A couple of weeks ago, Leia sent me this photo,” he said, pulling up the image to show her.

 

It was of her and Ben at the fundraiser, his arm wrapped around her side, fingers gracing the bare skin of her waist from the cut-out portion of the dress she’d worn. The two were looking at one another, the picture of a young couple in love with Leia and Han standing before them, chatting amiably. Rey took the phone from her adoptive father, using her fingers to zoom in on Leia and Han’s faces. The look of parental pride on Han’s as he looked at his son, and Leia’s joy. She moved over to Ben and herself. Her eyes crinkled at the corners and dimples present in her cheeks as she smiled mid-sentence, and Ben looking down with a soft tender smile. She’d seen the look numerous times before. Yet now as she stared at the image forever frozen in time it was clear as day the emotion that was brewing just beneath the surface behind that adoring grin and confident stance.

 

The body language was one gigantic flashing sign that there was more than just friendship there. Intimacy. Passion. And most alarmingly, love. Plain as day. Add to it the fact that it wasn’t just in his expression but hers as well that hit that wall she kept around her heart like a battering ram.

 

Quietly she handed back the phone to her father and looked at her parents. “What? I’m supposed to explain my private life?”

 

Jyn rolled her eyes, grinning at her daughter’s expert deflection. “That’s Ben Solo’s arm you’re on. And quite happy to be there from the looks of it.”

 

“And? We know each other. We’re friends,” she began getting a sharp kick to her shin from Finn. “OW!” She yelped. “Don’t be such a prat, Finn.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes, “What she doesn’t want to tell you is that they’re dating.”

 

Rey gaped her mouth wide at her brother for outing them. “Hey!”

 

“What? You’re not fooling anyone Rey, besides you’ve had like two dates once you decided to finally date each other. They’d been dancing around it for weeks.”

 

Rey kicked him back under the table making him yelp as well and bend down to rub his shin. “Well, Finn has a boyfriend,” Rey added, making Finn gape at her in return.

 

“What the hell?”

 

“Oh, if I’m going down I’m taking you with me,” Rey retorted as the waiter came over and took their orders. “Bloody Mary,” Rey requested, making her father’s eyebrows raise.

 

After the waiter departed from the table, Cassian leaned on his elbows. “Why is it that you two feel the need to hide your love lives from us? Would we ever judge you?”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side, her expression the snarky retort all on its own.

 

Jyn chuckled and pat her husband’s thigh. “You used to be so protective of her when she was a teenager, Cas. Forgive her for playing it a little close to the vest, will you? Besides, if anything it just means that she’s serious about this one.”

 

Rey cleared her throat and rolled her eyes. “So, what if I am? Yes, we’re dating. We’re also taking it slow. That picture was the day before we decided to give this a try.”

 

Cassian grinned widely. “Leia was over the moon. She adores you. Wouldn’t shut up for an hour on the phone about how lovely you are.”

 

Rey blushed a bit at the praise. “She and Han were wonderful and so welcoming. It was hard not to fall over myself in her presence, though. Considering her stellar reputation.”

 

Cassian grinned. “Had I known you were such a fan I’d have brought you to one of her rallies years ago! Maybe you could have met her son then!”

 

Rey snickered and shook her head. “Doubtful, he hates politics. Avoids her rallies and stump speeches as much as he can,” she explained making her father’s eyebrows raise. “Don’t worry, he agrees with her platform, and votes regularly. He just didn’t have the stomach for the political spotlight like she does.”

 

Jyn nodded in agreement. “You have to have extremely thick skin to survive the media firestorms she’s survived. The scandal about her biological father could have tanked her campaign had her brother not come out with his book two months before the election.”

 

Rey agreed before everyone’s eyes turned on Finn. “And as for you, when did this happen? Who is he?” Jyn asked, grinning from ear to ear.

 

Finn sighed and sat back a little as their waiter came up with their drink orders and took their entrée orders. “It’s recent. More recent than Rey and Ben. And he’s best friends with Ben. It’s how we met actually. Ben was Lancelot-ing for Rey, to bring her, her computer charger and breakfast…”

 

“I’d overslept and forgot it on my way into the office and he offered,” Rey interjected.

 

“Ben also bought about five dozen doughnuts and coffee for his office, Poe is his business partner. Poe then came to the bakery and declared he needed to propose marriage to whomever made the doughnuts.”

 

Cassian and Jyn both chuckled, taking each other’s hand at the heartfelt story. “What a lovely story!” Cassian proclaimed. “What about you, Rey? How did you and Ben meet?”

 

Rey took a long sip of her Bloody Mary before she began. “He came to the charity auction I organized in February. We exchanged information and started talking. He travels a fair bit so a lot of our initial interactions were via email and text,” she explained, fudging the finer details of their early communications. “We got along well. Even better in person. I was hesitant to move forward with a relationship because of a lot of reasons. But mostly I was just afraid of getting hurt again. We work really well together. And things were happening quickly. So, I backed us up and slowed us down. He’s been extraordinarily patient,” Rey explained, going into a full ramble.

 

As she continued describing the ways in which she and Ben fit one another and his personality and  profession, Jyn and Cassian exchanged a look with each other and then Finn who nodded in agreement. A shift had come over the woman they called sister and daughter when she spoke of Ben. The three of them looked upon her with those soft knowing smiles, catching her off guard.

 

“What?”

 

Jyn grinned and squeezed Cassian’s hand. “You’re in love.”

 

Rey bristled at that, scoffing. “What? No. It’s too soon for that.” Rey reasoned, feeling her throat constrict at the ring of truth in her mother’s summation. Sensing her unease, the family changed the topic of conversation, as their food came. Yet the damage was done. For the rest of the brunch it was in the back of her mind, chipping away at that careful carefree façade she kept up.

 

As the four were leaving the restaurant Jyn gathered Rey close. “I hope you had a wonderful birthday, my sweet girl.”

 

Rey nodded into her mother’s shoulder and pulled back. “Of course, I did.”

 

Jyn smiled softly and brushed a few stray strands of Rey’s hair behind her ear. “I want to meet him. And soon,” she remarked in that authoritative motherly tone of hers.

 

Rey rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Alright. I’ll bring him to your next gallery opening,” Rey offered but Jyn wouldn’t be so easily assuaged.

 

“No, sooner than that. Sunday dinner next week?”

 

Rey laughed and shook her head. “He’s going to be in New Zealand for a week, starting Wednesday morning.”

 

Jyn arched an eyebrow and surveyed her daughter. “Fine, but soon. I want to meet this, Ben Solo, see if he’s as much of a good man as the stock he comes from.”

 

Rey grinned at her mother and pulled her into another hug. “He is like no one else I’ve ever met.”

 

“Good. Make sure he treats you with respect.”

 

“He does,” Rey added, nodding. Jyn went over to Finn then, chastising him as well for not telling her sooner about his romantic entanglements.

 

Cassian came to her then, embracing her close and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Don’t mind your mother too much. She is just excited to see you happy.”

 

Rey took a breath and nodded as she stepped back. “I get that. She’s a bit adamant about meeting him.”

 

“Yes. I’ll admit I was surprised when Leia sent me that photo. Usually you tell us these things.”

 

Rey sighed and nodded again. “I know. And we’re taking things slow. I don’t have to tell you every detail of my life anymore. I’m not sixteen.”

 

Cassian chuckled agreeing with her. “Agreed. You’re almost thirty. But you’ll always be our little one.”

 

“Love you, Dad.”

 

“Love you, too” he replied before, rejoining Jyn and heading over to their car.

 

Finn came to Rey’s side where he was promptly met with a swat to his arm. “Seriously? You outed me.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes. “You did the same not five seconds later. Besides you need to stop this nonsense about downplaying the relationship. You care about him. He obviously cares about you. Stop obsessing about the minutia and just let it happen.”

 

“I’m trying.”

 

“Liar.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes at him and smacked his arm yet again. “I am trying. It’s not hard to just let things progress between us. I told you last night. Every doubt and anxiety just melt away when we’re together.”

 

Finn pressed his lips together as they got into her car. “You need to find a way so that your anxiety doesn’t interfere when you two aren’t together.”

 

“I know. I’m working on it.” Rey replied as they pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and headed back to her apartment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Monday nights were not usually considered a date night by most of society. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a date so early on in the week but when Rey had called him that morning, wondering if he’d want to go to dinner that night who was he to refuse the opportunity of seeing her before he left for New Zealand?

 

So, he came straight from work, in his crisp black suit and tie, and ascended the steps to her apartment, knocking thrice on her door.

 

And what he saw a moment later when she greeted him made his mouth run dry. Rey stood one arm on her door, in a form fitting wine red velvet dress the same shade as the dress from the first night they met. The same shade of red, the same tantalizing velvet material. The fabric hugged her figure and came to just below her knee. The thin straps of the dress showed off her shoulders and the patches of freckles that dusted each and spread out across her collarbones. Her skin made his fingers twitch to reach out and touch but instead he simply let out a low whistle of approval.

 

A pleased smirk curled up one corner of her mouth as she turned and walked further into her foyer. “Please tell me that’s not what’s left of the dress you wore to the gala,” he asked, suddenly worried she’d somehow destroyed that magnificent garment to create this one.

 

Rey’s smile widened as she threw a glance over her shoulder, giving him a quick flash of the diamond stud earring in her ear. One of very same pair he’d gifted to her the previous week. A surge of pride, and possessive ownership came over him at the sight. He wondered briefly if that’s how she felt seeing the collar around his wrist. A more permanent kind of territory marking than any hickey could do. Rolling his eyes at himself, he proceeded into her apartment, following her retreating figure. “No. That’s in a garment bag in my closet. This is something I’ve had for ages, but you did mention last week about liking what you saw in that dress.”

 

She backed away further away from the door and let him enter her apartment for a moment, it was then he noticed she wasn’t yet wearing shoes with her stocking covered feet flat on the floor. “Am I early?”

 

Rey shook her head and turned her back to him. “Zip me?”

 

Ben looked down and his hands moved forward, of their own volition really because his brain had sufficiently short circuited at the sight of her backside in a dress like this. Ridiculous he thought to himself, because of all the times they’d seen each other in various states of undress, doing all sorts of unspeakable sordid things to one another and here he is, like a damned school boy nearly groaning out loud at the sight of her in one slinky dress. And he surmised it was because he knew exactly the sorts of things they could elicit from one another. The kind of intimacy you get from a lover. And yet they’d only been together in the playroom for a few weeks now. Easily defined boundaries that dates like this began to blur.

 

He came over to her then, noting that beneath the open zipper he could see sheer black lace and all thought of zipping the dress the rest of the way up left him. Instead in his mind he wanted to push the zipper down and reveal whatever it is underneath the velvet. Black, lace and sheer, were usually very promising combinations when it came to any sort of undergarment. However, he completed the task as instructed, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder once his task was completed.

 

“As you can see, I’m just running a tad late. Last client ran over,” she explained as she moved away from him.

 

“You could have texted.” He offered all too amused that she was running a bit behind.

 

“Nonsense, I’m almost ready.” Rey replied going to the mirror atop a table at the end of her foyer to apply dark red lipstick that matched her dress and slip on a pair of black patent leather, red soled, stilettos raising her height a good five inches, making her just three inches shorter than him now.

 

“You look,” he started to say as he turned her around. Her knowing grin was all he needed to goad him into taking the two steps forward and pressed her against the wall next to the mirror, sparing not a millisecond of time to let her process exactly what had happened until he had his mouth pressed against hers, and a hand at her neck, fingers sliding up into the soft loose curls that she’d styled her hair into.

 

Surprised but welcoming Rey gasped and steadied her hands on his chest, sliding them up his shoulders before pushing back hard enough to get him to pull back, breathless and eyes not leaving her lips, marveling at how her lipstick had smudged. Smacking his arm, she fixed it quickly in the mirror before running a thumb along his lips to clean off the smudges of red.

 

“We’re going to be late for the reservation as it is. Come on,” she playfully instructed and he sighed licking his lips and pulled back again. Resigned he helped her into her jacket and looped her arm through his after she locked her door.

 

The walk down to his Model S was brief and he held the door open for her, ever the gentleman. Again, she was struck with the simplicity of it all. The normalcy. The tension and balance of it.

 

Getting in Rey huffed and remarked, “You still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

 

“And if I told you it was somewhere you told me on our first date you’ve wanted to try since moving in your apartment?”

 

Rey stopped and her eyebrows raised. “Diogenes?”

 

Ben smiled and nodded.

 

Shock overcame her at the information. “How did you get a reservation last minute? I thought they were booked for eightteen months!”

 

“I have my ways,” he replied, remaining mum on the subject for now.

 

Rey gave him a sideways glance. “You don’t want to tell me, do you?”

 

Ben chuckled as he drove the few short blocks over to the restaurant which was just down the street from stop number two for the night, the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. “You’ll see, I promise.”

 

Once at the bustling Greek bistro, Ben tossed his key to the valet, and lead Rey inside. “Are you sure we have a reservation for tonight?”

 

“Of course, we do,” Ben replied. “Oh, ye of little faith,” he tsked.

 

“BEN!” A thin man with dark hair and olive skin greeted them as they moved through the crowded vestibule.

 

“Kanan, it’s nice to see you,” Ben replied, shaking the man’s hand. Rey looked between them before Ben turned and presented her with an arm around her waist. “Kanan Jarrus, Rey Erso.”

 

“Oh, this is her, eh?” Kanan retorted before turning his eyes to her. “Welcome to Diogenes, Rey. I’m Kanan, owner and husband to the real boss who runs this place the exec chef.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. You two know one another?” Rey asked, still a bit confused.

 

Ben grinned a bit and shrugged. “You could say that.”

 

Kanan chuckled at his modesty. “Rey, take a look around the place. Do you notice any elements that stick out at you? Any sort of signature you might recognize?”

 

Rey took a moment and took in the place. Modern, elegant and simplistic. Yet had that deeply Mediterranean feel like you could walk out onto the terrace and see rolling hills with white buildings along the edifices. The elegance however in its simplicity and modernity reminded her of Ben’s apartment and the bullpen of his office. For that was really the only other place she’d really seen his design acumen up close and personal. Rey arched an eyebrow amused to no end, figuring out just how Ben got a last-minute reservation at the hottest restaurant in the city of the last five years. “You designed it, didn’t you?”

 

Ben nodded, cheeks tinged a little pink at the unabashed pride in her voice. Kanan led them back to a secluded corner table that you could see the entire restaurant from with brilliant white linen table cloth and crystal glassware. “Your coat, my dear,” Kanan offered, holding out his arm. Rey took off her coat and gave it to him.

 

“Now I’m told this is your first time here Rey?”

 

She nodded and Kanan grinned. “Fantastic. A little history for you then, my wife, Hera’s family is from the Greek Island of Naxos where her grandparents had a small café near the beach. Her mother worked there as a girl before meeting her father and emigrating stateside. As a girl she used to go spend her summers with her grandparents and played in the kitchen of the café until they retired and sold the business. She decided that she would start her own place, naming it Diogenes. A bit tongue and cheek after the great cynic himself. And in her family’s new country to bring something of the old world to the new.”

 

“That’s an incredible story,” Rey remarked, grinning at Kanan.

 

“Ah, she tells it better. But my shortened version will have to do. Now Hera took the liberty of making a tasting menu for the both of you to share and I’ve already got your server to bring our best bottle of red. If you need anything, just let me know,” Kanan added before bidding them adieu.

 

Rey looked over at Ben, eyebrows raised. “You didn’t tell me you designed the place when I told you I’d always wanted to go here.”

 

Ben shrugged, smiling unrepentantly. “And ruin the surprised look on your face? Please.”

 

Rey shook her head and pressed her elbows to the table. “I should have known you’d pull something like this, someday. Didn’t think it would be this soon, though.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

Rey worried her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment, dodging his question. “You really are nothing like I expected.”

 

“Again, going to see that as a compliment,” he countered once more.

 

“You really should.”

 

“How did you figure out I designed it?” He asked wondering what it was that gave it away.

 

Rey’s shoulders shook with mirth as their server, came and poured them each a glass of wine. “The supports in the ceiling -,”

 

“The arc-boutant you mean?” he corrected with a questioning glance up.

 

“Yes, nerd. The arc-boutant or whatever. It reminded me of your apartment, and a bit of your office.”

 

Ben looked up surveying the restaurant before him. “Damn. Guess that means I have to change up my style, huh?”

 

Rey laughed as she set her glass down before drinking. “I didn’t mean it as a bad thing!”

 

“No, no it means I’m predictable. And that, is the kiss of death in a creative field.”

 

Rey took a long sip of her drink and surveyed him. “I didn’t mean to say you were predictable either. But there are certain elements that now that I notice them, I can see them.”

 

Ben smiled a little and cocked his head to the side, “I’m glad you noticed. It’s kind of nice that you can see the similarities.”

 

“Last hot date you took here, didn’t?” She asked, challenging him to reveal his secrets.

 

Ben laughed at her quip and shook his head. “You’re the first.”

 

“What? What do you mean, I’m the first?” She asked, thoroughly intrigued. But wasn’t that what men did? Pulled out the big guns to impress a girl? Get reservations to the hottest restaurant in town just to get in their pants?

 

“I haven’t taken anyone here before. That’s probably why Hera’s making such a big deal about it with the tasting menu and the wine. She kind of took it upon herself to become like a big sister to Poe and I when we were designing the place. She’s older than both of us, and we were both single and just starting out with the firm. Poe’s taken several dates here, probably already has been here with Finn. But you’re the first one I’ve brought.”

 

Rey sat back a little stunned at the admission and then something from their earliest interactions came back to the forefront of her mind then. He’d said that it’d been some time since he’d been with anyone before they’d ever gotten together. A simple declaration in a long-forgotten email correspondence.

 

“Wait. Before anything happened between us, how long had it been since you’d been on a date?” She asked, thoroughly curious.

 

“A date? A real date, oh not since,” he paused, racking his memory. In truth it had been nearly a decade since his last real romantic date before Rey. Blowing out a breath of air he settled a little, fiddling with the flatware, “First year of grad school,” he answered unsure of her response.

 

“Didn’t you graduate in 2012?” Rey asked, remembering a previous conversation they’d had weeks before.

 

“Yeah, so must have been what early 2010?”

 

“Eight years since you’ve been on a real date.”

 

“Well yeah. Grad school and then working for Snoke, and then starting the firm. It hasn’t exactly done wonders for my private life before now.”

 

“When was the last time you’d slept with anyone before me?” She asked just before the waiter brought the first round of plates from the tasting menu, Kusshi oysters with tomatoes, cucumber, olive and minced feta garnish with a little olive oil and salt and pepper.

 

Pausing for a moment the two began to eat, letting the raw seafood slide down their throat. “Are you going to answer? Or am I going to have to guess?” Rey asked after taking a drink.

 

Ben sighed and rubbed a hand along his neck, remembering just how long it had been. “Four years.”

 

“Four years?!” Rey whisper-shouted as she leaned forward.

 

His cheeks tinged pink in slight embarrassment at the shock and indignation in her expression. “Yeah, four years. There was this girl at Snoke’s firm. She was cute and an intern. Might have hooked up at the holiday cocktail party that Snoke holds every year to remind everyone why they should be working and not getting drunk. I thought she was more interested than she was and it turned out that she just wanted to hook up.”

 

“Not the hit and quit it type I gather,” Rey surmised.

 

“Never really have been. I mean sure after Bazine in college I went a little off the rails trying to prove how much I didn’t care. But every time I was with someone it was always because I could see something more there. Anytime it didn’t work out in the morning or I woke up alone I’d always felt like it was me. Something I did or said.”

 

Rey’s expression darkened for a moment as the memory of the morning after their first sexual encounter flashed back in her mind. “That’s why you knew.”

 

“That you were running? Yeah. Used to it,” he said with a flippant wave of his hand.

 

Rey sighed and reached her hand over to his, covering the back of his palm with her hand. “I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t you. It was me. Truly. I couldn’t handle what I felt. That morning. Me running and cutting things off. All me.”

 

His pensive expression softened at her assurances. “I know that now. And it’s fine. We’re here, and we’re good.”

 

Rey’s expression brightened at his redirect. “We are.” They paused for a second as the two dug into their next plate, Tsipoura, sea bass, with lemon and olive oil sauce and crunchy sea beans. Rey closed her eyes and hummed softly at the bright flavors. “This, this is heaven,” she remarked pointing her fork at her plate.

 

Ben chuckled, amused and hummed in agreement. “Good surprise?”

 

Rey nodded. “Very good surprise.” She took a long drink of her wine and looked out to the restaurant. From where they were they didn’t have to speak loudly to hear one another. Away from the din of the center of the dining hall. Perfect and tucked away. “Did you request this table?”

 

“It’s Hera’s table. She offered when she heard I was bringing a woman.”

 

Rey smirked and sat up a bit straighter. “Funny how everyone notices once you end a dry spell.”

 

“Completely. And I mean it wasn’t like I was a complete celibate monk for those four years. I took care of my own needs when they happened. I just didn’t have the patience or the time for another person. And I knew if I was going to seek out a relationship again I needed to be in a more settled place.”

 

“You are now, then?”

 

“Yeah. The business is booming but at a much more manageable pace now that we have the staff to handle it all. I guess finding out about Hux’s predilections and realizing my own came at the perfect time.”

 

“How did you discover that, by the way? Catch him with bruises?” Rey offered leaning on her elbows.

 

Ben let out a low rumbling laugh. “Oh, he’s going to kill me for telling you this. But the three of us were out celebrating at a bar we like to frequent down the block from the office. We landed the account that’s going to make my summer all about plane hopping to and from Japan. Poe went to go talk to a pretty girl at the bar, because he hadn’t met Finn yet and has had the reputation for being an absolute flirt. Hux got a text from Trisha and he blushed which if you know him, he doesn’t blush unless something really affects him. So, I stole his phone to see. And there’s a picture I’m assuming of Trisha’s leg, with a riding crop telling him that he should be punished.”

 

Rey’s eyebrows rose to her hairline as she snickered. “That’s how? That’s fucking priceless.”

 

“Yeah. Thought she was a hooker. But she’s a pro-domme he’s been seeing off and on for a long time. Had no idea. And-,”

 

Rey smirked, all too amused. “And you got curious.”

 

Ben took a breath and nodded. “I did. It was like there was this nagging buzzing in the back of my mind. Every thought kept coming back to it, circular, making huge leaps back onto a singular thought that this was something that could be real and not reserved for terrible porn or equally terrible depictions in movies. I did the worst thing next. Google. Absolutely the worst idea to internet search for anything D/s unless you’re very precise in your search terms.”

 

Rey nodded. “Oh, believe me I know.”

 

“Hux told me about the mailing list for the community here and that he’d never actually gone to any events. And the gala was coming up and I figured I could at least see what this was. It was far less intimidating than going to a munch or a play party.”

 

“And you met me.”

 

“And I met you,” he replied, his face getting that soft look it often does when he observes her. It makes her skin grow warm as she catches his expression.

 

The conversation for the rest of the dinner flowed like that. Easy, gaining intimacy with an undercurrent of desire running through everything. As their final plate came out, of honey drizzled baklava, Hera had come out to greet them. More specifically to rag on Ben for not having brought Rey in sooner.

 

“Ben!” She proclaimed smiling bright as she came towards the table. Ben looked over at her astonished at the large baby bump in her abdomen.

 

“Since when are you pregnant?” He asked, standing and pulling her into a gentle hug.

 

The woman, tall and slender despite the watermelon she was currently smuggling surveyed him. “Six months along. Can’t wait for the little one to get here,” she explained before looking beyond him and catching Rey’s glance. Rey stood as well observing the woman who was clearly interested in her presence.

 

Hera Syndulla wasn’t by any means a delicate kind of woman. Brazen and funny with her short pixie shock of fluorescent green hair and olive toned skin. “Wow, Ben gotta say you know how to pick ‘em,” she remarked coming over to Rey.

 

Ben rolled his eyes and stepped to Rey’s side. “Hera, this is Rey, Rey, this is Hera Syndulla, executive chef,” he explained and Hera beamed with pride.

 

“Welcome to Diogenes, Rey. This one said you’ve been dying to dine here since you bought your apartment.”

 

Blushing Rey nodded. “Had I known he had an in sooner I would have demanded this be our first date.”

 

Ben shrugged against the playful derision as the two women got along famously. They talked for a few moments before Hera was getting called back to the kitchen. “Well Rey, it was lovely to meet you. Anytime you want to come dine you just tell Kanan to put you on the list.”

 

Ben grinned and hugged her once more, marveling again at her glowing pregnant state.

 

Hera shrugged, smacking a hand to his shoulder, “Well we all have to settle down sometime, don’t we Solo?” she remarked giving him a rather pointed look before bidding the two adieu.

 

He took the derision in stride as Rey blushed under the implication that it was inherently a big deal that Ben was bringing her around acquaintances, friends and even family. She wasn’t quite sure what to think of it all on their brief walk to the museum. Because in all of her romantic experiences, and to be honest there weren’t that many, she’d never had been blended in so quickly into someone’s life as she had with Ben.

 

A refreshing change for once. To feel wanted. Needed even.

 

The two walked around the exhibit, for one of her favorite modern artists. A woman who stylistically painted like a renaissance master, but had the sensuality of the modern age.

 

“Doesn’t the museum normally close at five?” Rey asked as they milled around the entrance to the exhibit.

 

“Yes, but we’re running the renovations to the new guest concourse so I might have asked the curator if it was all right that I brought a guest in after hours.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side, arching an eyebrow in speculation. “Do you do that often?”

 

“What?”

 

“Use your connections and influence to gain access to things normal people can’t?” Rey asked, in earnest. Growing up in an activist household she learned early in life what privilege meant but wasn’t accustomed to seeing it truly in action aside from what she held as a Caucasian woman.

 

Ben shrugged. “Not usually no. I’m sure I probably could a lot more than I have. What with being the son of a high-ranking Senator. As much of a burden that was growing up socially, I know it affords certain privileges that others don’t have. It’s why I don’t like to use it to my advantage. Something about it. Using the familial legacy feels wrong. It’s hard to escape. City planners and inspectors tend to be more amenable because they know my last name, know the legacy I come from and think it will help their career. It used to bother me but now I parlay that into getting my younger associates visibility with their designs. But, for you, yeah, I might use it a little more often if it’s something for you. Like, this. I knew you wanted to see this exhibit. You mentioned it last Wednesday during our lunch.”

 

“I did mention it, you’re correct.” She said taking a few steps towards a particular favored piece. One that was currently her laptop background. A woman and a man embraced, his nose at her neck and her hand in his hair. Stunning and painted with the precision of the masters of old.

 

Ben watched her as they moved through each room. Claiming one painting each, that they’d buy if money were no object. “I’m assuming this one is the one you’d get?” he asked softly as Rey continued to stare at the painting in front of her.

 

“It’s my favorite of hers. The lines of her arm around him, how her neck is curved toward him. How you can’t see his face. How her lips are red and a little swollen. Definitely kiss bruised. The look on her face, sad and almost relieved but still a blank enough that a person could project their emotions onto it.”

 

Ben watched her describe it, using her hands to gesticulate what she felt when she gazed upon it. Rey glanced at him to see him staring at her intently and she gave him a look. “What?” she asked, curious.

 

He shrugged, hands in his pockets as he came to stand beside her. “I like the way you describe it. It’s obvious you were raised around an artist.”

 

Rey gave a knowing nod in acknowledgement “My mother is a sculpture artist.”

 

“I’d love to see her work,” Ben responded, looking to the painting Rey had so effortlessly described.  He didn’t want to seem too eager. Feigning nonchalance at the idea that Rey could introduce him to her family.

 

Rey chuckled amused at his attempt at hinting that he’d also like to meet her parents, “That’s good, because she might have demanded that I bring you to meet her and my father sooner rather than later at brunch yesterday.”

 

Ben’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh? You mentioned me?” He asked, passing her as he moved to the next painting.

 

“I hadn’t planned to. I wasn’t exactly ready to bring up the topic of what’s happening here,” she stated, motioning between the two of them. “At least not with them yet, but apparently your mother sent Cassian a picture of you and I with your parents from the fundraiser.”

 

Ben’s face scrunched up the minute Rey mentioned Leia, outing the two of them. “I’m sorry,” he said half turning to her as she approached. “My mother doesn’t exactly know how boundaries work sometimes.”

 

Rey shook her head. “It’s all right. I was a little blindsided by it. Which was how Finn and my parents got it out of me that we’re dating.”

 

Ben turned to her then, a question in his glance. “Did you not want them to know?”

 

Rey took a breath and looked down at her hands for a moment, holding her jacket and clutch before returning her gaze back up to his expectant expression. “Finn knew already. I mean if I hadn’t told him Poe would have. But I wanted them to know, eventually of course. I just wasn’t sure I was ready for it. I mean it’s just as well they were going to have to find out, right?”

 

“I hope so,” Ben responded with a look in his expression that indicated that he wasn’t wholly happy with her answer but that he was trying to brush off whatever emotion it was unsettling him.

 

Rey reached out and put her hand to his arm. “I’m glad they know,” she said with a softer voice than she’d intended. “As much as I wasn’t planning on it, they know and I’m glad for it in hindsight.”

 

“Yeah?” he asked as they moved through the room. Together yet keeping a subtle distance from one another. A dance without music or choreography.

 

Rey nodded and turned to face the painting he’d stopped in front of. “For what it’s worth, I’m not used to having the kind of relationship we have.”

 

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, holding his hand out for hers. Grinning, she laced their fingers and he walked her to the next part of the exhibit.

 

Rey took a long breath and took a couple steps ahead of him, leading him forward. “I haven’t been that successful in relationships. I’ve had three romantic relationships before this. And fewer than a handful of submissives. Some I only trained, one that I wanted more with but he didn’t.”

 

Ben stopped in his tracks and tugged on her hand to stop her. “He didn’t?”

 

Rey shook her head. “Was only interested in being in the scene. I broke off the arrangement a few months in. Broke my heart to do it. That was, what, two years ago? He’s since moved to Philadelphia. The scene there is pretty active.”

 

“Have you been with anyone since?”

 

A slow gentle curve of her lips and a slow shake of her head said no. “Just you,” she replied and he grinned at her answer.

 

“Two years? So, I guess we both had an extended dry spell.”

 

“Yeah. I was more focused on my career and organizing events in the scene to really even consider what I was lacking.”

 

“And what was that?”

 

Rey sighed, and motioned to their connected hands. “This. Being with someone because I want them in my life.”

 

He squeezed her fingers at her response and they began moving again, starting at one end of the room. “Tell me about the relationships? What were they like?”

 

Rey took a long breath, letting it out in a quick huff. “That’s a loaded question. First was in high school. First boyfriend, first love. First everything. His name was Braedon and it ended like all high school romances do. After a graduation party, when he told me he wanted to spread his wings in college. I understood, because it’s college but it still stung.”

 

“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t date in high school.”

 

“No?”

 

“Hell no. I’m telling you; I was awkward. Especially around girls I liked. And I was gangly. Same height as I am now. About thirty-forty pounds of muscle lighter, and short frat boy swoop hair.”

 

Rey chuckled and shrugged. “I’d still hit that.”

 

Ben laughed, his shoulders shaking lightly. “You’d be the only one who would have.”

 

“I doubt that. I bet there was some mousey nerdy girl who had the hots for you.”

 

Ben again shook his head. “No.”

 

Nonplussed, Rey pressed on. “I would have been that girl, to be honest. So nerdy. And tall for a girl, at five-foot-seven, and flat as a board. I was surprised Braedon even noticed me.”

 

Ben smirked and leaned forward. “I would have noticed you. And would have awkwardly tried to talk to you, and then you would have never spoke to me again.”

 

Rey shook her head in disagreement. “I probably would have found it disarming.”

 

“I’m sure you would have,” Ben snarked. “But we’re on a tangent. What about the other two?”

 

She chewed on her lip as her face fell. “Snap Wexley, I’m not sure I want to tell you about him, yet. I will say that he was the one who got me into the scene in college. I thought he loved me. Or at least I thought I loved him. But as I delved more into the scene and the kinks that I responded to, the more distant he got. He was a dabbler. Not one for immersing himself like you have.”

 

“A dabbler?”

 

“Yes, they prefer to have a somewhat tangential interest in the scene but definitely don’t go to parties, and most kinks are limits. He thought himself a dominant. He was far more a submissive. And it scared him. The vulnerability.”

 

Ben could see the way in which she shifted from one foot to the other, and nearly almost completely avoided eye contact, that there was more to that story. More pain than she was letting on. He let it go for now. Wanting her to open up in her own way, and in her own time. But he couldn’t help but have his curiosity peak at the obvious omission.

 

“Sounds like he hurt you,” Ben added in, perceptively.

 

Rey let out a breath and nodded. “Understatement. I was destroyed after he left. Delved into the scene hardcore, trained and became as proficient a dominant as I am now. I worked with submissives mostly on an intermittent basis. Sort of like how you were after, Bazine.”

 

Ben nodded and brushed his thumb along her knuckles. “What made you date number three?”

 

Rey took a step forward and shrugged. “I was tired of the lifestyle. I was all in for a while. Kal was not in the scene. Not even a little bit. And had zero interest either. That’s actually why things ended.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She sighed and broke away from him, walking a few steps over to another painting. Gazing at the portrait of a woman’s back, shoulders pink and bare, standing before a crowd full of naked and half-dressed figures lying about in a forest like scene. A painting that aptly described how she felt in this moment. Exposed. Vulnerable. Emotionally naked. Discussing one’s romantic failings was certainly not something she was used to in the slightest.

 

“We’d been dating a solid six months. I thought I could open up and tell him about that other part of myself. We were together and things were okay. He didn’t look at me the same after I explained. And within a week he was making excuses and we broke up. I know it was because I trusted him with that part of me when he’d given me all the signs that he wouldn’t accept it.”

 

Ben looked at the image she was staring at as she explained. A woman bared before a crowd, and he could see in her eyes that’s exactly what she was feeling. “That explains a lot, to be honest.”

 

“Why?” Rey asked wryly.

 

Ben kept his distance but moved closer. “Why you ran. You had one boyfriend break up with you because you were too into the scene even though he’s the one who introduced you to it. And one break-up with you because you even had that aspect at all. And then you had a submissive who just wanted just the scene and not really you per se. It makes a lot of sense now. You weren’t sure I could accept both.”

 

Rey looked him, her eyes a bit watery as the impact hit her. “You realize, you just put into words exactly how I felt that morning.”

 

“I’m glad I can understand it better. It doesn’t make it sting any less. But I understand you better now,” he explained. “I am curious though,” he started to say and Rey turned to him expectantly.

 

“About?” She asked, cocking her head to one side.

 

“Why you agreed at all to train me. I mean I get Phasma can be persuasive. But I’m guessing that is not the whole reason.”

 

Rey smiled a bit at the mention of her dear friend. “You’re right. To be honest I’d been fighting myself since that morning. I regretted it the minute the words came out of my mouth but I couldn’t stop myself. Again, I told you that you terrify me. This terrified me. Us. The potential here. I felt it the minute we met. It only grew the more I got to know you. And finding out you’re a sub? Hit me like a battering ram. And then dinner and what followed,” she said, pausing as her cheeks flushed at the memory. It infuriated her that even just mentioning that night still had that effect on her, especially after all the growth and intimacy they’d developed since. “I knew if you were going to ask me I wouldn’t be able to say no. Especially in person. Your face is incredibly convincing when you truly want something. And you may not realize this, but no one has ever looked at me the way you do.”

 

A small smile grew on his face as he stepped forward, invading her space with a challenge in his eyes. “And how exactly do I look at you?”

 

Rey swallowed hard, overcome by the proximity and the challenge in his expression. But beneath that was the same tender affection he always leveled at her. An intense gaze that warmed her from the inside out. There were so many ways to describe it. The easiest however was the scariest.

 

 _Like you’re in love with me_ , was on the tip of her tongue. Labeling it love was easy. Saying it aloud, however was not. It made it real. Made it a hypothesis that could be easily disproven with one utterance from him in response.

 

So, she deviated from the simple and easy definition. And found each subsequent description wanting.

 

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s hard to describe,” she fibbed. Because it wasn’t.

 

“Yeah?” He goaded, trying to get an answer out of her. He wondered if he was as transparent as he felt he was. If the depth of the emotions he felt for her already were so plainly evident on his face that she’d already caught on. Because he was in love with her. Completely besotted. But he knew saying the words this early on might cause her to bolt and he’d keep the gag order up until he knew for sure she wouldn’t run the minute the words came tumbling from his mouth.

 

She scrunched up her nose as she flailed her hands trying to get around stating the obvious. “It’s soft. Half-amused. Tender with affection and intense with devotion.”

 

Ben nodded agreeing that each of those things were what he felt. Because love in all its forms has those descriptors. Devotion. Affection. Tenderness. These are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

 

“Does it scare you that I feel those things for you?” He countered, wondering, testing the boundaries of her carefully constructed wall. He’d gotten it down several hundred feet to where he could see her now. But there was still that barrier that she’d keep intact just in case he broke her heart. He knew it. Could see it plain as day as she struggled to describe how he looked at her as anything but a man completely in love.

 

Uncertain she bit her lip and tried to shake her head no. But her words quickly undercut that denial, “I mean, sometimes? I’m not used to it. The way you look at me in the playroom has only subtle differences to how you’re looking at me right now. More intense. More anticipation and desire. That I’m used to. _That_ I get off on. But outside of it? I’m not used to having someone care about me like this. All of the previous relationships I’ve had, it was never about me. Or building an us. A sense of belonging. It was about them. And to be honest that’s why they failed. And you come around and destroy every one of my preconceived notions about BDSM and vanilla romance and any of it.”

 

Ben grinned and pulled her in closer, looking down at her as, “So, it sometimes scares you. Question is, do you want me to stop?”

 

Rey shook her head quickly as her eyes dropped down to his mouth for half a second and then flicked back up to meet his gaze. “No. As much as it scares me, I don’t want you to ever stop looking at me the way you do.”

 

Emboldened by her declaration he leaned down, with a hand, cupping the side of her face as she moved too, in near perfect synchronicity to press her lips to his. Her hand steadied herself as it found purchase on his shoulder. His other hand went to her waist, sliding around to press into the small of her back.

 

Sighing into the kiss, she pulled him as close as she could with her other hand, still holding her jacket and clutch, at his back. He took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, bringing her bottom lip between his own, smearing off the rest of her lipstick that had worn down during dinner to a faded plum.

 

When the two finally ended the kiss and separated they finished walking through the rest of the small exhibit, and bid a good night to the curator before he walked them back to his car awaiting them at the restaurant valet. The drive back to her apartment was filled with quiet conversation. Plans before he was to jet off to New Zealand come Wednesday morning.

 

“I can drive you to the airport if you’d like?” Rey offered as he glanced over at her as she readjusted her coat, draped across her lap.

 

“You don’t have to,” he assured. Normally he used an Uber or long-term parking at the airport depending on his needs. He hadn’t had someone drive him to the airport since his college days. But the offer was sweet of her.

 

“I want to. Besides we can use the drive as our negotiation meeting since we’re trying to FaceTime a scene on Friday. You’ll have to tell me what time works best for you, and I’ll arrange my schedule. The time difference might make it Saturday for you.”

 

“We’ll make it work. Though I’m more curious to see how you’re going to run the scene though. It’s a bit unconventional.”

 

“It is, but I think you might both love and hate it once we get going.”

 

Ben laughed as he parallel parked in front of her apartment. “Oh, I already know not being able to touch you is going to be the worst part of it,” He replied as they both got out, and Rey rounded to the driver’s side of the car, clutch and coat in one hand, standing before him on the sidewalk. The two stared at one another for half a moment as Rey made her approach.

 

He moved in, going for what he assumed was going to be a goodnight kiss, as was the norm from their previous two dates, but just before his lips were about to brush hers, she stopped him with one whisper, “Do you want to come up?”

 

Surprised, he rocked back on his heels and surveyed her looking up at him through her lashes the picture of a coquettish ingenue with a slow growing smirk playing upon her lips.

 

 “Abso-fucking-lutely,” he replied, reacting purely on instinct.

 

Rey stepped back, smirking as she backed away to the stairs, nodding to them before turning and heading up the steps of the building’s stoop. Ben watched for a millisecond before he took two long strides that brought him to her side as they moved up into the building and then to the short flight of stairs to her apartment. Rey busied herself fishing out her keys from her clutch as they came to her door.

 

He came up behind her and latched his mouth to her shoulder, making her straighten and lean her head back. Nipping and kissing along the skin of her shoulder and neck, he used his hand to tilt her head to the opposite side while his other hand steadied her on her lower abdomen, pulling her body flush with his.

 

“You know,” Rey stated, gasping as he bit roughly on the meat of her shoulder. “This isn’t getting my door unlocked nor getting us inside.”

 

He chuckled against her skin. “I’m sure you’ll manage,” he countered making her snicker and reach for the deadbolt. His lips never left her skin as it took her not one, not two but three tries to get her door successfully unlocked and open.

 

Once it was, she whirled around catching him by surprise she wrapped his tie around her hand and led tugged him into her apartment. He followed, eagerly letting her shut the door and lock through the space between his arm and torso. Rey pulled him forward as she walked back, effectively pinning herself between the wall and his encroaching form.

 

“I think you should finish what you started before we left for dinner,” she told him. He arched one eyebrow as his hands came to her waist, body following pressing his hips forward to pin her against the wall.

 

“Here?” He asked, simply only to get a nod in reply. Grinning, he pressed his lips to hers and moved simultaneously to shrug off his blazer but Rey shook her head, breaking their kiss.

 

“Leave it on,” she stated breathless and starry-eyed.

 

Intrigued Ben followed as instructed, and kissed along her jaw. Her hands found his waist, sliding down and around to the front of him, palming him through his slacks. Things began to move more quickly from that point forward. Soft groans and gasps rang out as mouths collided and hands caressed while he lifted her up pinning her back against the wall for support. Hands collided with each other, moving clothing just far enough out of the way for access.

 

Their movements stilled as he slid inside of her, cursing against her collarbone at how turned on she already was with no preamble. No foreplay needed. The evening and anticipation did that alone. Shifting her in his embrace, using the wall for support, he hooked his arms under each stocking covered thigh, lifting her knees and allowing him to slide even deeper as he began thrusting, her hips slamming against the wall with the force of it. Rey arched, head lolling back as she cried out, urging him on. She reached one arm up on the wall to find something to hold onto but found nothing but smooth, pristine sheetrock. Instead she moved her arm around his shoulders, balancing herself as she moved her hips down to meet his. Her cries echoing through her small foyer, as his were muffled against the skin of her throat. It wasn’t long until Rey was shaking and shuddering against him from the force of her release with him following not far behind with a bite to her shoulder.

 

Gently he set her back on her feet, breathing ragged as if they’d gone on one of her ten mile runs as they came down from the quick but earth shattering high. Tucking him back into his slacks she kissed his chin, making him look down at her fondly. A romantic date followed by a rough fuck against the wall of her apartment wasn’t exactly how he thought his evening was going to end. Which is why he smiled when she held out her hand for his.

 

“Did you think we were done?” She asked, wondering where his head was at.

 

Ben shrugged. “Thought had occurred to me.”

 

Rey shook her head. “I’m not nearly in any way, shape or form, done with you yet.”

 

Laughing lightly at her response he put his hand in hers, and let her lead him down the hall to her bedroom, flicking on the lights that cast the room in a soft ambient glow.

 

“Sit,” she directed using their hands to point him to the foot of her bed. He flopped down, bouncing slightly as he did. Rey chuckled and brought her hands to his face, kissing him long and slow. Breaking away, she pressed her forehead to his and sighed.

 

“Give me two minutes, I’ll be right back,” she stated pulling away from him despite his frustrated sigh in protest. “I’ll be right back, and don’t undress. I want to do that part,” she tacked on over her shoulder as she went into her master en suite.

 

The moment alone gave her a chance to breathe and clean up a bit from the quick romp against the wall. Taking a moment, she glanced at her reflection as she removed the rest of her makeup. She was just going to sweat it off anyways, and he’d seen her plenty of times without it. Cleaning herself up a bit from round one was her next task as she moved around her bathroom, checking her underarms if her antiperspirant was in fact still working.

 

She’d had half a mind to strip out of her dress and walk out of her bedroom in the lingerie that lay beneath but then she thought better of it. What better moment would it be than to hear and see his face at a slow reveal of it instead? Gathering herself she went back into her bedroom to see Ben fiddling with the watch around his wrist, straightening up when the bathroom door opened.

 

In a few short purposeful strides Rey came over to him and he stared, eyes undressing her. She smirked and turned. “Would you do the honors?” She asked, offering up the dress’s zipper. It wasn’t that she couldn’t reach it herself, she most certainly could. But that had been all part of her plan. Build anticipation to this moment.

 

His hands reached for the small zipper, ratcheting it down until she turned, and pushed the dress off each shoulder, letting it fall around her hips and pushed it down until it pooled at her feet.

 

“Holy. Fuck,” he muttered as he took her in as she stood before him in a black sheer lace body suit, complete with thigh high stockings.

 

Rey stepped out of the dress and stepped between his knees. “Something told me you might like black lace.”

 

“And you’d be a thousand-percent correct. Jesus, Rey.” He marveled eyes still sweeping over her as his hands went for her hips. He looked up at her face, seeing her amused grin. “You realize you’re surpassing every teenaged fantasy I’ve ever had.”

 

She chuckled and placed her hands at his shoulders. “Oh? Teenaged Ben Solo had a thing for racy lingerie?”

 

“What straight guy didn’t steal the Victoria secret catalogue out of the mail to jerk off to at fifteen?”

 

“True, good point.” Rey responded as she toyed with his tie. “Understandable though, considering I have a thing for suits.”

 

His eyebrow arched as he realized that’s what happened in the foyer. Living out a fantasy of her own. “Oh? Am I detecting a suit fetish?” He replied playfully.

 

Rey merely nodded in response before his grip at her hips moved to her waist, hoisting her up with a surprised shriek as he pivoted around to lay her across her bed. Rising to her elbows she retorted, “What are you doing?”

 

“Getting more mileage out of this new information,” he replied, still completely clothed and kissed her sternum through the flimsy fabric of the body suit. “Besides,” he stated kissing his way down the middle of her, to just above the apex of her thighs. “I might have a Rey, fetish.”

 

A light tittering laugh bubbled up from her throat at his admission. That laugh abruptly cut off into a gasp, however with a long swipe of his tongue against her lace covered cunt.

 

His hands went to the backs of her thighs, pushing them up and spreading them apart as her heels pressed into the soft bedding. “And the fuck me heels, you do this on purpose, you have to.”

 

Rey feigned innocence. “Who? Me?” She asked, but that false innocent act fell away quickly giving way to a mischievous grin. “I’ll have you know, I rock five-inch Louboutins because my boyfriend happens to be as tall as a Yeti, thank you very much.”

 

Ben looked up from the visual feast in front of him to her face. “Boyfriend, huh?” He asked, wholly surprised and delighted at the fact that she just put a label on their relationship, completely unprompted.

 

Rey worried her lower lip as she nodded, flushing as the impact of what she’d meant as an off the cuff remark hit home somewhere deep in her chest. “You okay with that descriptor?”

 

He scoffed lightly at her question, feigning nonchalance when really, he wanted to shout it to the rooftops. “Like that would ever be a problem,” he replied, and instead of an enthusiastic display he focused on the task in front of him, shifting the flimsy fabric covering her to the side and without breaking eye contact moved his mouth to cover her clit, lapping at it.

 

At the contact Rey leaned her head back and let out a satisfied sigh which only encouraged him further. Keeping his eyes trained on reactions he circled her clit before rolling his tongue over it, feeling the muscles in her thighs beneath his fingers involuntarily contract at the jolt of pleasure. Balancing on one elbow she reached forward, running her fingers through his hair as he continued to devour her.

 

Rey’s gaze came back to his as he shifted, leaving no part of her unattended, before his fingers joined in, sliding two in effortlessly as she cursed and keened, pushing her hips towards him and tightened her fingers against his scalp. At the not-so-gentle pull he hummed against her clit, making her cry out and her toes curl. Setting him loose without the strict confines of a scene, Rey realized was going to be both the best and worst sort of torture. Having given him weeks of training in exactly how to please her practically gave him a PhD in getting her off efficiently. She could already feel it building deep in her belly with electricity licking its way up her spine.

 

But he wouldn’t stop at just one, no she realized, just as her second orgasm of the evening crashed over her, with her a keening and collapsing back against the pillows. At that loud crescendo, he changed up his angle, avoiding direct contact with her clit but keeping his fingers thrusting, curling and making her thighs quake and her voice hoarse. Her body shook as she whimpered through the third orgasm that ricocheted through the aftershocks of the second.

 

Pushing him back, weakly he pulled away as she struggled to sit up without his help. Amused he helped her from the bed, to stand on unsteady legs. Pulling him into a kiss she sighed at the taste of herself on his tongue and pushed the blazer from his shoulders. Leaning his forehead to hers after the kiss was broken he watched with rapt attention as she undressed him. Untying his tie first, and then slowly each button of his shirt, until she could pull it from where it was tucked in his slacks to push it off his shoulders. He helped her there, undoing the cufflinks and dropping the shirt to the floor as her hands came to rest on his chest before migrating to his belt. Unbuckling it as the two stared one another down, and his thumb traced along her lower lip.

 

Slowly, methodically, she stripped him bare, kneeling on the floor to help him out of his shoes, socks and step out of first his slacks and then boxer briefs. All this before he pulled her to stand and his hands came up to cradle her face to kiss her with such reverence that it was sacrosanct in its delicacy. She melted beneath such seraphic devotion that she barely registered his hands moving to her shoulders to push the straps of her lingerie down.

 

He pulled back to watch as the lace peeled away from her skin, revealing that soft expanse of light golden tanned skin. “You’re keeping this, right?” He asked as he gently removed the garment from her and tossed it to a nearby chair.

 

Rey grinned, nodding. “Of course. I’m really glad you like it. I was worried my tits weren’t going to fill out the cups but it surprisingly fit perfectly.”

 

Ben scoffed at her worries. “Your tits are perfect.”

 

A flush came across her cheeks at his indelicate praise. “I’m glad you think so,” she replied.

 

“I know so,” he said, motioning for her to sit, which she did. He knelt before her, taking each foot and removing her shoe and then the stocking. “And fucking thigh highs. You were really trying to kill me tonight,” he muttered between rolling off one stocking and then the other.

 

Amused again, Rey studied his expression as he did so, noting the way his face was determined but soft just the same. “Who knew you were such a lingerie guy.”

 

He snickered and met her gaze. “You could wear burlap and I’d still be turned on. But, yeah, you in lingerie, in anything you’ve worn in the playroom. I’m here for it.”

 

“Didn’t expect you to enjoy the stockings though,” Rey surmised as he shrugged and pressed a knee to the mattress as she backed up towards the headboard.

 

“Stockings, knee high socks, heels, anything that could be even mildly construed as sexy, will be if it’s on you,” he reasoned as she pulled him forward settling them in the middle of the bed kneeling and holding onto one another.

 

Rey moved to lay back, pulling him on top as he asked. “Like this?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah, just like this,” she added, positioning him between her legs, bringing her knees up to his ribs as he adjusted himself to thrust into her in one slow slide. In choosing this position, Rey had thought he’d relentlessly fuck her into the mattress but what she got was something that much more precious.

 

He moved with slow measured thrusts, angling just so that she could cross her ankles at the middle of his back with her hands clinging to his biceps. He lowered himself down to his elbows, resting one hand in her hair at the top of her head as he kissed her temple and down to the hinge of her jaw while the other took one hand and laced their fingers before pinning it above her head. Rey moaned and kissed his shoulder as he bottomed out inside her with each purposeful shift of his hips.

 

Leaning back into the pillows she caught his gaze and the two stared for a long moment. The energy between them crackling with renewed intensity. Trite phrases lived and died upon his lips without a single one being uttered but Rey could see the love in his expression and he could see it mirrored back in her own. It startled her to realize the depth of her feelings in this moment. To realize that’s what all of it had been leading to.

 

Even as they fell apart against one another, swallowing each other’s cries in their kiss and shaking in one another’s arms Rey didn’t feel the anxiety she thought would come with such a realization. Yet it was lying in wait.

 

Love. She was in love. And that in and of itself was a terrifying prospect.

 

As they lay in bed together, soaking up the afterglow the anxiety and insecurity tried to seize her throat and cast doubt on everything it could. Thoughts that he could leave her. That she’d never be enough to keep him in the long term tried to swirl and take hold in her mind but she shook them off. Refusing to acknowledge them as anything but her past trying to ruin her present and possible future. After shutting off the lights, determined more than ever to ignore the nagging fear and doubt, she snuggled into his side and kissed his neck as he pulled her into him, lips pressed to her forehead. Unknowingly giving her strength against the onslaught as she fought off her own demons, using his embrace as armor as they drifted off to a satisfied sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Morning came all too early as Rey sighed, squinting at the early dawn light, waking two minutes before her usual alarm. An annoying rare occurrence but she realized that in waking up without an alarm it gave her a unique opportunity as she leaned back and observed the sleeping man next to her. There were very few times she’d been able to catch him like this. Unguarded, vulnerable, looking ten years younger with all the stresses of adult life gone from his face as he slept.

 

She liked to imagine what he was like in the stories he told her about high school and college. The awkward nerdy boy who didn’t know how to talk to girls and claimed that no one paid attention until college when he became a gym rat. She enjoyed the results of that. Not only was he fit but he also knew on a deeper sort of level the kind of respect a woman deserved despite his colorful history with the fairer sex. She suspected though it had something to do with the women in his family. He came from strong stock, and not just the Skywalker-Naberrie side but the Organa side as well. He never did talk much about his father’s side of the family. But she supposed that was just another mystery waiting to be unraveled.

 

She watched him, unrestricted and unabashed as she let the full weight of her own realizations from the night before hit her again.

 

She loved him.

 

Full of that love, she gently pulled back, separating from him as he let out a disgruntled sigh at the loss of her against him. His need to touch her it seemed, continued even in unconsciousness. She decided she agreed with him. She didn’t like the physical distance either. Sleep it seemed had given her perspective on her realizations from the night before.

 

While it still unsettled her to think about, she also found a sort of peace in understanding finally what she was feeling. However, understanding herself and her own emotions and being able to express those emotions were two very separate things.

 

Saying it made it real. And that gave him power to break her.

 

She didn’t focus on those things, however. How the idea of telling him that she loved him made her throat seize up and her heart pound in her chest. For now, she’d keep that to herself until she was ready to say it aloud. Barely even able to admit it to herself.  Instead of that she focused on him. The gentle rise of his chest as he breathed, still asleep even though she peppered feather light kisses down his torso.

 

A huff came as she hit the slope of his hips and the sensitive skin across his lower torso. She glanced up noting he was still asleep and came back up to his face to kiss along his cheek, pressing her lips to the shell of his ear.

 

“Ben,” she whispered, cajoling and sweet.

 

A groan and a sigh as he acknowledged her voice.

 

“Come on, darling wake up,” she coaxed, knowing that pulling out that name in particular would rouse him.

 

Squinting and still very much half asleep he took her in. “Mornin’,” he mumbled with her returning smile as she kissed him.

 

“Good morning.”

 

A quick glance to the dim light of the early morning made him groan again. “Why on earth are you waking me up this early?”

 

Rey leaned up giving him her best smirk. “I just thought you might want to be awake to see what I was about to do.”

 

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he followed her still not fully awake as she slunk down his body and took him in hand. The muscles in his abdomen contracted as he inspired a sharp breath, only for that to morph into a choked groan as she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock. He watched with rapt attention as she eased him in and out of her mouth, dipping down farther with each pass until she deep throated him, taking him completely into her mouth and throat, swallowing as she did. The muscles of her oropharynx deliciously clamping down on the head.

 

“Sweet mother of-,” he broke off fisting the sheets as she looked up and made eye contact with him.  “Fuck,” he cried out when she rose up only to do it again, more swiftly this time now that her throat was used to the obstruction. Few women had tried to do what Rey had just done, and only one had ever succeeded, present company included.

 

Running her hand up his thigh she spread his legs pressing her fingers to the skin just beneath his sac. He moaned and arched his back pressing his hips down against her hand. Letting him go out of her mouth she wet her fingers with saliva before moving back down to take him in her mouth again, and simultaneously pressing one finger into his ass. Gasping he spread his legs out further, knowing exactly what she was going for, more than happy to give her the access she needed. Rey grinned before she pressed the flat of her tongue to his frenulum and eased in her second finger, angling them just so to hit just the right spot that had him sling one arm over his face, making terribly desperate sounds while his other hand gripped a pillow at the combined sensation of her fingers inside him and her mouth as she sucked him off.

 

“Rey,” he called out, tensing as he was getting close, the deeper muscles in his pelvis already contracting and radiating pleasure outward as he neared the edge. Rey kept going, unrelenting letting her fingers do the work of getting him off while she teased the head of his cock with her mouth. Within moments he was coming, moaning nonsensically to an almost embarrassing degree as Rey swallowed everything he had to give.

 

As she shifted her attention back up his torso he gained some of his mental faculties back enough to pull her up, crushing her to his chest, still aroused and ready to go another round, which had exactly been her plan, he guessed. “You are a menace,” he chided playfully.

 

She laughed and shrugged unrepentantly. “Pretty great way to wake up, no?”

 

He blew out a breath all at once, laughing at her understatement. “Feel free to wake me up like that anytime.”

 

“Noted,” Rey replied only to have him roll them to their sides, and hitch her thigh over his hip.

 

“You might have miscalculated though,” he warned.

 

“I definitely didn’t if you’re planning on what I think you are,” she replied guiding his hand to her already painfully aroused core. He sucked in a breath and leaned forward to capture her lips as they both worked to align their bodies.

 

Once sheathed inside her he wrapped his arm around her back, rubbing his palm between her shoulder blades. They adjusted to the new angle, how it made them fit together even more snugly than usual. Their pace was slow, perambulating towards that fevered pitch of pleasure in a way that wasn’t hurried, or frantic at all. Both still hazy with sleepy heavy-lidded eyes in the early light of dawn.

 

It wasn’t until after when the two extricated themselves to shower did either really start to feel fully awake. Pulling her into the hot water the two kissed and groped before Rey had the good sense to grab soap and a wash cloth. She took her time her body used and sore but not quite done with him, lathering him up before he took over getting her just as soapy before he pulled her back under the hot spray to rinse. Up on her tip toes she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as they kissed. The two let things escalate, hands roaming everywhere, pulling, pinching, rubbing in all the right spots until he turned her back against his chest, and entered her roughly from behind. He wrapped his arms around her like a cage as he kissed along her shoulder, his hips still until she goaded him forward.

 

This time was different, playful even as their groans and cries of pleasure echoed off the tile. Rey leaned her back against his chest and turned her head to kiss his neck. He praised her like she often did for him, told her how good she felt around him as she fell apart not once but twice before he came with his forehead pressed to her shoulder blade.

 

The two cleaned up once more, sharing kisses, caresses and soft glances as they moved through the motions of showering and getting dressed. By the time they were ready to go it was already time for both of them to be on their way to their respective professions.

 

Disappointed in not being able to share breakfast together, Rey walked him out to his car, stopping him with a heated kiss before he unlocked it.

 

Breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead to hers, keeping his hands at her waist too reluctant to let her go just yet. “Since you’re driving me to the airport tomorrow, why don’t you come over tonight?” he asked.

 

Rey smirked and clasped her hands around the back of his neck. “Looking to get laid again? I mean, I’m going to be pretty sore for at least a day after last night and this morning so I’m not sure-,” she explained until he cut her off with a kiss.

 

“No,” he replied as he broke the kiss once more. “I meant, I’m packing for tomorrow, and I want to spend time with you. We can order pizza and drink beer for all I care.”

 

She nodded, grinning wider this time. “Okay. I’ll bring the pizza, you provide the booze. I’ll even help you pack.”

 

“And you can stay the night, if you want. I promise no funny business, unless you ask for it.”

 

“It’s a date, then,” she replied, leaning up one more time to kiss him before they broke away and said their goodbyes for the morning. Ben watched her walk over to her car and waved her off before getting into his own to head home to quickly and change into a fresh suit. From there he’d have to rush into the office for meetings he was already late for with a very annoyed ginger CFO. Who was probably already seething, ready to lecture him about his tardiness, but at the present moment he just couldn’t seem to bring himself to care.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The artist's work they went to see is Maria Kreyn. The two paintings in particular are here
> 
> Alone together:  
> 
> 
> As above so below:  
> 


	18. XVIII. In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes to New Zealand for business, and Rey and Ben get to explore what long distance would be like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to my wonderful fic friends [Perry Downing](https://perrydowning.tumblr.com) and [nite0wl29](https://nite0wl29.tumblr.com) as well as [27vampyresinhermind](https://27vampyresinhermind.tumblr.com) for being amazing listeners and encouragers throughout the writing process!
> 
>  
> 
> To all my Swolos in the TWD. This is for all the sprints.

_Chapter playlist: Razor’s Edge – Digital Daggers; In Time - FKA Twigs; From Eden – Hozier; Strong – London Grammar; Higher Love – Depeche Mode_

XVIII. In Time

 

Dressed comfortably in an olive-green silk, short sleeved button-down shirt dress that she’d cinched at the waist with a brown leather belt, Rey bounded up to Ben’s apartment, overnight bag and pizza in hand. Impatiently, she tapped her foot as she awaited the elevator that would take her to his apartment on the top floor. Once inside it, she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, riding the elevator in silence. The air in the lift permeated with the smell of the extra-large supreme pizza that was currently hot and balancing on one of her hands. A short walk down his hallway once the elevator had finished its ascent and then she was standing in front of his door, knocking thrice.

 

Ben opened the door a moment later, standing there looking the picture of casual attractiveness in a white v-neck t-shirt, black jeans and bare feet upon his sealed concrete floor. His expression was relaxed and happy as he beamed at her arrival. “You’re early!” He exclaimed happily, stepping to the side to let her pass.

 

“Last client cancelled, so I had a chance to pick up from my favorite pizzeria on my way over.”

 

“Isn’t that by your apartment?” He asked, remembering her speak of it once or twice before.

 

Rey nodded and handed him the box as they came into the kitchen. Ben set the box down on the island countertop and then turned abruptly to her, a hand on her lower abdomen pushing her back into the counter. Rey looked up at him startled at first by the move and then relaxed as she realized his intent. His eyes were hungry, as they stared at her mouth before descending to press his mouth to hers. Rey sighed, craning her neck as his hands held her hips rooted in place. Running his tongue along the line of her lower lip, Rey gasped giving him the opportunity to deepen their kiss.

 

Though his hands didn’t move, Rey’s did. First to his back, pulling him in by his torso, before ascending his shoulders. His hips canted forwards further pinning her between himself and the countertop. Both were reluctant to break apart from one another, but a rumble from his stomach made her break the kiss with a laugh.

 

“Did you forget to eat lunch?”

 

“No, but I did just get back from the gym,” he stated, as Rey took in that his hair was still damp from a shower.

 

Rey leaned back and gave him a look before they broke apart. Ben chewed his lower lip for a moment, groaning as he opened the pizza box. “You’re perfect. This is perfect. And that kiss was for getting my favorite.”

 

“Supreme is a pretty good choice, not going to lie. This place puts roasted red peppers on instead of green bell. And sautés the mushrooms in garlic butter before putting them on the pizza.”

 

“Fucking Hell, stop talking about pizza like it’s sex. You’re killing me,” he snarked back as he grabbed a piece wolfing half of it down in two bites, burning the roof of his mouth with molten mozzarella.

 

Rey leaned against the counter and arched an eyebrow. “I mean pizza and sex, are quite similar. When it’s good, then it’s really good. But I’ll see to it that this information is going to be filed away for later. Just so you know.”

 

Cutting his eyes over to her, he shook his head with an amused glance. “My mother called me earlier today,” he added, redirecting her away from her food and sex analogies.

 

At the mention of Leia, Rey perked up. “How is she?”

 

He grinned at her eagerness, happy at the fact that Leia and Rey got along famously enough to ask about one another. “Good. Asked about you. I told her my _girlfriend_ is doing well,” he stated, shooting her a coy boyish grin.

 

At the term Rey straightened her stance. Even though she’d called him her boyfriend just the night before him returning the terminology and using it to describe her to his mother made anxiety twist in her gut. Putting labels on the relationship was one thing. Telling family of those labels was chiefly another. It made what this was real, tangible. And something real was something you could lose. And naturally that terrified her. She couldn’t lose this.

 

Not him. Not now. Not after everything.

 

But that little voice in her head pounced. That evil sense of self-doubt reminded her of how easy it would be for him to walk away from all of this. Growing quiet she turned to grab paper towels for napkins off the dispenser, setting them down between them, and refusing to meet his imploring stare. She internally berated herself as she could feel her face fall and her body language close off.

 

Ben watched it happen, his own expression falling and concern rising. He watched the walls she kept around herself go back up. Had he not gotten the chance to get to know her over the past months of time he’d have reacted differently. His own instincts to batten down the hatches and expect the worse were rising as well. To snipe and grow bitter in the face of her shutting him out. But he shut that part of himself down. Knowing that she needed assurance. Needed that constancy only he could provide. Concerned and determined, he dropped the pizza slice and wiped his hands and mouth with a paper towel before coming over to box her in, caught once more between him and the counter.

  

“Talk to me,” he stated as though a command but with the softness of a quiet plea.

 

Rey looked up to his eyes struck by the concern there. “It’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not.” He countered, slicing through her argument definitively.

 

Rey closed her eyes and took several calming breaths, letting the silence of his presence soothe her.

 

“You’re panicking. Why?” Ben asked, finally after several moments. When she didn’t reply he pressed further. “Is it because I called you my girlfriend to my mother?”

 

Rey nodded mutely, eyes still downcast. Ben sighed, leaning forward to press a kiss to her temple. Rey looked at him once more as he pulled back, following his touch and wrapping her arms around his torso.

 

Ben followed suit, enveloping her in his arms. They stood like that for minutes just holding one another in his kitchen. In the very same place she’d ended things before they’d even had a chance to begin. The sense of return, of renewal and rebirth they’d come through it to find one another again wasn’t lost on either of them.

 

“I don’t understand. You were okay calling me your boyfriend yesterday. What changed?” he asked, murmuring into her hair as they gently rocked their weight from one foot to another. A careful dance without music or rhythm.

 

Rey buried her face into his chest more, shaking her head and mumbling. He chuckled and asked her to repeat it but in English that time, having not understood the muffled words. Leaning back, she met his gaze, finding nothing but compassion and understanding there. “I know. That’s why I said it was stupid. I don’t want to lose this. You. And putting labels on it makes it real. Makes this thing we have a tangible thing. Real things are capable of being lost.”

 

“And imagined ones are ones you’d never had in the first place, right?”

 

Rey nodded, taking another cleansing breath or two.

 

One corner of his mouth turned up in a soft crooked smile. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m right here.”

 

Rey nodded. “Right now, you are. But what about-,” Rey started to say but he shook his head.

 

“No. I’m not going anywhere. No what-abouts or what-ifs. I’m here because I want you.”

 

Rey tried to let that sink in. But that little voice was still at it, berating her for wanting to believe him. Because men would say anything wouldn’t they? But Ben wasn’t most men. In fact, he wasn’t like anyone she’d ever known she’d told her mother as much not two days before.

 

Getting an idea, he kissed her forehead reverently. “I have an idea. Because no matter what I say only my actions and time will convince you that I’m not going anywhere without you.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side as she laced her fingers at his lower back. “What’s that?”

 

Grinning more widely at his own idea he continued, “let’s amend the contract.”

 

Unsettled Rey’s face fell for a second. “Amend it? How?” she asked.

 

An even bigger grin settled over him. “Take out the trial period. I don’t need it.”

 

“What?” Rey asked, her hope rising through her own darkness.

 

“You heard me. I don’t need a fucking trial period. I’m in this with you. And we should probably also add in the parameters that we’re in a relationship as well. You know, since we left that out of the first one.”

 

Rey’s heart stuttered at his assurances. “You’d be okay with that?”

 

He nodded in response. “I’m not giving up any part of this life we’re building together. I enjoy every fucking bit of it.”

 

An exultant grin lit up her features at his admission. “Okay. As long as this is what you want.”

 

“You’re what I want, Rey. So long as you’re willing to have me.”

 

“I want it too, have from the beginning. I just was too afraid to ask,” she admitted, her voice small at first, but with growing confidence in her cadence.

 

“Which is hilarious coming from a dominant. Normally you’d think you’d be confident enough to demand what you want.”

 

“In a scene, sure. But that doesn’t mean I’m that confident in every aspect of my life.” Rey snickered and pushed him back.

 

“I guess that’s something we need to work on then,” Ben offered, giving her a smirk as he leaned back and crossed his arms at his chest.

 

Rey nodded, grinning a bit before going over to the cupboard she remembered he kept plates in.

 

Ben watched, as she grabbed them, setting them on the counter. “What?” she asked.

 

“You remembered,” he stated, half-amused. His face grew soft and pensive at the notion that she’d not forgotten anything about his apartment even though she’d not been here since that morning he wished he could forget.

 

“I have eaten a meal here before, two in fact,” she reasoned as he nodded, going over to the fridge to get two beers. At the mention of the morning in question, he brushed the lingering feeling of regret from himself because what did he really have to regret? He had her now. She was with him. Cared for him. Training him. Dating him. It’s everything he wanted that morning when he’d awoken to her sleeping naked form so long ago. The fact that she still had her anxieties was something that should give him strength to know that she was anxious at the prospect of losing what they had.

 

But the weeks that turned into a month they’d spent a part before she’d finally agreed to train him had been enough damage to his fragile heart to make it sting still despite all that had changed.

 

“IPA or cider?” Ben asked from behind the refrigerator door, shaking the maudlin feelings from his psyche. They’d come so far and she needed his strength as much as he needed her presence. They’d talked about that morning already. Had settled it and she’d apologized for her error in judgement. It wasn’t worth bringing up again.

 

Time, he supposed could only help them both.

 

“IPA,” Rey called back as she settled in grabbing herself two slices of pizza.

 

“Shall we? I’ve got a bunch of packing to do,” Ben cracked open two bottles, sliding one over to her as they rounded the island, and went up to his room. He grabbed his plate and the pizza box as they headed for the stairs.

 

Rey looked at the label on the beer, snickering as she tossed a look over her shoulder at him. “Blood orange IPA? _Really_ Ben? You’re such a bloody hipster.”

 

“I’m not a fucking hipster. No beard, no hipster glasses or dress casual. Clean shaven and a suit most days,” he replied, laughing as they came into his room. He deposited the pizza box on the small table next to an oversized but sleek and modern chair in a corner of his room.

 

Rey took in his room, flashes of that first night coming to her mind. The ghosts of memories swam with the new ones they’d laid over the previous weeks together, making her temperature rise and her cheeks flush. She smirked as she took in the bed and the open suit cases. She climbed into one the larger of the two, sitting cross-legged as he disappeared into his large walk-in closet.

 

A moment later he came out holding several ties only to stop as he looked up and took her in, sitting in his suitcase. His expression flew through a myriad of emotions. Amusement. Tenderness. Love. “As much as I’d like to I don’t think smuggling my girlfriend in my checked bag is exactly TSA approved.”

 

Rey laughed at him in response but didn’t budge. “I know, but I’m going to miss you.”

 

“God, same,” he stated before crashing his lips to hers, forgetting all about the decision of what ties to bring that he’d been mulling over.

 

Pressing their heads together after breaking the kiss, Ben sighed rubbing his hands over her arms. “It’s just a week.”

 

“I know. But we haven’t gone that long without seeing each other since we started training.”

 

He nodded and kissed the dimple that formed at the corner of her crooked grin as she looked at him. “We’ll be okay. It’ll be a good test. And a good exercise for this summer.”

 

“Are you going to be gone a lot?”

 

“Every couple of weeks, yeah. I’m trying not to be gone more than a couple of days at a time. I do have other clients to meet with and schmooze. But this is the great white whale that will secure our third and fourth fiscal quarters according to Hux.”

 

“Sounds like it’s important that you go, then.” Rey offered at his explanation.

 

“Knowing you’re here waiting for me to get back will make it worth all the hassle, I suppose.”

 

Rey nodded, grinning a bit more. “Part of a healthy relationship is supporting each other’s careers, right?” She asked, making him grin.

 

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t really have much of a model of what a healthy relationship looks like.”

 

“Your parents?” Rey asked, watching as Ben sat on the bed.

 

Ben scoffed. “Are you kidding me?” He asked as she moved out of his suitcase and went to sit across his lap. Wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “They fought constantly when I was a kid. It took four years of therapy to realize that’s just how they communicate with each other,” he explained.

 

Rey grinned at the explanation. “Is that why your first instinct is always to argue your point?”

 

“How’d you notice?” he asked, caught slightly off guard.

 

“Just something I noticed here and there. Sometimes in a scene if I go to punish you or do something you disagree with, I can see you, reigning yourself in from arguing.”

 

Ben nodded in agreement with that. “Oh, that for sure. It’s hard to shut off learned behaviors. But I’m a quick learner.”

 

“You are,” Rey agreed.

 

Ben looked at Rey for a moment, trying to memorize every detail of her for those long nights he’d be away this summer when he got an idea. “You know what?” he asked, grabbing Rey’s attention.

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t have any pictures of you, or of us on my phone, except for the one you sent me from your run months ago.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side as she considered him. “And you want some?”

 

“Yes, definitely.”

 

Rey moved off of him then, spotting his phone that was charging on its dock on the night stand. Using his thumb to open the passcode on the phone, she flicked open the camera in selfie mode and sat on his lap. Ben pressed his lips to her temple as she angled the camera, a faint smile on his lips and a soft one upon hers as she snapped a few in various positions, including one of them staring at one another soft expressions and hints of smiles on their respective faces, and one of them kissing, his thumb gracing her cheek and her lower lip trapped between his lips.

 

Rey turned it on him then, pushing him down on the bed, with her knees pressed into the mattress on either side of his hips. She snapped pictures of him, her hand at his cheek, then his neck, rocking her hips over his to get him to close his eyes and his lips part just like she knew the friction would elicit.

 

“Rey, I don’t want pictures of me on my phone. I wanted pictures of you,” he complained as she stopped raising an eyebrow.

 

“Foolish of you to think I’m not going to text myself these pictures either. Besides look at this one,” she said, showing him the one she’d snapped the moment he’d let out a muffled groan. He came up on his elbows, seeing her hand across his throat, the absolutely wrecked look on his face, just from a little frottage.

 

“Okay, okay, you can have them,” he replied, and quickly swiped the phone from her before in one swift move he flipped them, pushing her to the middle of his bed, and straddling her hips this time. “I think turnabout is fair play, no?”

 

Rey laid back and let him snap pictures, ranging from funny and silly to sultry before she knocked the phone out of his hands and pulled him by the collar down to her to kiss her once more. Adjusting himself, he moved his knee between hers, nudging her legs apart as he lowered himself down, grinding his hips into hers. Rey broke the kiss with a whimpered groan.

 

Ben moved back on his elbows. “Still sore?”

 

Rey nodded and he grinned smugly, thoroughly pleased that she was still feeling the effects from the night and morning before. “Don’t look so pleased, that’s why you’re not getting laid tonight.”

 

“I’m okay with that,” Ben replied, making Rey’s eyebrows raise. “What? I told you I wanted to spend time with you. Just because we’re having a little fun, teasing one another doesn’t mean that’s changed.”

 

Rey leaned up and kissed the tip of his nose before she settled back against the soft duvet of his bed. “Okay, then. I think you have a lot of packing to do then,” she added, pressing her hands to his shoulders.

 

Reluctantly he rose, pulling her up as well as he got to work filling his suitcases while she went over and grabbed herself a slice of pizza, offering advice on which suits to bring and which to leave in his closet. A sense of normalcy and domesticity falling over them in the process, yet both embraced it as they continued to talk, eat, drink and pack.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey pulled to the curb as they arrived at the airport that morning. Ben was groggy, having a fitful sleep the night before as was his usual before a long business trip. Rey snickered at him as he yawned. Ray Ban Wayfarers on his face, hiding his tired eyes and dark circles. Their negotiation talk on the ride to the airport, that morning consisted mainly of what to expect, planning ahead for what would be Saturday night for him, but Friday night for her, considering the twenty-hour time difference between Wellington and San Francisco.

 

“You should have slept more,” she admonished, shifting her legs so that her navy-blue dress, rode up her thigh slightly, catching his eye for a moment.

 

Ben shrugged. “I did, for a few hours. It’s hard to turn off my brain before a big trip. Even with you there.”

 

Rey smirked and pat his knee to which he grabbed her hand turning it palm-up and pressed a chaste kiss to it. “Still, sleep is important.”

 

“I know and I’ll get sleep on the plane,” Ben replied, standing there in his black leather bomber jacket, white v-neck and a pair of dark wash jeans that he’d pulled up from the floor that morning. They broke apart, exiting her Prius and rounding to the back to get his bags. One bag went to the curbside check-in, getting his boarding pass and sending off the one bag to go into the cargo hold of the plane for his flight to Auckland his first of two flights of the day.

 

Coming back around to Rey, who was holding the other bag - his laptop bag specifically - he took it from her, settling the strap across his shoulders. Rey looked at him fondly, as he leaned down to kiss her, hands sliding down her back to cup her ass and pull her into him as her arms wound around his neck and hand buried into his wavy hair. She lost herself to the kiss, this last moment they’d see one another for a solid week in physical form.

 

The kiss itself was passionate, knocking the wind from her lungs and leaving them both breathless as he pulled back, her lips chasing after his. “Text me when you land?” Rey asked, her voice small and unsure.

 

He grinned. “Of course.”

 

Rey nodded and stared another long moment. “Oh!” She began remembering something she’d forgotten. “In your checked bag, there’s a gift for you.”

 

Ben arched his brow curiously. “Oh really? A present? For me?” he asked as she nodded.

 

“It’s for Friday but you’ll understand when you see it.”

 

Ben gave her a suspicious glance as he looked down at her. “Uh huh, should I be scared?”

 

Rey laughed, shaking her head. “No. I’d never spring something on you that you hadn’t expressed interest in previously, I promise.”

 

“I trust you,” he replied, kissing the tip of her nose.

 

“Passport?” she asked, delaying his departure.

 

“Check.”

 

“Boarding pass?”

 

“Check.”

 

“Okay,” Rey began. “I’m going to kiss you one last time and say ‘be seeing you’ so you can go catch your flight.”

 

Ben chuckled and nodded, meeting her half way as they kissed, reluctant to move apart from one another. Another breath and Rey pulled back and out of his embrace with a smile.

 

“Be seeing you,” she said, backing away to her car.

 

He grinned and nodded once more. “See you in a week.”

 

Taking his bags, he walked into the airport, turning to watch her get into her car and leave the curb where she’d dropped him off. Just inside however, Poe was already waiting for him, shit-eating grin on his face.

 

“Someone got laid last night,” Poe howled, giving Ben his best smirk.

 

Ben rolled his eyes and the two started walking towards the admiral’s club lounge. “Fuck off, and for the record, no, she stayed over. But no, we did not.”

 

“Seriously? With that kind of heat going on?” Poe snarked back, making Ben shake his head at his best friend. “You know I’m still peeved you haven’t shared deets with me.”

 

“And maybe that’s because I don’t want to?”

 

Poe’s eyebrows raised at the response. “Lies, you tell me everything.”

 

“I don’t tell you everything, Poe. Besides, maybe I want something to keep for myself this time around?” Ben offered reminding his best friend that Rey was different. That she was important and that what this was between them was something he wanted to protect and not share with anyone.

 

The two men went through security, going through TSA pre-check, a luxury Ben had convinced Hux to get for the company’s senior associates and themselves since everyone traveled so often. Hux had been rather annoyed at the idea that the associates should get company paid TSA pre-check passes every year but Poe had argued that it would add to their already hefty perks and benefits package to attract the best and brightest and give something the junior associates could aspire to. And that had been an argument Hux had begrudgingly conceded on in the end.

 

Once in the Admiral’s club lounge they found said CFO, nursing a gin at the bar despite the early morning hour.

 

“Hux, my man, drinking this early already?” Poe asked, concern masked by his jovial tone.

 

Hux rolled his eyes at Poe and shrugged. “You both know how much I loathe flying. I still don’t understand why I had to be there for this.”

 

Ben sighed and smacked a hand to Hux’s shoulder while Poe busied himself raiding the complimentary breakfast buffet. “You okay?”

 

Hux nodded. “Yeah, just peachy.”

 

“Yeah, I’m not convinced, what’s going on?”

 

“Nothing, Ben. I just haven’t been myself lately.” Hux replied.

 

Ben pursed his lips and ordered himself a bloody Mary. “Want to talk about it?”

 

“You are the only person I could talk about this with, I suppose,” Hux surmised, taking another sip of his gin.

 

Ben took a look at his friend and angled toward him. “I’m here when you’re ready.”

 

Hux took a breath and gathered himself. “I’ve been too into my work lately. And my Aunt’s health is not the greatest.”

 

“Yeah but at least you have an outlet. What about Trisha?” Ben interjected.

 

Hux shook his head. “She’s moving to New York, so our arrangement can no longer proceed.”

 

Ben sat back a moment, stunned at the new information. And yet there was something that flicked a light bulb of an idea on in his head the minute Hux said that he was now an unattached submissive. “Do you have checklist?” Ben asked.

 

“What? Why would ask me that?”

 

Ben chuckled a bit. “Because Rey is active in the scene, I can give her your checklist and she can help find you find someone new.”

 

“I don’t want anyone new, Ben,” Hux retorted snidely.

 

“Right but isn’t the best way to get over someone to get under someone new?” Ben countered back, smirking. “Isn’t that what you and Poe tried to convince me of time and time again?”

 

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Fine. I’ll send you my file of information that Trisha had me fill out ages ago. You’re lucky she required regular STD testing.”

 

“Thank you. I’m not saying we’ll find someone right away. But I’m sure there’s a few unattached domme’s who wouldn’t mind a little ginger in their life.”

 

“Who the fuck, are you calling, little?” Hux shot back and the two men laughed, drinking together and awaiting their flight.

 

“You know, these pastries suck compared to Finn’s, maybe I should suggest he contract to airlines for catering,” Poe said as he made his way back over after scarfing down two donuts and two cups of coffee. The two at the bar shared a look before they started laughing at their friend who was bewildered as to what conversation he’d walked into the end of.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben trudged into his hotel room the following evening, seeing that the text he’d sent Rey when he landed had gone unanswered. She must be eating dinner with Finn currently, he mused. Or maybe with a client still. He wasn’t sure what time it was exactly back home. Jetlagged and exhausted after the long flight, and what felt like an equally long flight from Auckland to Wellington. He’d slept on the plane, but even first-class seats weren’t designed with a man of his height in mind. His back was sore and his neck had a crick in it that he couldn’t seem to put enough pressure on.

 

So instead, he headed for the bathroom, thanking whatever architect had decided that luxury suites at this hotel deserved massaging jets in the shower.

 

Coming back into the main part of the suite where his bed was, he opened his checked bag first, slipping into pajama bottoms and toweling his hair dry before tossing it to the bathroom. He saw an envelope taped to a box wrapped neatly in silver and blue wrapping paper. On the envelope itself it said, ‘ _Open first’_.

 

So, he did, pulling out the white paper letter she’d written to him. He smirked at her near chicken scratch handwriting, wondering when she must have written this and when she must have snuck it into his luggage.

 

 

_Darling,_

_I know you must be wondering how I snuck this past you during your packing bonanza last night, but you’re asleep right now, finally, though you need to be awake in about an hour to take you to the airport. You definitely don’t like it when I leave the bed, but I needed time to write this and your touch is distracting._

_I wanted to say thank you. For everything you’ve given to me. For being the submissive I could have scarcely dreamt of before we met. For being the man who challenges me to be a better dominant and obeys every command. You’ve brought so much to my life since you came into it._

_I think back to the night we met a lot. I think you do too. Had I known you were a submissive then I’m not sure I would have had the strength to either give you my card or walk away. I can’t decide what would be the more dominant force, our attraction to one another or my fear of being rejected._

_Revising the contract was a brilliant idea. A stunning redirect my anxiety and insecurity needed. So, thank you for that. I’ll have that ready to be signed when you get back home. Thank you for seeing what I needed and reacting accordingly. I’ve never had someone like you in my life. Someone who challenges me not just as a dominant but as a girlfriend, as a lover._

_You’ve made me so very happy and I hope that I’ve done the same for you. Though you can’t hide your emotions at all. Written so plainly across your face. I think that’s my favorite part of you. Being able to read you like a favorite book that falls open for my perusal. It’s hard to choose though, between the way you look at me in or out of the playroom and how it feels to be with you._

_I didn’t realize that in all my failed relationships that what was lacking in each is what I’ve found with you. You accept me completely as I accept you. You don’t know what it means to me to have your devotion, that you hand me your autonomy on a silver platter without question. The rush of power that gives me is indescribable._

_I hope that in turn, I have been a capable teacher along the way. In the box you’ll find your present. The tools you’ll find there are, yes for our scene this week, but one is also for you to use before then._

_I’ve decided to take you off of orgasm restriction. A decision I didn’t come to lightly or without pause. You’ve been a model submissive. Even when I’ve had to use punishment to correct behavior you’ve taken everything in stride. Taken everything I’ve had to give to you with an open mind and tackled every challenge I’ve given you. You’re everything I could have hoped for when I agreed to train you. That is why I’ve given into the idea to allow you to regain control over this one area when we aren’t together._

_I do this for a particular purpose, too. The tool in question is a bullet vibrator, similar to what we’ve used before but made especially for men. I want you to get comfortable giving yourself prostate orgasms as we’ll use this tool again this week. It is app controlled, and I already have the app downloaded to my phone, which you should also do the same for yours. The other gift is to make us feel connected even though you’re half way around the world._

_I want you to enjoy the gifts. Test them out and text me after you use them. Think of me._

_-Sir._

 

 

Ben sat down on the bed as he’d read her letter, a warmth suffusing his entire being at the praise and carefully worded affection it contained. Taking a breath in and out through his nose he realized, holding the paper up to his nose that she’d sprayed a bit of her perfume on the page. And to add to it the impression of her dark pink lipstick next to the Sir, moniker and he was more aroused now than he had been reading it the first time. He read it over twice more before he set the paper aside, on the nightstand adjacent to the bed. He turned to the box unwrapping it carefully and lifting the flaps to see two smaller boxes.

 

He opened each, the first was a long black rectangular fleshlight called Onyx. Intrigued he read more on the pamphlet of instructions noting that there was a corresponding vibrator called Pearl that he surmised must be with Rey. As he read the instructions he realized what she meant by connecting despite the distance. It seemed his sweet wonderful dominant had bought them long distance sex toys so they could feel one another, though artificially, through silicone, vibrations and simulated suction.

 

The second was as she said a black silicone vibrator designed especially for men, it was small, no wider than two fingers, and cone shaped with a slight angle to it he supposed was to get just the right stimulation. In the box as well was a bottle of water-based lubricant which he silently thanked Rey for including. He’d never done this himself before. Having been on orgasm restriction when Rey had introduced this kind of pleasure to him, he had been hindered in his own self exploration until now.

 

Still, nerves swarmed his gut as he took off his pajama bottoms and cleared the bed, turning down the covers to get comfortable. He was already hard just from her letter, but he knew that wasn’t exactly necessary for what he was about to do. He downloaded the app to his phone, getting everything situated before he could talk himself out of it. It wasn’t like he’d never experienced this before. Yet having the freedom to do it to himself gave him a somewhat nervous excitement throughout his system.

 

Squirting lube on the toy and a bit on his hole he reached between his legs and carefully slid the toy inside himself. The intrusion wasn’t completely uncomfortable but it did stretch him a fair bit more than Rey’s fingers or her smaller bullet vibrator had. He started slow, using the lowest setting, and even that had him pressing his head back into the pillows with a long moan. His whole body was stiff as a board, resisting the pleasure of it. His mind went to Rey, imagining her here with him, in something silk and lace, telling him to give into it - to relax.

 

Imagining her helped, he could feel the tension in his thighs, shoulders and abdomen give under her coaxing. His body gave way little by little, getting used to the gentle vibration, and giving himself over to the fantasy his mind was conjuring up.

 

Rey. Rey. Always Rey.

 

Her mouth around his cock. Her body rising and falling above him. Her body shaking through an orgasm. The sound of her satisfied moan. The taste of her arousal against his tongue. His mind jumped through each of these before it settled on one singular point. Rey fucking him. And not on his cock, no. No, the Rey in his mind was doing something he was told that was out of the question. Rey was fucking him with a fake cock strapped to her hips. He supposed he should be startled by the fantasy but he just didn’t care as his whole body relaxed and rocked into the sensations and vibration.

 

Curious, he tapped his fingers on his phone upping the vibration to regular interspersed jolts at a higher intensity. The minute it hit he curled his toes and clenched his eyes shut, cursing loudly. The feeling was indescribable as he could feel the muscles in his pelvis contract and relax in time with the vibrator. He felt a sheen of sweat began to bead across his brow before his first orgasm crashed over him, warmth from inside out as he let out a long low moan.

 

Panting now he pressed forward, not letting the fact that his chest and abdomen were painted with cum. He rocked his hips forward again realizing that the outer portion of the vibrator that helped hold it in place rubbed right over his perineum. He chased the sensations, letting them carry him as far as he could go. A delicious ache set over his hips but he didn’t care how sore he was going to be in the morning, not after the first orgasm or the second that washed over him minutes later. He changed up the vibrations then, letting it go for a more intense and shorter staccato to push him through his third and fourth orgasms respectively that left him breathless and slick with sweat and cum.

 

While the fourth’s aftershocks were still coursing through him he stopped, turning off the vibrator and went to clean himself up. After taking a second shower to rinse himself of his own cum, sweat, and lube and clean the vibrator, he pulled his phone to himself once he’d collapsed onto the hotel bed. His legs like Jell-O he’d struggled through walking to the bathroom, and the shower to remain upright.

 

Texting Rey he took a moment to compose the message. Did he lead with the fact he’d just had probably the most intense orgasms he’s ever had on his own before? That he thought of her pegging him and that helped him relax and get off so easily that he did it four times in the span of an hour.

 

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** Landed in Wellington, hope you had a good day at work.  
  
**Delivered** 5:43 PM **Ben Solo:** Your letter was beautiful. And the tool definitely got used.

He laid in that hotel bed, unmoving, still naked and his overheated body still coming down from those highs.

Meanwhile, it was late the day before back stateside. Rey emerged from her bubble bath to see her phone buzz and light up on her nightstand. Grinning, she went to see his messages, her grin widening at the second message.

 

 

Ben Solo  
  
**Rey Erso:** Apologies for not seeing your earlier text, love. I took an extended bubble bath with wine to melt the day away. I’m glad you enjoyed the letter. And what about the vibrator? Enjoy yourself?  
  
**Ben Solo:** Definitely.  
  
**Rey Erso:** How many times did you orgasm?  
  
**Ben Solo:** Four.

Rey took a breath as her eyes widened. Four times. His first time out by himself and he comes four times?

 

 

**Rey Erso:** Impressive. How do you feel?  
  
**Ben Solo:** Good, jetlagged as fuck but I’m definitely going to sleep well now. How late is it there?  
  
**Rey Erso:** 11:00pm Wednesday.  
  
**Ben Solo:** It’s 7pm Thursday here.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Get some sleep, darling. You can tell me all about it in our aftercare Friday.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Want to know what I was thinking about?.

 

Rey chewed her lip for a moment, wondering what he was baiting her with.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** Yes, of course I want to know.  
  
**Ben Solo:** You fucking me. With a strap-on.

 

Rey swallowed deeply at the message. Simultaneous anxiety and arousal flooded through her as she remembered her previous experiences. Snap who convinced her that he wanted to try it so much, only to crumble beneath the emotional upheaval it wrought. Pegging could make a man extremely vulnerable, especially had they never experienced something like it before. But something in his message. Maybe it was the implied tone, though that was hard to infer in plain text. But something told her that maybe, someday, Ben would be able to handle it.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** Ben, we talked about this.  
  
**Ben Solo:** No, you talked about this. I didn’t exactly get a say when you struck it off the list of possibilities.

 

Rey realized they needed to have a conversation about this. Not just her unilateral decision. She knew it, knew it had to be a decision they came to as a couple. As a D/s pair. But it still scared the living fuck out of her to think of it.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** I get you want to try it. I get the curiosity. But you don’t understand the vulnerability that comes with allowing yourself to be penetrated like that. It’s different than using a bullet vibrator or hell even plugs. It’s a wholly different experience to know that it’s not just something but someone who’s inside you.

 

Ben groaned, not wanting to fight with her, but wanting her to see his point as well. He knew there were things about it he wouldn’t be able to expect but he wanted to navigate that, with her.

 

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** I understand there’s going to be things I can’t anticipate. But I want this. I want this with you. You’re the only person I’d ever trust to do it. Will you at least consider it?.

 

Rey could practically feel the imploring stare from him through the phone. She had to be more reasonable. It wasn’t that pegging was a hard limit she never cared for in fact just the opposite. However, it was one experience that had soured it for her. One experience and she’d been content to never again entertain the thought. And then Ben happened. Shattering her expectations and fulfilling her fantasies. There were things they needed to discuss before they could ever approach this barrier. Things that needed to be said and pasts that needed uncovering more than they’d already bared. Especially on her end with regard to one previous relationship in particular.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** I guess I can consider it. If it means that much to you.  
  
**Ben Solo:** Good. It does. And not just because I want it. But because I think it will help you move on from whatever turned you off to it in the first place. I don’t want us to hold anything back from each other. Ever.

 

Ben smiled a sleepy smile and fingers half fumbling over the smooth surface of the touch screen.

 

 

**Rey Erso:** I know. I’m working on that. The not holding back part.  
  
**Ben Solo:** I know. And it makes me really happy to know that you’re happy with me. That letter was everything, Rey.   
  
**Rey Erso:** I’m glad you liked it. It’s the truth, you know. You’ve given me so much.  
  
**Ben Solo:** And you’ve given me just as much if not more. But now I’m crashing and it’s late for you, get some sleep, sweetheart.   
  
**Rey Erso:** Thank you, love. You get some sleep, too.

 

* * *

 

Ben sat, bobbing his leg in annoyance as they sat through another meeting with their client. More meetings. More budgetary shenanigans. More questioning his design. It was enough to make him want to shout. But he didn’t. Instead he bobbed his leg and twirled his pen, taking notes intermittently throughout each meeting. He hated this part of architecture more than anything. When the client tried to cut corners and save money even when the budget already had a healthy contingency factored in.

 

He let Armitage do the haggling, knowing that his best asset was in Hux’s love of numbers and arguments. The three of them were an impervious united front against any such design changes that didn’t suit the original vision. It’s why he hated residential architecture most of all. Designing homes and renovations for people and families always meant last minute changes and swaps that could alter the flow of the design he’d created. 

 

Just once he’d love it for a client to sit back and just say “Hey, you’re the expert, I trust you.” But that never came. Just endless negotiations until the client eventually saw his side of things. Being the leader of such an organization like the firm was he had to present a calm and cool collected front. Even though underneath his annoyance was roiling.

 

“Well if we slash the budget on the flooring then we will be forced to look into options that are less environmentally conscious and that’s what you were touting with this headquarters was it not?” Armitage argued as he flicked through his excel spreadsheet on his tablet.

 

“Yes, but-,”

 

Hux smiled and raised his stylus, “But-,” he countered. “That is why you hired us. To shape the vision of your corporation into the new millennium. And to keep that focus growing we need to be forward thinking in terms of longevity of the planet you plan to house your headquarters, no?”

 

“Yes, I see your point,” the analyst said, clearly deflated that in their efforts to cost cut they were getting blocked and efficiently steamrolled.

 

Ben sat forward then, leaning his elbows on the sleek mahogany conference table. “What we’re saying is, that you have a vision for your company. To bring shipping into the twenty-first century with a smaller carbon footprint. Now while some of the materials you suggest are cheaper, we’ve already built it into the budget you agreed to and signed, that we’re to use ethically sourced materials. The carbon footprint of what you’re suggesting undermines the global vision of your company. Do you really want that to be the headline about the new headquarters?” Ben asked, giving his full support to Armitage’s sound arguments.

 

By the time the meeting came to a close, Ben needed to get the Hell out of dodge. It was already late into the Saturday afternoon here in Wellington and with the twenty-hour time difference it was already early evening Friday, back in San Francisco. No doubt Rey would already be getting ready for their evening excursion into FaceTime.

 

“Drinks at the hotel bar?” Poe offered and Ben shook his head. “Hot date?”

 

He nodded. “Yep, with Rey. We’re video-calling.”

 

“Whipped,” Poe mused without a hint of derision in his amused tone.

 

Ben laughed and shrugged. “Like you aren’t with Finn.”

 

“Touché,” Poe countered giving his friend a smack to his shoulder. Hux rolled his eyes at the two of them, garnering Poe’s derisive attention. “Hugs, are you annoyed that two out of the three of us are in relationships?”

 

“Don’t call me that. And no, despite my disdain for sentimentality I am not annoyed by the fact that my two best friends are indeed attached and happy.”

 

“Disdain for sentimentality. Hux-y, seriously you got get out more,” Poe surmised on the trip back to the hotel.

 

Hux rolled his eyes looking to Ben for help. “Oh no, you’re on your own. I know better than to get between the two of you.” And that was true. Much of their earliest negotiations and organizational meetings when starting the firm had turned into heated debates between Hux and Poe. Ben often was the swing vote, which made him the ideal candidate to be CEO despite his own misgivings about the title and all the power and control it bestowed upon his shoulders. He knew though if the firm were to be successful, however, they had to play to each other’s strengths.

 

Hux was a numbers guy. Poe was a people pleaser. Ben was adept at reigning the both of them in and developing a singular vision.

 

Back at the hotel Ben bid the boys adieu as they headed towards the bar for drinks and half price happy hour appetizers. Once in the elevator he shot off a quick text to Rey.

 

Rey Erso  
  
**Ben Solo:** I hate meetings. I hate that it’s Saturday here. I feel so off. All day yesterday I spent waiting for our usual time. And then I realized that it was still fucking Thursday back home.  
  
**Rey Erso:** Time zones are a bitch, aren’t they?

 

Rey smiled at her phone as she sent off her reply. Her day had been filled with normal Friday things. Clients filled her office, filing in and out throughout the day to work through various intimate issues. One of her most recent clients were trying to bring the fire back to their marriage, having been married for over twenty years. Despite her daily distractions, however she found her mind wandering sometimes even during a session with clients where she wished it were evening already.

 

In fact, since they’d started their weekly diversions she’d found herself often driven to distraction on Fridays. The anticipation roiling in her gut, making her skin tingle and her mind wander. She wondered if it was the same for him. If he often felt the keen sense of anticipation that she did. She hoped so. It’s one reason why she’d opted for scheduling their training sessions for a night at the end of the week. Something to look forward to.

 

Even now as she moved about her bedroom, everything set and ready for the two of them to FaceTime and attempt a scene via audio visual aid. She’d done this once before. Ages ago when webcams were grainy and useless. But now to see him in glorious high definition, she was certain she was going to regret having come up with the idea to tide them over through his extended business trip.

 

Within a few minutes her laptop and phone began to ring, signaling that he was calling. Answering it he popped up on her screen, his face drawn and worn, looking tired from a long day.

 

“Long day at the office?” She asked and he sighed, nodding.

 

“Yes, sorry, was trying to get into the hotel room, but I couldn’t wait. I just wanted to see your face and hear your voice before we got started.

 

Rey chuckled, grinning at his eagerness. “Not a problem. Besides we can use this time to relax and get ourselves into the proper headspaces for the evening. Tell me, darling, how was your day?”

 

A soft smile curled his mouth as he settled into his hotel suite. “Long. Tedious. Full of meetings with bean counters who want to undercut my design for the sake of saving a few dollars here or there.”

 

“Sounds annoying.”

 

“It was. How were your clients?”

 

“Good. The usual. Got my morning run in.”

 

“I wish I had time for the gym on this trip. Endless meetings and job site preparations have soaked up all of my time.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow, an idea forming as he complained about not having the time for his favorite daily pastime. “Well, why not now?”

 

“What?” Ben asked as he set his laptop on the bed and moved around, changing into a pair of grey pajama bottoms and tossing his shirt to the floor.

 

“You heard me. I think that’s what we’ll start with. Some calisthenics to get your mind in the right place. And I do recall forced exercise is on your checklist as a desirable kink is it not?”

 

Ben took a breath, steadying himself. “Do I have permission to speak freely?”

 

“Yes, so long as you mind your manners.”

 

He grinned at her carefully worded guidance. Giving him strict boundaries to operate in was something he loved about their dynamic. “You’re the perfect woman, did I ever tell you that?”

 

Rey’s shoulders shook as she laughed at his flattery. “No, but I’ll take the compliment under advisement. Now, how about we start with, say twenty push-ups?” Ben gave a small scoff to which Rey arched an eyebrow. “Okay fifty then,” she added, coolly.

 

He nodded. “Yes, sir,” he angled the camera on his laptop to capture him, falling to the floor, and began doing as instructed.

 

“Count them, darling or I just might lose track.” She called out, as he neared his tenth. She watched enraptured as she could see the rise and fall of his back against the carpeted floor. Admiring the view, she shrugged off her robe, letting her skin hit the cool air of her bedroom beneath the silk fabric of her tank top and shorts.

 

“Forty-nine, fifty,” he called out finishing the set and rising to kneel on the floor next to the bed. He angled the camera back up, his shoulders rising and falling with each breath. “Fifty, done.”

 

“How about fifty squats?”

 

“You’re really trying to kill me, aren’t you?” he shot back to her resounding chuckle.

 

“Well I could tell you do wall sits and then your thighs would be on fire for hours. But I definitely want you to be able to bend later.”

 

Rey watched as she worked him through each exercise. Finishing the squats in minutes she directed him to do a plank for two minutes. By the time she called time his arms were shaking and even through the computer screen she could see a sheen of sweat breaking out on his skin. She directed him through a set of sit-ups and finally jumping jacks before she let him stop.

 

Pleased with herself she sat back as he settled back on the bed. “Good workout?”

 

He laughed a little, nodding along in agreement. “Yeah. One of the better ones I’ve had. I should bring you to the gym with me sometime.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Honestly I hate the gym. It’s why I run outside. Do yoga and go to pilates, classes once a week.”

 

“Yoga, huh? Now I know why you’re so flexible,” he mused, running a hand through his sweat dampened hair.

 

“Don’t knock it. Actually,” she paused, another wicked idea came to mind. “You should start doing yoga. If we ever want to get into more advanced rope play I’m going to need to make sure your joints are nice and limber.”

 

“Will you teach me?” He asked, hoping to get private lessons from her instead of having to go and sign up at some ridiculous studio.

 

“Sure, I can. Although to get the most out of it you really should go to a studio,” she reasoned. But they were getting off on a tangent. Enjoying one another’s company despite the distance and losing track of the scene at hand. Refocusing herself, she directed him to get the toys she’d given him, to strip and lay on the bed. She did the same. His breath caught as he took in her naked form through his screen.

 

It was a cruel sort of torture to be able to see her - hear her but not touch her. It wasn’t like she’d not put him through similar kind of torture before. Even still, the idea that she was an ocean away made the distance that much more acute than when she’d tied him up from across a room.

 

He took the bullet vibrator in hand, lubing it just enough before pressing it into himself as instructed.

 

“Good. I’m so glad you followed my instructions the other night. I want you to be comfortable with this part of yourself. To be able to give yourself this kind of pleasure is something I definitely think is important for the future,” Rey explained before she opened the app on her phone, and with a few quick taps of her fingers she watched as his whole body tensed and then relaxed into the sensation deep in his pelvis.

 

“Talk to me, darling. How does it feel?” She prompted as he’d fallen silent, his mouth parted and breathing labored.

 

“Fucking amazing,” he choked out as a reply to which Rey laughed.

 

“Use your words, darling.”

 

With a deep breath he rocked his hips into it and caught her gaze. “Like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s hard to describe. So good. And it radiates out, up my spine and down my legs. Is this what’s like for you?”

 

Rey grinned, “When you go down on me or when you fuck me?”

 

A laugh and a choked groan emanated from him as she upped the intensity. “Either? Both?” He panted, his abdomen clenching as his first orgasm of the night drew close. Tremors deep in his pelvis began, radiating heat and pleasure the closer he got. His back arched and his hips dug into the mattress as his body chased that feeling, coherency lost to the sensations of it all.

 

Rey watched with rapt attention as she worked him through that first crest, peaking the intensity of vibrations as the orgasm began to subside, to bring another one crashing through its wake.

 

Shaking and sighing he collapsed into the bed as she turned down the intensity to just a dull buzz, giving him a break.

 

“I’d imagine it’s similar to what I feel when I come, too. The rush of it. The heat that radiates up and out. I know it’s good when my toes go a little numb afterwards.”

 

“Your toes go numb?” He asked breathless and curious.

 

“Yeah, usually from curling them too hard. The tension of it as it all becomes just a little bit too much. Like I’m holding my breath in anticipation before my body just lets go,” she explained trying to put words to how it felt – how he made her feel quite often.

 

He sighed and traced her face with his fingers across his computer screen. “I could listen to you talk about that all day, you know.”

 

Rey grinned and shook her head. “By why not feel it for yourself?” she asked and made a big show of lifting her phone up to show the app on the screen as she increased the intensity and frequency once more.

 

“Oh fuck,” he shuddered, and bent his knees, flattening the soles of his feet on the bed.

 

“Run your fingers along the head of your cock,” Rey commanded. Dazed and too caught up in the vibrations coming from within he didn’t quite react in time. To which Rey reacted by turning the vibrator off completely. Ben let out a low whine at the sudden cessation. “I gave you a command, darling.”

 

“Right,” he started to say but couldn’t seem to recall what it was. “Remind me, please,”

 

“Please what?” She countered with a single arch of her brow.

 

“Please, sir,” he answered, quickly, correcting himself.

 

“When I turn this back on, you are to tease the head of your cock with your hand,” She reiterated.

 

Ben nodded, raising his right hand at the ready. When Rey used the app to turn the vibrator back on and his eyes rolled back into his head for a moment, forgetting the command in the midst of the pleasurable wave that washed over him before he quickly corrected and did as instructed. He gasped as he did. Another layer of complexity and depth added to the already fevered heat coursing through him.

 

“Rey,” he sighed, wishing it wasn’t his hand on himself but hers.

 

“I’m right here, love. Keep going.”

 

The flush that had settled across his face, and chest from orgasms one and two deepened the more attention he paid to his cock. The dual sensations were sweet torture. His body aching for another release but just as that fevered pitch was beginning to become too much she turned down the vibrator and commanded him to stop.

 

Another low whine that cut off to a whimper ripped from somewhere deep in his chest. She laughed in response. “I think that’s my favorite sound of yours. I mean my name is one, for sure, but that desperate little whine you let out when I don’t let you come is quite possibly my favorite. You did it the first time we ever had sex. Do you remember?”

 

“Yes,” he all but spat out, not in malice but frustration. Remembering that night wasn’t something he liked to dwell, but in this moment he looked back on it almost fondly. How easily she commanded him even then. How quickly he fell under her spell. If he’d had any doubts about his submissive side before then, that night had quickly put them to rest.

 

“You’ll remember well then, that good things come to those who are patient.”

 

Ben huffed but said nothing. Instead he followed her instruction without question. Patience wasn’t something that came to him easily. But he could be patient, for her. Rey built him up again, steadily increasing the vibrations and telling him to mirror as such with his hand. This was torture for her too. To see him so clearly yet not be able to touch. Apparently, his need for touch was beginning to rub off on her.

 

She supposed it was because he so often sought physical connection, no matter how inane that she was beginning to crave it when she didn’t have it at the ready.

 

Still she brought him close to that precarious edge of the precipice and held fast, bringing him back down just to build him up again. She did this several times, making him an even worse sweaty whimpering mess of a man on the other side of her computer screen. The muscles in his torso were shiny, and convulsing in tiny contractions that she could just barely make out through the video feed. His entire body it seemed was on edge. Craving that little death more and more every time she denied him it. Grinning, she let his body rest a bit despite his protests.

 

“You really love to torture me like this, don’t you?” He joked breathless and needy.

 

Rey laughed at his jest but nodded. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. I don’t think you realize how beautiful you are like this. Flushed, and needy. Knowing that I’m the one that made you like that. That I have the ability to give pleasure or take it away. I meant what I wrote in that letter. The power rush you give me by letting me do this is something else entirely.”

 

He grinned a bit at her explanation. “I’m glad you enjoy it then.”

 

“You enjoy it too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t keep coming back for more.”

 

He laughed, a deep resounding chuckle that proved just how right she was.

 

“Ready to go again?” She asked, though her tone didn’t make the sentence seem like a question and more like a statement of hopeful fact.

 

“Yes, sir,” he replied, a loving grin, turning up one side of his mouth.

 

Pleased Rey turned the vibrator back on and relaxed back into the bedding a little, grabbing the white vibrator that corresponded with his fleshlight. “Grab the fleshlight, too and put it on.” She told him and he did as instructed.

 

Tentatively she ran her fingers long the white shaft hearing him gasp as she did. “Are you? Sweet Jesus, I can _feel_ you.” He replied hand gripping the black rectangular sex toy to hold it in place.

 

“I told you, I’m there with you. Even though I’m an ocean away, you can still feel me.”

 

Rey’s hand wrapped around the vibrator, sliding up and down the shaft and alternated her tension in her fingers to squeeze and release around the head of his cock. His mouth fell open as nonsensical sounds began to come out. Gasps and moans at the dual sensations of both the vibrator and the fleshlight surrounded him.

 

“Now darling you may want to watch this,” she announced, garnering his attention. His eyes followed her hand, and the white vibrator slide down her torso and slip between her thighs as she sheathed it inside herself.

 

Ben arched and raised his hips at the feeling through the toy. Using his hand, he raised it up off of himself almost only to thrust it back down watching as her face fell open, mouth parted to gasp and moan as well.

 

“So good,” she whimpered as they began working together, in tandem fucking one another through the magic of the digital age. She circled her thumb over her clit as her hips rocked in sync with the thrust of the fleshlight in his hand.

 

He could feel his orgasm building again. From where exactly he wasn’t sure. The doubled sensations had blurred together, into one mess of satisfaction that was pulsing through every inch of him now. Watching her - feeling her, despite the distance was already a heady tonic to take in on top of the sensations he’d already been built up with throughout the night. His body ached deliciously as he watched her back arch and one hand come up to tweak and pinch at her nipples.

 

“Rey,” he called out. Chanting it almost like a mantra. She sighed and egged him on with her own answering siren call.

 

Reaching her peak first she rode through the sensations, hearing his resounding groan at feeling the way her walls clamped down on the vibrator through the connected toys. She grinned and encouraged him to keep going, commanding that he finish and bring them both the satisfaction they both craved.

 

He moved the fleshlight more roughly than before. Erratic and disjointed, chasing pleasure and his own release as her fingers went to the app and upped the intensity threefold. He hollered and his entire body tensed, his orgasm closer than ever. But he kept going, knowing her second orgasm wasn’t far off either.

 

Rey could feel it building more quickly this time, her fingers around her clit, rougher and quicker as well as the sensations of his movements matched her own. She arched and sighed, angling her hips to thrust the toy in and out of herself, matching his movements on her screen to bring each other to that peak together. Though the timing was not quite simultaneous with his crashing over him just before hers hit, they both bellowed and called out to one another. Their hands outstretched though blocked from reaching each other by the technological barrier and physical distance.

 

Sated, the two collapsed back against their respective beds, panting and sweating from their exertions.

 

Rey discarded the vibrator and turned off the app for his, as he mirrored her, tossing both toys to the side to be dealt with later. “How do you feel?” She asked, panting and exhausted.

 

Ben blew out a long breath as he laid on the bed. How did he feel? For one, he felt entirely fluid. “I don’t quite feel like I’m in a solid state of matter at the moment,” he joked, chuckling.

 

Rey’s answering laugh amused him as she rolled to her side. “Shower, and meet me back here in ten?”

 

“I’m not sure I can walk after that,” Ben replied.

 

Rey laughed again, shaking her head. “On your feet, darling. Go get cleaned up and meet me back here.”

 

He sighed and nodded. “Okay, but if I melt in the shower, remember this was your fault.”

 

“At least you’d die sated,” she countered as they both broke away from their screens, leaving the call open.

 

When Ben stood his legs felt even more like Jell-O than the other night, or any of their nights together combined. Using his hands against every surface for leverage he made his way into the bathroom to turn on the hot water. Under the scalding water he felt nothing, his body completely numb to everything other than the lingering sensations and convulsions of his muscles.

 

At the same moment Rey stood in her own shower, hands pressed to the tile as she let the water run over her. Her limbs didn’t ache nearly as much as she was sure Ben’s did. Her core still in gentle aftershocks from two powerful orgasms just minutes before. She smiled to herself as she realized that must pale in comparison to the delicious soreness he must feel at the present moment.

 

Rejoining one another at their respective computer screens, Rey admired the view as he laid across the bed, clad in just a pair of pajama bottoms, different from the ones he’d donned earlier in the evening.

 

“God, I miss you,” Ben stated, in that matter of fact tone of his.

 

Rey sighed, the distance between them a renewed annoyance. “You’re gone until Wednesday night?”

 

“Yeah, I land at eight-forty-five California time.”

 

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she nodded in agreement with his words. “For the record, I miss you, too.”

 

He grinned and rolled to his side as she laid on her stomach, silk floral kimono robe opening slightly to reveal the grey jersey knit shift beneath. “I needed this, though. I don’t think I would have fared well without it.”

 

“Creature of habit, are you?” She asked, a light playful tone in her voice.

 

He nodded. “I like routine. I like our schedule. How we’re beginning to balance everything. Building a life together, and training. I didn’t think it was possible but it was almost like you were here. A poor substitute for the flesh and blood woman but if we have to do this on occasion because of my job, then so be it.”

 

“Yeah?” She asked, a hopeful grin lighting up her features. “I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do tonight.”

 

“The forced exercise was new,” he interjected, praising her quick thinking.

 

“That was just more selfish indulgence. I like watching you work up a sweat.”

 

He laughed and his cheeks tinged pink. “Come to the gym with me, then.”

 

Rey shook her head, laughing long with him. “Nah, I’d rather make you work out in my playroom instead. Then the public doesn’t have to see me, sucking you off for good behavior.”

 

Ben breathed out a huff, shaking his head. “I do love it when you do that,” he added.

 

“I should hope so, considering your reaction when I do,” she snarked back.

 

“How are you feeling? Good? You only came twice, which is less than usual.”

 

Rey grinned at the observation. “Well I don’t have your mouth here, so two well have to suffice until you get back.”

 

“You know,” he started, bringing his hand up to his chin. “I didn’t know what to expect tonight. But as usual you exceeded all my expectations.”

 

“As you exceed mine, regularly too.” She added, her voice growing soft and small. She looked around her bedroom wistful and lonely despite her technological companion. “It’s so odd to have done a scene tonight without you physically here. It feels so empty without you here. Like I’m all alone.”

 

A small affectionate grin lit up his face. “But you’re not alone.”

 

She mirrored his grin, just as tender and full of unspoken affection. “Well, neither are you.”

 

Even in the stillness of each other’s respective rooms they could feel what they carried of one another around with them. Little pieces of each other’s hearts – the fractions of which grew every day in size and number.

 

* * *

 

Meetings upon meetings droned on into one another, blending into one endless migraine. For Ben meetings were not what he signed up for when he chose architecture as a major in college. All careers he surmised had their downsides. But if he were being honest the biggest downside to being an architect had to be the superfluous amount of planning meetings. However, working through the weekend with the clients had proved fruitful indeed as he wouldn’t be exiting an Uber outside Rey’s apartment at half past three in the morning Tuesday otherwise.

 

Taking his key and bags up to her apartment, he quietly let himself inside after a lengthy internal debate about just going back to his apartment and letting her sleep. He knew it was a calculated risk, surprising her with his arrival in the middle of the night. But he missed her. Needed her. Could hardly sleep without her pressed into his chest and her legs entwined with his own.

 

Instead of taking the high road he knew would be better, he gave into his indulgences and headed into her apartment, changing his pants and taking off his shoes and socks and watch before joining her in her bedroom. Her soft breathing and gentle light snore the only sound in the room. He sat on the bed next to her sleeping form and caressed her shoulder.

 

“Rey,” he whispered, trying to rouse her gently. A soft moan and she turned into the warm contact of his hand, but still made no apparent vocalization to indicate she’d awakened from her slumber. “Rey,” Ben said again, this time a bit louder.

 

She groaned a little, eyes blinking as he could tell from the soft moonlight filtering in from her windows. “Ben?” She asked, bewildered and voice thick and hoarse with disuse.

 

“I’m here,” he said in reassurance.

 

“What?” She asked, still confused, moving to a sitting position. “How? I thought you weren’t coming back until Wednesday night?”

 

Ben grinned and shifted as she sat up to face him. “The planning meetings ended early since we worked through the weekend. I decided to catch an earlier flight back.”

 

Rubbing her hands along her arms she was still not quite sure as to why he’d returned so early. “But why?”

 

Pulling her into his arms he kissed her solidly, waking her fully with that simple press of lips upon lips. His hands cradled her face, cherishing her in ways that made her heart ache with devotion. When he pulled back a moment later he smiled into her lips, chasing after the fading taste of his. “Because I have someone I wanted to get back to.”

 

Rey gave him a look, that if the lights were on he’d be able to see the unguarded affection there, but here in the soft darkness of night in her bedroom he could just make out the soft affectionate grin by the curve of her cheek against the palm of his hand. Wordlessly she moved back from him pushing the covers down on the opposite side of the bed. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

 

He pressed a quick peck to her lips before standing and rounding around the bed to the opposite side. With a hand at the back of his shirt he pulled it up and off of himself in one swift move before joining her on the bed. She slid towards the middle as he gathered her close, settling his chin atop her head, and cradled her body against his on their sides, before both of their breathing evened out to a restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to [secretreylo](https://secretreylo.tumblr.com) who let me use her manip for a new coverart I made for BH seen below:
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've actively written fic, but your comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!


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